Were in the middle of whats called a heightened earthquake alert. True. It means the odds of a massive earthquake hitting us in the next day or two are as high as 1 in 11 in 100. Or it could be 1 in 100 million. Theyve been telling us for years you cant predict an earthquake, now theres an alert all of a sudden. Most of us ignore this stuff but some people are taking it seriously. In San Bernardino they closed city hall for the next two days because of this earthquake [ laughter ] chose city hall. That annoys me. I dont live there but you dont see businesses that have to turn a profit closing because of an earthquake alert. You dont see color me mine closing shop. They have a lot of stuff that would break in an earthquake. [ cheers and applause ] city hall, theyre like, to hell with it, come back wednesday. Meanwhile, we have a lot to live as of friday, california now has an official state fabric. And that fabric is any decembers . Guesses . Our official state fabric is denim. Governor jerry brown signed a bill making it official. They also updated the state flag to reflect the i know levis is a big california business but im surprised they went with denim. I thought for sure our official state fabric would be yoga mat. Or whatever the hell those lulu lemon pants are made out of. But they went with californias an interesting state. Our state fabric is denim, our state bird, i dont know if you know this, is chuck norris. So he will never be dangered because he cannot be killed. Denim is now the state fabric of our lives, okay . Kim kardashian had a scary weekend. She was robbed at gunpoint yesterday after she went to dinner with her sister, she went back to the apartment she rents in paris. Five gunmen pretending to be Police Officers forced the concierge to let them in, they tied him up, then they tied kim up with tape. They locked her in the bathroom. They made off with around 10 million worth of jewelry. The suspects are still at large. You have to wonder how is it possible . Somehow these guys moment this decade that this woman wasnt surrounded by 40 people with cameras. And they took advantage of it. The mayor of paris says she has full confidence the police will catch the criminals. In the meantime i have a message for the bustards who did this, a message from the future Vice President of the united states. Have someone translate this for you if you need to. We will tolerate a lot of n with Kim Kardashian west. Whether you like her or not she is one of us. If we find out you harmed even a single extension on her peoples choice awardwinning head, we will find you and we will make you so Les Miserables youd wish youd never been born to a woman who doesnt shave her armpits. All right . [ cheers and applause ] we will take you up and we will lock you in a room and you know what well do, force you to watch the parts of keeping up with the kardashians where kims mother eats a big salad and complains about the maid in front of the maid over and over again. Well knock those raspberry per berets off your heads and the curly moustaches off your snaileating faces. We want that jewelry back and the criminals who took it prosecuted to the fullest action debt of the law. Well have no choice but to send khloe over there, and when that happens [ cheers and applause ] i believe right now ryan lochte is on the set of dancing with the stars praying that kim made the whole thing up. [ laughter ] in other reality star news, donald trump didnt have a great weekend either. He was in manheim, pennsylvania, on saturday where he insinuated that his opponent is unfaithful to her husband. Hillary clintons only loyalty is to her financial contributors and to herself. I dont even thinkhe to bill, you want to know the truth. And really, folks, really why should she be . Right . Why should she be . He even loses debates against himself. [ laughter ] and yet somehow [ applause ] somehow that wasnt the biggest donald trump story of the weekend. The big story is he might not xena Warrior Princess went on the air. The New York Times got their hands on a tax document from 1995 which shows trump declared a 916 million loss that year which would have allowed him to avoid paying any income tax for 18 years. The documents were sent to the times from inside trump tower. The Trump Campaign said the times illegally obtained the documents and we all know how much donald trump hates hacking. So thats no good. [ laughter ] but still the Trump Campaign isnt denying the remarkable. Considering the fact that they deny almost everything. This morning they denied trump is running for president. [ laughter ] so its quite a bombshell. Wh trump is spinning