Love you. I love you so much. Happy tuesday everybody today is childrens picture poked a and thats why no one could reach President Biden. The department of health and Human Services say doctors must obtain informed consent before performing a Prostate Exam and i wish someone told my dentist that. s one third of americans dont know viewing a Solar Eclipse with the naked eye can permanently damage their vision and only one other thing they could see that pose the same danger. Over the weekend, for inches of rain and Southern California said a new total not seen since the late 18 hundreds in so much rain in la Governor Newsom had to move tom cruise to higher ground. Health services raising the alarm after a person tested positive for bird flu and since its texas, mutely served coleslaw and cornbread. And scientists in portugal accidentally created a mouse embryo with six legs and no genitals. Sounds like green day. A man walking on a Cayman Island beach discovered a bottle that contained a handwritten message and heres what it said. Not really a joke there. Forbes just released the list of world billionaires or is as i call it the list of people to kidnap. New study found male menopause is real so thats why im unable to get pregnant. Nbc nothing but crap published a story that came for floridas sun and sand in its a masterpiece of Cherry Picking which means its time for. [ ] reporters are coming around and thats what they demand, so little twist all the facts because the media thats the plan. To only tell half of the story the data they pick and they choose in desperate attempts of making dollars in cents lying to you is like you on the news. [ ] [ parody of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road brick road ]brick road ] greg mentally ill. We know people are flocking to florida like lizzo to a food truck but did you know not everyone is glad they did says nbc while thousands of new residents flocked to the state on the promise of beautiful weather techno income tax and lower cost, five 500,000 left in 2222 with hostile put up a environment, worsening traffic and extreme weather pushing them out and got all that from interviewing 12 people. Twelve people who left the state in the past two years but sadly the writer also had to admit florida is the second Fastest Growing state as of july 2023 main inc. Meeting many more moved in that actually moved out so he says about this dopey piece its like claiming a restaurant is losing customers but only counting the people who pay their checks and walk out the door now of course that would kill any story about the socalled exodus but it didnt found nbc found a few people to tell their sob stories and one woman who moved to florida from connecticut in 2021 complaint she would did not know it would be hundred degrees at night and first of all when it is 100 degrees not the perfect Sleeping Temperature for women . Im so cold. That should be on the epitaph of every woman who ever lived. But thats right, she did not know it would be so hot and florida. You think the motto on their Licence Plates wouldve tipped her off. It is the Sunshine State in not the Pitch Black Dark Estate You Dip [bleep] and its why part of the state is called the panhandle where everyone living there over the age of 30 has more facial wrinkles than a sharpeis balls dipped and ice water but did you know theres a lot of traffic . Who knew that other than anybody and i have news for you lady when the age of the average driver is 84 on any road, there will be congestion. [scattered applause ] when she moved to florida, she did not realize it would be florida like that easily offended Comedy Club Audience Member who did not read up on the headliner and mad the comedian sense of humor does not fit her own so she walks out in nbc news sites Consumer Prices and insurance rates and imagine a place becoming more popular is becoming more expensive but meanwhile in california you can air bb the Oakland Coliseum and did you know if you live and florida that your home might be damaged by a hurricane. Quite and someone tell these people florida has hurricanes and if only Florida Sports Team gave us a hint right . The miami hurricanes field 16 teams with baseball and basketball and womens soccer and thats not even real. One guy said he felt unsafe because everyone walks around with guns there and you would like guns to if you are sandwiched between haiti and borja. Hasnt the dude ever seen an episode of cops . To thank its every coincidence was shot in Broward County and i hear that name a nicer flushing drugs down the toilet. Nbc news Reports Floridians Fling the state over increasingly conservative policies including a crackdown on undocumented immigrants, a Bad On Transgender Care for minors state interventions and how race and slavery and sexuality taught in schools and moral laws are enforced and children arent sterilized for playing with the wrong tools and people dont assume your races for being white meaning the only people fleeing our liberal [bleep] who didnt belong there anyway. [cheers and applause] fleeing the state is another way of expressing all that tolerance theyre known for so they should go so nbc found 12 people who moved to florida with Unrealistic Expectations in now regret it and i can find 12 people that could say seth meyers is funny and if i asked his writers but