The official twitter account for the Republican Party yesterday, tweeted a fake Abraham Lincoln quote. Okay, yeah, i i knew that didnt look right. [ laughter ] President Trump today held a press conference with canadian Prime Minister justin trudeau. Just look at those two. It looks like a debate between a snowboarding instructor and a ghost that drowned. [ laughter ] trudy and the beast. [ light laughter ] President Trump today, spoke on the phone with the president s of nigeria and south africa, and i just pray that before those calls, someone told him how to pronounce nigeria. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow is valentines day, and to celebrate, education secretary betsy devos, made her own candies. [ laughter ] have lunch with Chris Christie tomorrow. Just a salad please, said christie, when asked if there was anything on the menu he didnt want. [ laughter ] apples stock hit an alltime high today, and i think i know why. [ light laughter ] during their grammy performance last night, a rap group a tribe called quest, referred to President Trump as president agent orange. Its the closest trump has come to being involved in vietnam. [ light laughter ] [ audience oohs ] cant dodge it forever. [ light laughter ] a california congressman is reportedly planning on filing a bill, that would require the white house to have a resident psychiatrist. Heres how that would go, ivanka. A wall on the mexican border. Ivanka building a wall on the mexican border. A wellattended inauguration. [ laughter and applause ] a new dating app called hotline launched today, that requires the first form of contact, to connect with someone to be a phone call. So, am i just supposed to describe it . Asked anthony wiener. [ light laughter ] taco bell is considering opening locations in china, which sounds fun, until you read your fortune. [ light laughter ] and finally, today was clean out your computer day, and if youre a 14yearold boy, use bleach. [ light laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he is the host of hbos last week tonight, our friend john oliver is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] so excited to talk, again, after his great premiere last night. Also last night on hbo, the final season of girls began. Shes one of the stars of that fantastic show, zosia mamet is back with us. [ cheers and applause ] so happy to have her. Before we get to all that, President Trump spent the weekend dealing with crises, both abroad, and within his own government. All while conducting Sensitive National security meetings in the dining room of his private club in florida. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] trump spent the weekend with Prime Minister shinzo abe of japan, and of course the trumpabe summit began on friday, with his now infamous oval office handshake. Youve probably all seen by now, a handshake so long and uncomfortable, it lasted for a full 19 seconds. [ light laughter ] whats going on there . Was he trying to shake his hand or stop him from leaving . Dont let go. When you let go, they ask me questions. [ light laughter ] and then of course, in an instantly iconic moment, there was the face abe made after trump finally let go of his hand. [ laughter and applause ] abes face reminds me of the ancient japanese saying, what the [ bleep ] up with this guy . [ laughter ] and you were only in his grip for 19 seconds, were looking at four years over here. [ light laughter ] so after handshake, the mini series, trump and abe headed to florida, to spend the weekend at trumps private club, maralago. Where they were soon confronted with an International Crisis, when north korea testfired a ballistic missile. So, where did trump deal with this crisis . Well, according to cnn, trump took the call on a mobile phone at his table, which was set squarely in the middle of the private clubs dining area. Maralagos wealthy members looked on from theyre tables with a keyboard player crooning in the background. [ light laughter ] keyboard player. To be fair, its been official policy for years, that whenever the president deals with an International Crisis, there must be a keyboard player crooning in the background. [ light laughter ] in fact, instagram photos from the maralago members, seemed to capture the moment trump, abe and their teams,e [ light laughter ] trump knows where the camera is. Look at him. Hes making a face like a sitcom dad saying, north korea, youve done it again. [ light laughter ] wah, wah, wah but trump didnt let an International Crisis ruin his night, as he still found time to entertain some of the patrons of his club. According to cnn, trump nonetheless, found it impossible to resist dropping in on a nearby wedding reception. Trump took a photo with the bride and her brides maids, then he grabbed a microphone. I saw them out on the lawn today, trump said of the bride and groom, who were standing nearby. I said to the Prime Minister of japan, i said, come on, shinzo. Lets go over and say hello. [ light laughter ] theyve been members of this club for a long time. Theyve paid me a fortune. [ audience oohs ] thats right. They paid a fortune to join a private club, because the last thing you want during your wedding is some lunatic wandering in off the street, and grabbing the microphone. [ light laughter ] north korea wasnt the only crisis trump was dealing with over the weekend. There