it, pretending its a badge of honor. This is what he tweeted. I know our complex tax laws better than anyone whos ever run for president and am the only one who can fix them, excellent point, he knows the laws very well from trying to they should run with that and make a campaign ad out of it. Im donald trump. Only i know how to fix america, because im the one who broke it. Only i know how to keep Illegal Immigrants out because i brought thousands of them in. To build my beautiful, successful trump tower. Only i know how to cut ties with china. All my fantastic trump ties are cut in china. Education . I ope corruption . I buy and sell politicians like baseball cards. Veteran health care . I got to dodge the draft because of a condition that could have been solved by a dr. Shoels. National debt . I went bankrupt six times. Nobody has a record like that. Nobody. When i am president , i will put together such an unbelievable team. Youre going to be so happy with the team. Meet my future attorney general, treasury secretary bernie madoff. When it comes to transportation, you can trust Chris Christie to keep our roads and bridges running smoother than the all you can eat buffet at trump hotel and casino in atlantic city. Which i personally drove into the ground to bring americas businesses back. Im donald j. Trump. I broke it, so i can fix it. Paid supposed to go to charity. Jimmy fortunately this scandal hasnt thrown trump off. He stayed on the campaign trail and more significantly managed to stay on message. People in negotiating and owners of companies are negotiating to move your companies out to mexico and other places. You watch. And its getting worse. Its not getting better, its getting worse. And youre unsuspecting. Right now you say, lets go to a movie after trump. But you wont do that because youll be so high and so excited you, okay . No movie. You know why . Honestly . Because they dont make movies like they used to. Is that right . [ laughter ] jimmy i think we might need to go through that word by word. Lets go to the chalkboard here. [ cheers and applause ] heres what he said. People are negotiating and owners of companies are negotiatg companies out to mexico and other places. You watch. And its getting worse. Its not getting better. Its getting worse. And youre unsuspecting. Right now you say to your wife, lets go to a movie after trump. But you wont do that because youll be so high and so excited that no movie is going to satisfy you. Okay . No movie. Make movies like they used to. Is that right [ cheers and applause ] i dont know, i dont know if its right. Let me think. Was bridget joness baby better than bridget joness diary . No, i dont think it was, donald trump might have a point. They dont make movies like they used to. Ill tell you something, mexico is going to pay for it am i right, guillermo . Guillermo sure, whatever. Lets take a break. Guillermo and i will show you what we did this weekend. It does not involve chalkboards. Stick around, well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] . . Go paperless, dont stress, girl . . I got the discounts that you need . . Safe driver . . Accidentfree . . Everybody put your flaps in the air for me . You need . . Safe driver . . Accidentfree . . Everybody put your flaps in the air for me . I cant lipsynch in these conditions. . Savings . Looking for balance in your digestive system . Try align probiotic. For a nonstop, sweet treat goodness, hold on to your tiara kind of day. Get 24 7 digestive support, with align. The 1 doctor recommended probiotic brand. This man can lift a 526 pound barrel of tennessee whiskey. These people can do everything else. . This is lynchburg, tennessee. Theres more to emma. To her, green. Was always more than a color. And style, was more than what you wear. And shes always found her more on ebay. You can find your more on ebay too. Jimmy hi, there. Ella purnell and dolly parton is on the way. Over the weekend we had a yard scale for charity. We brought all our stuff, emptied the closets at the show, brought it to the back parking lot. Costumes, props, furniture, stuff from my office, stuff from my house. All proceeds went to a great cause, the donald j. Trump foundation. Actually, we did this through an organization we found to honor my late uncle frank. It started saturday morning 8 00 a. M. Guillermo, cousin sal and i were there. . Sal weve been on the air for how long . Guillermo like 14 years. Jimmy we have so much crap jammed into our building. We decide wed would sell it for charity for my friends place, part of the uncle frank helping hand foundation. This is a great item. Its the george lopez dispenser. House