And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 575, new mexico steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats what im talkin about. Hey hot crowd. Hot crowd tonight here. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to the tonight show. This is it, baby. You made it. [ cheers and applause ] this is it. Youre here. Thank you so much, everybody. Lets kick off the week. Heres what people are talking about. Big news over the weekend. On friday, donald trump agreed to settle his Trump University lawsuits for 25 million. Then on saturday, he called the u. S. Treasury department and said, id like to make a a withdrawal. [ laughter ] is that how this works . [ applause ] get this. Donald trump claimed that he decided to settle the Trump University lawsuit so he could focus on running the country. Then he went back to tweeting insults at the cast of hamilton. [ laughter and applause ] get that out of the way first. Did you hear about this . Vice president elect mike pence went to see hamilton over the weekend and he was booed by people in the audience when he entered the theater. If the crowd wasnt mad enough already, pence waited until a a quiet scene to open up a bag of skittles. And you go, come on, what is this guy doing . Come on [ applause ] this is pretty interesting here. After mike pence was booed at hamilton, donald trump tweeted that he heard that the show was, quote, highly overrated. [ laughter ] as it turns out, trump has actually tweeted a lot about other broadway shows as well. For instance, he tweeted, just saw rent, such a sad story. I teared up when the landlord didnt evict those kids. Steve wow. [ laughter and applause ] wow. Jimmy another time, trump tweeted, cant believe i just wasted two hours watching hairspray. only went because i thought it was about me. [ laughter and applause ] no, hairspray. Steve yeah, its a a different thing. Jimmy trump also tweeted, just attended the lion king. total ripoff of the movie. Wtf, unoriginal. [ applause ] finally, he tweeted, wish id sat in the front row when i saw cats because all i wanted to do was grab one of them. I can do it because im a a star. [ laughter and applause ] steve wow. Jimmy see what im saying . Steve that doesnt make any sense. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy at least hes out there supporting the arts. Steve hes supporting the arts. Jimmy hes out there supporting the arts. Steve you know what . He paid for his tickets. God bless him. Jimmy meanwhile, former Texas Governor rick perry was set to meet with donald trump today and is rumored to be under consideration for secretary of defense. On one hand, rick perry is a a veteran of the United States air force and the former governor of the 12th largest economy in the world. But on the other hand [ laughter and applause ] actually, trump seems to be getting along surprisingly well with some establishment republicans. In fact, House Speaker john boehner says he and donald trump are texting buddies. Im sorry, tanning buddies. [ laughter and applause ] im not wearing my glasses. On wednesday, at the white house, president obama will pardon his final thanksgiving turkey. I got to say, after all these years, im not sure he enjoys it as much as he used to. Check this out. Today, i have the awesome responsibility of granting a a president ial pardon to a pair of turkeys. We cant wait to pardon these turkeys. And with that, i think we are going to bestow the official pardon. The most powerful position in the world brings with it many awesome and solemn responsibilities. This is not one of them. It is it is a little, uh puzzling that i do this every year. [ laughter ] oh, boy. Jimmy oh, boy. [ applause ] oh, boy, here we go. He may not be into it, but you know the turkey will go back to the farm and say, hey, guys, youll never guess who i just met. Wait, where is everybody . [ laughter ] guys guys, i just met president obama. [ applause ] some more thanksgiving news, i read that 15 million americans will eat at a restaurant on thanksgiving this year. Because when your family starts arguing about politics on thanksgiving, the first thing you think is, we should be doing this in public. [ laughter and applause ] thats where we should be. And get this. The tsa just released a list of thanksgiving leftovers that you can carry on and others that you have to check. [ laughter ] yeah. Saying that youre allowed to bring turkey on the plane but not gravy. Steve wow. Jimmy yeah. Which would explain things when youre at the Airport Security and you see a bunch of people chugging their gravy next to a a trash can. [ laughter and applause ] rules are rules, you know, you got to do it. Hurry up. Theyre taking off, dude and finally, i read about a a woman from california who is driving by herself across the country to visit every single costco in the u. S. So far, shes traveled 2,000 miles and that was just walking through one costco. There you go. We have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] [ jimmy howling ] jimmy sorry, i had to howl it out, man. Its monday. Steve gotta howl it out like the wolfman. Jimmy howl at the moon, guys steve come on jimmy were so happy to be back. [ cheers and applause ] its monday. Were happy to be back. We have a big week of shows coming up. Tomorrow night, the lovely Sarah Jessica parker will be here. