Transcripts For WCAU The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

WCAU The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon November 30, 2016

And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 580, oklahoma steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh my oh my [ cheers and applause ] welcome, everybody. Welcome. I love you. Welcome to welcome to the tonight show. This is it. You made it. Youre here. [ cheers and applause ] this is the show. This is the place to be. Thank you guys so much for being here. Heres what everyones talking about. Of course its Donald Trumps latest tweet storm. Yesterday, trump tweeted that he will end the United States relationship with cuba unless that they are willing to make a a better deal. [ light laughter ] when asked how they felt about trump threatening them on twitter, cubans said, whats twitter . [ laughter ] can i get it on my a. M. Radio . My 55 chevy . Also this morning, trump also tweeted out a threat to take away the citizenship of anyone who burns the american flag. [ audience oohs ] yeah. He says that there are plenty of other things people can burn instead, like their tax returns. [ cheers and applause ] easily. He said, thats fine. But on a lighter note, i saw that the naked cowboy was performing at trump tower yesterday. [ laughter ] in his patented Tighty Whities. Incidentally, the Tighty Whities is also the nickname for trumps cabinet. [ cheers and applause ] thats interesting. Thats a coincidence. Steve very. Jimmy last night, Donald Trumps campaign manager, kellyanne conway, tweeted out a picture of her and trump working at his desk, looking at trumps computer. Take a look at this photo. Yeah. Now, lets see what theyre looking at. Oh, well thats the one thing [ cheers and applause ] thats the one thing, bringing everyone together right now its the gilmore girls. No spoilers. Listen to this. The white house said that president obama and donald trump spoke on the phone for 45 minutes on saturday. Everyone knew trump was on the phone because those were the only 45 minutes all week where he stopped tweeting. [ light laughter ] so something must have is he okay . [ applause ] i saw that the White House Christmas display features a a portrait of hillary clinton, and is positioned between two snowmen. It gave the kids a chance to see old frosty as well as two snowmen. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] old frosty. Some news from overseas. Kim jongun has reportedly asked north korean scientists to come up with a special potion that can help men who have trouble performing in the bedroom. [ light laughter ] its not a surprise, considering how many missiles hes failed to launch. I mean you go [ laughter and applause ] at least you could help him out. Steve hey, oh hey jimmy this is very interesting, fact here. A new global study, finds that people wind up enjoying travel more than material items. Yeah. So this christmas, just drive your girlfriend to the jewelry store, then tell her, the trip here was the gift. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i think it will go well. Thats a little tip. And finally, i read that to raise awareness of debris in space, a company is letting you adopt a piece of space junk, and they will actually tweet you every time it passes overhead. [ light laughter ] and Anthony Weiner said, please, ive been tweeting my junk for years. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] its old. We have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, guys, we have a a big week of shows ahead. Tomorrow night, Felicity Jones will be here. Thats always fun. [ cheers and applause ] then later this week, emma stone will be here. [ cheers and applause ] you love emma stone. Steve yes. Jimmy shes hosting saturday night live. Steve yes she is. Jimmy yes, we love her. Chelsea handler will be here. Havent seen chelsea in a a while. [ cheers and applause ] and we got great music from john legend will be here. Hey, thats a big week. [ cheers and applause ] but first, we have a fun show tonight. She is an Academy Award winning actress and star of the new film, jackie. Natalie portman is here, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] just talented, gorgeous, super fun, love her. Were going to catch up with natalie, then we are going to compete in a game of password. [ audience oohs ] yes, its going to be very interesting. Plus, he is producing a great new show on hbo called westworld, the very talented j. J. Abrams is dropping in. [ cheers and applause ] god, we love