From trevors couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. Trevor lets kick things off with whats on everyones mind right now the u. S. President ial election is just one week away, one week, people and passions are running high. In florida martian went on a backhoe blitz stealing a bull dozer and adding his own curb appeal to homes of biden supporters. James blight drove around haines city digging out biden harris signs from front yards. According to authorities hed been drinking whiskey all day and stole the bull dozer from a nearby arbys construction site. Trevor this is truly such an amazing florida story. The only question now is whether this guy is going to end up in jail or the Governors Mansion but it also goes to show how everybody is too obsessed with politics right now. I mean, this dude stole a bull dozer, and his first astronaut was to drive over Campaign Signs . He could have done so much more he could have moved peoples cars to another parking spot. Or stolen an atm, or knocked over a fire hydrant to watch the water spray out. Guys, life is so much bigger than just politics. Also, did this guy think that bull dozing those signs was going to make a difference in the election . What was the logic here . Its not like the owners of those houses were going to walk outside and go, oh, no my lawn sign is how often gone how will i remember who to vote for now . If i was one to have the people he did this to, i wouldnt be mad, i would buy more signs and put them in the back of my yard in the shape of a pool. Yeah, you missed the other one, put two there. I mate to blame video games for anything but maybe this wouldnt have happened if grand theft auto would erelease a new game already. Its been seven years, rock star the people are hungry for it meanwhile, president trump, the florida man in chief, is holding coronavirusaways all across the mid rest and he clearly is getting tired of attacking joe biden because hes putting efforts into getting kamala harris. Bidens running mate, how about her . Kamala, kamala. booing did you see her on Television Last night with the laugh . She kept laughing. I said is there something wrong with her, too . I said is there something wrong with her, she kept laughing. She is considered more liberal than crazy berne, can you believe it . Were not going to have a socialist president , especially a female socialist president , were not going to have it, were not going to put up with it, its not going to map. Trevor especially a female socialist president . What does that mean . If were going to have socialism, it better be a dude because i dont want some chick giving me free healthcare. What if she sticks a finger up my butt . I love that a female socialist president is trumps Worst Nightmare because i can picture him waking up in a cold sweat and melania being, like, oh, no, honey, was it the female socialist president again . Im just kidding. Melania and trump dont share a bedroom. Hes going to judge her laugh . My man, lieu yao look like you were built by the same company who made the tower of pizza. Im sure people dont pose in front of you as well. Lets move on. If anyone kneeled a reminder about whats at stake in an election you got is last night because last night republicans took full advantage on their hold on the white house and the senate by officially sealing the deal on their replacement for the Late Supreme CourtJustice Ruth Bader ginsburg. From judge to Justice Barrett. I Amy Coney Barrett exactly one month after billion nominated by president trump, Amy Coney Barrett now joins the nations highest court concluding one of the quickest and most controversial Supreme Court confirmations in modern american history. The late evening event, the most partisan confirmation in 150 years. Only susan collins, one republican, voting in favor of barrett, every democrat voting against her. President trump relishing in the made for tv photo op. It is highly fitting that Justice Barrett fills the seat of a true pioneer for women, as Justice Ruth Bader ginsburg. Trevor say what you want about the g. O. P. But this was gangster. They swapped out a Supreme Court seat in four weeks. This whole process, this whole process in four weeks. Was like watch ago chop shop strip down your car for parts. Ill miss my audi but youve got to admire their technique. I dont know about you but i was shocked to see the senate move this quick. Normally they take months to do anything but here they moved so fast it was disorienting. Its like when you Call Customer Service and immediately speak to a human being. This is janet, how can i help you . Aaahhh i wasnt ready they just hustled Amy Coney Barrett straight from the confirmation to a midnight ceremony. She looked like the basic cable version of eyes wide shut. And guys, you know that anytime youre doing a daytime event at night, something is wrong. Like, if