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] also, this is very exciting. Last week, i talked about my top four characters on gilmore girls. Not counting [ cheers ] not counting rory and lorelai. Jimmy you cant count those. Theyre already steve they are the gilmore girls. Jimmy theyre shoehorned in yeah, theyre the gilmore girls. Yeah. So its like saying seinfeld is your steve right, right, right. Jimmy so i said my top four, and then my invisible five. Steve yeah. Jimmy which switched. Steve invisible fifth can go anywhere, yeah. Jimmy but anyway, tomorrow, my top three, luke, kirk, and paris are going to be here. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy scott patterson, sean gunn, and liza weil will be here tomorrow. I cannot wait steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my top three steve thats pretty good. Jimmy the best. Then, later this week, leslie mann will be here, kevin james, the weeknd. [ cheers and applause ] thats the jam, the weeknd. Steve wow. Jimmy but first, we have a a giant show tonight. He is currently starring as john keating in the offbroadway play dead Poets Society, our pal, Jason Sudeikis is here this evening. [ cheers and applause ] dead Poets Society. Jason jason and i are going to play a brandnew game called tandem sculptionary. Steve ooh. How exciting. Jimmy its just ridiculous. Its fun. [ light laughter ] plus, shes a very talented, from nbcs upcoming musical event hairspray live , Kristin Chenoweth is on the show. [ cheers and applause ] she can sing. Shes great. And speaking of great music, dnce is here tonight [ cheers and applause ] fun. Guys, i dont know about you, but mondays can be pretty rough, you know . Steve yeah. Jimmy the weekend is over, and sometimes you just need a a little boost to get you through the day. Well, i found just the thing. I bought all of these new motivational posters for the office. Steve oh. Jimmy you know those ones . They have like big inspiring phrase and then some smaller text underneath. Steve yeah. Jimmy like for example, this one i picked up. Yeah, team work. Thats a good one, right . I thought we could check out a a few new ones right now. Its time for tonight show motivational monday. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] mo ti vational monday [ cheers and applause ] jimmy this first poster says, aspire. Thats a great message. Then down below, it says, to never be one of those people who calls dinner dindin. [ laughter and applause ] steve wow. Jimmy get a little dindin later. Steve you bought this at a a store . Jimmy yeah, i bought this. I paid for it. Steve what store . Jimmy whats that . Steve what store did you buy this at . Jimmy i got them from all over. With the internet, you can buy them from different locations. [ laughter ] steve thats fantastic. Jimmy but let me give you another one i got. Steve okay, good. Because i need to be inspired. Jimmy this next poster says, perseverance. Thats a good reminder, to never give up. Underneath that it says, yes, netflix, i am still watching. [ laughter and applause ] steve cause youre not a a quitter. Jimmy stop asking me stop asking me. Yeah, i am. I got nothing else going on. Big deal heres another one. It says, if at first, you dont succeed, and down below it says, hopefully you werent skydiving. Because you know, then its [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] steve bad time. Jimmy bad for the second yeah. Next we have, marching to the beat of a different drummer. Underneath that it says, is a a great way to screw up the thanksgiving day parade. [ laughter and applause ] steve that is true. Jimmy that is true. Steve that is true. Jimmy you got to work got to work with people. Steve teamwork. Teamwork. Jimmy heres another one. It says, aim high. And then down below, it says, unless youre at the urinal. Then you just go aim low. [ light laughter ] this next motivational poster says, trust. Then underneath that it says, try a trust fall. Cross your arms, close your eyes, now let yourself fall backwards. Once you regain consciousness, try it again with your friends and coworkers there to