Going to change. [ laughter ] ive been having dreams about this election. Every night i wake up, its in my head. Remember when the song dont worry, be happy and it just got in there and you couldnt shake it . Its like that, except without the dont worry part. [ laughter ] president obama held a press conference today. His first since the election. At which every one of the reporters asked him about donald trump. Every question was about donald trump. This is dont worry, its only going to happen about 30 more years. [ laughter ] a few of them tried to get obama to Say Something insulting about trump but he didnt bite, he was very diplomatic. He says he hopes donald trump makes things better, plans to do whatever he can to help him. In other words, good luck, dummies, im out of here. Its hard to tell because he was standing in front of a podium but im pretty sure he was wearing shorts. [ laughter ] you know, i was watching president obama during this press conference today, i noticed something interesting. Now look at it, this was obama today. At the white house. And here he is. This is last week. The day after the election. Is it possible that the color of his hair is coming back . [ laughter ] his hair is turning black again. Either hes happy or hes on a lot of xanax right now, i dont know. [ laughter ] he held back. As did donald trump. Did you see donald trump on 60 minutes last night . The president elect sat down with leslie stall. He did not grab her lady parts, which was good. President ial. He did weigh in on immigration, obamacare, and his feelings about the handful of genuine deplorables who are taking this opportunity to harass minorities right now. I am very surprised to hear that. Theyre telling muslims i hate to hear that. Theyre harassing latinos, muslims i am so saddened to hear that. And i say, stop it. If it helps. I will say this and ill say it right to the camera. Stop it. [ laughter ] jimmy all you thugs watching 60 minutes right now, stop it [ laughter ] i tell you, thats how you talk to a 3yearold who wont stop dumping cheerios on the floor. If i have to say it again, youre going to timeout, stop it meanwhile protests continue across the united states. There were protests here in l. A. This weekend and all the big cities. In portland, oregon, this afternoon a group of student protesters for some reason decided to storm a local mall. Jimmy it got a little bit crazy. The good news is this is the first time in almost five years that anyone under the age 21 has been to a mall. [ laughter ] good for orange julius, i guess. Also during that 60 minutes interview with trump he said, Going Forward he will be very restrained on twitter and facebook. So the interview was taped friday. And then yesterday on sunday, two days later, he went on a tirade against the New York Times on twitter. But he didnt use all caps, which is [ laughter ] baby steps, its something, right . Lower case. Speaking of social media, facebook is theyre now planning to weed out you know the bogus news stories that show up on your feed . Mark zuckerberg has promised to crack down on what he calls fake news. Hes also calling bs on your happy anniversary posts. Nobodys buying it. Some people believe that these phony news stories and the hoaxes on facebook all the time contributed to trump winning the election. Zuckerberg denies that, of course. But even if it is true heres an idea. Maybe it will get your news from the same website youll go on to see who from high school got fat. Michael moore was on cnn last night where he offered some friendly advice for fellow democrats when choosing a candidate in elections to come. Frankly, you know, democrats would be better off if they ran oprah. Or tom hanks. Why dont we run beloved people . We have so many of them. The republicans do this. They run reagan, the terminator, other people. Why dont we run somebody that the American People love . Jimmy yeah. Run, forrest, run for president. [ laughter ] that would be something, huh . The year 2024, we could be deciding between a real housewife and a cast member from the big bang theory, tbd. Trump told leslie stall that his salary as president will be 1. Usually the president gets 400,000. He will only take one of those. According to the New York Times, he also wants to keep holding rallies because he enjoys the instant gratification that he gets from the cheering crowds. Which, you know, he probably could have skipped being president and gone on tour with kevin hart if thats what he wanted. [ laughter ] on top of that he might not even live in the white house fulltime. Hell be on the road a lot. He reportedly wants to spend his time split between the white house, his apartment in new york, and his other properties in florida and new jersey. Its already hes like a kid being forced to go to summer camp. Mom, i want to come home. The winds of change are blowing here in this country. And theres a lot of uncertainty in the air. We have a president who doesnt seem too keen on living in the white house. Thats just the start. This afternoon we went on the street, we asked people to weigh in on some plans trump has for renovating the white house, which of course we made up. These are all fake. But the people on the street went along with them anyway for tonights edition of lie witness news. Were talking to people today about donald trump met with barack obama at the white house and laid out his plans for renovations of the white house. What are your thoughts about him tearing it down to build a bigger, better white house . You know, i think the countrys in need of a change. Im open to any new, you know, ideas. Do you like the idea of a white house food court . No, not at all. What restaurants would you want to see . Ill run through some of the names of restaurants. Okay. Potential restaurants. You tell me yes or no. Okay. Mcdonalds. Definitely not. Mimis cafe express. No. Cinnabon. Cinnabons good. What did you think of Donald Trumps potential champagne fountain . Is it classy or trashy . I think its trashy to have a champagne fountain all the