youre digging a hole during the day children playing, birds tweeting trevor but if youre digging the same hole at night owls hooting, trevor trumps comment about barrett being the perfect replacement for r. B. G. Is grade a. M. Trolling. He knows what hes doing because r. B. G. And barrett are both women but barrett is going to dismantle all of r. B. G. s good work. So this would be like if the lakers replaced lebron with ben carson, technically, theyre swapping one black man for another, but good luck on making the playoffs next season. as ben carson im going to take the shot as soon as i buzzer trevor but Senate Democrats had ominous warnings for colleagues who had finally crossed the line. Our republican colleagues are shattering the norms and breaking the rules and breaking their word and there will be consequences. I think there are now new rules in the senate and i think republicans have set them. The next time the American People give democrats a majority in this chamber, you will have forfeited the right to tell us how to run that majority. If all of this rulebreaking is taking place, what does the majority expect . What do they expect . They expect that theyre going to be able to break the rules with impunity and, when the shoe maybe is on the other foot, nothings going to happen . Trevor whoo democrats are not happy. This is the kind of warning you hear at the beginning of a horror movie youll rue the day you burned me alive for being a witch and i dont blame the democrats for being so pissed. For them, it has been a constant fouryear losing streak, and every now and again they get a win. At this point, theyre basically the knicks of politics. But by the sounds of it, if democrats take control of the senate, the gloves are coming off, except for you, Mitch Mcconnell, your gloves need to stay on so people can eat. These arent just empty threats. If the polls can be trusted, democrats have a good chance of taking control of the senate and the presidency next year. So the question is what are they going to do for revenge . Well, according to joe biden, its on. If elected, would you move to add more justices to the Supreme Court . If elected, what i will do is i will put together a National Bipartisan commission of constitutional scholars, democrats, republicans, liberal, conservative, and i will ask them to, over 180 days, come back to me with recommendations as to how to reform the court system because its getting out of whack, the way in which its being handled. Andeth not about court packing. There are a number of other things constitutional scholars have debated and ive took looked to see what recommendations that commission might make. Trevor really, joe biden . Democrats could have threatened to do anything expand the numbers of justices, make all the bathrooms in congress gender fluid, get drunk, bull doze the Supreme Court, but instead, you wait, mitch, because in six months the democrats are going to bring a Bipartisan Commission all up your ass rest in peace, ruth, we got you i mean, a sixmonth commission . I dont know that you could filibuster yourself. Read the room, joe when everyone is, like, were going to the club to shut shit down you dont go, or hear me out whos ever heard of scrabble . Heres the thing, the other day Mitch Mcconnell had a simple response to everyone concerned about how he got barrett on to the Supreme Court. You know what he said . He said, you cant win em all, and elections have consequences. And you know what . Hes right. And theres another election coming up in a week, and thats also going to have consequences, too, but elections are only the beginning of the story. Republicans didnt take over the court just because they felt like it, they did it because the people who elected them made it clear that it was a priority. So whatever your priority is for the Supreme Court going forward, you better vote next week, and then let the people you put in office know what you expect from them. All right, when we come back, we find out who is behind Donald Trumps teleprompter and Chelsea Handler is joining us on the show. Stick around. Hey baby, hey, hey you got me feelin punchdrunk crazy, so crazy its everything i want, now maybe, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh can we do it again . Your blessings all i ever wanted im stressed, you got me feelin nauseous wowwowwowwowwow wowwowwowwowwow wow wowwowwowwowwow [dinosdont even [dinosaur noises] im serious [dinosaur noises] yes fritolay variety packs. Packed with possibilities. The unfair money bail system. He, accused of rape. While he, accused of stealing 5. The stanford rapist could afford bail; got out the same day. The Senior Citizen could not; forced to wait in jail nearly a year. Voting yes on prop 25 ends this failed system, replacing it with one based on public safety. Because the size of your wallet shouldnt determine whether or