was also a crisis within his own government, over his Michael Flynn. And some possibly illegal phone calls flynn had with the Russian Ambassador to the u. S. The Trump Administration facing new scrutiny over its relationship with russia, after the Washington Post reported National Security advisor Michael Flynn, may have illegally communicated with moscows ambassador about the removal of russian sanctions. There were five conversations between Michael Flynn and the Russian Ambassador. A close aide now says flynn has quote no recollection of discussing sanctions, but quote couldnt be certain that the topic never came up. Seth he talked to the Russian Ambassador five times, but couldnt be certain if they talked about russian sanctions . Thats like me saying i talked to Serena Williams on the phone five times, but i cant say for sure whether or not anyone mentioned tennis. [ light laughter ] now even aside from the potential illegality of the conversation, the realization that flynn may have discussed lifting sanctions with the Russian Ambassador, while obama was still in office, makes this mike pence interview from january, where pence said the i talked to general flynn yesterday, and the conversations that that took place at that time were not in any way related to new u. S. Sanctions. Seth so either flynn straightup lied to mike pence, or Mike Pence Lied to us. But of course, to mike pence, a lie is just a truth that hasnt gone through conversion therapy yet. [ laughter and applause ] it can change. Give it a chance. It can change. Now, all of this comes after previous diplomatic incidents, caused by trumps tense and bizarre calls with leaders of u. S. Allies, like a australia and mexico, and those diplomatic incidents seem to be giving americans some pause. According to the gallup poll, only 29 of u. S. Adults think leaders of other countries respect president donald trump. By comparison, when president george w. Bush took office in 2001, half of americans thought World Leaders respected him. Fewer americans think trump is respected by World Leaders than ou and remember, george w. Bush literally, almost got stuck behind a door in china. Thank you all very much. [ light laughter ] seth that was embarrassing. Be honest. [ applause ] its a long time ago, but thats embarrassing. And it is nice that at least now we finally have a president , who knows how to open a door. Its always good if you dont fall out of the bus. Like ford gerald ford. Remember . Down below. Fold it out. Hello . [ light laughter ] seth now it may be no surprise to you, that being president is an extremely complex and difficult job, but apparently it is a surprise to trump himself, because politico reported last week, that being president is harder than donald trump thought. According to aides and allies who say hes growing increasingly frustrated with the challenges of running the massive federal bureaucracy. Much of an interest in detail, even when it comes to National Security. According to the new york times, National SecurityCouncil Staff members are now being told to keep papers to a single page, with lots of graphics and maps. The president likes maps, one official said. [ laughter ] and ideally, theyre like those maps at the mall that tell you where you are. [ laughter ] the oval office, but i dont want to be here. I hate it here but trump has apparently, come up with a trick for avoiding the appearance that he doesnt know what hes talking about at meetings. A senior Government Official told politico that when discussions get bogged down in details, the president s been known to quickly change the subject, to seem in control at all times. So, what kinds of things does trump like to change the subject to in these closed door meetings . Well, apparently he likes a nice, breezy change of pace. Some small talk, some discussion of the weather, and of course, the deranged Conspiracy Theory that millions of people voted illegally in the 2016 election. What are you learning . Is the president s still talking about massive voter fraud . Yeah, thats exactly right. He had that meeting with ng senators a bipartisan group, and in that meeting he brought up for the second time, in a closedoor sit down with u. S. Lawmakers the idea of voter fraud, in this case specifically New Hampshire. Trump said the only reason he lost New Hampshire wolf, was because thousands were bused in from massachusetts to give Hillary Clinton the win in that state. Seth so the president of the United States thinks thousands of people were bused in from massachusetts, to illegally vote in New Hampshire . Im from New Hampshire, and i can tell you wed notice if thousands of people from massachusetts showed up on buses. Thats the invasion were most afraid of. [ light laughter ] were here for your taxfree liquor and your foliage lay down your arms lay down your arms [ laughter and applause ] so the white house had to dispatch someone to the sunday shows to defend trumps wild conspiracy theories, without actually offering any evidence. Who would it be . Its new entry in President Trumps toolbox, steven miller. Ive actually having worked before on a campaign in New Hampshire, i can tell into New Hampshire is widely known by anyone whose worked in New Hampshire politics. Its very real, its very serious. This morning on this show is not the venue for me to lay out all the evidence. The president made a