because he lived on my block, but he moved, so here it is for sale for charity. Lets see what else we have. Can i tell you all of these things came from the closet in my office . Really . Jimmy yeah, this is my alarm clock. Really . Jimmy which i dont use anymore. You know, great conversation starter. Oh, this is something i bought once and never used. This prints out little the pictures. Jimmy yeah. Its a personal photo lab. I want t jimmy i almost used that. I took it out of the box. Almost. Jimmy yeah. This maybes me sad because some of these are my shoes. It just goes to show you. You dont have your shoes forever. Sal this is sold. Sorry. This is already sold. Okay. Jimmy what do you have there . I have a wig. Jimmy its similar to our own actual hair. You think so . Jimmy well, kind of, yeah. Gary, no ive only got three things. Jimmy the reason we have a lot of this crap is because of that guy right there. Who i wouldnt even describe hem as a hoarder. Maybe we can get a shot of his office to give you an idea of what this man is up to. What is that, gary . This is a gift cardigan. Jimmy whose idea was this originally . It was mine. Jimmy yeah. It was garys idea. Now hes buying his own ideas. Have you read that book . Not yet, i want to. Jimmy its a great read. He signed it too. No, really . Jimmy ill show you, hold donnie t. So there you go. Bargain. Sal this is sold already, thank you. Jimmy dancing with the stars . The mirrored ball they make a big deal out of . Were selling it here for 40 bucks. Hey, i see somebody. Are you interested . I love dancing with the stars. Jimmy you love dancing with the stars . I sure do. Jimmy you realize this is the mirrored ball that bee arthur won when she was a contestant on dancing with the stars. Bea arthur . Jimmy then she passed away and left the ball to us. Wow. Jimmy 40. Would you like to buy it . Im taking it. Jimmy do you know how to do the paso doble . No, i dont think so. Jimmy see that . Isnt this nice . You can do this at home. Right . What are you guys going to do with this . Its for my bedroom. Jimmy your bedroom, that will be nice. Are you buying this Chocolate Ice Cream . Jimmy love it. Ice cream and sex party . Yes, i got it. Well, enjoy. Thank you. Jimmy let me know how i did. Okay. Jimmy can i have a picture . Get in there. Oh, wow guillermo oh sorry, sorry, sorry jimmy whats happening . What is this . Are you buying this . Im buying this. Jimmy you want to know the story behind this is . This is a true story. Okay. Jimmy so i sent my parents on a trip to italy. And as a gift, they got me this. And i hated it. And assumed that it was sent all the way from italy that they bought it there in italy. Turns out my mother bought it at stein mart around the corner from her house but i didnt know this. For two years i kept it displayed in my home. Now it will be in your home. Okay. Jimmy and even more importantly, my mother will be very angry when she sees this. These are really like this is i think Scarlett Johansson right here this is a perverts dream come true. Are you in the market for belts . Actually, i bought a lot of stuff and this is the second time im coming in. Jimmy hey, are you a pervert . I mean, are you a pervert . Okay, i wanted to show you Something Real quick here. These are costumes actually worn by the likes of zoe saldana. We did something called the hott b Scarlett Johansson wore these shoes and wore this outfit. Okay. Jimmy you may want to take that home. Not really. Jimmy okay. Just the belt will be enough . Belt and some dvds. Jimmy belt and some dvds, thats all you need, right. One of our producers is a guy names jason, about this big, hes a tiny little guy. Hes hairy all over, hes got as much hair as a normalsized person would have, but just kind of compacted down to a little him a grubby little cupcake, then made him dress as a cupcake and dance on the view. Sal sorry this is sold. Its sold. Hold on sal we sold it. See that yellow sticker . Its sold. Ill take it, thank you, thank you. Security jerk. Jimmy remember that story about the cupcake costume . Thats him. Good to see you. Thanks everyone for coming out. This was great. You look great by the way. This is what you wear on the weekends . We got soccer this morning. Jimmy all right, a Soccer Player there. Thanks to uncle frank helping hand foundation. Thanks to my friends place. Support them. And thanks to our grubby little cupcake. Jimmy there he is right there. We have a good show. El purnell is here. Be right back with dolly parton, so stick around dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by hulu. Come tv with us. . . Only those who dare drive the world forward. Inside the rack houses of jim beam thousands of barrels lay silent aging, building a fuller smoother flavor that only comes from being aged four long years at jim beam our history is made from the inside how will you make yours . Now try jim beam apple poured over ice and serve with club soda jimmy hi, there. Welcome back. Tonight from miss peregrines home for peculiar children, which was the number one movie at the box office this weekend, ella purnell is here. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night on the show, billy bob thornton, kristen chenoweth, and comedian ryan donahue. And later this week, zach galifianakis, martin lawrence, and music from both idina menzel and gary clark jr. Join us for all of that too. Our first guest is an enormously talented and influential musician who has inspired singers, songwriters, and wig manufacturers all around the world. Her latest called pure and simple debuted at number one on the Country Music chart. Please welcome dolly parton. Jimmy i finally after many, many years of doing the show i finally feel like a Real Talk Show host because you are here. Because i just remember how great you were on Johnny Carson and then how charming and talented and all that stuff. Now youre right here before me. I am, everybody said youve got to be on jimmys show, you and jimmy would be great here i am. Jimmy here you are. Im glad to be here. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy congratulations on your first number one album in 25 years. [ cheers and applause ] always good to be number one. This is my pure and simple outfit. I want you to know im not smuggling matt damon in here. Jimmy good, we wont have that happen again. What do you attribute i think its an interesting thing when resurgences. I think youve had a couple of them in your life. Suddenly people go, oh, yeah, we love dolly parton, lets buy that along bum. Ive been around along time. Ive been in the business over 50 years. Jimmy wow. I never let up. Im always behind the scenes working. Any time they always say, dolly makes a comeback, i think, whered i go . I thought i was still here. I love what i do, i love the people. People feel like theyve grown up with me, that im a sister or a favorite aunt or something. So i think people just want to come along with jimmy you had two soldout shows at the Hollywood Bowl over the weekend. Great time. Jimmy isnt that one of the greatest places . It is. I love it and its having all these great energy. The people, a lot of people i work with around here. Jimmy we see a lot of the industry people. Yeah, my doctors. [ laughter ] jimmy they all hit you up for tickets . I told them, im a selfmade woman and ive got the doctor wave at you in the audience. Jimmy there are people who dress up like you and come to the concert. Do they ever, yeah. Jimmy is that weird . Its fun. Im used to it. I have a huge gay following. Jimmy same here. [ laughter ] im proud of them. I see so many drag queens out there. I see so many girls that look more like me than i do. [ laughter ] when i see them out there i start doing instead of jolene i do drag queen drag queen drag queen dont take my man. We have fun. Jimmy when did you notice that happen, that you had a big gay following . What year did that kind of happen . Years ago, back in the 80s when i started noticing that. I noticed it more out here, san francisco. They would kind of come to these little clubs that i was at. Jimmy right. And see them all dressing up. Even when i was wearing all my gaudy gaudier clothes [ laughter ] cheaper gaud, you know. I was easy to look like. [ laughter ] ive done it all these years. Jimmy you think laziness may have played a part in this . Maybe. Its always a compliment. Jimmy speaking of people dressing like you, this is a great photograph. Were not sure whether this is bill or hillarys birthday but thats Hillary Clinton dressed up as you. Well, that is a compliment . Jimmy look at bill. He looks like hes ready to get the lasso out. [ laughter ] look like him. Thats sweet. Looks like a long time ago. Jimmy looks like bill would like to revisit that particular scenario. I know youve been given many, many honors. But one of the honors youve been given which i think is like the best one you could get is a statue. Tell us where this statue is. That is in the courthouse of sevier, tennessee, our county seat, the county where im from. Ago. The kids took up money and did that. And i thought that was a great honor. Jimmy thats pretty great. It is. Jimmy and this is made of i assume iron . Its bronze. Jimmy bronze, okay. Bronze and rock and i had no shoes on there. Jimmy did you pose for this . I did, yeah. I d