not youre in jail. Vote yes on prop 25 to end money bail. This was the theater i came to quite often. The support weve had over the last few months has been amazing. I have a soft spot for local places. Its not just a work environment. Everyone here is family. Gonna go ahead and support him, get my hair cut, leave a big tip. If we focus on our local communities, we can find a way to get through this together. Thank you. If you are ready to open your heart and your home, check us out. Get out and about and support our local community. We thought for sure that we were done. And this town said not today. Tintroducing the iphone 12 prog nwith 5g. Or a moment like this. And this town said not today. Now at tmobile, the leader in 5g coverage, you can unleash the power of the epic iphone 12 pro in more places. Get 2 iphone 12 pros 2 lines of unlimited 5g for just 100. Only at tmobile. Americas largest 5g network. So, late last night, donald trump hosted a swearingin ceremony for Amy Coney Barrett, Supreme Court justice and mom who blocks nickelodeon for too much adult content. And some people were excited to see her ceremony, while others were furious about it. But one thing everyone was thinking was what the hell was trump talking about . We are fulfilling the duty that passes to each new generation to sustain the National Traditions and virtues that make possible everything we have achieved before that we will do tomorrow. Trevor trump is the only person who can make english sound like a Foreign Language. It actually sounds like someone translated trumps speech into farsi, back into english and gave him a concussion. The speech reminds me of essays i would write in high school when i was trying to reach a word count and then those who submitted would be also within their range to find dreams and memories. All right, done. Seriously, i dont know if you could figure it out because i ran that speech through Google Translate and it killed itself. Watching trump struggle through speeches like that makes me wonder how hard it would be for the guy in charge of his teleprompter. What is it like to be that guy . Well luckily, it turns out theres a documentary on just that very person. My name is Preston David smith and i operate the president s teleprompter. You may have heard him 3467 he. You want me to go back on teleprompter . No. Heres a question my poor guy must be having a fit, hes so good at this stuff. Hees on line three. Hes saying, sir, should i just turn the sucker off . Would you rather go teleprompter or freelance . Freelance. So basically im is seat belt that keeps him safe as he zooms down that verbal highway. Which is obviously a metaphor he does not wear seat belts. My job is basically load the words into the teleprompter, scroll it as the president reads. Sounds simple. Its not. The oped published in the failing New York Times by ananomus really an anomus, gutless coward. You just look. He was nobody knows who the hell he is or she, though they put he but probably thats a gitle disguise, that means its she. But for the sake of our National Security operating the president s teleprompter is one of the most important jobs in this current administration. It goes secretary of state, guy who turns on the tv to fox news, then me. Scrolling the prompter for the president is a dance. You know, sometimes hes leading, sometimes im leading, but sometimes its just jazz, and i just gotta lean back and let him take the solo. We gave them their dignity back. cheers and applause by the way, you dont mind if i go off script a little bit because, you know, its sort of boring. cheering got this beautiful speech, everythings wonderful, but a little boring. We have to you know. But we gave them their dignity back, and thats whyo yo why ouy is doing record business. I feel like everything in my life is leading up to this job. I got bit by the teleprompter bug earl lier. I would be in my room working for hours. I practiced on my dog. My mom said, preston, some day you are going to help grown men read words off a screen. And she was right. The president is an unparalleled communicator, so i am always trying to get on his level. But i do make typos. On january 23rd, venezwalas National Assembly he was awarded the bronze tar and come bat infantryman. Heart, luck and liver trance pants. And god bless the united states. I really thought the nate shtates was spelled with three hs but its just one. Trump is an amazing boss, he didnt give me corona, but sometimes i feel that i dont know, undervalued. And you know i say you shouldnt be allowed to use teleprompters because you have to test peoples intelligence. If you need teleprompters do you know how easy it is . No, you know do you easy it is . cheering all right. I guess what i do doesnt mean shit. Can we cut . But the job does have perks. I mean, you cant beat the hours. He goes off prompter so much ive