People come up and ask what he with are doing and who we are here for all asked if trump was here and pretty of all of whom seemed larry tonightly, jim gilmore is running for president. And heres where i read your minds because you all just thought, who the bleep is jim gilmore . Joe biden butz out his feelers for a president ial run. Its the first time in years his feelers have actually been used appropriately. And the boy scouts of america finally ends its ban on gay scout leaders. Great. So its a big year for gays who like to tie knots. Time for the nightly show. Lets do this captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [ cheers and applause ] larry oh man. Welcome to the nightly show. Such a good audience. I am Larry Wilmore and man i am so excited you guys. I am so excited. You know what i am talking about. We are a couple of days away from the first gop debate which means its time to check in on what is happening with the unblackening. Okay. Lets take a look at the newest candidate who is trying to denegrofy the white house. Former Virginia Governor jim gilmore is the newest contender in the republican president ial sweepstakes. Sweep sweepstakes is right. Jim gilmore has a bigger chance of winning the hunger games than winning the president ial election. Right . [cheers and applause] larry now, if you wondering who jim gilmore is, you are not alone. I would not want to sugarcoat it. We asked people for their questions today. And a lot of them were why . Some of them were, who . Larry but most of them were wuuuuuuuut . Wuuuuuuuut . Larry okay. So you were a governor blah, blah, blah you think you are the one who can save the country, whatever, whatever just give me Something Else i havent heard from those other 16 candidates, anything. I am a United StatesArmy Intelligence veteran. Larry oh. Intelligence veteran. So the thing you have to offer thats different from the rest of the republican candidates is intelligence. Hmm. [ applause ] larry you are separating yourself from the pack. Well, this is awesome man, gilmore is the first 007 president ial candidate and bio07 i mean he has only. 007 percentage in the poll. [ applause ] larry oh, speaking of espionage, louisiana governor and top secret bobby jindal continues his fight to be unknown by campaigning in an undisclosed location in north america. Seriously has anybody seen bobby jindal since he announced . Jim gilmore intelligence . Turning away from the world of intelligence, donald trump, now,. Who continues to remain steady at the top of the polls. All right. So whats the latest crazy . Sadly because president obama has done such a poor job as president you wont see another black president for generations. What did you mean by that . Yeah what did you mean by that . Well, i think he has been a very poor president. I think he has done a very poor job as president. Larry uhhuh. Uhhuh. So what you are saying is every black person gets penalized for one black persons actions . Do i really have to explain prejudice 101 to you . By your logic i should stop going to the dentist because they all kill lions. Instead of the real reason why i stopped, which is because they all have a conspiracy to inject black people with government killing juice. Hashtag gkj, look it up. For the sake of argument lets assume obama has done a poor job, you are telling me obamas poor presidency disqualifies an entire race but george w. Bushs poor presidency doesnt even disqualify his immediate family . [ cheers and applause ] larry okay. Okay. All right. Okay. The other really big Campaign News came from a marine, maureen dowd piece in the New York Times that joe biden is considering running for the president. Wow. There is huge that could really shake up the whole democratic race. He could be the first realistic challenge to hillarys socalled coronation. So for more on this we thought we would check in with someone from hillarys campaign. Please welcome Clinton Campaign official carlos jordanson. Thank you larry, i am happy to report all is well at Clinton Campaign headquarters. Larry okay. Great. So hillary is not upset that joe biden may run . Not at all. No no no no no larry oh what was that . Huh. I didnt hear anything. We believe the more candidates the merrier. Joe biden can rot in hell larry oh, my god. Did Somebody Just throw a glass . Everything is business as usual over here. Look, hillary welcomes biden as a mental sparring partner, a competitor in the marketplace of ideas will only make her stronger. If he runs i will ripoff his head and use his dead body to make a new pantsuit. Larry oh, my god, was that a death threat and a pantsuit . The patent suit is kind of a metaphor hillary is looking for now, like america, stylish, practical and you can get Business Done in it. She will be throwing out a lot of metaphors as we get closer to the election. Larry so she is not feeling like this could be a betrayal or anything like that . Not in the least hillarys dealt with tougher challenges than this. She will handle this with grace and ease. Besides joe and she are close. He just sent her a beautiful boquet of flowers. Ah that would be them. Help me larry good luck with that. Carlos jordanson, everybody. We will be right back. Right now at pizza hut, you can get any two medium pizzas for 6. 99 each. Get any toppings. Any crust flavor. Anything you want for just 6. 99 each. And sweeten the deal with a hersheys triple chocolate brownie for just 5. 99. Only at pizza hut. Tmobile now extends your coverage beyond the borders at no extra charge. Get 4g lte data in mexico and canada just like in the u. S. And call and text as much as you want to and from the United States, mexico, and canada. You heard right unlimited calls to any phone even mobile. 