And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 585 Rochester Steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hello. Hey welcome, everybody. Welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it. Youre here. [ cheers and applause ] you made the show. Youre here. Thank you very much. Heres what people are talking about. You guys, the finalists for times person of the year just came out. And they include donald trump, hillary clinton, mark zuckerberg, vladimir putin, and beyonce. [ light laughter ] putin was like, most of group is weak, but even i cannot compete with queen bey. No, i mean, lets be come on. [ cheers and applause ] speaking of beyonce, both she and adele got a bunch of grammy nominations today. They were each nominated for record of the year, song of the year, and album of the year. [ cheers and applause ] marking marking the first time in 2016, that america has two finalists that they actually like. [ laughter and applause ] yeah, thats very interesting. This is kind of interesting. Yesterday, joe biden said hes not completely ruling out running for president in 2020. Even said, quote, what the hell . [ laughter ] when asked what his Campaign Slogan would be, he said, i just told you. What the hell . [ laughter and applause ] what the hell . Meanwhile, the white house Just Announced a new program to teach Computer Science to more american schoolchildren. Yeah, they say if it goes well, one day america will be able to hack its own election. [ laughter and applause ] thats so thoughtful. Steve yeah, progress. Jimmy isnt that nice . Steve progress. [ applause ] listen to this. I read at that as president , donald trump will have access to an Emergency Alert system which will allow him to send a a text to every american at once. [ laughter ] but its only for emergencies, like natural disasters, security issues, or if saturday night live does another sketch about him. But thats it. [ laughter and applause ] only emergencies. Actually, Vice President dick cheney said that donald trump needs to be more careful about what he tweets. Cheney said, if youre not careful, you could end up shooting yourself in the face or foot. Foot. [ laughter ] shooting your friend in the shooting your friends foot. Shooting yourself in the foot. Sorry, whatd i say . Im going to leave now. I just heard that last night, Vice President elect mike pence attended the new york jets game at met life stadium, where the jets lost 4110. Pence heard so much booing, he thought he was seeing hamilton again. [ laughter and applause ] to celebrate the Standing Rock sioux tribes victory against the Dakota Access pipeline, josh brolin posted a nude photo of himself standing on top of a a rock. [ light laughter ] in response, the sioux tribe said, were opposed to that pipeline too. So would you just [ laughter and applause ] steve ho hey jimmy this is kind of crazy. I saw a that a private Company Called moon express says it wants to start offering trips to the moon for under 10,000 a ticket. Most people were like, yeah, im not sure i want to book the cheapest option for my trip to outer space. [ applause ] that company cheaper . [ light laughter ] if im gonna go to space i want to save some money. [ light laughter ] check this out, you guys. Amazon launched its new go app. Did you hear about this thing . Its pretty cool. It lets you shop in the supermarket without having to check out at the register. Theres no register. Yeah, they say its just like shopping on their website, until you get arrested for being drunk and in your underwear. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i need this. Next day, next day. [ light laughter ] [ drunk slurring ] thats right, amazons new app lets you shop in a store without going through the checkout line, and the ad is going viral today. Heres just the first part of it. Right here, check it out. What would shopping look like if you could walk into a a store, grab what you want, and just go . Use the amazon go app, to enter. Then put away your phone, and start shopping. Jimmy yeah. Pretty cool. But i i think theres another reason people might want to try out this new app. Heres another version. Ever wanted that guilty pleasure of picking something up, and just walking out of the store . Go ahead, take stuff off our shelves and hide it in your jacket. Then just walk out like a a common criminal. Amazon shoplift. [ laughter and applause ] its all of the shoplifting, with none of the guilt. [ applause ] jimmy its shoplifting. If you guys have pets, you should listen to this. Veterinarians are warning people to be careful with alcohol that