had so much time to foster new hobbies. You know, they love wind, too, the big wind mills. I always say the greatest graveyard in the world for birds, just walk under a windmill, you will see more dead birds than you will ever imagine. Whats happening, including eagles, you know, in california, they put you in jail if you shoot a bal bald bald eagle. Its been a wild ride but i loved every second of it. Are you going to vote for trump . No, the dude is a horrible president. We have to come together and make sure this guy does not win again. Thats why im voting for kanye. Trevor fascinating stuff. All right, we have to take a quick break but dont go away because, when we come back, desi lydic gets real with undecided voters. Ha. Hey, tracee, i cant hear you over this flamin hot crunch. Oh, crispy, airy, tasty poppables. Stax. Im totally tubular. Lays. A little joy with every bag. I never said it but. dramatic crying whoa did svenrod just die . Yeah can you do it again . Sure, sure i always loved you. Oh man. Missed it again. Alexa, rewind 10 seconds. Can make devices work even better than coppertop . This toothbrush brushes quicker. This screwdriver turns speedier. This fan spins faster. Upgrade your devices with duracell optimum. This fan spins faster. Its just that its. Lavender, yes it is. Old spice, its for men. But i like the smell of it. [music playing] iwith vicks sinex saline nasal cmist. Tion for drug free relief that works fast. Vicks sinex. Instantly clear everday congestion. mom dad we fiits good to be back. Our subaru forester. mom it sure is. mom vo over the years, we trusted it to carry and protect the things that were most important to us. mom good boy. mom vo we always knew we had a lot of life ahead of us. mom remember this . mom vo thats why we chose a car that we knew would be there for us through it all. male vo welcome to the subaru forester. The longestlasting, most trusted forester ever. They say were we say playfuls never done dont fight the feeling just let it flow stack it up, rack it up, let it go i got a secret the world should know lets stay playful, oreo show. With the election already underway, polls show that fewer than five percent of voters are still undecided. But why is that even that high . Desi lydic finds out. Every election season we hear about that rarest, most mysterious of demographics, the undecided voter. Those few voters who may still be on the fence. People who matter more than anyone else in this election. These voters are very important to harness in for either the biden or trump campaigns. The undecided 30 of voters usually decide elections and thats why politicians spend a lot of time trying to persuade them. But how could anyone be undecided choosing between these guys . This close to the election, all of you are still undecided voters . Yes. Regrettably yes. Completely undecided . I dont know if i am or not, so im i i dont know. So when do you think youre going to decide if youre undecided . You know, i i i dont know what i want to do. Um, so i think im waiting. I feel like im stuck behind those people who try every single flavor at baskinrobbins and each have their own brand of indecision. Biden republicans. I voted straight republican until the party was taken over by donald trump but im prolife. I voted for donald trump in 2016 but i dont know that our country can survive another four years of what feels like pure turmoil. There are also democrats who are hiding from biden. Something that, you know, ive seen with the Democratic Party is how they, you know, will take the africanamerican and the black vote for granted. And the independent whos pissed off with everybody. What each candidate is offering, the fact that someone can go bruft because of an emergency i think is embarrassing, and i think that we lack Maternity Care for uninsured women stephen, stop flirting, im married, okay . Dont get any ideas. All right, sorry. Go on. Okay. Maybe picking a president is too big a decision. How about we start with something smaller. All right, coke or pepsi. Pepsi. Coke. Pepsi. Coke. Chicken or fish . Chicken. Fish. Fish. Fish. Great. Im vegan. Shut the ~bleep up, stephen. Shut the ~bleep up. laughter so they can make decisions, then what the so hard about this one. Election forecaster has a provocative theory on whether the undecided are even real. In the world of Political Science we dont have all this mystery about undecided voters, if i was to talk to a group of undecided voters, the first thing i would ask them is do you lean to the democrats or republicans . And then if they told me that they did, nine out of ten times, i can tell you who theyre going to vote for. Sounds like a simple idea but made rachels forecast for the 2018 Midterm Election most accurate. Winning the election is not about persuading the undecided,eth about motivating your team to show up and the biggest motivator