time. Not just brought in for guests. What was your reaction when you heard about Donald Trumps plans to replace that white house with a 50story penthouse building . Gold on the outside, giant t on top . I mean white house is the face of our country, so i mean if its going to be so much more bigger and greater then this is definitely going to benefit us. Where did you hear about that . Tweeter i think he tweeted it. What have people been saying about Donald Trumps plans to put a waterbed in and a mirror on the creeling in the bedroom . Man. Some people saying its cool, some people saying its gone too far. If he likes to get down and get a little freaky and want to look at himself on the mirror, bounce around on the waterbed, so be it. Melania actually did this sketch using an architect in mongolia. What do you think about this, people gathered around the spire . That looks like a rendering of mecca where muslims do their pilgrimage no, no, no, no. Of course donald trump wouldnt be the first person to renovate the white house. Taft widened the doors. And im sure you remember jimmy carter put the outhouse out back. Caught a lot of flack. But everybody loved the outhouse. That was neat. The president of france came over and he wanted to use the outhouse, everybody wanted to use the outhouse. Do you remember Margaret Thatcher got locked in the outhouse . I dont remember that. I heard about it but i dont remember what happened. He went on at length about the White House Christmas tree being too small, he wants a bigger tree at the white house. Do you think he should get a bigger tree at the white house . I say, why not have a bigger tree . Its already a pretty big tree but can it be a bigger tree . It can be a bigger tree. Donald trump, get a bigger tree, all right . Why dont we chant that together. Bigger tree, bigger tree bigger tree, bigger tree bigger tree, bigger tree bigger tree, bigger tree bigotry no bigotry in the white house. [ laughter ] jimmy make up your mind. We have to take a break. When we come back uber has a weird new feature. And cousin sal is weird too. Hes back with his hidden camera hijinks, stick around, well be right back [ cheers and applause ] my mmade a simple trip toonic the grocery storesis anything but simple. So i had an important conversation with my dermatologist about humira. He explained that humira works inside my body to target and help block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to my symptoms. In clinical trials, most adults taking humira were clear or almost clear, and many saw 75 and even 90 clearance in just 4 months. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Ask about humira, the 1 prescribed biologic by dermatologists. Clearer skin is possible. Mom washed our clothes. Credibility as handymen. One wash with tide pods and were right back where we started. We look like catalogue models who trusts a clean handyman anyway . We cant look this good dinge is the dirt the bargain detergent cant get to. Tide pods can. When youre close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment . If you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. Taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. With taltz, up to 90 of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. In fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. Do not use if you are allergic to taltz. Before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. Taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms. Or if you have received a vaccine or plan to. Inflammatory bowel disease can happen with taltz. Including worsening of symptoms. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Nows your chance at completely clear skin. Just ask your doctor about taltz. Jimmy thank you. Thank you. And thank you. Welcome back. Dwayne johnson, Billy Eichner, music from dawes on the way. First, if you look outside, hopefully you got to see the super moon. Did you see the super moon . This is when the moon is at its closest point to the earth, in this case the closest the moon has been to earth since 1948. It wont get this close again until the year 2034, assuming there is a year 2034. Here in l. A. , we have the kardashians so we see super moons all the time. [ laughter ] so its not really that big a deal for us. If youre somewhere else and you miss the super moon, just go in your closet and stare at a lightbulb, i guess. Uber is trying out a new thing to make their service feel more personal. Uber, they want to do what google does. You know how google tracks everything you do, then you see ads . They want to have their app keep track of where you go, who you know, and what you like. That way i guess you can listen to the music you prefer, when you get in the car theyll keep the car at the temperature you like, they know the addresses you want to go to, maybe even it can summon a driver who actually knows you. See you later. When you need a ride, ubers got you covered. Now thanks to our new personalized passenger algorithm, uber knows exactly what you need. Daniel mom . Get in, sweetie, come on. Introducing uber mom. Shes always available. And shes ready to take her precious cargo anywhere you want to go. Its going to be 3976 prospect avenue. Why . Who lives there . Nobody. Is she jewish . Hey, babe. Its about time. Im sorry. Hello, alison take good care of my sweet baby. He likes to sleep with mr. Wiggles. Mom you brought your mom . Uber mom. Youll never have sex again. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yeah, all right. Hey, you know, from time to time we like to dispatch my cousin sal into the world with hidden cameras to have some fun. And give us a break here at the office. And he did it again. This is cousin sal egging on unwitting delivery men. Hey, come on up. Hows it going . Youre the grocery delivery . Whats the name . Youre delivering eggs . Yeah. This is good, this is me, excellent. Now i paid you already, right . You dont pay me. Do me a favor, put the phone away. Im going to show you something. Hold this. Put the phone away. You dont need your phone. Teenage girl. All right, watch this. Youre going to love this, watch. Watch this. Thats my car right there. Bam right . Isnt that something . Look at that. I released all the frustration i had throughout the day. Pizza delivery too, this is great. Come on in. Watch out im throwing eggs. Its a lot of the fun, right . Put the pizza down. Here. Put it right there. Watch this. Watch what i do with my friend. He just delivered eggs to me. Thats my car. Bam isnt that fun . You know what, you try it. I want to see you guys try one. Its like therapy. Youll sign . Ill sign, i just want to see you throw one. Its a lot of fun. I have one. All right. Here you go. Throw another one. Try to get the window. Oh, thats pretty good. Thats pretty good too. I want you to throw it at the same time. You ready . Put your phone away. Here. We go right here. All right. One, two, three beautiful i like that. Doesnt it feel good . Hold on, going to give you one more. Hey, hey, hey, what are you guys doing . Whoa, whoa, whoa what are you doing . Why are you guys throwing eggs at my car . Who is that guy . I brought you food. What food . Why are you throwing eggs at my car . I deliver pizza i saw on my camera, you both and this guy throw eggs at my car that guy said, this is my car. This is my car i didnt throw any. I got you on camera throw two eggs. He say, this my car, i live here. I say i drop the food, sign off. Then he say, i have frustration too much and sending this guy. He said hes frustrated so he gave you eggs to throw at my car . Because hes frustrated . This is my culture. Your culture throws eggs . His culture. He said, he said. His culture . Yeah. What culture throws eggs at my car . His car. His house. Heres what we do, okay . I got an easy way to settle this. Both of you come here. I want you to both look at my car. Can you see this car . I got you on my camera, the both of you, vandalizing my car. I want you to look in that camera so i got a good look at you and say, im sorry, to jimmy kimmel. Im sorry. Im sorry, jimmy. Say im sorry, jimmy. Im sorry, jimmy. Im sorry, jimmy. Jimmy . Jimmy, im sorry. Theyre sorry. Thank you. Thank you. Theres the guy right here sal have they said hi to jimmy kimmel yet . They did. Sal theyre not aware of it yet . I have to leave, i have to leave. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy big fan. We have a great show tonight. Music from dawes. Billy eichner is here. Be right back with Dwayne Johnson [ cheers and applause ] dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by hallmark channels countdown to christmas. Watch allnew holiday movies every saturday and sunday at 8 7 central. Discover card. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. Give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh im so proud of you. Well thank you. Free at at discover. Com creditscorecard, even if youre not a customer. Look how big my yeah. Ooh. Hands arerawr. How much am i making for this again . Hundred k. Win or lose. Total cake walk. Ooh oooooooh her last opponent is still in a coma. What . I should go walk my cats. No. No no no. Amy, get in there and fight for your life. Isnt there an easier way to make a hundred k . Sure. Old navys giving away a hundred k everyday through black friday. Plus its 50 off your entire purchase. 50 off . you keep in touch with me, girl. Im going to old navy. Ahh its 50 off wednesday through friday only at old navy enjoy your phone you too. inner monologue all right, be cool. You got the amazing new iphone 7 on the house by switching to at t. What . . Aand you got unlimited data because you have directv . . Okay, just a few more steps. Door its cool get the iphone 7 on us and unlimited data when you switch to at t and have directv. Ive never known no one with quite your style i got to tell you girl you drive me wild im going crazy, thinking baby this may be my chance its going to be like this all night long what would you say to me if i said baby lets lay down and dance buy gunslinger the new album from garth on cd or download it exclusively at amazon music. Baby lets lay down and dance with simply right checking from santander bank, just make one deposit, payment, withdrawal, or transfer each month to waive the monthly fee. And theres no minimum balance. Youre alright with simply right checking from santander bank. Are you feeling alright, baby . Jimmy hi, welcome back to the show. Tonight, the host of billy on the street which premieres tomorrow night on Trutv Billy Eichner is here. He is very funny. Then their latest album is called were all gonna die, music from dawes. [ cheers and applause ] theyre calling this the feel good album title of the year. Tomorrow night, Casey Affleck and garth brooks will be here. He will be here two nights with garth brooks. Plus, billy crystal, lucas hedges and music from jeezy featuring French Montana as they say. Our first guest is one of the biggest movie stars in the world, literally, hes enormous. Youll see. Starting november 23rd you can hear him fully in song as the demigod maui in the new disney movie moana. When the nights got cold who stole you fire from down below look at that oh also i lassoed the sun youre welcome to stretch your days and bring you fun also i harnessed the breeze youre welcome to fill your sails and shake your trees so what can i say except youre welcome for the islands i pulled from the sea theres no need to pray youre welcome i guess its just my way of being me jimmy please say hello to americas favorite dwayne, Dwayne Johnson. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy good to have you here. Amazing crowd, wow. Jimmy what were you doing there . Is that for instagram or periscope . This was for 70 million fans on the gram. Jimmy on the gram. [ cheers and applause ] on the gram. Thank you for participating. Jimmy my pleasure, my pleasure. Did you ever imagine during those days when you were really just wearing a pair of underpants and hitting people over the head with folding chairs, that one day you would be singing in an animated disney film . No. [ laughter ]