they spill on the floor, because theres been an increase in drunk pets. [ light laughter ] and youll know your dog is drunk when he starts confronting the vacuum cleaner. [ laughter and applause ] hes like, come at me, bro. Im not afraid of you anymore and finally, for the first time ever, the ken doll is getting a a designer makeover. He has new hair and a moschino suit. Take a look. [ laughter ] in a related story, barbie just changed her relationship status to its complicated. [ laughter and applause ] we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, great crowd tonight. Great show. We have a big week of shows ahead. Tomorrow night, Academy Awardnominated actor Edward Norton will be here. [ cheers and applause ] then later this week, Robert De Niro will be here. [ cheers and applause ] Pharrell Williams will be here. Dwayne johnson will be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] its going to be good. But first, we have a fantastic show tonight. He stars opposite Jennifer Lawrence in the new movie, passengers, chris pratt is here. [ cheers and applause ] i love that guy. Steve hes a good dude. Jimmy later in the show, chris and i are doing something fun called mad lib theater. Be sure to stick around for that. [ cheers ] plus, shes a terrific actress. Shes fantastic every time she comes on the show. She stars in and directed her first movie. Its called all we had. The wonderful katie holmes is on the show. [ cheers and applause ] the director. Did the whole thing. And we got great music. Did you hear rehearsal today . Questlove i didnt hear it. Jimmy oh, its fantastic. Hes got a good band with him too like questlove pinos here, everybodys here. Jimmy Steve Jordans here. Questlove yeah. [ talking over each other ] jimmy pino palladino. [ cheers ] on bass, James Valentine from maroon 5 is here. Hes going to play with them. [ applause ] and this guys so good, he doesnt even need anybody. He doesnt need anybody. Hes that so thats amazing, what a show youre going to see tonight. The one and only john mayer is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] love on the weekend. Thats my man. Hey guys, it is time for screen grabs. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy now, these are these are some weird, funny things that you guys have found on the internet, or other places and then sent in to us. This first screen grab was sent in by heather eilert in wichita, kansas. She was looking for photographers online to take some family photos, and saw this. Happy family except for the boot to the head. [ laughter ] why would you put that if you were a photographer . Steve i dont care man, good action shots. [ light laughter ] right in the face. Jimmy that was good i think thats a good smack to the face. Yeah. This next screen grab was sent in by rhiannon seneli in davenport, iowa. She was shopping for some christmas ornaments online, and found this. Personalized state shaped ornaments available in all 20 states. [ laughter and applause ] quick, how many states are there . I dont know, 20 . All right, yeah. Steve denial. Jimmy that is close enough. Steve good enough. Jimmy this next one was sent in by kimberly porch in irving, texas. She was searching online to find a good doctor. Lets see who she found. Meet the most progressive tool in health care. [ laughter and applause ] come on, man. Steve come on. [ applause ] jimmy i cant give me a a break. Steve thats not a tool. Jimmy the good news is youre on the front of the website. Steve yeah, right. And youre progressive. Jimmy okay, and youre progressive. But we asked and they called you a tool. [ light laughter ] this next one was sent in by Krysten Miller in punta gorda, florida. She got an alert on her phone. Steve oh, my gosh. Jimmy yeah, it says, you currently have no friends. [ laughter and applause ] steve why . Why . Do you mean she knows that. Jimmy i know. I think the worst part is that shes forced to click okay. [ laughter ] steve yeah. [ talking over each other ] jimmy im okay with it. Im a im okay with it. Steve youre good with it . Jimmy yeah, i i have to be. Steve you have no friends. Jimmy youve got no friends and a horrible attitude. [ laughter ] this next screen grab was sent in by greg hummel in rochester hills, michigan. He was trying to find a wifi network to log on to, and he found this grandma click this for internet. [ laughter ] grandma click this. Someones trying to help out their grandma. Steve that is genius. Jimmy but that seems confusing to me even. Im like, if im grandma, im like, do i want 5g . Steve which one do i want . Jimmy whats the difference . This is