is how much you dislike the other side. I knew this concept from Political Science research called negative partisanship which is the fear and the hate that people feel towards the opposition party. Its like when they kept voting for dancing with the stars just to get sean spicer off. Thats exactly right, thats negative partisanship. I dont like dancing with the stars. Im a mass singer kind of girl. If negative partisanship decides every election why is anyone pretending to be undecided . Theres sexiness to being undecided especially in president ial elections. If youre in a swing state, got all these stump reporters wandering around, and, you know, whos undecided . Whos undecided . Are you undecided . Youre saying that they just identify as undecided even when theyre not actually undecided, like, theyre basically racheling in decision. You can tell theyre fake because they dont decide between donald trump and joe biden. Theyre fakest. Im going to tell them to their face. Come on, you guys, youre not actually undecided. Youre just telling me that youre undecided to keep me on my toes for suspense. Well, guess what . Its not working lets just go around. Which way are you leaning . suspenseful music biden. Biden. Biden. Joe biden. Im leaning towards trump. Aaahhh okay. Fine. So youre not undecided. You do know who youre voting for. Can we still be friends . Let me think about it. Im a little undecided. So rachel is right, most of these undecideds were just faking it for attention, but i still had to ask her about the only thing that really matters this election i want to know whos going to win. Dont tell me if its bad news. Okay. If its good news, dont say anything. Okay. It is good news. Im undecided about it, you know. What . Dont ~bleep with me, rachel iPolitical Science has a term fr that. Fake is ~bleep . Trevor thank you so much, desy. When we come back, ill talk to the hilarious Chelsea Handler. You dont want to miss it. Trevo the daily social distancing show earlier today, i spoke with bestselling author and comedian Chelsea Handler. We talked about her new standup special the upcoming election and so much more. Which brings me to the strong and deep sexual feelings i have developed for andrew cuomo. cheers and applause i mean, i know we all feel it. A lot of women are feeling it. When he came on the scene, he looked like the incredible hulk, also, like that big italian gorilla is, like, put on your mask oh, ill put on my mask he is the kind of asdz hole ill do shit for and thats what i like him. An Old Fashioned asshole who will tell me to sit down and shut up trevor Chelsea Handler, welcome to the daily social distancing show. Hi, trevor, how are you . Trevor im going fantastic, thank you very much. How are you doing . I feel like you have been on quite a journey over the last few years. I know we spoke about some of the things you experienced in your book, but your new standup special is out, and it has been six years since you were last on the stage, so how are you and why now . Um, i feel like i wanted to bring some relief, you know, to this time that were all stuck in between the pandemic and this administration. I really felt compelled to, like, figure out a way to shoot this standup special during covid and, going home to new jersey just seemed kind of of ap apropos of everything in e special im talking about. Its a big reminder of humanity and the fact were all struggling together and not to forget that and to remind people, hey, there is laughter in pain and all of that good stuff. So it was meaningful to me to shoot it during covid and say, you know, to run the show during covid and practice the sets and all of that stuff and to give and to bring everybody together for a night, for many people who had not been out since covid started. So trevor ive always loved how you put your specials together, whether its traveling to africa and then coming back with different perspective on life, or doing all the drugs in the world and doing a special about that experience. Drugs are always a theme in all of my specials, in all of my work. laughter trevor but the why of this was really interesting to me because it has been six years since you were last on the stage doing a show like this and i wanted to know why. Im intrigued about why someone comes back when they come back. I didnt really feel like i had anything to say in a standup medium. I think i was just exhausted by doing all my shows and books and touring that i didnt feel i was making my contribution. And after i took a step back from me netflix show and sat back and went to therapy and thought about my privilege and the contribution i wanted to make instead of the taking and the taking and the cashing of checks and all of that and being a loud mouth, you know, just that. It was, like, what am i really going to do, what am i going to say and who am i here to be an ally