statement saying he was the victim of voter fraud. People being bused from massachusetts to New Hampshire. [ talking over each other ] do you have any evidence . If this is an issue that interests you, than we can talk about it more in the future. Seth yeah, thats a guy whos definitely lying. [ light laughter ] hes sounds like a guilty husband who got taught caught texting with a female coworker. Honey, whos debra . Um, shes a friend, and if thats an issue that interests you, than we can talk about it more in the future. [ light laughter ] and if the white house repeating a deranged Conspiracy Theory about illegal voters, wasnt troubling enough for you, miller also made this chilling statement, about trumps controversial travel ban and his powers as president. The end result of this, though, is that our opponents, the media, and the whole world will soon see, as we begin to take further actions, that the powers of the president to substantial and will not be questioned. Seth the only way that statement could be more terrifying is if he yelled it in german. [ laughter ] by the way by the way, in case youre wondering what being sinister does to you, that guy is 31yearsold, and he already looks like hes twothirds of the way to montgomery burns. 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Never ending classics starting at 11. 99. Switch it up between never ending helpings of your most loved classic dishes. Because the best things in life should be never ending. At olive garden. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody please give it up for the 8g band, right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also sitting in with us this week, hes the drummer from the grammynominated atlantabased band, mastodon, whose highly anticipated next record, emperor of sand is set for a march 31st release. Brann dailor is back on the show. Welcome back, brann. Thank you, for having me. Seth were lucky to have you here. Thank you. Seth our first guest tonight hosts hbos emmy and Peabody Award Winning show last week tonight. Which just returned for its fourth season. Please welcome back to the show, our friend, john oliver. [ cheers and applause ] seth how are you . Fine. Thank you. Happy valentines day eve. Seth thank you, yeah. Happy valentines day. Certainly. Seth are you well sorted out . I know you have a wife. We both have wives. Are you ready to go . I guess my answer to that, might suggest i might not have a wife tomorrow. No, im not well sorted out. I have a card. Thats enough, right . Seth yeah. Ill take that as a no. Seth i will say this. My wife said to me once, all a wife really wants is a thoughtful card. Right. Seth and then the next holiday i got her a thoughtful card, and it was she very paronizingly said, oh, look who listened. [ light laughter ] like, she had said other more expensive things, that had gone in and out. Yeah. Seth but card, i said, done. Its funny because my wife literally said exactly the same thing, and ive also remembered that very briefly. Which is why im justifying what im gonna do tomorrow as being enough. Seth if you want to set the bar low. So be it. Thoughtful card. Seth thats their thoughtful card. Thats tangible affection in written form. Seth yeah. What gift can compete with that . I would argue none. Seth yeah. And thats pretty much the text of my card. I know what youre thinking. I could have bought you something. But i have ten points. And its not a great sign. Now it is a long precursor to this card saying, i love you. Which is what you wanted. Ive given you what you wanted. Youve brought this on yourself. Happy valentines day. Seth yeah. Say if this is bad next year. Seth i cant decide to end mine with i love you or happy now . [ laughter ] why not both . Seth yeah, thats true. Why not both . Seth last time we saw each other, we saw each other at a very interesting time. We saw each other the night after the election. We did. Seth we were performing for a Charity Event called nrdc. A great environmental rights group. Yes. Seth and lets both be honest, we agreed to do standup at this event. Sure. Seth e it would be that kind of night. No. When i agreed to go out, anywhere. Seth yeah. Months in advance of that. I wasnt thinking, bear in mind, this will be the first day of the trump presidency. Seth right . Or the president electsy. Seth yeah. Yeah. It was, you know, it was a weird evening. Comedy was not really required seth no. That night. Seth and yet there were five we, there were five of us. Five comedians basically all saying some version of the same thing, and no one with the balls to just go on and say, lets talk about those sneakers with the wheels in heels. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] it was it was like, usually when you have five comedians, you know, theres a sense of hey, what are you going to do, because i dont want to do something similar. Yeah. Seth it was no one was backstage like, im gonna say, how [ bleep ] up is this . is anybody else doing that . And i was also very concerned that, you know again its a great environmental group. Seth yeah. But there was part of me wanting to say, tigers may need to move down the pecking order for four years. The humans are endangered again. [ light laughter ] seth right, right. So seth yeah. N evolution gave tigers. Thats right, thats right. [ applause ] listen. Thats right. They can fight their way