Oh, good. Its a techsavvy group. Then you probably know. Every year intel comes out with a list of the most dangerous celebrities. These are people who in you search for them online youre most at risk for getting a virus or malware or the mumps. This year the most dangerous celebrity to search is amy schumer. Justin bieber is number two. And number three is carson which a lot of i know carson, i tell you something, once we were at a restaurant, there was no ketchup on the table, he murdered the waiter. [ laughter ] this was at brunch. Hes a dangerous guy. Last year i was the 26th most dangerous. Before that, in 2014, i was number one. I was the number one most dangerous. This year ive plummeted to number 32. Which is still a dangerous the sad fact is im not as dangerous as i used to be. Guillermo, do you still feel like im dangerous . Guillermo yeah, jimmy. Especially when you dont eat anything all day. Jimmy especially when i dont eat. Anyway. Donald trump got some bad news today too. According to forbes magazine, Donald Trumps wealth is down 800 million from last year. Hes only worth 3. 7 billion now. And ill tell you something, mexico is going to pay for it. [ laughter ] but the good news is, while his net worth may be down, his selfworth is at an alltime high. [ laughter ] trump was in florida last night. Today he was in chicago, iowa, and wisconsin. And with all this racing around ranting and raving, we like to help donald slow down. We did just la for tonights edition of drunk donald trump. [ tape playing very slow ] see that plane . That plane was built in america. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yesterday, in case you didnt know, was National Register to vote day. Did any of you see that video katy perry made . She gets naked and tells people to register to vote. It got like 6 million views already. Hopefully it encouraged people to sign up. But heres the thing. Why does vote . I mean, dont get me wrong, its nice of her to do it, im not against it. [ laughter ] katy perry getting naked for any reason. But anyone who needs katy perry to take her shirt off in order to register to vote should not be allowed to register to vote. And what if the strategy works . What if its effective and millions of people do vote because of katy perrys breasts . What will they do next time to get our attention . You a [ bleep ]. [ drumroll ] jimmy are we allowed to say i guess well find out. Everybody line up one at a time and listen, when you get to the front of the line, have your pants down because ariana has a voting is not something you should have to be sexually excited to do. Its our responsibility as americans to register to vote, to go to our local polling place, and make two people nobody can believe are our only available options. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i feel like were maybe one or two elections away from having our next president come from the ufc. [ laughter ] if you thought the debate was freewheeling, the ufc had a press conference yesterday to promote, theyre having their firstever fight in new york versus eddie alvarez. Conner took a question from the crowd and this is part of the reason why the ufc is more popular than boxing. Take a look around you. Youve got a lot of champions, grizzled vets. Who do you think would give you the hardest fight of anybody on stage . Right here. The hardesthitting 145er right here. This guy, when i knock people out, they dont [ bleep ] move. Who the [ bleep ] is that guy . Jimmy its a good question. That would be a debate. Meanwhile, here in california we have a couple of new laws on the way or potentially on the way. Governor jerry brown just signed a bill that will require websites like imdb, which provides information about movies and tv shows, to delete an actors age if the actor requests it. Imdb will no longer be allowed to include an actors age as who have never heard of wikipedia where you can get that position immediately. [ laughter ] what an important new law im glad actors can now have their lawyers remove their ages from imdb. Until now all theyve been able to do is have their doctors remove it from their faces. [ laughter ] theres a proposition on the ballot here in california, prop 60, that will require adult film actors to wear condoms. I assume this only applies to the men. To the male . Is thing, the women dont have to wear condoms, why should the men . If the proposition passes, producers say it will chase business out of the state and cost the porn industry millions and millions of dollars. How does the porn industry still make millions and millions of dollars . As far as i know, no one has paid for porn since 2006. [ laughter ] its free now. And i will add this. Porn to last, i dont know, a few hundred thousand more years . Its a weird law. If it passes how are they going to enforce it . Will somebody have to monitor . I would give that job to meter maids, to the parking people. Theyre very handson. Theyre on top of it. This is an exciting time to live in california. November 8th we get to vote on porn stars and pot. We might as well change the state flag to a no fear tank top, we al california is more prone to earthquakes than any other state. You have to be prepared. If you really want to be prepared and you have 6,000 laying around, you might want to invest in one of these. . . Jimmy and if youre not found quickly, it makes a very sturdy coffin for you. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy ive always wanted a suffocation machine. Heres another ridiculous new product. Nissan, the car company from japan, unveiled their latest driving tec and this is not a car. Its a selfdriving chair. This is a chair that moves on its own. Theyre saying this could revolutionize laziness as we know it. [ laughter ] selfdriving charles. Dont we already i think these are called wheelchairs, right . [ laughter ] i mean, we have these. Heres an interesting statistic about driving. According to department of transportation the fastestgrowing group of americans behind the wheel are people over the age of 85. Theyre the fastestgrowing. And the slowestdriving group. Of all the i guess people are living longer and theyre more alert. With so many super seniors continuing to drive, the Auto Industry is doing its best to appeal to this emerging new market. Are todays cars just too complicated . The backup cameras, touch screens, and gpss . Isnt it time there was a car for you . Introducing the jitterbug car. From the makers of comes a car that does only what you need it to. With features like fm radio. A speedometer that tops out at 25. And a leftturn signal that never turns off. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. What . The allnew volkswagen [ cheers and applause ] jimmy they really have everything. We have to take a break. When we come back from the break, my cousin sal, guillermo, yehya and i took aunt chippy to medication class. Shes very high strung. It did not go well, but stick around with this level of engineering. Its a performance machine. Its a supercomputer. With this grade of protection. Its a fortress. And with this standard of luxury. Its an oasis. Introducing the completely redesigned eclass. Its everything you need it to be. And more. Lease the e300 for 549 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Mercedesbenz. Theres more to emma. To her, green. Was always more than a color. And style, was more than what you wear. Theres more to emma than youd expect, your more on ebay too. Shop fall fashion today. . Every time i travel, because youll never forget them. Join Marriott Rewards and well help you find your moments with our diverse collection of hotels and resorts around the world. So no matter where you go, you are here. . . . In a black out . . Midnight where we used to dance . . Underneath the ugly halogen lamps . . Oh, it all went away so fast . . In a black out . . Kelly you know me. Not from thousands of false, negative ads but as your first female attorney general appointed by republican and democratic governors. As your senator, im fighting for equal pay and against workplace discrimination, to expand access to birth control, strengthen and preserve medicare, and i reached across the aisle to protect access to mammograms. I approve this message because after all the Chris Sununus family gave him a famous name and the top job at the family resort. But then things went, well, downhill. Over the years, chris cut jobs. Chris cut workers hours to deny them health insurance. And now he opposes the minimum wage. Chris has never had to work for anything. Chris sununu has no business being governor. This advertisement has been paid for by put New Hampshire first [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back to the show. Sarah jessica parker, davide diggs, music from dan and shea is on the way. If you watch regularly, you know aunt chippy is a very, how would angry, she yells. Guillermo and crazy too. Jimmy crazy too. So we decided we wanted to help her learn to relax. So cousin sal, guillermo, and our pal yehya and i took her to a class where they teach meditation. Heres how that went. Everything requires stairs. Doesnt anybody know what an elevator looks like . Jimmy aunt chippys already mad. Does anybody have an jimmy she doesnt like stairs. She gets very upset. Everything in california is uphill. Even downhill is uphill. Guillermo its good for you. Jimmy you see why were here . Yes. Jimmy this woman is stressed, right . Were going to come in, learn meditation, center in the breath, calm ourselves. Jimmy all right, lets try it. Come on lets have open minds here. When i first met the students i was a little