him. Hes just a good dude. He loves what he does. Hes just put the extra steve jewish . Jimmy yeah, the extra jewish. He puts the extra jewish in everything. [ light laughter ] steve everything he does. He stirs it up. Jimmy queer eye for the straight guy. [ unintelligible ] but anyways yeah Carson Kressley says but, yeah. He does. Everything he does, you go, ah, this one extra little thing. You go, thats the thats the j. J. Abrams thing, that i just love him. And then we have a legend tonight, one of my alltime favorites, i mean, oh my gosh. I mean, what jams do we like . Do you like i am myself to no one there and no one heard at all not even the chair then what, its going to be like everywhere around the world theyre coming to america every time that flags unfurled theyre coming to america yeah, and then we go from there. [ cheers and applause ] then you got you got sneaky ones in there. You got like heartlight you can sneak that one in, if youre an e. T. Fan. Turn on your heart light let it shine wherever you go let it make a happy glow for all yeah, hes got that. Then hes got you dont bring me flowers and hes like you dont sing me love songs and then shes like you hardly talk to me anymore when you come through the door at the end of the day oh, yeah. Thats our jam, dude. Steve yeah. Jimmy yeah. Steve we sing that every night before we go home. Jimmy we sing that every night before we go we finish the show, then we sing you dont bring me flowers. [ laughter ] and then, in the morning, we bring each other flowers. Steve yeah, we bring each other flowers. Its fantastic. Jimmy but then of course, he sings, of course sweet caroline good times never seemed so good so good so good so good oh, i just hes the greatest. Hes doing a holiday medley for us tonight. Neil diamond is in the house [ cheers and applause ] hes the greatest neil diamond. Brooklyns own. Brooklyn i think yeah. Wheres brooklyn at . Yeah, absolutely. Uh hey, guys. I dont know about you guys, but i love podcasts. You guys listen to podcasts . [ cheers and applause ] i mean, i love tv shows a lot. Steve yeah. Jimmy much better, but when i get a chance steve yeah, you love the podcasts. Jimmy im setting this bit up so, yeah. Podcasts are a great way to pass the time, while youre on your way to work, youre going to the gym, whatever. You know, traveling to school, on your way to prison. Steve right. [ light laughter ] jimmy whatever you want to do. The other day, i was scrolling through itunes and i noticed that theres a lot of obscure podcasts, that ive never even heard before. Steve really . Jimmy and i thought it would be nice to check out a a few of them, and tell you guys about them, in a new segment we call tonight show podcasts. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy so these are steve wow. Jimmy so this is a yeah. Steve special . Jimmy whats that . Steve is that special . Jimmy he cant hear me because youve got your headphones on. Steve whats that . Jimmy now im ready to listen to these new podcasts. This first one is a podcast i love. Sorry, its hooked to me here. [ light laughter ] steve you going to plug it into your computer . Jimmy there you go. Steve youre going to plug it in the computer . Jimmy so, yeah. [ whistling ] its not a ham radio. No, no this is a pod cast. Steve oh, podcasts. Love em. Jimmy these are new, obscure podcasts that i dont know if youve heard of. But theyre great, and you should check them out. This first one is called morgan and morgan. Steve oh. Jimmy all right, and this is a podcast featuring Morgan Freeman and tracy morgan. [ laughter ] and theyre chatting about nature. Steve wow, fantastic. Jimmy lets give it a a listen. The male penguin then begins his mating dance, by carefully approaching the female penguin, flashing his plumage to get her attention. Oh, man, he about to get that penguin pregnant [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its very educational. Yeah. Steve super educational. Jimmy lets see if i got another podcast here. Steve yeah. Jimmy this one here is called steve youre searching through them . Jimmy yeah, im looking through them. Steve making sure you have the right one . Wow, that playlist is long. Jimmy no, no, no. Lets not do that one. Lets do this one. Steve skip that one. Skip that one. [ talking over each other ] jimmy this one here. This is a great one here. Obscure. Steve what is it . Jimmy this one is called brokaw on the hs. Okay, and what it is, its a a podcast where beloved nightly news anchor, tom brokaw, just says a bunch of words that start with the letter h. [ light laughter ] i mean, its obscure. Steve ah, super obscure. Jimmy but, i listen to it all the time when i go to the gym. Take a listen to this. Helicopter, handlebars, hanukkah, hallelujah, jalapeno. Oops. That last one was a j. Ha, ha, ha. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats not how he laughs. He put extra hs on the laugh, to let you know. Steve he got the hs in. And you listen to that at the gym . Youre working out, you pop on that brokaw podcast . Jimmy no, on the way on the way to the gym. Steve on the way to the gym. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. Its a long commute. Steve yeah, yeah, yeah. How long is it . [ light laughter ] how long is that commute . Jimmy well, i mean, i usually go down 5th avenue. Its probably about a good 20 minutes. Steve 20 minutes, you sure . Jimmy yeah, so its, well let me see, if i go 5th avenue its probably 25 minutes. Steve okay, 25. That sounds more like it. Jimmy let me see. Steve hilarious. Whats the next one . Jimmy next one here is a a episode of the shaq podcast. This is a real podcast. This is a podcast hosted by shaquille oneal. You guys have heard of that before, right . [ cheers ] this is an obscure episode that id never heard before. This is not released, but it might come out tonight. Anyways this is the podcast hosted by shaquille oneal. Lets take a listen to this. This is shaq podcast, this is shaqcast, welcome back, im shaq. In shaq news, its cold outside. So im eating lots of soup. I love soup. Chicken noodle soup, split pea soup, miso soup. Me so happy when i eat miso soup. Some soups have funny names. Butternut squash, gazpacho, gumbo. Dikembe mugumbo. Soups the best. Crumble some crackers on the soup. Yes, please. You eat soup with a spoon. I eat soup on the moon. Im gonna be the first man to eat soup on the moon. Im neil armspoon. With two big spoons for arms. Thats one small spoon for man. One giant soup for mankind. Im shaq. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy neil armspoon. Steve neil armspoon. Jimmy hes got spoons for arms. Steve yeah, souping it up on the moon. Jimmy yeah, its not out yet, that podcast. This is the scoop, this is what you get when you come to the tonight show. I give you these inside yeah, inside scoop. [ cheers and applause ] this next podcast is called alexa and siris weather forecast. Steve oh. Jimmy now, this is this ones all about weather. Who doesnt love weather . Steve Everybody Loves weather. Jimmy kids all walking all around the Rockefeller Christmas tree. Steve 24 7, like whats the weather all about. Is it raining . Jimmy yeah, exactly. So instagramming weather. Everything. So this is snapchatting weather. Everything. So this ones all about weather. It has two great hosts, amazons alexa and apples siri. Lets listen in. Todays forecast calls for sunny skies and a high of 51 degrees. Heres the forecast for today. 52 degrees and sunny. I think you meant to say 51 degrees. No. I did not. Its on, bitch. Jimmy all right, hey. That was a little [ applause ] that was a little saucy. Steve that got hot fast. Are you plugging that into your table . Or the desk . Oh, wait jimmy bluetooth, so its just steve is that like the bluetooth antenna . That thing then . Jimmy yeah. Its a brandnew invention. Bluetooth antenna, and just wherever you go, it syncs up to your phone whatnot. [ light laughter ] steve whatever. Jimmy this last podcast, you guys let me check it. Its called peewee on politics. Thats weird, because i didnt even know that peewee herman was political. Steve wow, i didnt know either. Jimmy but this is his pod its very popular. And its very obscure. Take a listen to this. So what happened is that, trump got more votes in the Electoral College but, due to repeated allegations of russian hacking green party candidate, jill stein, is asking for a a recount in several key swing states. So now theyre recounting, and recounting, and recounting, and recounting. Meanwhile, Donald Trumps calling the whole thing a scam. I dont know whats going on, folks. Looks like we have another caller on line two. Caller youre on the air. I like soup. Is this shaq . Shaq likes soup. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy well thats you see, its fun. Steve wow. Jimmy thats all the time we have for tonight show podcasts. Well be right back with Natalie Portman, everybody [ cheers and applause ] cold bevs, thats your girl. That would be me. I love it. [laughter] first time trying spiced sweet cream cold brew. Oh my god, this is life. This is so good. [laughter] okay, i cant drink this this fast. 