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My payment for my freedoms. so i paid for my freedom to be able to live my life. >> why did you want to be a s.e.a.l.? >> that's a tough question. i wanted to be a s.e.a.l. because it was like the toughest of the tough, and so for me, having my inside little colonel of me and my femininity, it was like i've heard people say before escaping into hyper masculinity. and i go yeah, i didn't know what i was doing. i didn't know the term hyper masculinity. but it was more of those layers being on. and that's a huge, thick layer. >> so there was part of you that felt if you could become a s.e.a.l. an...

>> why did you want to be a s.e.a.l.? >> that's a tough question. i wanted to be a s.e.a.l. because it was like the toughest of the tough, and so for me, having my femininity, it was like -- i've heard people say before, it's like escaping into hyper masculinity. and i go yeah, i didn't know what i was doing. i didn't know the term hyper masculinity. but it was more of those layers being on. and that's a huge, thick layer. >> so there was part of you that felt if you could become a s.e.a.l. and be in the toughest of the tough, that feminine side of you would disappear? >> yes. i could totally ...

Able to live my life. >> why did you want to be a s.e.a.l.? >> that's a tough question. i wanted to be a s.e.a.l. because it was like the toughest of the tough, and so for me, having my femininity, it was like -- i've heard people say before, it's like escaping into hyper masculinity. and i go yeah, i didn't know what i was doing. i didn't know the term hyper masculinity. but it was more of those layers being on. and that's a huge, thick layer. >> so there was part of you that felt if you could become a s.e.a.l. and be in the toughest of the tough, that feminine side of you would disappear? >>...

I broke this wrist, i've broken a lot of my fingers. i consider myself very lucky. i put up with all that pain as my payment for my freedoms. so i paid for my freedom to be able to live my life. >> why did you want to be a s.e.a.l.? >> that's a tough question. i wanted to be a s.e.a.l. because it was like the toughest of the tough, and so for me, having my femininity, it was like -- i've heard people say before, it's like escaping into hyper masculinity. and i go yeah, i didn't know what i was doing. i didn't know the term hyper masculinity. but it was more of those layers being on. and that's...

S.e.a.l.? >> that's a tough question. i wanted to be a s.e.a.l. because it was like the toughest of the tough. there was no movies out at the time when i joined up. this is the late '80s and all we knew about it was what we knew from some of the books and some of the old guys from vietnam and they were the men in green faces. they did some, you know, amazing things. we read the stories about it. so you grow up with that always around you. i want to be the toughest of the tough. so for me, having my inside little kernel of my femininity, it was like i've heard people say before i escape in hype...