Jimmy thank you for watching. Thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] oh, wow. What a night. It is a special night. I dont know if you can feel it, but love is in the air. Love is on the air tonight with the return of the bachelorette to abc. The bachelorette herself raichsale here with us to explain [ cheers and applause ] but first we have it was a big day for Foreign Relations and relating with foreigners as donald trump traveled abroad for his first field trip overseas as president. Ill tell you something he never disappoints and this is no exception. He did maybe the weirdest thing ive ever seen a president do. No, not maybe. He did the weirdest thing [ laughter ] ive ever seen a president do. But well get do that. But the president and first lady visited israel today. Trump arrived in tel aviv this morning with his wife malaria. [ laughter ] melania. Sorry. Watch this. This is interesting. He went to held her hand and she kind of gave him a little kind of get that away from me. Im an body language expert but i think thats a sign for im supposed to be shopping on fifth avenue right now. [ laughter ] either that or his hand is so tiny she just didnt see it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i would love to know what happened. In spite of whatevers going on domestically, the president made History Today by becoming the first sitting president to visit the western wall. Now, i dont know whats going through his head here. My guess is that hes pretending to be praying or something. [ laughter ] were not paying for this. Dont get any ideas. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy wait a minute. You were in jerusalem today . Yeah. Jimmy he really gets around. Before his visit to israel trump was in saudi arabia. This is where the wheels came off. First of all, his commerce secretary was on tv raving about how there were no protesters in saudi arabia. Because protesters are beheaded in saudi arabia. Thats why. People without heads tend not to speak out. Anyway, do you remember when trump criticized president obama for bowing to the saudi king . This is his tweet. Barack obama bowed to the saudi king in public yet the dems are questioning mitt romneys diplomatic skills. Well, here is donald trump on saturday bowing to the saudi king. Yes. By the way, he didnt just bow. Lets look at that again. He bowed and there was a little curtsy there too. [ laughter ] [ applause ] you know what . The king bought him a beautiful necklace. Why not . [ laughter ] trump also went after Michelle Obama back in 2015 for deciding not to wear a head scarf when she was there. He tweeted, many people are saying it was wonderful mrs. Obama refused to wear a scarf in saudi arabia but they were insulted. We have enough enemies. And then his wife, mrs. Trump, got off the plane in saudi arabia. And guess what she wasnt wearing. A head scarf. But she did wear clubber langs title belt from rocky 3. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and now one more blast from the past. Trump posted this to facebook. Saudi arabia and many of the countries that gave vast amounts of money to the Clinton Foundation want women as slaves and to kill gays. Hillary must return all money from such countries. Well, yesterday a womans Empowerment Fund started by ivanka trump accepted a 100 million donation from saudi arabia. At this point were not too far from finding out that trump was born in kenya. We really arent. [ applause ] but it wasnt all that. There was . Good stuff. Trump took time to meet with the president of egypt. These guys, they really seemed to hit it off. [ speaking Foreign Language ]. Translator never have a seen a man of such colors. At first glance he is like a pumpkin. But as you look deeply he takes on a bright taj leon with hair like flowing grains of wheat. He is a oneman tequila sunrise. [ laughter ] jimmy meanwhile, back in washington, d. C. Even though there was no Daily Briefing from sean spicer the White House Press office still found a way to screw up. They put out this press release today. It says, the president is overseas to promote the possibility of lasting peach. [ laughter ] i guess it was supposed to be peace. But who knows . I mean, the president s got a lot of fruit on his plate. Hes trying to make peach in the middle east. Hes still got sour grapes about the election. And every morning he goes bananas on twitter. [ cheers and applause ] maybe this is his most president ial moment yet. Or maybe theyve heard the word impeach so much it slipped into the press release. [ laughter ] but that wasnt even close to the strangest thing that happened on this trip. Trump was in riyadh yesterday for the opening of something called the Global Center for combating extremist ideology. And this is without question the strangest thing ive ever seen a president do. Okay . A big group of vips including trump made a dramatic entrance with lights and music like a david blaine special. [ laughter ] maybe a sex scene out of that movie with Nicole Kidman and tom cruise. You know . Eyes wide shut. Anyway, with the saudi house music thumping the president and the egyptian president and the saudi king laid hands on an orb. A white glowing orb. And trump moved on that orb like a bitch. [ laughter ] you know, when youre famous, you dont even have to ask. They let you do it. But that was a very strange i guess thats their version of a Ribbon Cutting ceremony over there. But i have to say the president seemed kind of different after he touched it. The orb has spoken. The orb is all. Such a fantastic orb. Terrific orb. All kneel before the orb and be bathed in purifying fire of its light. Hail orb. That i can tell you. Jimmy all right. Meanwhile, back at what trump calls his winter white house, maralago in palm beach, this is weird. A sinkhole is forming. This is a 4 by 4foot hole in the earth right at the entrance to maralago. Why, nobody knows. Oh, wait. [ laughter ] we do this is satans way of saying the door is always open. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i dont want you to worry, though. I really dont. We have a topnotch show for you tonight. We have music from bush tonight. The great jim carrey is here. [ cheers and applause ] freshly released from tonights season premiere, the bachelorette Rachel Lindsay is here. [ cheers and applause ] earlier tonight rachel met all 31 of her handselected suitors. As they usually do, some of the guys tried to be creative at the top to make an impression. One of the guys dressed as a penguin. Another one had a puppet. And then theres jonathan, who thought it was a good idea to do this. Hello. Hi. Im jonathan. Nice to meet you, jonathan. So good to finally meet you. I know. You too. I heard youre looking for a man who could make you laugh. So i wonder if i could have you do something with me. Lets do it. Could i have you open your hands for me and hold them out like this . Okay. Hold them a little further. Then could i ask you to close your eyes for just a second . Oh, no. Scared. Im ticklish. I wanted to make sure you had at least one good laugh tonight. [ laughter ] jimmy before i lock you in my trunk and drive you to the desert. [ laughter ] and guess what. Jonathan got a rose. He got a he got the traditional please dont kill me rose. [ laughter ] rachel. But of all the introductions tonight the most notable was made by a gentleman named lucas, who showed up with his very own catch phrase. Its all about waboo. Waboo. It is about waboo. If you want a glimpse of it i can give it to you now. Okay. Waboo thats just a glimpse . Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] he went on to say waboo no less than 30 times. It was so is it possible they accidentally let a crackhead into the mansion . [ laughter ] i cant imagine this guy getting a date with not only the bachelorette, with any woman ever. But not only did lucas make a strong First Impression on rachel, heres how the act went over with the other guys. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen woowoowoowoowaaaaaboooo thats the crazy one. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy by the way, rachel, i dont know what she was thinking, but she didnt send lucas home. He got a rose. Its now down to lucas and 22 other men. Later on ill share my prediction for who rachel will pick. Ill give you a hint. Its not waboom. [ laughter ] this is a big week here at abc. Tomorrow night we have the Season Finale of dancing with the stars. I personally have a lot riding on that. I made a bet at the beginning of the season. A picked a long shot, nfl running back Rashad Jennings to win. He is in the final three. Ive got 141 otds on. Before the bachelorette and dancing with the stars its like all my favorite sports are happening at once. [ laughter ] im actually starting to lactate. I really am. [ laughter ] hey, speaking of celebrity dancers, heres one more nugget from President Trumps vacation. [ laughter ] he looks like hed rather drive that sword into his own stomach than what is it with these World Leaders forcing our leader to dance . We never do that to them. You never see Angela Merkel pressured into a hoedown in dallas. [ laughter ] part of the problem is the music. You know, you change the music to make it something a little more universal, maybe the sword dance could be fun. Go shawty its your birthday were Gonna Party Like its your birthday were gonna sip bacardi like its your birthday and nobody gives a its not your birthday i got what you need jimmy so painful. [ laughter ] imagine for a second. Close your eyes. I wont tickle you. [ laughter ] just imagine. Imagine president obama if he flew to saudi arabia, danced with a bunch of swordcarrying saudi arabians and then laid hands with them on a large glowing orb. If that happened, your uncle would explode. [ laughter ] and no amount of fox news would be able to bring him back to life. But donald trump is in a category entirely of his own. Hes only been overseas for four days and already hes created memories that will last a lifetime. But only if you order now. The president s historic first trip to the middle east. A milestone in u. S. Foreign relations. And now you can relive all the magic, mystery, and confusing rhetoric about islam with the President Trump great moments in International Diplomacy commemorative plate collection. Impress your guests with Iconic Images of the president of the United States curtsying to the saudi king. So cute. Like little girl. Jimmy dancing with swords. Swearing allegiance to a crystal ball. And who can resist melanias freeflowing hair next to a tweet about Michelle Obamas uncovered head . And if you order now, as a special bonus offer well throw in sean spicer at home in bed crying absolutely free. Wow. Its a great deal for your money. This offer like trumps presidency is only for a limited time. Call today. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy tonight on the show we have music from bush, rachel the bachelorette is here, and well be right back with jim carrey. So stick around. [ cheers and applause ] dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live brought to you by blue buffalo. Welcome to maxx you. You are whimsical, vibrant, statement making. We see what makes you unique. So we have something for everyone, at a price thats just right for you. Maxx you. Maxx life. T. J. Maxx since i came to know you baibe ive been telling you how sweet youre. Ive been telling you how good youre. Please tell me how i look. You look so good, fantastic man. We all drive, some cats just know how to roll. Well its a perfect nespresso hold on a second. Orge. Mmm. [mel torme sings comin home baby] hey there. Want a lift . Where are we going . No dont tell me. Let me guess. Have a nice ride. How far would you go for coffee thats a cup above . I brought you nespresso. Nespresso. What else . Testinhuh . Sting is this thing on . Come on your turn where do pencils go on vacation . Pennsylvania laughter crunchy wheat frosted sweet kelloggs frosted miniwheats. Feed your inner kid jimmy hi there. Welcome back. We have a great show for you. The bachelorette herself, Rachel Lindsay is here with us. Tonight not only will i make my pick for who