And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 803, south cackalack, yeah steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh thank you very, very much, everybody, welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome, everyone. Welcome to the tonight show this is it, baby. [ cheers and applause ] this is the one thank you for being here. Thank you for watching. Heres what people are talking about. You guys, today at the white house, President Trump had a meeting with the president of kazakhstan, nursultan nazerbayev. Or as trump calls him, hey, buddy. [ laughter ] how is it going, big guy . Look at you. Look at you. [ laughter ] and the results of trumps physical came out today. [ audience oohs ] white house physician dr. Ronnie jackson said President Trump is in excellent health. [ audience oohs ] [ laughter ] i mean, surprise, surprise, right . Steve yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy excellent health. Trump thanked jackson and told him to say hi to his brothers, jermaine and tito. Which i thought was great. [ laughter and applause ] that was thoughtful. That was thoughtful. And Randy Jackson on american idol, too. [ laughter ] i saw that trump spent yesterday playing golf instead of commemorating Martin Luther king, jr. People were pretty upset. Then they thought about what trump would have said and were like, probably a good move. [ laughter and applause ] dodged a bullet. Thats not bad, i would have done that, too. Meanwhile trumps exwife is defending him after it came out that he made racist comments last week. Trump was like, wait a minute which exwife and which racist comments . [ laughter and applause ] okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh okay, perfect. Of course not everyone is standing by him. In an editorial, a former trump employee called the president mercurial, difficult, demanding, mean and petulant. [ audience oohs ] trump was like, i understood mean. [ laughter ] but thats that hurt my feelings. [ laughter ] mike pence was at church the other day when the pastor criticized trumps shole comments. Yep. And when that happened people who were there said pences face turned pretty red. It turns out pence blushes all the time and theres even a a helpful scale to keep track of when it happens. So steve really . Jimmy ill show you what i mean. For instance, he blushes as little [ laughter ] when hes asked to debrief the president. Steve oh. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. Next up, he blushes a bit more when he [ laughter ] hears the name dick durbin. [ laughter ] next, he gets even redder when he sees a sign at whole foods for nut milk. [ laughter ] he blushes he blushes he blushes even he blushes even more when he has to tell the apple store that he lost his dongle. Steve oh jimmy i lost my i lost my [ laughter ] finally he goes full tomato when he realizes saying amen sounds a little like saying, ah, men. [ laughter ] you dont like full tomato. [ applause ] steve nut milk. Jimmy uh dude, your ring tones on. Steve yeah, oh, yeah. [ laughter ] oh, nut milk. [ laughter ] jimmy must be my ring tone, sorry. Are you calling me . Steve i was calling you. Jimmy oh, yeah. Steve i nut dialed you. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy oh, this is kind of weird, while he was speaking at todays senate hearing, orrin hatch stopped to adjust his glasses. The only problem is he wasnt wearing any. [ laughter ] take a look at this. Id like to begin with [ laughter ] jimmy i got to see it again. Is there any way to see it again, dave, sorry. Is there any id like to begin with [ laughter ] jimmy there you go, yeah. [ laughter ] he was so embarrassed, he was like, oops, it looks like the elevator is here. [ laughter and applause ] finally, i saw that patriots star Rob Gronkowski taped a new psa where he warns about the dangers of eating tide detergent pods. [ laughter ] which backfired when ten seconds into the ad he ate a a tide detergent pod. Whats this ad for again . Oh, dont do that . We have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh i love them so much. Guys, weve got an exciting show tonight. This guy is the real deal. He plays thor in the avengers universe. Steve love him. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy this friday this friday he anchors a big, new action film called 12 strong. Chris hemsworth is here. Steve come on. Jimmy ladies and gentlemen [ cheers and applause ] steve hes the best. Jimmy hes a great dude. He is a great dude. Steve he is the best. Jimmy he really is the greatest. Chris and i going to talk about the new movie then were going to hold hands and try to read each others minds. Steve really . [ laughter ] wow [ purrs ] jimmy in a game called the jinx challenge. Steve oh. Jimmy its going to be good. Yeah. Steve yeah. Jimmy stay tuned for that. Plus [ cheers and applause ] we love her as well, she stars in and also directs a very funny comedy, portlandia, the final season steve awe. Jimmy premieres thursday. I know, it happens so fast. Steve its crazy. Jimmy already its here, the final season, premieres thursday at 10 00 p. M. Carrie brownstein is stopping by. Steve she is a delight. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy portlandia. Steve come on shes the best jimmy and we got great music from Caitlyn Smith, you guys steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy Caitlyn Smith is here [ cheers and applause ] shes the real deal. Steve she is. Jimmy yeah, shes fantastic. Guys, did you see last week on twitter donald trump announced that he was going to be giving out the fake news awards to the media . [ laughter ] on january 17th. Thats tomorrow. Steve oh. Jimmy yeah, but it turns out he already taped the ceremony. Steve did he really . Jimmy and we were able to get our hands on the footage. [ laughter ] steve wow, how is that possible . Jimmy check out the First Exclusive clip of the fake news awards. Here it is. [ cheers and applause ] live from the trump hotel in washington, d. C. , its the first annual fake news awards. Now, heres your host, the worlds most stable genius, president donald j. Trump. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you. Thank thank definitely thank the loser. Thank this loser. Welcome to the fake news awards which are totally real, unlike the really fake news, which is fake and not real. [ laughter ] for real. This is the first annual fakies and thanks to my diet its also the 30th annual s. A. G. Awards. [ laughter ] i would like to start by sending my thoughts and prayers to hawaii which is definitely not an shole country. [ laughter ] its a fantastic, fantastic country and i think i speak for everyone when i say i hope moana is okay. [ laughter and applause ] its great to see you all. There are literally billions of people here tonight. Billions. [ laughter ] so many familiar faces out there. Willem dafoe. Its fantastic to see you. Can you make the face that every woman makes when i enter a room. [ laughter and applause ] thats fantastic. Hugh jackman is here. I hated your movie. Everyone knows that im the greatest showman on earth. [ laughter ] tough crowd. That is a tough crowd. Anyways, seeing all of you and the rest of lamestream media here is fantastic. I especially love your pins that say times up because thats what i say to all my cabinet members after three days. [ laughter ] now before we start id like to make a toast. Everyone raise your glass of diet coke. Heres to you for being so fake. [ laughter and applause ] now lets give out our first award. Isnt it a beautiful award . [ laughter ] like all of my products, its covered in 100 real fake gold. [ laughter ] and it was made in china. [ laughter ] our first fakie is for fakest cable news network. And the nominees are cnn. And the winner is [ laughter ] who would have seen this coming . Cnn [ cheers and applause ] cnn refused to be here tonight to accept this award. So instead, im going to roast all their loser anchors. [ laughter ] jake tapper. More like fake tapper. Boom. Roasted. Next. [ laughter ] wolf blitzer, fake news, fake name, but lets be honest, probably a fake beard. Roasted. Next. [ laughter ] anderson cooper, who do you think you are, sexy mike pence . Roasted. [ laughter ] moving on, here now to present the award for failingest newspaper is my beautiful wife melania. And my incredibly intelligent secretary of education, betsy devos. [ cheers and applause ] dont touch me and dont talk to me. [ laughter ] jimmy melania, you look fantastic. Thank you. This is my wedding dress. [ laughter ] hi, im betsy devos and im melania trump. How are you, betsy . Im fine, how are you, melania . [ laughter ] not so good. What is wrong with you . Betsy, you are reading my lines. My god, no wonder our kids are such dumbasses in school. [ laughter ] okay, so the nominees for the most failingest newspaper are the washington post. New york timees. [ laughter ] thats the winner. Thats the winner. The winner is the failing New York Times. I love the New York Times, its fun to color in the crossword puzzles. [ laughter ] all right, thank you very much. The New York Times also refused to be here tonight. So accepting on their behalf is this trash can. [ laughter and applause ] now its time for the in memoriam. This is the part of the show where we look back at all the people who are no longer in the white house. Oh, my dream come true. [ laughter ] some one cut her mic. Roll the tape, roll the tape. [ laughter and applause ] what a crazy story. Does the tie hold . [ laughter ] oh, wow, a lot of people have lost their jobs. But do you know who hasnt lost their job . Me. [ laughter ] which is why im awarding myself the donald j. Trump Lifetime Achievement award for being president of the united shirsh. [ laughter and applause ] oh, my god. I cant believe this is happening. I really wasnt prepared for this. Id like to thank quickly fox news. Kfc. Diet coke. Golf. Mcdonalds. And fox news. Thank me, thank me so much. I like me i really like me [ cheers and applause ] if youre watching, go to bed, eric. Don junior and girl don junior, its past your bed time. Well be right back with the fakies featuring performances from Jackie Evancho, three doors down and a special duet from Jackie Evancho and three doors down. Jimmy my thanks to gina gershon. [ cheers and applause ] gina gershon. Rachel dratch. Thank you guys so much. Well be right back with Chris Hemsworth, ladies and gentlemen [ cheers and applause ] mom and dad got a new car. With the extra third row of seats. They think its theirs. Look at them, they have no idea its not theirs. Its mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. The new lexus rx 350l with three rows for seven passengers. Are you excited about your baby sister coming . Experience space for the unexpected with the rx l, part of the rx family. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. Do you always put cheezit grooves in your sandwich . Of course. Theyre chips. Chips plus sandwich equals the perfect lunch. Oh dont forget the pickle. Its kind of a big dill. More cheezit variety, more cheese flavours. Because real cheese matters. More cheese flavours. New year, new phones for the family. Join tmobile, and when you buy one of the latest samsung phones get a Samsung Galaxy s8 free. Plus, unlimited family plans come with netflix included. One day your little guys behind the wheel. Its okay, your mom side will find a way to deal. You built this business up from the ground. Mmm. Soon your retired side will pass it on down. Every day brings something new. So much to look forward to. Nationwide is on your side. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we are joined right now by a bigtime movie star, his last movie, thor ragnarok earned over 850 million at the box office. This weekend you can see him opposite micheal shannon, in a a highly anticipated new film called 12 strong. Which opens friday in theaters and imax, please welcome back to the show, Chris Hemsworth, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we love you, Chris Hemsworth. I love you. Jimmy thank you for coming back to the show. Thank you for having me back. We love you, chris love you, too. Jimmy new new york city loves you, man. [ light laughter ] i love new york. Thank you very much. Jimmy last time you were here, we were talking about, i think we were talking about thor. And it went on to make over 800 million and just crush the entire movie business. Yeah. Jimmy and congrats on that. The little little independent film. Jimmy no, thats not true. Its not a little a little independent film. I remember that you almost passed on thor when they first offered it to you. I might have had a a hesitation, you know. I kind of want to get a time machine and go back and slap that younger pretentious version of myself. Jimmy really . Yeah when i jimmy were you, just like, afraid of like, i dont want to be typecast as thor. Yeah, i was trying to be trying to be an artist. I was like, oh, i just love to do independent films. And you know, this is its too big, its a franchise. And i said jimmy yeah. No, i love i i love that character. Ive loved this experience. Jimmy youre great at it, i mean. Thank you, man. Jimmy we dont want you to we want you to do more of it, yeah. I think its been the best. I think my hesitation was i just had no idea what it was going to be. How long it was if it was going to be a good experience, or bad. And thankfully it was the best experience ive ever had. And we just wrapped avengers 4 so, thats thats kind of it now. Most of its [ cheers and applause ] i mean, its just gotten bigger and juicier and the next avengers. Did i see all of these names. Tell me if im wrong, Robert Downey jr. Infinity war this comes out may 4th. Scarlett johansson, mark ruffalo, chris evans, jeremy renner, elizabeth olsen, benedict cumberbatch, chris pratt, vin diesel, bradley cooper, Benicio Del Toro don cheadle and paul rudd. Yeah. Jimmy is that for real . And some, and some. Jimmy and some, as well. I make a cameo. [ talking over each other ] i make it up. No, i dont. [ laughter ] yeah, thank goodness. But i just love however big of a star you get, in the movie, you still are a downtoearth guy and you know. Aw, thank you. Jimmy youre still a good dude. And you know who keeps new check . And you know who does. Your brother, liam. Yeah, he does. [ laughter ] he gives it a shot. Jimmy yeah, i follow. And heres a photo that he just posted on instagram. If you follow liamhemsworth. He said, this is his dogs favorite chew toy. Yeah. Jimmy theres a little thor action figure right there. [ laughter ] yeah. Thats just me and liam in a a family portrait. Jimmy hes just a good brother, thats what you got to do, thats what you got to do. You got to yeah, he doesnt feed the dog, more to the point. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] not that hes a saint. Jimmy yeah, the dog is actually hungry. Yeah, needs something to chew on, yeah. But youre a good dad. At home you have, i saw a photo of or a video actually. Yeah. Jimmy you have is it two 3yearold boys . Yeah, two twin boys, are three and a half and a five and a half year old daughter. Jimmy wow. Three kids, yeah. Jimmy so is and its totally different having boys and girls. I only have girls. Very different. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy you said, in the video, i think, one of your boys oh, yeah. Jimmy but hes scaling a a fridge . Yeah, we put the [ laughter ] we put the chocolates and the lollies up above the fridge in a very high place. Jimmy yeah, smart. And he kept pushing the chair over and trying to climb up. So we moved the chair away and then my wife sends me this video and says, youre not going to believe what hes doing. Jimmy well, take a look at this this is very sweet. Heres a video of his 3yearold son hunting for chocolates. [ laughter ] this is what im talking about. Thats determination, man. Look at that. Look at it, hes three years old. [ laughter ] three years old you earned it you earned, you earned the chocolates. [ cheers and applause ] he earned the chocolates at that point. Give him his chocolates. Theyre so different to his sister, though, you know. What happens . Does his sister hold out hold her own . Oh yeah, yeah. Shes women are smarter, much smarter. Jimmy they are, yeah. [ light laughter ] i mean, shes five and a a half, so. Sort of, mid last year my motherinlaw went to pick up the boys at school. They do a half day, she does a a full day. And went to pick them up and a and the teacher comes up and says, ah look, india wants to go home, shes not feeling well. And she comes out and says, [ cough ] you know, im sick, im sick. So, takes her home. I come home later on, and shes running around the house, shes in the pool, shes like, having a great time. And im like, i thought you were sick . She goes, no, i was just tricking, i didnt want to be at school. [ laughter ] five and a half. Five, at the time, so. Thats going to be fun when shes like, 16. Jimmy yeah, shes only five and half now. Oh, yeah man. She knows how to do it. [ talking over each other ] i was just, yeah. [ pretend cough ] yeah, i got to go home. Smart kid. Yeah. Jimmy lets talk about this film, 12 strong. Yeah. Jimmy i did i did not know about this story. Neither did i. [ light laughter ] yeah, its a no, i mean, its a true story. Jimmy its a true story. True story. Fascinating, based on a book, horse soldiers, which has been changed to 12 strong now. And basically after the 9 11 attacks, three weeks later, the first boots on the ground were a small band of special forces soldiers. And 12 guys got sent in there. Had very little intel, knowledge about what theyre walking into. And their job was to link up with the local Afghan People and soldiers who were fighting the taliban and assist them, work with them to remove the taliban from afghanistan. 12 guys. And when they got there, they had to fight the way the locals were fighting, which was on horseback, and highly classified mission until recently. But they rode on horseback in Battle Alongside the afghan soldiers. Removed the taliban from afghanistan, and they did this in three weeks. And its a story that i knew nothing about. Most people knew nothing about. And absolutely fascinating. And we met a bunch of the real soldiers, too. Got to work with them. Jimmy i saw this photo, here. Is it yeah. Jimmy are these guys is this today . Yeah. Jimmy look at that. The horse soldiers. Jimmy americas response money. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy the 9 11 memorial. So, these are the real guys here. And this is [ applause ] jimmy well, i thank them for their service. You actually invited those gentlemen to the premiere. Yeah, well theyve been part of the film, and now theyre coming to the premiere tonight. And some of them have seen the film, and some of them havent. And the people who have seen it, have given us the allcle