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Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20110505:11:56:00

We found out he was hiding deep inside a hole just 100 yards north of the jacuzzi hot tub area. today at my direction, alberto, my gardener/guy who helps me get down from my horse chuckle thunder went in and rooted out the gopher. the gopher was buried in accordance with gopher burial traditions. he was wrapped in a bathroom mat and thrown in my neighbor s yard. so i repeat, ardilla the gopher is dead. god bless america, and god bless this sizzler, although it would be better if the sizzler had a taco bar. some of them do. sir, they ve killed osama bin laden. they got bin laden? that s good news. there also is a taco bar here. that s three good things. it s a great day for america. how did i miss it? show me where it is. ....

Chuckle Thunder , Hot Tub , Bathroom Mat , Ardilla The Gopher , Gopher Burial Traditions , Osama Bin Laden , In Dallas , Taco Bar , God Bless America , It Sa Great Day ,

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20110505:09:53:00

Identified a head gopher who i named ardilla. we found out he was hiding deep inside a hole just 100 yards north of the jacuzzi hot tub area. today at my direction, my gardner/guy who helps me get down from my horse, chocolate thunder, went in and rooted out the gopher. the gopher was buried in accordance with gopher burial traditions. he was wrapped in a bathroom mat and thrown in my neighbor s yard. so, i repeat, ardilla the gopher is dead. god bless america and god bless this sizzler. although it would be better if this sizzler had a taco bar. some of them do. sir, they ve killed osama bin laden. they got bin laden? well, that s two good things. there also is a taco bar here? there s a taco bar here. that s three great things. ....

Head Gopher , Ardilla The Gopher , Hot Tub , Amy Gardner , Chocolate Thunder , Gopher Burial Traditions , Bathroom Mat , God Bless America , Osama Bin Laden On Sunday , Taco Bar ,

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20110505:09:52:00

Of u.s. money. you want to sound smart? tell your friends since 2001 congress has approved about $20 billion in direct u.s. aid and military reimbursements to pakistan. that s according to the congressional research service which says the amount makes pakistan one of the largest recipients of u.s. assistance. for the real news let s huddle up around the water cooler to watch a fake announcement from fake president george w. bush that paralleled president obama s announcement to the world that osama bin laden is dead. ladies and gentlemen, i give you mr. will ferrell. good evening. tonight as of 1400 hours military time i can report to america the world and the folks here at the sizzler steakhouse on canyon ranch road right outside of my gate-guarded community in dallas, texas, where i also frequently eat lunch, that i have personally overseen a strategic and covert operation that killed the gopher who s been tearing up my backyard. a reliable source, my gardner, ....

Congressional Research Service , Military Reimbursements , 20 Billion , 0 Billion , President Obama , Osama Bin Laden On Sunday , Will Ferrell , Georgew Bush , Water Cooler , The Real News , Ladies And Gentlemen , Sizzler Steakhouse On Canyon Ranch Road , Amy Gardner ,

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20110505:10:54:00

i m sorry, i interrupted. how could you interrupt this important news story. the real president of the united states. yesterday, we get george w. bush, making an important announcement live from inside a dallas area sizzler. good evening. tonight, as of 1400 hours military time, i can report to america, the world and the folks here at this sizzler steakhouse on kenyon ranch road, right outside my community here in dallas, texas, where i also frequently eat lunch, that i have personally overseen a strategic and covert operation that killed the gopher, who s been tearing up my backyard. a reliable source, my gardner, identified a head gopher, who i named ardilla, found out he was hiding deep inside a hole 100 yards north of the ja cucy hot tub area. ....

Georgew Bush , News Story , President Of The United States , Insidea Dallas Area Sizzler , Sizzler Steakhouse On Kenyon Ranch Road , Amy Gardner , Head Gopher , Gopher Ardilla , Hot Tub , Ja Cucy ,

Detailed text transcripts for TV channel - MSNBC - 20110505:11:57:00

the gopher is gone. coming up, who do we have? rob lowe. i was his apprentice. he won t remember that. he will. we ll put him on the spot. as? sadly, no. oh. but i did pick up your dry cleaning and had your shoes shined. well, i made you a reservation at the sushi place around the corner. well, in that case, i better get back to these invoices. which i ll do right after making your favorite pancakes. you know what? i m going to tidy up your side of the office. i can t hear you because i m also making you a smoothie. [ male announcer ] marriott hotels & resorts knows it s better for xerox to automate their global invoice process so they can focus on serving their customers. with xerox, you re ready for real business. we ll handcraft an arrangement that is sure to delight. ohh! take our tote-ally original, tote-ally mom bouquet, a stylish gift that fits her perfectly. let us arrange a smile for you, starting at $29.99. ....

Rob Lowe , Coming Up , Dry Cleaning , Marriott Hotels Resorts , Invoice Process , Mom Bouquet , Tote Ally , 9 99 , 29 99 ,