nervous. Because they all came in a be camaraderie. And they might have a hard time sitting still. I weigh almost 200 pounds, you want me to sit like that . I cant even get down. I cannot move my leg like you, is okay . Thats fine. In meditation we choose a focal point. In choosing that focal point, we calm our system down. Think of meditation as the ocean. Right . Deeper and deeper within suns you know andy . Andy . The india guy, you remember the guy gandhi . Gandhi, yeah. Youve been with gandhi . Jimmy what . Gandhi, the india guy. Hes very famous. Jimmy i know, i know. The guy, whats his name, he make the movie gandhi . Jimmy ben kingsley. I got picture with him, he got with me, very nice guy. Remind you of . Deep, deep, the movie deep. The ocean in one movie im going to drown you in that ocean. Jimmy see that, she snapped. I want a peaceful family to go along with this absolutely not. Its really inside. Whats happening inside. Jimmy inside its marlboro cigarette smoke. Inside its marlboro cigarettes. Guillermo pollution. Jimmy we need to get aunt chuppy unpolluted. Er breathing. Breathe all the way down to the belly. All the way down to here. Yeah. Jimmy why are you feeling each others bellies . Guillermo i want to make sure hes doing it right. Me too. I dont know about anything else but the smell in this place is really nice. Sal quiet, please. What did he say that idiot . Jimmy he said, quiet, please. Have you ever heard so much i was taken with how observant chippy was. I really felt that she was hyperobservant. She didnt need to voice all of her observations, but the fact that she noticed them is step one to meditation. So when were communicating we want to use eye language. Instead of saying, you did this, you did that, we want to say, i feel this way when. Jimmy i think you ar loudmouth. Like that kind of thing. I think youre a [ bleep ]. Jimmy is that right . Is it working . Sal i think your eyelash is going to fly off. So lets close our eyes. Jimmy oh, yeah, right. Were supposed to go back. Jimmy okay. You want to breathe. In and out. Guillermo thats what i want, in and out. If i start drooling will you please wipe my mouth . Yeah. Available for voiceover work if you need someone with a soothing, melliflulous melodious. Why dont we focus on something that brings you joy and happiness. Smacking them in the head brings me a little joy. Smack the crap out of these two kids. Jimmy thats a good question. Have you ever enjoyed a sunset . Be honest. Yes. Your uncle went to hawaii and left me home. Sunset. He spent freaking nuts, you crazy bastard are you [ bleep ] crazy . You wonder why i want to smack the [ bleep ], [ bleep ] sal i dont want to hear about the sunset. You made me deaf in one ear jimmy i feel youre being very negative toward my cousin right now. Sal thank you. You little [ bleep ]. You do that again, i swear to your mouth. Sal im going to knock i swear to god im going to knock your teeth out of your mouth and ill feel good about it. Jimmy i think we made a breakthrough. The tequilas taking over. Laughing meditation, which is a thing. Jimmy thats right, ive heard about that. Hes in a laughing medication. Guillermo i knew that. A sense of joy. Jimmy its making me happy. Guillermo im very happy most of the time. Jimmy see that . You could be like that. If you werent so bitter and negative. I mean, im sorry. I think you could be like that if i you werent so bitter and negative. So weve only meditated probably 30 seconds totalling. Maybe we should just bring it back to the brett for a minute. Breathing in and out of the nose. Put the cell phone sal i have a lot of money on the San Francisco giants. Were actually not allowed to have them in here. Im going to try this. Im going to really try this. Jimmy yeah. We had almost four seconds of silence there, i think that was a record, that was good. Do you feel that stillness . That quiet . You son of a bitch. Jimmy aunt chippy no physical violence. No physical violence. Jimmy you cant do that, no physical violence. Do you have to bang that thing in my ear that wasnt okay either. Jimmy she does make a good point. What the hells the matter with you . So there were a lot of firsts today. Ive never had that much talking. Ive certainly never had a student actually use a disrupt tool to awaken or deafen another student. So that was definitely a first. As you can see sal were done. Lets be done. Were done [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we apologize to everyone. We have a good show tonight. Music from dan and shay, davide diggs is here. Be right back with Sarah Jessica parker dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live brought to you by rinnai solutions. . One smart choice leads to the next. . The new 2017 ford fusion is here. Its the beauty my prescription costs keep going up. Its more expensive every