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It is very striking. do you really think, and of course, we're going back sort of three years now, you've had time to reflect on it, do you think you really did go mad for a while? yeah, i think so. and it really made me understand how i'm sometimes a bit puzzled by grieving people, by these odd surges of anger or odd failure to grasp what, to me, would be an obvious reality. and i realise now that your perception, your cognition, all that stuff goes a bit a bit haywire. the one thing in it that kind of is solid, is the experience of other widows and widowers. so that was really good. i didn't...

Of the parish with david, your partner, living in the vicarage with you. that was such an important part of your married life. and now you're not there. you've gone somewhere different and you've left behind so much that linked you to him. yeah. i mean, ifeela bit like a floating voter, i think, after a sort of tribal loyalty to a political party. so, the landscape's different, literally different, the routine is different. but i think i realised quite early on with david was that i, there's a point where you think, well, i'm going to have to face forward and stand up, stand up and face forwar...

Prepare for loss, for absence of your closest loved partner? no, i think, i thought you could, actually. and also as a vicar, i spent a lot of my time with people who were going through that. so i knew what it looked like. i know the technicalities, registering a death, the coroner's office, all that kind of stuff, probate. but of course, that's from the outside. and when, of course, it happens to you, it's completely different. and it is, for me, it was like a depth charge that sort of blew up and disrupted all the surface, but also stuff that was very, very deep within came up and sent me co...

No, i think, i thought you could, actually. and also as a vicar, i spent a lot of my time with people who were going through that. so i knew what it looked like. i know the technicalities, registering a death, the coroner's office, all that kind of stuff, probate. but of course, that's from the outside. and when, of course, it happens to you, it's completely different. and it is, for me, it was like a depth charge that sort of blew up and disrupted all the surface, but also stuff that was very, very deep within came up and sent me completely mad for a while. i remember going to, the day david ...

Of the parish with david, your partner, living in the vicarage with you. that was such an important part of your married life. and now you're not there. you've gone somewhere different and you've left behind so much that linked you to him. yeah. i mean, ifeela bit like a floating voter, i think, after a sort of tribal loyalty to a political party. so, the landscape's different, literally different, the routine is different. but i think i realised quite early on with david was that i, there's a point where you think, well, i'm going to have to face forward and stand up, stand up and face forwar...