to . All of those things started to marinate in different ways and i stopped spinning eight plates and was able to focus on one thing at a time, whether my book or my documentary or this special evolution, the integrity changes when you are focusing on one thing. So the more, the deeper i can get, the better off, you know, and the more i can impart and hopefully help and touch people, you know, in ways i hadnt before. Trevor what i love about the special is how you talk about therapy. What are some of the biggest things you learned about yourself in therapy that have now changed how Chelsea Handler approaches the world . First of all, i got the gift of selfawareness which is invaluable to find out i have been behaving like a bitch for so many years without even thinking about it. I was just, like, oh, im just here to tell the people from tooth. Whoa, not Everybody Needs to hear it or is interested in hearing it from me. It was rev la tore to find out that about myself and delayed grief about something that happened as a little girl and i had trauma. Moving in l. A. You live in this world where Everyone Wants to talk about trauma and triggers and manifestation and kale and eventually you fall into it and end up in a silent retreat sipping kale juice with explosive diarrhea saying how did i get here, too . But its true, it helps to go to therapy and talk to someone about your problems. Its the most humiliating experience, thats why i had to hair share it because you find out things about yourself youre too embarrassed to say about yourself. You have to admit your short sht shortcomings. Your impatience, the fact i cant stand in line at a airport book store because the slowness of the transaction annoys me, its too slow. Going over these things with a therapist and saying what do you think i have, a. D. D. And they say its more serious. In my case it was i lacked empathy. Once that went off and i realized he was telling me the truth and i realized i did lack empathy, i was, like, okay, im here to stay, give me the information and, you know, go back. And then once i realized, you know, everything is funny, if youre a comedian everything even death is funny, so you just need time to just kind of, you know, put it into your storytelling, whatever your specialty is, and, so, i was really excited to share this with everybody and just kind of really show myself in a way that i hadnt been seen before either. It wasnt scary, it was like it was new and exciting. Trevor yeah, it also felt a lot more vulnerable than we used to. I mean, its a special way you talk about death in your family, you know, about your father dealing with your brothers passing. You talk about the pain that you experience. You share a lot in a way that is very vulnerable and it feels very different for us to see with you. Even you talking about not drinking as much. You know, which is very funny but also really honest in the way that you were telling the story. Did you enjoy being that vulnerable . Because, like, as a comedian, you always have this shield, but it felt like you had a few cracks in the shield and you allowed people to peer in further than they had before. Was that a little frightening for you . As a comedian, its hard to be on stage and not hear laughter, so when i showed that show, you know, the special, when i showed it to my agents and i said, hey, i think i have a special ready and they came to see it, one agent was, like, you have to sit with a serious moment longer and let it breathe and im, like, i cant, im allergic to not having that instant gratification that comedians are used to. You know, thats what makes chappelle so genius and he doesnt feel the need to go after the laughs, hes provoking your thoughts. And, so, its really hard. It was hard for me in that sense to really tick to the moment and let the moment breathe when i do talk about my brother because, you know, it is emotional and, you know, you dont get emotional every time, but when youre really present with something, it shows up in your work, you know, and it was a great lesson in how to be diligent and be focused, you know, be focused through the beginning of a set and taking it all the way to filming the special and to be present and not to be drunk or wasted. You can be a little stoned now, thats my thing, but, you know, the other stuff is, like, oh, thats old me. Like theres a new thing happening. South fun to share it with people, but, definitely, no, i like to walk through challenges, i love to be different, you know, i love to show Something Different when im feeling Something Different. Trevor although you have always been someone who is crazy and loud and fin funny and just like doesnt take anything seriously, youve always been really engaged in politics. One of the more interesting political discussions youve gotten into recently was between you feel and 50cent, you guys have