next screen grab is from chris martinez. He lives right here in new york city. He was watching the local news. They were showing some of the new balloons in the macys thanksgiving day parade. Steve oh. Jimmy yeah, and they caught them in a private moment here, i think. [ laughter ] dogs dogs will be dogs. Steve dogs, come on man. Jimmy dogs will be dogs. They got they all do it. They all do it. Steve scotty and felix. [ applause ] jimmy were down to our were down to our last one here, its from david delangelo in toronto, canada. He was shopping for a new guitar, and he spotted a guy in an ad that he says looks like me. I dont know if i see it. Take a look at this. [ laughter ] jimmy that doesnt look like me at all. Steve little bit. Jimmy whats wrong that looks nothing like me. Why . Steve face structure. The grin, the eyes, the hair. Jimmy i dont know. Lets see what we can do. I dont believe i look like that guy [ cheers and applause ] [ light laughter ] steve got your les paul. Okay, youre in. Good, good. Final [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] get that vein out. Get that forehead vein. There you go. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy trying to get that forehead vein in there. Steve just dont have an aneurysm. Jimmy thats all the time we have for screen grabs. [ cheers and applause ] if you have a funny screen grab, email it to us at screengrabs tonightshow. Com. We might put it on the show. Stick around, well be right back with chris pratt, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] in a world that needs a hero, justice is spelled box. Say hello to a powerful tool that gives you options to fit your budget. Oh, im tied to this chair dundundaaaa i dont know that an insurancethemed comic book is what were looking for. Did i mention he can save people nearly 600 . You havent even heard my catchphrase. Im all done with this guy. Box him up. Thats terrible. Im just sad thewhats wrong . Holidays are over. Theyre not over, old navys having an after holiday sale where its up to 75 off the entire store. 75 off . Yeah. What is that . Im celebrating dont dump that out i ju. Yaaaay [cellphone ring] uh oh, should have put that phone on silent. Luckily, jay chews trident to help clean and protect his teeth, so he can hide his guilt with a convincing grin. Thats it jay, theyll never know. Trident. Cherish your teeth. Fortified. Tored. Replenished. Emerge everyday with emergenc packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. Why not feel this good everyday . Emerge and see. No. They come from thes come stomach. Heart. Give the gift of quality time with an applebees gift card. And receive a 10 bonus card for yourself. Only at applebees. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a a talented actor who stars alongside Jennifer Lawrence in the new movie, passengers, which opens in theaters and 3d on december 21st. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome chris pratt [ cheers and applause ] thank you, roots jimmy aw, hes a stud. How are you, buddy . Great to see you. Oh, man. Im so happy to be here. Jimmy im so happy that you are here. Every time youre here, were always do spmething fun. Thats true. Jimmy yeah. Last time we were here, we did nonsense karaoke yes jimmy where we just made up words and just randomly just sang it. It was really fun. Jimmy i liked it, yeah. Yeah. Jimmy are you a karaoke guy . Did i ask you that last time . I dont know if you did, but i am a karaoke guy. Who doesnt do you guys like karaoke . [ cheers and applause ] yeah. Ive sang karaoke for a long time. My whole family, we always sing karaoke at parties, and jimmy do you have a goto song . Well, yeah, i did. [ light laughter ] i had a i had a goto song that, for a while, i felt like i murdered man in the mirror. [ cheers ] Jimmy Michael jackson. Michael jackson. Jimmy its a classic. I know, and then i realized i have to tell you this story. The time i realized that i dont murder Michael Jackson singing karaoke, i went to i had killed it one week. I felt really good. I was like, im thats my song. [ light laughter ] jimmy im the next Michael Jackson. I can sing man in the mirror. Jimmy its a tricky song. Its very difficult. [ light laughter ] high degree of difficulty, but when you nail it, you nail it. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. I was riding high on the wave of nailing man in the mirror the week before jimmy yeah. Went to the new karaoke bar, met a girl. Jimmy ooh, yeah. Her name was marina. Do you remember marina . I was flirting with her. I had man in the mirror in my pocket. I knew i was going to kill it. [ light laughter ] i put man in the mirror in. I got up on stage. I said [ light laughter ] this is true, by the way. I know im playing it up, but this was a really vulnerable moment for me. [ laughter ] jimmy thank you for telling me this. I said, this songs for marina. I swear to god. [ laughter ] and then the first note came out, and when i i didnt realize theres different notes and different keys and stuff, and it just wasnt my key. It wasnt my night, and it came out. It was like im going to make a change oh. [ laughter ] jimmy next thing you knew, you couldnt do it. It didnt match, you know . Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah, no yeah. The sound didnt line up. Jimmy oh, no. And i was like for once in my you suck [ laughter ] and i just immediately started sweating. Some guy yelled, you suck jimmy you suck . And i look, and he was standing right next to marina. [ audience aws ] and she left with the you suck guy. [ laughter ] [ applause ] ive never sang man in the mirror since, man. It hurts. It hurt so bad. Jimmy she left with the you suck guy. Yeah, well, no. How is the family . How old is your son . Hes he turned 4. Hes now almost 4 and a half. Jimmy wow. Yeah. Jimmy hes so great. Hes great, man. Jimmy isnt it cool . It is cool. Jimmy i mean, i have three and a two, but its just every day is a new fun thing. Do they know that youre in movies . Does he understand that yet that youre he does, but he doesnt, you know . Its not the other day, he went to universal studios, you know. We were both in Jurassic World. Jimmy wow. [ laughter ] yes, and he jimmy number one movie of all time. And he went to jura he went, and they have a guy there dressed up like my character from Jurassic World. And he does the thing with the raptors, and they have, like, these fake dinosaurs that come out. And this guy pretends to be that character and amuses the people who come to universal studios. And he came home, and hes like, dad, i met the real Jurassic World guy. [ laughter ] im like, that guy . Jimmy no. No, im the jimmy im real the guy. Im the guy. Jimmy im the guy. [ laughter ] he was like, no, no, no, no. He doesnt do it on tv. [ laughter ] hes the real guy. Jimmy the real guy. [ laughter ] i think its the character your guy is based on. He was like jimmy he met the real one, man. He met the real Jurassic World guy, so he was pretty thrilled. And same yeah, same at legoland. Hes like, dad, emmetts here, the real emmett, not you, the real one. [ laughter ] im like, come on, man jimmy come on. Come on. Give dad something. Youre just mean. Yeah. I think he knows. I think hes just being mean. [ laughter ] jimmy hes just playing with you, yeah. Hes mad at me. Jimmy congrats on passengers. Thank you. Jimmy the idea this is [ cheers and applause ] fantastic idea. Jennifer lawrence. Yeah. Jimmy so, basically, its almost like a cruise ship of the future. Yeah. Jimmy like, a space giant, giant, giant 5,000 passengers are going to start a new civilization on this new planet. Yeah. Jimmy called horizon ii or something . Yeah, homestead ii. Jimmy homestead ii, yeah. Mmhmm. Jimmy horizon 2 is a good name too. Yeah. [ laughter ] sequel. Jimmy sequel [ laughter ] okay, i can be in that one too. Just letting you know, im available, almost too available. [ laughter ] but i love the idea of this because this could be i think this could be the future. This is it. Yeah, its pretty interesting. Essentially, the idea is that all 5,000 people are put into a a state of hibernation. They, like, suspend all metabolic function, and they can, you know, essentially freeze you. Jimmy in this pod. Without damaging you, and you can stay asleep for hundreds of years and never age. Jimmy what it does, it takes, it takes a hundred and 120 years to make the journey to the new planet. Jimmy to get to homestead ii. Yeah, you sign up for this thing, you fall asleep, you wake up, and youve got four months to go. And youre going to party on this cruise line and start a a new life on a new world. Jimmy yeah, but the bummer is the bummer is jimmy you guys wake up we wake up 90 years early. [ light laughter ] jimmy theres a malfunction on the thing, and you go yeah, theres a malfunction, and we wake up, and weve got 90 years to go. Jimmy and you have no crew members. You no one to help you, no one to talk to. Yeah. Jimmy youre the only people on this giant, enormous thing, floating in the middle of space. Right. And the ship is we realize that, like, theres as were unraveling the mystery behind what woke us up. And we start to fall for one another. Theres were interrupted by, like, the inevit