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Save up to 400 when you trade in your old phone and switch to verizon. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest pcpc welcome back. Our first guest is an Academy Awardwinning actress. Oh, we just love her. Shes getting rave reviews for her starring role as Jackie Kennedy in the new film, jackie, which opens in new york and los angeles this friday. Please welcome the very lovely Natalie Portman, everybody [ cheers and applause ] jimmy come on are you kidding me . Youre do you have something to tell me . [ laughter ] what do you mean am i kidding . Jimmy oh, its so cute. Im gonna take it off now, my big pillow. Jimmy youre showing, and youre glowing. Oh, thank you. [ light laughter ] jimmy i just made that up. Im going to trademark it. [ laughter ] you look gorgeous. Congratulations. Thank you. Jimmy youre expecting your second baby. This is it. Yes, i am. Jimmy oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] thanks, guys. Jimmy i hate doing this to them, yeah. I saw you over the summer, and you didnt say a word to me. Well, it was early. Jimmy yeah, i know. I thought everyone would know because i wasnt drinking. Jimmy yeah, i just thought that you were just clean living now. Yes. [ laughter ] jimmy i go, thats natalie. She rolls like that, man. Yeah, im very clean. Jimmy yeah, exactly. Youre like, oh, its cooler. Youre a vegan, right . I am a vegan. Jimmy yeah, so i was like, wow, thats awesome. Im neither a vegan nor notdrinking. [ laughter ] really, i was so not pregnant. [ laughter ] but this is unbelievable. Thanks. Jimmy this is great. Are people treating you differently . Are they like, oh, a baby . Well, its weird because im you know, im a small person in general. Jimmy yeah. So, you show a lot faster and a lot more when youre small, and everyone thinks im, like, about to pop and about to give birth at any minute. And, i have, like, months and months. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, thats yeah. I went to the store the other day to, like, buy water, and the guy at the checkout counter was like, almost, huh . Jimmy no. Not at all. [ laughter ] jimmy not even close. Gosh, youre way off, dude. Yeah, exactly. Jimmy leave me alone, yeah. Exactly. Jimmy are you excited about the holidays . Yeah. Jimmy this is the perfect time. Come on. Yeah. Jimmy thats so great. And this is a i always forget this. Do you celebrate christmas or i celebrate hanukkah. Jimmy yeah. Im jewish. Jimmy yeah. But, my husbands family celebrates christmas, so we usually do hanukkah at ours and christmas at theirs. But this year, its at the same time. Jimmy thats right. Its really nice. Jimmy Christmas Eve is the first night of hanukkah. Yeah. Jimmy yeah, thats exciting. So theyre coming to us, and my parents i was like i was asking my husband, is it okay, you know, for your family if we dont have a tree . And my parents are like, we can get a tree. So excited, like, my whole life, no christmas tree. And then, all of a sudden, we they have this great excuse because its kind of every jews, like, secret wish to have a christmas tree. [ laughter ] jimmy because its just a a festive thing. Its so pretty. Jimmy yeah, its pretty, yeah. Why cant we have that too . Jimmy you can have a a menorah and a tree. Yeah. Jimmy yeah. So are you getting a tree . I think so jimmy hey, this is exciting [ cheers and applause ] 35 years. Jimmy oh, my it took 35 years to get here. Jimmy your first hanukkah tree. My first, yeah. Jimmy yeah, so your christmashanukkah tree. Yeah. Jimmy we i wanted to help you celebrate your first tree. I got you an ornament. Thank you. Jimmy yeah, this is [ gasps ] jimmy this is a a tonight show oh. Jimmy its kind of blue and silver, and thats me all over the place. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is just and where can someone buy this if they wanted to buy it . Jimmy all you have to do is go to jimmy fallon. We only have 39 left, you guys. [ laughter ] whats that . Oh, we have 38 left, and theyre all numbered and signed. No, thats just thats just you, but it will give you thank you. Jimmy the christmas spirit. Its not like you need that. I mean, but that will be so yeah, thats really nice. Thank you. Jimmy its really cute for you. This is a super fun time. Because i, yeah i know im excited for you, but you have another baby as well. Yeah. Jimmy its going to be fantastic. Thank you. Jimmy and then, you have b

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