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Guys im back new snack bites from. Hot pockets taco bells five buck box has a burrito supreme, a crunchy taco and a bacon club chalupa. And medium drink. Our accountant said we couldnt afford to sell all that for 5 bucks. Whatever. [bong] [ cheers and applause ] larry welcome back. Man. There is great news coming out of the boy scouts. Now you can come out in the boy scouts. The boy scouts are officially ending their ban on openly gay leaders. Larry yeah. All right. I mean, tie an anglers loop for equality because the scouts have finally earned their letting people in based on actual merit badge. That is pretty good. And this comes two years after the group lifted the ban on gay scouts. This is great. So this applies to all scout units, right . The Organization Says church based units will still be allowed to exclude gay adults. Larry hmm. Okay. Thats a little disappointing, but what can you expect from a group that considers a tarp the height of technology . Right . And the boy scouts have a lot of religious units so i get it i mean its a little bit of throw up in our mouths but, you know we are not going to choke on it. Okay. All is good, time to fire up the literal fire, right . Despite that compromise the church of latter day saints says its deeply troubled by the new policy and is considering actually separating from the scouts. For jesus christ Christchurch Church sake mormons. Youre deeply troubled by this . I am deeply troubled by the fact that you only decided black men could be priests in 1978. Well, at least the boy scouts are on the right track. Here is the good news, i think the boy scouts are on the right track and if 105yearold Institution Designed to teach boys how to survive in 1,700s can bring its policies into the 21st century thats a good move. Okay. Here to talk more about this issue is boy scout expert matteo lane, matteo thanks for being here. So what is it like being in the boy scouts in this day and age . Oh i am not a boy scout. Larry oh. I am sorry. Because you are dressed like one. Oh, sure. But thats because i am going out to a bunch of gay clubs later and this outfit gets me a ton of peen. Larry okay. A ton of peen. Peen. Larry oh, i am sorry. Peen. Thats right, larry. And there is nothing gayer than the boy scouts. Larry what are you talking about . The boy scouts only just starting allowing gay scout leaders. Larry there is an orcs that has men go out into the woods to camp, swim and cook together all while wearing full neckerchiefs unironically. Larry sure. Its like a lady gaga video only gayer. Larry wow. And this is not about allowing gay scout leaders. The boy scouts of America Organization itself needs to come out of the closet. Larry wait, hold on, just because an organization promotes those activities with men it doesnt necessarily mean its gay. Larry wake up and smell the richly brewed coffee carefully prepared by an overly fussy scout leader thats way better than it has any right to be. It sounds like some very good coffee. Marvelous and there are tons of signs that should make it super obvious. Do you know what the highest level of boy scouts of america adult leadership training badge is called . Larry no. What is it . The wood badge larry. Larry really . Is that true . Oh, yes. And if you didnt know, wood is a synonym for boner. Larry actually, i did know that it just sounds like you are generalizing the things that gay guys like. Oh, i amgen liesing. Larry yeah. Kind of like the mormons do. Larry okay. Fair enough. I get it, but what about the boy scout oath which calls on the scouts to quote keep myself physically strong mentally awake and morally straight. Larry, that is the gayest part of the scouts. Larry how is that possible . Oh straight, it is the classic gay misdirect. You know, it is like the more a politician goes off against gay rights, the more you know he gets off to liam hemsworth. Ha ha, ha. Oh god zing larry that is an amazing zing, by the way. Very good. Zing [ cheers and applause ] larry okay. All right. But isnt it possible that they just really dont like gays . Oh, i never thought of that. I mean, i guess it is possible, larry. But when you really break it down, neckerchiefs dont lie. Larry that is a good point. Matteo lane, everybody. We will be right back is she after our liquid gold . Oh, she better not be. Our claim runs straight down to the glutn free stuffin. Its gluten. Theres gold in them thar shells. Liquid gold. Jim and it all comes down to this stormwind champion vs. Ogre brute. Bob im feeling really good about stormwind he[re]. Whoa am i seeing this right . Jim could be a scare tactic bob, could be nerves. Bob i dont think scare tactics work with ogres jim uh, you know from experience. 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Larry okay. Welcome back, i am here with my panel. Comedian and show runner here at the nightly show, rory albanese. You can see him in the upcoming tv show tribeca and the movie barber shop 3, deon cole. And her new show, Difficult People premiers this wednesday on lulu, Julie Klausner. [ applause ] larry lets get right to it. There are about 43 republican candidates right now, and it is like five democratic ones and like three are in the witness protection program. It is like a real housewives reunion but with more fake hair. Larry yes. Exactly. And now biden is like, well people are saying he might run. It seems pretty plausible. Do you think he has a chance . To win or run . Well, i think he has a chance to run. Larry do you think he has a chance to win. Hillary wont give anyone else a chance to win. Thats thats not how democracy works. No she will be the next president or take america down with her. These the only choice. You have one choice. She will she will sink this boat. Women and children first. Exactly. And