year. It would be a lot cheaper to buy my medication from canada. Kelly ayotte voted to block consumers from buying safe medicines from canada. And voted against lower cost generic drugs. Kelly ayotte gets all that money from the big drug industry. Hundreds of thousands of dollars in campaign contributions. Kelly ayottes not working for us. Dscc is responsible for the content of this advertising. One in eight women will face breast cancer. Early detection can mean the difference between life and death. Planned parenthood gives New Hampshire women access to life saving cancer screenings. But ayotte voted to defund planned parenthood six times. Why . Because ayotte opposes a womans right to choose. In her relentless effort to overturn roe v. Wade, putting her personal interests ahead of your health care. Senate majority pac is responsible [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, there. Welcome back to the show. Tonight a gentleman who won a tony for his work in hamilton, you can see him on blackish, davide diggs is here with us tonight. After that this is their album called obsessed. Dan and shay from the samsung outdoor stage. Tomorrow night, armie hammer will be with us tomorrow, piper perabo will join us, music from tamian junior marley, which means everybody will be high. [ cheers and applause ] show no work seems to get done. Our first guest tonight is an emmy and golden globewinning star of stage and screen and sex and cities. She is back to fill our sunday nights. Her new hbo show divorce premieres october 9th. Please welcome Sarah Jessica parker [ cheers and applause ] . Jimmy how are you doing . You smell really good. Im pleased its not the contrary. Jimmy yes, you smell wonderful, you look fantastic. Youre so fit. Jimmy im wearing spanx, yeah. Well, its working beautifully. Jimmy its great to have you here. I feel like you being out of new york is like seeing a snowman on the beach or something. Its like a rare and magical rarely come out here . Well, i am not often in los angeles. But in my younger past, i spent a decent amount of time here. Not intentionally, though i was happy. Jimmy uhhuh. [ laughter ] but there was a period of time where there was a huge amount of work here. And so i came out here for a job. And actually the first time i came out here was for square show. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy jamie gertz was on that . Right, tracey nelson. At that time, i lived at the really quite chic establishment that oakwood garden apartments. Jimmy oh, yeah. I used to live right near those. Its really a fine jimmy its for those who dont know, and most people dont know, every actor its it, right . Yeah, i think its sort of like a milestone in a career. But at that time i was a young girl and i was living there with my mother because thats where we were told by the by louis v. Mayer, the studio system. It seemed to me it was a beacon for those who were just divorced. Jimmy oh, yeah. Men of a certain age. Jimmy because its furnished, yeah. Yeah, like an efficiency apartment. I remember thinking like, like i think he likes i feel like maybe he likes me. You know there were a lot of men who seemed so available. That was my first home here. Jimmy great. It was brief. Its a high bar, high bar. Jimmy sure, yeah. Then i came here and i was working as an adult. You know, with like you know, like a legitimate adult. And i lived here. Then i kept getting work. And we continued. There was a fellow i was dating, i was yeah, that was just like an amusement i found a real man. And so we kept getting work here. And then one day, we bought a home here, actually. Jimmy oh. Which im certain we couldnt afford. Then one day i said, its time to go home. Like, it always felt temporary here. Jimmy are you originally from new york . Is that your hometown . Sort of, kind of. I moved there in 1976. Jimmy you started acting when you were a kid . You started out . I was 8. Jimmy you were 8 years old. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy and thats just an unusual thing just to start with. Just the idea that even your mom would say, like yeah, this is a good idea, lets go do this. Im not entirely certain she thought it was. But there was an ad in the paper. Actually at the time, living in cincinnati, ohio, a mecca of entertainment. Jimmy yes. And actually jimmy you and george clooney, i think. This is a fantastic city. Jimmy its a great city yeah. There was a ballet company, a symphony, a regular wonderful theater, a philharmonic. But there was an ad in our paper, our little local paper that said they were looking for someone to play the little match girl. I dont know yes thought i should audition but i did and i got the part. Jimmy you did, right away. [ cheers and applause ] they paid me. Jimmy and you got paid . It was for nbc. Nb after School Speci