Mood. Id like to begin with our National Pastime, baseball. I think texting might be the new National Past time. Ill start with baseball anyway. In chicago this weekend, home of the cubs, one of the great franchises, great stadiums in sports. They have a tradition at wrigley field. At home cubs game, someone, usually famous, leads the crowd in take me out to the ball game. Its a low pressure gig, youre not expected to be good, it isnt the national anthem. But you are expected to be wrt than warren g. Was. Take me to the ball game take me out with the crowd buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks [ applause ] jimmy i get the sense this is the first time hes heard take me out to the ball game. Speaking of games, how many of you watched game of thrones last night . [ cheers and applause ] it was a good one. If you didnt see it, plug your ears. When im finished, ill give you the sign to unplug them or more likely ill forget to give you the sign and youll have your ears plugged. Plug your ears if you havent heard and you dont want to. Last night the red woman gave john snow maybe the best haircut ever. If ever there was a super cut, this one was it. John snow is dead. She brought him back to life which means, by the way, every cast member weve had in this show over the last ten months, including john snow lied to my face about this. Also john snow being dead was the only plot point on the show i understood. Now im completely lost again. For those who watch game of thrones, the resurrection of john snow was a big deal. It resonated in the game of thrones community. Now as is the custom, other Television Shows are following suit. Its been a year since we said goodbye. But a new face in the hospital is about to change everything. Mcdreamy is back. Greys anatomy, only on abc. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats good news. In politics donald trump is leading cruz in indiana by 15 points according to polls. This is a state cruz needs to win to stay in the race, and so far the people of indiana have welcomed him very warmly. Im running to be everyones president. Those who vote for me and dont. We dont want you. I will respect it. Do the math. You asked kasich to drop out, its your turn. Take your own words. Time to drop out. Im curious, when donald doesnt get to 1,237, are you going to call for him to drop out . Hes going to get to 1237. Hes going to get more than 1237. Let me ask you something. What do you like about donald . Everything. Give me anything. The wall. Thats the main thing. Immigration. Teds building a wall. Hold on a second. Do you know on the wall that donald told the New York Times editorial hell build a wall and hes not going to Deport Anyone . Once again, lying ted. That was a good interaction. It was a good lesson in there. Never get in a fight with a guy with wrap around sunglasses. Ted cruz is determined. He said its not over by a long shot, even though it is. The new york power brokers want this race to be over. The washington lobbyists want this race to be over. Jimmy Everyone Wants this race to be over. [ cheers and applause ] probably even you, enough already. And this is fantastic. This is what happened to teds running mate, carly fiorina, when she introduced him yesterday. Keep your eye on carly here. The next president of the united states, ted cruz. Jimmy heidi cruz is waving. No one notices shes still down there. No one bends down to help. There she is. Maybe that will be a metaphor for their campaign, like whackamole. Uber is testing out a new feature. Uber is the car pickup service. Theyre going to start charging passengers a fee if you show up more than two minutes after the car shows up to get you. Apparently this happens a lot. The drivers have to wait for the people to come downstairs and during that time they dont get paid. That annoys them. It used to be told we were told to be to the get in a car with a stranger, now its get in a car with a stranger within two minutes or else. It makes sense. Im fine with being charged, but because they wait for more than two minutes. But then when it says hes two minutes away and i watch him driving on the little map, driving in circles for 28 minutes, i want to be compensated for that time. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy the uber is service about this. You have two minutes to get in that car or else. At uber weve been taking your abuse for years. Youre rude. You leave garbage in our cars, and you puke on our seats. Come on. Well, guess what . We can be jerks too. From now on when the driver arrives, our clock starts ticking. He can wait. If youre two minutes late, well charge you. If youre three minutes late, well throw a brick through your window. And if youre four minutes late, well ram a car into your [ bleep ] house. Its time to realize the world doesnt revolving around you. You got any of those little waters . No. Dude, dude. Screw uber. If you dont like it, walk. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh well. I dont know if you heard this, but Warner Brothers made a big announcement today. Theyre making a sequel to spas space jam. Remember that . This time starring lebron james. In this one lebron james travels back in time to try to stop steph currys parents from conceiving. We have a very good show tonight. The return of mashup monday. This is where we combine two bands who have no business being combined to form one giant musical pun. Tonight monsters of mon and colin hey of men at work will perform as of monsters and men at work. [ cheers and applause ] it sounds great. It sounded great at rehearsal. I wasnt sure if this one was going to work out. I asked if hed do it. He smiled and gave me a veg might sandwich, which was disgusting by the way. Of monsters and men at work. From bones, Emily Deschanel and the great and powerful dr. Oz. This is important. Weve had some incidents. If anyone has anyone infected they want dr. Oz to look at, please wait until hes walking out to his car out back. I need dr. Ozs advice on something. The insides of my ears are constantly itching, and i am im addicted to q tips. If i dont have them, ill use paper clips or stick my fingers in there. Two weeks ago i was at a kings playoff game. I was fortunate enough that the camera captured this. Jerry kimmel. Next to him jerry bremmer. As a matter of fact, just to drop names, mike [ laughter and applause ] jimmy i didnt know that was happening. From now on i dont leave my house. I just stay at home surrounded by my little army of qtips protecting me from anyone. I need to ask if putting things in your ears is bad for you, why does it feel so very, very good. We have to take a break. When we come back, its been a long time. Finally i have had enough of this sarah palin. Ill explain why in a minute. Stick around. I believe you will be glad you did. 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I love it. Get more than you expect for less than you imagined during the chevy memorial day sale. Current qualified competitive lessees can get this chevy equinox lt for around 189 a month. Plus find your tag and get an additional 500 lease cash on select equinox vehicles in stock. Unless you have allergies. Then your eyes may see it differently. Flonase is the first and only nasal spray approved to relieve both itchy, watery eyes and congestion. No other nasal allergy spray can say that. When we breathe in allergens our bodies react by over producing six key inflammatory substances that cause our symptoms. Most allergy pills only control one substance. Flonase controls six. And six is greater than one. More complete allergy relief. Flonase. 61 changes everything. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy tonight on the show its mash up monday with music from of monsters and men at work from bones Emily Deschanel is here. I want to talk about sarah palin. Remember her . The former governor of alaska, the big hair. Anyway, shes been making the rounds lately, promoting an antiClimate Change documentary. A movie called climate hustle. Sarah palin is supporting it. I want people to feel empowered to ask questions about whats being fed to them by the Science Community that something is not making a whole lot of sense when it comes to inconsistent data being produced and fed especially to our children when it comes to Global Warming or Climate Change, whatever theyre calling it today. That was one sentence, by the way. Jimmy one long, dumb sentence. Heres another one. Its perpetuated and repeated so often that too many people believe that oh, well, if 97 of all scientists believe that mans activities are creating changes in the weather, who am i to question that . Jimmy exactly. Who are you to question that . [ applause ] heres the thing jimmy i have a theory. I think maybe sarah palin wants Global Warming. Its cold in alaska. It would be welcome up there. The idea that she knows more than 97 of scientists is offensive and dangerous. No matter what sarah palin and these geniuses she surrounds herself with, Climate Change is not a liberal versus conservative thing, but the people who profit from ignoring it want you to believe it is. In general, politicians on the left believe humans are the major problem, on the right, they say not all, but most. This isnt a matter of political opinion. Its a matter of scientific opinion. In this case, overwhelming scientific opinion. 2014 was the warmest year ever until 2015 became the warmest year ever. Now 2016 might turn out to be even warmer. You know how you know when Climate Change is real, when the hottest year on record is whatever year it currently is, thats how you know. [ applause ] weve had 15 of the last of the 16 hottest years ever since 2001. Thats not an opinion. Its a fact. For some reason whether or not humans are contributing to this has become a left versus right issue. The politicians debate it. Our scientists dont. A huge majority of climate Scientists SayClimate Change is happening. They say were causing it and we need to do something about it before it has a terrible effect on all of us. Theres no debate about the greenhouse effect, just like theres no debate about gravity. If someone shows a piano off the roof, i dont care what sarah palin tells you, get out of the way. Its coming down on your head. [ applause ] jimmy theres a thick circle of manmade gases around the planet. Like a snow globe, holding heat in. And i do want to be fair. This isnt bad news for everyone. For example, Climate Change is great for anyone who would like to get swallowed by the ocean. For everyone else, its good for aqua man. Its bad for us. Nasa says that 97 of climate scientists agree that the warming we are experiencing is likely due to human activity. Thats nasa. Its on their website. 