rachel winds up with. She will also be subject to a lie detector test. So we will get right to the truth. I have correctly predicted eight out of the last ten bachelor and bachelorette pairings. Which i think is like 90 . Thats why they call me rosetradamus, folks. So later tonight i will ruin the show. Then their latest album is called black and white rainbows. Bush from the mercedesbenz outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] you can see bush live on tour starting may 30th in seattle, washington. Tomorrow night we have a big show tomorrow night. Fresh off two sold out performances at the rose bowl u2 will be here in celebration of the 20th anniversary of the joshua tree album. Zac efron, jada pinkett smith, connie nielsen, jon bass and music from lil yachty and zac brown band. Our first guest tonight is an exceptionally funny person with a new tv show about other funny people. The show is called im dying up here. It premieres sunday, june 4th on showtime. Please say hello to jim carrey [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy jim . Jim . [ cheers and applause ] jim . Hows it going . Good. [ cheers and applause ] i just wanted to see what would happen if you stayed until they got tired. [ laughter ] usually people sit down during the biggest part of the applause. Jimmy yeah, right. Yeah. So i thought i would see what thats like. That space. [ cheers and applause ] at the edge of the envelope with the blue devil. Its uncomfortable. Jimmy well, yeah. It is. Lovely, though. Jimmy but worth exploring. Have a seat here, jim. [ cheers and applause ] how are you doing . Hows life . Everything good . You know, its so beautiful. It really is. Especially when im absent from it. [ laughter ] jimmy you feel like youre separated from the rest of the world and whats going on . No. Not separated at all. In fact, its the exact opposite. You know, i dont get me wrong. Jim carrey is a great character, and i was lucky to get the part. [ laughter ] but i dont think of that as me anymore. Jimmy you dont . Not at all . No. Not really. I used to be a guy who was experiencing the world. And now i feel like the world and the universe experiencing a guy. Jimmy just got a little taste of that just a moment ago. Yeah. Jimmy and does the beard have anything to do with that . Well, heres the thing. The beard, yes. Everywhere i go people talk about the beard. They go what are you doing . Were why are you growing a beard . They cant really think about anything else. Its just not cohesive. Theres Something Different about me, and its that damn beard. And wherever i show up it becomes the story. You know . Jimmy right. Its a bigger star than me at this point. Jimmy and is that good . If has its own twitter. Jimmy it does . Yeah, its really good. Thank god it likes me. [ laughter ] jimmy maybe it will be president one day. You know . Exactly. Jimmy thats the first step. But yeah, its just weird. I always say the question is not why are you growing a beard. The question is why am i growing a beard and still shaving my balls . [ laughter ] it doesnt make any sense. Jimmy it doesnt. Youre right. It doesnt make any sense at all. I think its a balance thing. Its like if im shaved down then ive got to do this. So if i ever shave my face again youll know. [ laughter ] where it went. Theres a full beard somewhere. Jimmy well, i think it looks good on you. You know, you on occasion will post videos to twitter. And theres something i want to ask about. Lets show this video if we could. And jim can explain whats going on here. Bird. Yeah. Thats a bird. Its just me kind of hanging out. Trying to make friends with the beasts around me. Jimmy how did you get the bird to fly in slow motion like that . I stayed there for two weeks. Now were really getting close. [ cheers and applause ] i fancy myself kind of a francis of assisi type. I did ace ventura pet detective. And ever since then [ cheers and applause ] ive had this kind of connection to the animal world. Jimmy you have as a result of those movies. But the interesting thing is people dont think about this. That looks lovely. And it was a beautiful thing. But then i started scratching a lot. And i couldnt sleep at night. I was itching everywhere and stuff. And i started doing some research, and i realized that birds are just infested with mites. [ laughter ] and i had invited them into my home. They were everywhere. They were poopg on everything. They were on my shoulder. And i was covered from head to foot with mites. Theyre not what you think they are. Birds. Birds have an edge. Birds have an edge. They come with baggage, man. Jimmy theyre little dinosaurs. When you hear them singing songs in the trees. Theyre not singing songs. Theyre saying, its my tree this is my tree dont come near this tree ill peck your eyes out if you come near the tree [ laughter ] jimmy is it possible they saw the beard as a nest where they wanted to raise their young . [ applause ] by the way, youre probably attached to it. We do have a cruiseship barber here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] this guy is the best. Have you cut hair like this . You cut it like this, man. [ laughter ] jimmy he only lost 14 customers last year. Overboard . Jimmy no, shaving. Well, jim carrey is here with us. Hes got a show. More after this. [ cheers and applause ] you might not ever just stand there, looking at it. You may never even sit in the back seat. Yeah, but maybe you should. laughter tired of paying hundreds more a year in taxes and fees for your unlimited plan . Only tmobile gives you unlimited data with taxes and fees included. Thatll save you hundreds. Get two lines for a hundred dollars. Thats right. Two lines of unlimited data. A hundred bucks. All in. And right now, were giving you even more. For a limited time, get a free Samsung Galaxy s8 when you buy one. Thats two galaxy s8s for the price one plus, two lines of unlimited data for a hundred bucks. Taxes and fees included. Only at tmobile. Having a baby. Caring for your parents. Learning you have a condition. 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