had an interesting relationship over the past few years and the latest update ive seen said 50cent will be voting for trump because despite him not doing well with black people and not being great with black people, 50cent doesnt want to pay taxes. You said ill pay your taxes if you vote for joe biden and then alluded to you might have sex to him. And 50 came back and said, all right, im voting for biden. It seems like l. I. Ship on next level is what youve done here, Chelsea Handler. First, let me say i spoke to 50cent last night on the telephone and im going to tell you all about it. First i want to apologize for having to say i was reminding him he was a black man. Thats inappropriate and i think as an ally, i need to set an example by always apologizing when i make a my step and thats a my step, im a white woman saying that to a black man, thats not cool and i apologize to everyone who was offended by that. I will say if any of my exboyfriends come out in support of a white supremacist president we have, ill call them out on it. We had a conversation on the phone last night for 25 minutes, 30 minutes. I wanted to make sure i wanted to talk to him about what he tweeted and to see if he was serious because sometimes he tweets things that arent serious, as do i, and hes not, hes supporting biden. So, you know, he was just kind of pissed about the taxes and we were joking about that, but, you know, we talked about, like, taxes are, you know, when you make a lot of money, you have the bigger responsibility. Thats what society is. And by the way, if you want to evade your taxes, republicans have a whole handbook about how to do that and there are many states you can live in to do just that. So it was a very healthy conversation. I did get the impression that he did ask me about taking late spin, as i paraphrased it. I said i would be interested in taking another spin because you cant really pay someone to vote for someone. laughter so i am open to figuring out another form of payment for him, but hes already a biden supporter, so i dont even really have to go down that road. laughter trevor well, i can safely sayt that, if more politics was engaged in the way you have engaged with it, politics would not only be a lot healthier, but a lot more interesting. Chelsea, thank you so much for joining me on the show. Congratulations on your new special and also i think your new place in life. Its wonderful to see you. Oh, thanks, trevor, its always great to see you. Thank you. Trevor thank you so much, chelsea. Dont forget Chelsea Handler, evolution is streaming now on hbo max. Well take a quick break but for tonight, but before we go were partnering with world central kitchen for their new chefs for the polls program. Theyre activating local food trucks, restaurants, and caterers, owned and operated primarily by people of color, to serve food to people in voting lines, especially in underserved communities where voting lines are historically longer. If you can help out in any way, then all you need to do is donate at the link below. Until tomorrow stay safe out there, wear a mask, and remember dont tear out your neighbors yard sign. Just take a pen and explain your opposing views on the other side. Lets have a conversation, people then we can fight. Now, here it is your moment of zen. When he says he wants to go out into that crowd and give everyone the kiss, remember the godfather . Hes giving you a kiss, all right. Its speaking Foreign Language like in the godfather, we made the peace. No more illusions to the godfather. laughter from the internet and is intended for a mature audience. Comedy central does not condone the activities performed and discourages anyone from attem attempting them. Enjoy. [ applause ] cleanest clam on skid row. Welcome to tosh. 0. For halloween im dressed as a sexy widower who has just lost a child, because this is the season of mourning. Tonight we meet a guy whos not a businessman, he loves businesses, man. Rax. We play the snuff film of game shows and this weeks lucky sob. Now, after toilet paper became a hard get some people didnt go back. Postmenopausal vaginal dryness is no laughing matter. Shame on all of you. Now, lets put 20 seconds on the clock and see how many funny comments we can make. Her body, her choice. Theres a good chance that hydrant is just barfing. That tainted water is going to run into the oceans and make our fish taste even fishier. When you spend generations blasting your bean with a shower head you have to level up. A little more pressure. Nice to see Elizabeth Warren getting back out there. Better late than never. But its a 300 ticket if i park in front of a hydrant . She does this every 9 11 for the first responders. Moving on. This is the safest way to uber right now. I want to make sure this isnt a hate crime before i do any jokes. It seems consensual enough. Lets put 20 seconds on the