hillary gets on lifeboat of course. Larry what do you think . I. It is so easy. I never realized how easy it is to be president. Larry it is. It is very easy. It is very easy. To run to be president. You mean he decided all you have to do is be in america. It is hard to get in the olympics. Larry thats true. Yes, you are right. You have to have accomplished something. You have to have accomplished something. And biden has more of a chance than he used to, it is like a uncle that went to rehab, hey, can i have a beer . Lets try it out and lets invite him to a party. Just dont leave him with the kids alone. Biden, it doesnt seem like he gets penalized for any of his eccentricities lets say but hillary has to say in this very narrow lane, you know,. Thats because hillary cant win honestly and larry she can or cant win . The second one. If she were more fun loving, then people would criticize her for being serious because he is serious she is trying to give the impression she would be the leader of the free world is they want her to be playing the ukulele. Larry like new girl. I mean, she would be fantastic. I do think because he is a woman like she is put much more in at that box, what she wears. Absolutely but that is what it is when you have to like break the Glass Ceiling you have to be the first person to deal with bull bleep . Obviously she needs to loosen up a little bit. Like joe biden, he is super loose. Larry biden is a little too loose. Like i can go out with biden and go pick up some smos. Yes larry hold on a second. So thats what you find an appealing quality in a president ial candidate . Did you not hear this is america. Larry i love that idea. Yeah i would like to add take the fun knob up a notch and do karaoke, like do a heart song. I would like to hear that. Larry it is like pick a heart song. There is always going to be now so you have biden kind of lets call it goof fins or whatever and then you have trumps goof fins which is different. I feel like we laugh at biden like oh he did that or said that, but trump, it is like oh he said that. I know it is like one beer in and off his meds. [ cheers and applause ] but i feel like i think that is what makes trump so awesome is because in the beginning i was like you, just because i work here oh this will be easy for writing jokes you know what i mean . And lately like with biden it is like a puddle of you know like funny stuff. I like foghorn leghorn but i dont want to vote for him. Larry 0 foghorn leghorn it is like, i said yes, i said yes. Now, folks i said, folks. You know trump is speaking without a filter the thing about that, what is appealing for me i feel like the system is so broken in washington that a guy like trump may just destroy it and that would be a good thing, you know what i mean . Then we can reboot. Biden could get. It is like getting a new cellphone and dropping it in the toilet. It is like control alt delete for dc. We talk about, he really is kind of like a hiphop candidate, i tell you what, here is the thing he says whatever the bleep he is he he thinking, he doesnt care, he has beats with everybody. He has blink and proudly. Bling and proudly showing it. He has hos. Yes, he has hos. But you think he doesnt give a bleep . He is not even preparing for this debate. He was in england for a golf tournament, it is like bleep . Right . I think there is something about the average american likes and it drives us bleep ing crazy. This is america i know. It is like the bachelorette is over we want more dumb dumb dudes on tv. It is not like everyone else is so smart, it is like he represents a lot more because politicians are supposed to be representatives of the people and what is more representative of us than not just giving a bleep . It is more than that i am not going to prepare. One you do drugs with and the other you do drugs to tolerate. Larry there you go. I love, people like Chris Christie or the socalled truth tellers, you know, sort of like i am telling it like it is. Trump makes them because he exposes that kind of careful political speak where it looks like they are railing against the system. But with trump, when trump says it he really means it. It is like taking a dump with the door open. What are you going to do . Thats what men do. [ cheers and applause ] larry okay. The if you are a president ial candidate how do you even prepare for this debate . How would you prepare . What would you do . You are going against trump. If i am going against trump, i would have a few jewish comedians behind me. Joke, joke, joke, joke joke. What do you do . I was preparing for a debate with trump i would instead of avoiding eye contact with the guy on the subway who calls me red devil jewish bitch, i would be like i would be like not the case, and here is why. In other words, i would engage with a lunatic. Larry that sound good. I think that in a debate it is going to come down to him saying crazy bleep and just challenge him on basic Human Knowledge like when is the last time trump like bought a gallon of milk or anything a human does. Larry thats how you would prepare. Absolutely anything he said because you cant because he is just going to do this. How would you handle this . I would hire the best people. Like this se never going to yield to you, so you just have to Say Something i have a question for mr. Trump like how much do shoes cost . You know what i mean . It is like ah. Shoes cost 5,000 Everybody Knows that. Larry we will be right back right after this. Grab tickets in an upcoming taping of the nightly show monday through thursday, gieght to the so, what made you switch to taco bells a. M. Crunchwrap . They put everything in here. Theres like eggs, cheese, bacon. A hashbrown in the a. M. Crunchwrap. 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