Shut up. Jimmy i gave you the money. Wheres my oscar . In the bag. Is that you . Jimmy this is not the oscar i wanted matt damon said to say hi. Lets go [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] dicky from hollywood, its jimmy kimmel live, after the Academy Awards. Tonight Oprah Winfrey. With appearances from George Clooney, tom hanks, martin score 64 salessy, meryl streep, and many more in movie the movie. Plus music from coldplay. With cleto and the cletones. And now, lights, camera, action heres jimmy kimmel [ cheers and applause ] jimmy well, hello there, everyone. Im jimmy, im the host of the show. Thank you for staying up late on sunday. As you know, the 84th annual Academy Awards just wrapped up right across the street from us. The artist won best motion picture. Pretty good for a movie thats black and white and silent. Just the way Kim Kardashian likes her men. [ laughter ] Octavia Spencer won for the movie the help. I think that was one of only a few nominated films this the year that were a hit with critics and at the box office. The help was so popular, Arnold Schwarzenegger tried to get it pregnant. [ [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] jimmy thank you. Jean dujardin wos best actor in a leading role. The guy finally talks, he says the fword. Meryl streep won best actress. [ cheers nothing against personally, i think viola davis was robbed. Literally. Lindsay lohan stole her Harry Winston necklace. On the way out of the show. Transformers dark of the moon was nominated for an oscar tonight, which i was happy to see. For so long this academy has recognized only good movies. Its about time they showed inclusiveness. I thought Billy Crystal did a nice job hosting tonight. [ cheers and applause ] originally, eddie murphy was supposed to be the host of the show until someone in the academy remembered he was in norbit and then [ laughter ] fashion, as always, was a big topic tonight. Oscar night is the magical night on on which we all sit around in our sweat pants and criticize the way famous women are dressed. The e Network Today had seven hours of preoscar countdown. They had a lot of time to fill before the show. The actors dont start arriving an hour before the show starts. But the coverage starts at 10 30 in the morning. They have to make do with things like that. Ah, were just so excited to be here on the red carpet and oh my gosh look theres a monkey. [ laughter ] jimmy she acts like shes never seen a monkey get out of a limo before. What was going on in that monkeys pants . Can we slow that down and play just the end part again. Yeah, there. Hes carrying a banana . [ laughter ] is that a monkey or a war horse . [ applause ] a number of actors tonight, like jonah hill brought their moms as dates. Which i dont get that. Why is it when your an adult taking your mom to the oscars is cool, but when youre in high school taking your cousin to the prom gets you the nickname cuzzing kissing jimmy for the rest of your life . [ laughter ] im happy for the oscar winners tonight but im happy for myself tonight. Because im about to receive the highest honor a talk show host can receive. [ cheers and applause ] just so were clear, none of you are getting cars. You dont get a car. You dont get a car. You none of us in fact, if you came in a car, right now its being towed. [ laughter ] and i know you are probably asking, if oprah is here tonight, on the show, who is answering our prayers . Well [ laughter ] dont worry. Her friend gayle is filling in. [ laughter ] we have every star in the universe coming up. Something you definitely want to see. Before we forge ahead we have a tradition here on the show. Another week has come to the close and its time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. Its a special sunday edition of this week in unnecessary censorship. [ cheers and applause ] i am so excited for the oscars. Its just like, i am literally [ bleep ]ing. It doesnt matter how big your [ bleep ] is are you have to pay for your drinks. I think its so amazing to have so many people [ bleep ] him like this. Mothers dream. New Television Ad that labels him a [ bleep ]. Because hes a [ bleep ]. Make you believe in love. Ice loves [ bleep ] returns, sunday at 10 30. These late dips are all going to take their rareality. I know what i have to do to beat you. I have to [ bleep ] you. And deep down inside, its really what you want, isnt it . Im going to [ bleep ] two people tonight. Oh i love that movie a lot. When i saw it, came out of the help, i wanted to [ bleep ] the first blam woman i saw. I was thinking as i was on the floor [ bleep ]ing someone im going to spend the tire day on saturday and sunday morning, im going to [ bleep ] five or six [ bleep ] in a row. Thats become my oscar tradition. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy same here. We have a great show for you tonight. Stay till the end. Well be right back with every big star in hollywood with the World Premiere of movie so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] today, unlimited gets the network it deserves. Verizon. mic thuds uh, sorry. Its unlimited without compromising reliability, on the largest, most advanced 4g lte network in america. thud uh. Sorry, last thing. Its just 45 per line. Forty. Five. cheering and applause and that is all the microphones that i have. vo unlimited on verizon. 4 lines, just 45 per line. A big mac . And a grand mac . Man, theres a big mac for every move. We talking about the left right left crossover what . we got a big mac for that and we talking about 30 feet nothing but net. Splash we definitely got a big mac for that to the hoop star. Alleyoop. Watch your head. Ohhhh theres a big mac for that juicy, cheesy, iconic big mac. Now in three sizes. I want to see what you got. All the way up. Get that out of here, boy. Youre not going to make it. Bestselling brand . Do you think you can make it . Uhh. Make it. Every time. Nice going further to keep drivers moving freely. Thats ford. And thats how you become americas bestselling brand. Does your makeup remover every kissproof,ff . Cryproof, stayproof look . Neutrogena® makeup remover does. It erases 99 of your most stubborn makeup with one towelette. Need any more proof than that . Neutrogena. Jimmy oh, hi there. Im in a tux. This is our special show on a special night. Oprah winfrey is with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] guillermo i need you to be hon high alert tonight. God forbid anything happens to oprah, were done. You understand . Dont worry, jimmy. Im going to make you very proud. Jimmy okay, very good. [ cheers and applause ] night, were reminded how many different genres of film there are. Drama, comedy, adventure, dozens of them. You usually only get one or two genres per film. I set out to make the biggest, most starstud ded film in history in america. Tonight my cream has been realized. Here it is, our gift to you, the World Premiere trailer for the greatest film ever made, movie, why the movie. Every so often a film comes along with a guy, a girl, a werewolf. And an ancient scroll. And a wedding. Between the worlds most dangerous secret agent and the president of the united states. You complete me. We complete each other. And we complete america. With a no nonsense rookie cop. Im not going to make it and a dog who plays sports. Its go time because sometimes the impossible dont happen. Andy, youre my only friend. I wish you were alive. But miracles do. I am alive, michael until you realize that everything you believe but soon is a lie. You wont be arrggh Starring Academy award winner charlize theron. Enough you are out of order Academy Award winner tom hanks. Im out of order . Bryan cranston. Wingers here court is adjourned, ha ha ha jeff goldblum. Got the test results back. Gary old man. And . Im so sorry, senator. Youre a centaur. Nooooo look. Cameron diaz. Youre the last person i ever thought id fall in love with. Because sometimes you find love where you least expect it. On a boat. Thats on top of a plane. A soul plane. Were about to give the word fly a whole new meaning. With snakes on it. No way. [ bleep ]. [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. From visionary directors j. J. Abrams and martin scorsese. Action action i love you with all my heart. And i you. But on this, our wedding day, i find it important to tell you yes, my darling . Im blind. What . Produced by michael bay. Ruuuun really . Its the tale of a smalltown family with bigcity dreams. So beautiful. And a baby i am beautiful. Who talks. Sorry. I cant go to work as a baby Daniel Day Lewis as youve never seen him before. As tyler perry. As george washington. Based on the true story of a down and out Texas Football team. Pushed to the brink by a millionaire oil tycoon. I dont care how much team spirit you got, ima shut this program down, hee hee hee case closed. Starring kate beckinsale. Now get out chewbacca. Danny devito. Don cheadle. Academy award winner meryl streep. In a moustache. Academy award winner helen mirren. In a hovercraft. Get off my horc i need a hero im holding out for a hero till the end of the night Academy Award winner kristof walts. No one puts baby in the