catch you. [ cheers and applause ] because they have to be behind you. Steve yeah, dont do it alone. Jimmy theyre all helpful posters. Finally, this last poster says, believe. Thats a positive message. Then underneath that, it says, even though denise says its over, i bet three or four more drunk texts at 3 00 a. M. Will do the trick. Thats all we have for motivational monday. Well be right back with more of the tonight show. [ cheers and applause ] [sexy music] come on why doesnt verizon offer unlimited data like tmobile. Is it because their lte network was built six years ago . Six years ago . Thats like a hundred. In phone years their lte network is older, slower, and they limit you. Switch to tmobile, the newer, faster and unlimited network. We cover 99 of the americans verizon covers. Get 4 lines just 35 bucks a month. Rwoowr. [phone ding] snowmen with buttons, snowflakes with icing candy corn feathers, sure look enticing Rice Krispies treats, the fun doesnt stop how many ways can you snap, crackle, pop . Make the holidays a treat with kelloggs Rice Krispies. I never over think it do what i want and i do it my way okay we live the life we want to live thats right lets celebrate yeah were all about a good time yeah were all about a good life you wont believe until you see this is gonna be a fun ride yeah were all about a good time yeah were all about a good life good energy come follow me oh save on Butterball Turkey for only 99ยข a pound at target. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back, everyone. Thank you for watching. Thank you for being here. Yeah, i love you. Hey guys, its late november, its late november, its getting chilly out there. And you know what that means, its time to start cozying up to some books. But i dont want you guys out there reading any stinkers, so to help you out im about to show you some books that you should avoid at all costs. Thats right, its time for my latest installment of my do not read list. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] do not read do not read do not read these books these books jimmy before we start, i want yall to know that every book that im about to show you is 100 real. These are actual books. You can find them on amazon or check them out at your local library. They are real. All right. Lets see what is on my do not read list. This first one is a d. I. Y. Book. Steve oh, great. Jimmy do it yourself. Steve love it. Jimmy yeah. This ones called upside down vests to make and paint vests made from recycled denim jeans. [ laughter ] its a pair of jeans. Steve wow. I dont believe it. Thats a pair of jeans . Jimmy finally, someone wrote a book about something that literally no one asked for. [ laughter ] not bad. [ laughter ] pretty good. You cant even notice. Steve thats fantastic. There you go. Now i recognize it. Its a pair of jeans. [ light laughter ] jimmy oh, my goodness. Its an easy trick. Steve easy trick. Jimmy yeah, you go to school, no one will be like steve no kids gonna make fun of it. Jimmy know the difference. Steve yeah, they make wear that to school. Jimmy yeah. Next up, we have a selfhelp book. This is called selfesteem for dummies. Steve okay. That [ audience aws ] jimmy down here, it says, learn to identify triggers to low selfesteem. Heres a trigger calling yourself a dummy. [ laughter ] [ applause ] steve dont buy that book. Oh, man. Jimmy you got an aisle of books for losers . Steve yes. [ laughter ] jimmy dont call yourself a a loser. Next up is a parenting book. You know, i take this very seriously. Steve you do. You take it very, very seriously. Jimmy yeah, i have children. Its a parenting book thats called parents, please dont sit on your kids. [ laughter ] i mean, i dont know. How else are you supposed to discipline them, you know . [ light laughter ] cant talk to them, cant reason with them, cant bargain. Timeouts dont work. That only leaves one thing, sit on them. [ light laughter ] now they want to take that away from us. Steve you know what, yeah. Jimmy look how sweet these kids look. Steve aww. [ audience aws ] just want to sit on them. [ laughter ] jimmy you play some can you play some evil music . Steve i must be sat on. The only way you can control me is by sitting upon me. [ applause ] jimmy heres another one. Steve whats the next one . Jimmy the next book is an advice book. Steve an advice book. Jimmy yeah advice book. Its called, so you want to be a dancer by matthew shaffer. Theres matthew. Interesting dance move. Wouldnt say thats a dance move. I dont know that one. Lets check out the back. Maybe theres some other dance moves that i dont know. I dont know any of these [ laughter ] i dont know any of these dance moves. Steve is that first one the running man . Jimmy no, i