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Dear Prudence, I’m bisexual and genderqueer, and I live with my long-term partner, also genderqueer. I have a very uncomfortable relationship with my mother due to her alcoholism and drug abuse and the fact that she stole my identity to open credit cards before I turned 18. She also waged a hate-mail campaign against me when I came out and brought a lot of abusive men into my life growing up. I now live in another country and limit our contact to phone calls on birthdays and holidays. She recently moved and, during one of our holiday calls, mentioned that she’d found a box full of letters, poems, and pictures from my first high school boyfriend. ....
Advertisement Dear Prudence, When my husband and I were dating six years ago and talking about our dealbreakers, I was very clear that one of mine was messiness. I can’t, and never could, live in a cluttered, messy house. I’m not a neat freak. I just don’t like seeing dirty dishes left out or clothes all over the floor. My husband has never been the neatest, but he was never a slob either, so it worked. Now we’ve had a baby during the pandemic … and he has turned into the biggest slob I have ever seen. He will not push a dish in the sink. He takes off his dirty clothes and leaves them in huge piles on the bathroom floor. There are baby bottles everywhere. We are sleeping in separate rooms because he refuses to curtail his mess, which is growing out of control. I tried placing trash cans all over the house, but he puts his trash next to the can! His room literally has a pile of trash in it. Could this be a mental health issue, with all of the recent changes to o ....
Dear Prudence, My close friend, “Will,” was fired due to a sexual harassment complaint against him at work. Will and the women involved are of similar ages and status in the company. I don’t work with him and don’t really know details, but from what I do know, it’s in the category of “hitting on women at work and continuing to after they said no.” He denies most of it. Without knowing what exactly happened, my guess at the truth would be that it happened and is possibly more severe than Will believes but maybe slightly exaggerated on the women’s part. Still, he shouldn’t have done it at all, and this is obviously not good behavior. Our friend group is divided: A few believe Will, a few don’t and have cut ties, and one friend who works in the same industry as Will (but not at the same company) fears his own professional reputation will suffer if he keeps the friendship. Another friend who used to work with both Will and the women involved is also unsure what ....
Dear Prudence, My wife is beautiful, smart, fun, and we complement each other in a lot of ways. But we cannot for the life of us figure out how to stick to a compromise. When we disagree, we’ll talk about it and come to an agreement, then a few days later, she’ll bring it up again, saying I “need to work with [her] and move to the middle.” For example, when her family would want to visit in pre-COVID days, we’d always have to discuss how long they’d stay in advance, otherwise they’d show up with no departure date in mind. She’d want them to stay for two weeks. I’d want a few days. We’d agree on a week, and then she’d get on the phone with them and say, “OK, you can stay for 12 days.” When I protest, she says I need to be more flexible. ....
Q. First steps: My sister is the stereotypical internet social justice warrior (cares a lot about the “right things,” but kind of focuses on the minutiae that irritate people). She has also recently married a (very nice!) woman with an 8-year-old son, and is now very focused on being a good parent. Unfortunately, she seems kind of … pessimistic about my nephew? He’s a nice kid from what I’ve seen last year and over Zoom, but he’s a kid. So he misbehaves. He fibs. He gets into disputes with other children. Every time he does my sister gets on the phone to me to talk about how this is the “first step” to him becoming a predator. He tricked one of the little girls next door into swapping a toy for a bag of toffee. That was apparently a sign he didn’t respect consent and would become a date rapist. He fibbed on the internet that he had a pony, then committed to the lie to the point he invited other children to come and visit the pony, and that means he’s going to ....