corner. Academy award winner matt damon. Because theres a star out there at the end of the rainbow, a big old shooting star who were going to cut out of the movie. Are you [ bleep ] kidding me . I will [ bleep ] kill you, kimmel how do you like them grapes . And Academy Award winner George Clooney as a brilliant disabled nasa scientist. Yeah . Thats our boy. A meteor hurtling towards earth . Whos that riding on it . Black hitler im black ha ha ha im on it. Im on it argh no no not now aah this thanksgiving, and christmas, and summer 2012, a romantically comic Political ActionThriller Drama based on the novel push by sapphire. Ill do it, ill do it once you go black hitler you never go back hitler from the people who brought you the terminator, the hunt for red october, dora the explorer, and the rooty tooty fresh and fruity breakfast aah hey hey the button what . Get the button what . The button when the eyes of a child the meteor of freedom you can beat that meteor oh Freedom Movie the movie. [ cheers and applause ] i cant believe i fell for that. God, im such a [ bleep ]. See you later. [ bleep ] kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] this film is not yet filmed. Jimmy be right back with Oprah Winfrey oh jane, youre getting a ticket modern life deserves a modern way to pay. Im going to get you out of this chair. Breton. You can use it online and on your phone. Nope. Its been masterpassed. Winning the little victories, priceless masterpass, the secure way to pay from your bank dont just buy it, masterpass it. The little sounds your crispy bacon makes drive me crazy. spank did you just spank your lunch . Yeah. spank devour. Food you want to fork. Ive been blind since birth. I go through periods where its hard to sleep at night, and stay awake during the day. Learn about non24 by calling 8448442424. Or visit my24info. Com. Mattress firmness . Fortunately theres a bed where you both get what you want every night. Enter sleep number and the ultimate sleep number event, going on now. Sleepiq technology tells you how well you slept and what adjustments you can make. She likes the bed soft. Hes more hardcore. So your sleep goes from good to great to wow only at a sleep number store. Right now, save 50 on the ultimate limited edition bed. Sale ends sunday go to sleepnumber. Com for a store near you. Why are you checking just want to see if it changed. Credit scores dont change that much do they . Really . Ill take it sir, your credit. I better check my credit score. Try credit karma. Its free. Alright. I am totally blind. I lost my sight in afghanistan. If youre totally blind, you may also be struggling with non24. Calling 8448442424. Or visit my24info. Com. Z2a0gz zi0z y2a0gy yi0y jimmy well, hello there and its time are you guys ready . [ cheers and applause ] im going to need a minute, if you dont mind. What can be said about our guest tonight that hasnt been said in the holy books in all the religions in all the world. She as legendary broadcaster, oscarnominated actress, and tonight a academyaward win g w actress. She owns her own Television Network which happens to be called own. Please welcome, before she changes her mind and leaves, the great and powerful Oprah Winfrey. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] she doesnt have anything to give you. [ cheers and applause ] oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You have a great audience. Jimmy are you the are you the real oprah or one of oprahs helpers . I just want to make sure. Thats what people say on twitter all the time. Like there would be somebody else tweeting for you. Jimmy people think that celebrities hire i can tell your tweets are your tweets. You can tell. Jimmy i can. You can tell with me today tweeting you, couldnt you . Jimmy i have to say, i was very flattered and a little bit embarrassed by you. Oprah called me adorable on twitter, which was mr. Adorable. Jimmy i dont know if you can bronze twitter, but im planning to do that if its possible. Youve been so good. Jimmy listen, nobody is better than you. Congratulations, you won the gene herschel humanitarian award. [ cheers and applause ] i won that a couple of years it highly. Did you feel did you feel esteemed in that moment . Jimmy no, i didnt feel it. I felt a little steamed but not esteemed. Is this something that you beat someone out for . Or did they just give to it you . I think you just get it. I think if you do a lot of good stuff, people just they come and they give it to you. Jimmy you do do a lot of good stuff. [ cheers and applause ] what was the first year that you came to the Academy