97 of climate scientists agree on this. And 97 of scientists dont agree on much. Even one out of five dentists dont agree on sugarless gum for their patients that chew gum, but almost half our representatives in washington apparently know more about science than our scientists do, or they pretend to, because they get money to make sure the Big Companies can do the things they do. The idea that this is a left wing conspiracy what if i decided to deny the existence of yogurt. Think about it. Ive seen the containers. I just dont believe theres anything in them. I believe yogurt is a conspiracy created by john stamos. That guy is insane. And i would be insane. [ applause ] but this is not that different than that. To me the big question is either you believe in science or you dont. Why do we believe science when it comes to molecules and the speed of light and cialis but not this . Because members of congress who we dont even like, by the way, because people who take money from companies that make pollution for a living told us not to worry about it. And i know ill get beaten over the head by every whacko website and i know there will be a lot of what the hell do you know . Go back to girls jumping on trampolines. This is not about what i know. This is about what scientists know. I hope for the next two minutes, forget about whether youre a republican or democrat and Pay Attention to the following message. Decide for yourself. The people are scientists and americans and not part of some imaginary conspiracy. Theyre just a smarter version of us. Watch this and if at the end you disagree, while were all under water, i hope youre the last one that gets a snorkel. Hi. Im a paleo climatologist and a chemist. Im a climate scientist. Im a hydroclimatologist. Im a polar ecologist. Im chuck taylor and im an environmental analytical chemist. Im john dorsey. Im a marine environmental scientists. Over the past 40 years thousands of people have studied Climate Change. Definitely happening. And its caused by human beings. Thats you and me. The consequences could be extremely dire. Catastrophic. Apocalyptic. When we tell you all this, were not [ bleep ]ing with you. Were not [ bleep ]ing with you. Definitely not [ bleep ] with you. Why would we [ bleep ] with you . Think about it. If i wanted to screw with people, do you think i would have gone into climate science. Im sure we could do better. Id tell you a meteor was come and try to sell you a helmet. We know about this stuff. We have ph. D. S. This is science. This is not a prank. This is not a prank. Once i locked a buddy in a porta potty and pushed it over. Thats a prank. Just to sum up, Global Warming, real. Its real. Manmade. Caused by carbon pollution. Temperatures soaring. Oceans rising. Ice melting. For real. Were not [ bleep ] with you. Were not [ bleep ] with you. Were not [ bleep ] with you. Believe us if not for our generation, than for his. You mother [ bleep ] better not [ bleep ] up. Paid for by people who know more than you do. [ laughter and applause ] Climate Change is real. Wrestling is fake. Okay . Now on with the show. We have a good show. Its matchup monday with music from of monsters and men at work, from bons, Emily Deschanel is here and well be right back with dr. Oz. So stick around. Your height. When systems can help sense your surroundings. And when cameras change your perspective. Thats the more human side of engineering. Experience what a lincoln can do for you at the lincoln spring collection event. Your choice of the lincoln mkc or mkz for 289 a month, or get 0 apr for 60 months. Lean on me by telekinesis mcdonalds quarter pounder with cheese seared on our grill and made with 100 real beef with no preservatives, fillers, or additives. Dont you just love it and with touch id it does way more than unlock your phone. It logs you into things, like your bank account. See what i mean . It checks you into your flight. Ooop, your phone it pays for stuff like. mouth full doughnuts. How about chew then talk. It unlocks things for you. It signs documents for you. Hey, you bought a boat i bought a boat i just said that. And it does this. Yeah, it starts your car. So now were just starting cars with our fingerprints. Just. Whoa. Introducing new mist twst soda popped with juice. Its a crisp, refreshing twist on lemon lime. Insist on the twist. Jimmy i want to have that thing that you see in the movie, where the cops like, why are you going so fast . My wifes about to have a baby and he turns vo if you have type 2 diabetes, you may know what its like to deal with high. And low blood sugar. Januvia sitagliptin is a oncedaily pill that, along with diet and exercise, helps lower blood sugar. Januvia works when your blood sugar is high and works less when your blood sugar is low, because it works by enhancing your bodys own ability to lower blood sugar. Plus januvia, by itself, is not likely to cause weight gain or low blood sugar hypoglycemia . 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