dont know whats going on. They dont look like but maybe this you know, its a a part one. Steve oh, thats [ light laughter ] jimmy this isnt just about just wanting to be a dancer. Steve yeah, yeah, yeah. The other book hopefully will explain how to be a dancer. Jimmy yeah, this is like, so you want i dont know. Steve do you have the desire to be a dancer. Jimmy yeah. Steve yeah. Jimmy so, yeah. An advice book setting up for the part two. [ laughter ] next up is a childrens book. Steve love them. Jimmy yeah. [ light laughter ] well, this ones i dont know if you read this as a a child. This ones called horny. [ laughter ] steve oh. Jimmy and its a used copy. [ laughter ] steve oh, god. Heyoh there we go. Jimmy its a used copy. No, no, no its nice. Its actually, someone wrote on the inside in pen. Steve oh. Jimmy to christy and david, a souvenir of your winter vacation from grandma. [ laughter ] [ applause ] horny. There it is. [ applause ] isnt that sweet . Steve dont sit on the kids. Jimmy isnt that sweet . Next up is one of those word circle books and i swear i didnt make this one up here. This is real. Jimmy fallon facts a word search puzzle book, 104 pages of big puzzles and facts. Someone actually made this. And im im looking at it. Steve its about you . Jimmy its all facts about me. [ talking over each other ] career at saturday night live, weekend update with tina fey. Made cameos. Steve wow. [ light laughter ] you seem really over the moon jimmy the leather mans in here. Steve what up . What is . Jimmy the leather man. [ light laughter ] i had an album out called blow your pants off. Thats true. I did, i did. It was grammyaward winning album. Here it is here. We have the only copy. [ cheers and applause ] but they dont do this for everybody. Its like an honor to be involved. This is volume 14. Theres other ones. Dog facts, cat facts, orgasm facts. So, this is really a its exciting to be in that ah, were down to our last one here, you guys. Steve what . Jimmy yeah, sorry. It is another childrens book. This ones called clay modeling with pooh. Steve oh, hey [ laughter and applause ] jimmy there you go everybody. Id rather have my parents sit on me. Thats all the time i have for my edition of my do not read list. [ cheers and applause ] if you have a book that you think could be on our next do not read list, i would love to see it. Send your title to our blog at donotread tonightshow. Com. Well be right back with Jason Sudeikis, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] the first place to stop and the best place to shop is kohls black friday. Shop online all week. Get 24. 99 toys 29. 99 diamond and crystal earrings. And stores open thursday at 6pm. Plus everyone gets 15 kohls cash for every 50 spent. With this ring, i will loveten you. Forever. Only kay jewelers has both the visibly brighter leo diamond. And our very own now forever collection. Kay the number one Jewelry Store for. Yes every kiss begins with kay. My new beer, stella artois, hey cois finished. The people will love it. Originally brewed for the holidays. Enjoyed ever since. Stella artois. Host one to remember they come into this iworld ugly and messy. Ideas are frightening because they threaten what is known. They are the natural born enemy of the way things are. Yes, ideas are scary, and messy and fragile. But under the proper care, they become something beautiful. With simply right checking from santander bank, just make one deposit, withdrawal, transfer, or payment each month to waive the monthly fee. And theres no minimum balance. Youre alright with simply right checking from santander bank. Are you feeling alright, baby . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you know our first guest from his ten years on saturday night live. He has a new tv show called son of zorn airing sunday nights on fox. And now, through december 18th, you can catch him in the off broadway production of dead Poets Society at the classic Stage Company here in new york city. Please give it up for Jason Sudeikis. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that was smooth. Smooth as silk. Jason sudeikis, welcome back. Woo. Jimmy to the show. Youre a good man. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Thank you gentlemen, that was a a lovely, a lovely rendition. Jimmy yeah. I got to say, thank you for being here, but i got to say congratulations on two giant things. You had a little baby girl. We have a little baby girl. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i love the name, daisy. Daisy, yeah. Yeah. Jimmy so cute, daisy, come on. Its, your whole worlds going to change. I know. Its something else, yeah i mean, its very especially if something bad were to happen. Jimmy no, no, no. Thats n