Awards . I was there for the color purple back in 1986. [ cheers and applause ] some of you were not born. Clearly back in the day. But i remember it was just first of all, i was discovered by quincy jones, really, just discovered by quincy jones who was coming through chicago and saw me on tv through chicago, and said, i think this girl maybe can act. And so i had to audition and go through the whole process. When i went to the oscars, it was one of the most horrible nights of my life. Jimmy it was . Really . Why . Yes, yes. I was thinking about that tonight. Because i had used dolly jimmy what . And everybody should know this. If you are going to have a gown made, now its a whole big to do what people are going to wear. Back then, it wasnt. I used her dressmaker and he came over to do some fitting earlier in the day, said i needed to take it back. When he brought it back, i didnt try it on. When i went to put it on, half an hour before going to the oscars, it didnt fit. I couldnt get it up over my hips. My hairdresser, who is still with me, by the way, andre, had to lay me on the floor and push my butt down. So i rode to the oscars, really, no exaggeration, planked in the back of a limousine. Jimmy you invented planking. Thats unbelievable. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so, when i got out, everybody had gone in, there was no more red carpet. I was sitting there. I couldnt sit in the chair. I was like this. Jimmy like the actual oscar. Yes. And i had this really heavy beaded collar. So, when i sat back, the collar i sat the whole night holding on to the collar like this. Jimmy we almost lost you that night. Yes, you almost did. And i was praying for someone else to win. Jimmy you were . Yes, i knew i couldnt get out of the chair. Jimmy god knew what was good for him and he listened. Thats right. Thats right. Jimmy now, have you vowed to destroy dolly parton for this . No, no. Jimmy will you buy dollywood and burn it down . The lesson is, try on something before, even though somebody says its perfect. That was a lesson. Jimmy and dont use dollys guy anymore. Dont use dollys guy. Jimmy okay, so now youre fitting in this dress quite beautifully, i have to say. Yes, i tried it on before. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you talk about auditioning for that role. That to me is kind of mind boggling. I cant imagine you auditioning for anything. I had never, ever acted before. Jimmy how did you did Steven Spielberg i imagine spielberg calling you and begging you to be in the movie. No, no, no. Quincy jones had discovered me and i had to go through this whole aud going to be in it. I got called to Steven Spielbergs office. And i was so excited. I thought that maybe something was going on because the character that i was, you know, acting with, his name was harpo, which was my name spelled backwards. I think thats a sign. He and i were called to spielbergs office on the same day and i ended up knocking over all of his things. Jimmy you trashed his office . I jumped on the couch. Jimmy before your guests started jumping on the couch, you started jumping on the couch . I guess i did. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy and after that, did you get after the color purple did you get movies, saying they want you to play batman and that kind of thing . No. That did not happen. I got all the i got all the, what i call the nobody knows the trouble ive seen offers. Jimmy i see. Yes. And, you know. Up until you know, i had my standards. Would not do. I held that standard until i came to work with you on this show. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we spoiled you. Before working with you i had standards. I had i had a moral compass. I had values. Jimmy i feel like in a way, more so than you elevating us, we brought you down. I would say. I kind of stepped all the way out of my box with you guys. Jimmy is that something you want to do now, acting, now that you have a little bit more free time than you did well, i think its something that i will pursue in the future, yes. Jimmy you will . [ cheers and applause ] yes. Jimmy will you take orders from the director . Will you be oh, id love to. I think for myself, because i have a really, really full life and im not kidding when i say this, but actually acting is the time where i feel the freest. I feel like i get to let go of myself, take on another character, and it really does feel like a jimmy you should do more acting. Is there anyone in particular that you would like to work with . You. Jimmy well, sure, i would [ cheers and applause ] you. I had fun wo