florida is doing great thanks to Governor Desantis so nbc news feels dutybound to treat it like a San Francisco sidewalk and take a dump on it. Speaking of san fran, a new report ranks at as the healthiest city in the country true Dodging Street Kurt street towards his great cardio and openair drug use must be great and nice Work Wallet Hub managing to overlook minor things like overdose epidemic. What the hell is wallet hub . A Finance Company headquartered and florida. And the fact is no lib who wants to remain in Good Standing can say anything bad about a democrat because nightmare or anything good about republican success but even democrats really believe this in just ask aoc and Gretchen Whitmer were there vacationing in florida. Lets welcome tonight suggest he thinks outside the box but enough about what he sleeps in. Michael. Shes tall and lengthy and you can take her tips of the bank. Financial analyst heather. She suite, petite and wont sell pictures of our feet, New York Times bestselling author. And he turns a lot of heads but he stabs there is next. New york times bestselling author. Greg michael, you traveled the rails is a happygolucky hobo and do you find San Francisco is the best place for a shaggy degenerate like yourself . Michael if your help not because San Francisco is so healthy in Washington Dc came in number 5 so healthy running for your life and i can tell youre trying to frame the Biden Administration is just cardio because every time you look at the prices use a holy jesus. Thats expensive. I love the whole San Francisco is good in florida is bad and i read the interview with that lady who left and i did not think it would be hot. Thats like going to a Strip Club Ryan sang where did all these come from . At their boobs everywhere. She said she had an Armadillo Infestation and to me thats like god giving you a gift youre not having a great time in florida, please enjoy these armadillos. God never closes a door without opening up an armadillo petting zoo. Greg i had an Armadillo Infestation got it from the locker room. Likely story. Heather, you greg are a business maven. Spee three just for tonight. Why do you think theyre going after florida and dont you live there . Spee three my husbands family is from there hated miami and love Broward County but we are big fans being a majority of floridians of Desantis Policies in just had our Spring Break Curfew in miami this past week they went really well and the residents of miami are very thankful and hes banning social media for kids under 14 so its working really well to say 12 people moved out and back in 2022, 500,000 moved out but still a lot more people and a mass exodus and call California Democratic run states to california in the 500,000 moved out our liberal progressives and go ahead theyre not coming there because of desantis. [cheers and applause]. Greg cat, they were complaining about a lot of things of political strife, what state would they go to where that would be less and this day and age . Kat im going to florida in a couple weeks but tickets to the miami show are available now if youd like to join me. I think florida is great but a lot of these people that set up their statements was like i was expecting this utopia of sorts and they seem like people trying to run away from themselves and if you think moving somewhere will solve all your problems, youre generally not right and always not right if you dont google the place so not knowing about it makes you think maybe you didnt google it i. Greg do that just for vacation and i look at the weather and crime. Kat apparently they didnt do that for the move i. Greg do that when im going to a different neighborhood in new york. Tyrus San Francisco was number 1 because they had the most green spaces which means places where people dont live so the Mountain Range is phenomenal the no humans can climb on local rate in the oceans are full of great white sharks so no one else goes in the water so that was the thing the whole article and i wondered how they were number 1 is a have more places or people can go as because theyre running for their lives in when they do they slip and fall into [bleep] but other than that a phenomenal place and another think, keep that clap in your pocket. The other thing is they pick people ill be polite, down on your luck so you left kansas because he lived in a double wide because of tornadoes and cannot get ahead in the midwest and moved to florida and you get the single wide and if you dont tipi her skirt down but the one that goes around the house that youll get Little Critters and i get the armadillo thank and you dont want them as they carry a lot of diseases so you cant pat them and your petting zoo would be a murder zoo. You are not winning there in brought the same attitude to florida in the same problems followed you because is not kansas or florida but take a guess its you. It doesnt matter where you go but youll have the same [bleep]. [cheers and applause] greg i love this audience. A big night for the democrats. Wait, can we afford a safari . Great question. Like everything, it takes a little planning. Or, put the money towards a downpayment. On a ranch. In montana. With horses lets take a look at those scenarios. J. P. Morgan Wealth Management has advisors in Chase Branches and tools, like wealth plan to keep you on track. When youre planning for it all. The answer is j. P. Morgan Wealth Management. Disrupts my skin, night and day. Despite treatment, its still not under control. But now i have rinvoq. Rinvoq is a oncedaily pill that reduces the itch and helps clear the rash of eczema fast. Some rinvoq patients felt significant itch relief as early as 2 days. Some achieved dramatic Skin Clearance as early as 2 weeks. And many taking rinvoq saw clear or almostclear skin. Rinvoq can lower your ability to fight infections, including tb. Serious infections and blood clots, some fatal, cancers, including lymphoma and skin; heart attack, stroke, and gi tears occurred. People 50 and older with a Heart Disease risk factor have an increased risk of death. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Tell your doctor if you are or may become pregnant. Help heal your painful skin disrupt the itch rash of eczema. Talk to your doctor about rinvoq. Learn how abbvie can help you save. When you need to prepare for unpredictable adventures. gasp you need weathertech. [hot dog splat. ] laser measured floorliners front and rear. [drink slurp and splat. ] scream Seat Protector to save the seats. [honk ] theyre all yours were here hey, i knew you were comin. So i weatherteched the car can we get ice cream . We can now. Kid proof your vehicle with American Made products at weathertech. Com. Call leaffilter today. And never clean out clogged gutters again. Leaffilters Technology Keeps debris out of your gutters for good. Guaranteed. Call 833. Leaf. Filter today, or visit leaffilter. Com. [ ] greg the dens are doing as well even if they run a shell and according to a new poll, not as strong of candidate as many dems would have you believe and a match above my favorite kind trump when compared to Michelle Obamas 44 and i get some of the kids who schools lunch is finally pulling up to vote. And what have we hear . Independent candidate rfk junior making the argument President Biden is a much worse threat to democracy . The argument President Biden is a much worse threat is the reason President Biden is the first candidate president in history that has used the federal agencies to censor his opponent. Greg i could not have said it better myself democrats also luring to keep rfk off the ballot in multiple states just like when i hot tub with larry, biden does not want a third man. [laughter] James Carville sounding the alarm on the base thats leaving joe and the party and he has been very vocal about this. I been very vocal about this numbers among Younger Voters particularly younger blocks latinos and younger people particularly males. Were not shedding but leaving in droves. Greg okay. Watch those blacks. Its true theyre leaving faster than a sports bar that puts on the wnba. [scattered applause ] greg biden said he absolutely had nothing to do whatsoever with his own white house proclaiming easter transgender day of visibility and roll it. Said you betrayed easter proclaiming Easter Sunday as transgender day what he say to speaker johnson . Totally uninformed. I didnt do that. Greg actually you did and forget about the trans part this is a guy who will sign into anything hes told because hes happy he gets to wear diapers with the president ial seal. What is joe got to say . My staff is in charge but im the one making the decisions as trans day of visibility was my idea and ive been involved in trans issues since the very beginning the delaware transit, amtrak transit. Call me amtrak joe gave me my own key. Some days i pulled the train into the yard by myself rolling backwards caboose of first in mr topham had had to be there waving to me joe, at me the whistle. [applause] greg heather, were you surprised because id assume she would explode. Heather i would expect her to do better than biden as she is of a younger age and greater Mental Capacity and the way the border is going, on all thank you could get much worse but surprising among the independents not any better in in 2008 wendell barack obama was campaigning, he said he wanted to not close the border outright it in favor of legal migration but we want to know who these people are in where theyre coming from and i want that obama back not but that type of democrat back in the office in where those democrats and they dont exist and thats why the key issue among voters regardless is the border right now so the left will take a tough stance on the border in the poll numbers will not get any better. Greg she cant run because if she lost a trump, the most humiliating loss in history. I think i said that and you added that. Listen republicans they just kicked our bouts and ill speak on it but we cant play to the lead is every time republicans get a lead, we do something those two siblings stupid when the polls say were up five, were down ten were chasing and focused but ill of a sudden were all rabbits to taking a nap watching the slow Joe The Turtle who did what and the supreme court, we were winning so when i hear those poles that michelle is not running and it doesnt matter we have to keep Eyes On The Prize in chillout and if i could roll one and [bleep] One More Time and i cannot stand it when they call it the black i was forced to go to that party were a man come up to me and said tyrone from gutfeld and i said close and he had had a few drinks in said what are we gonna do about the vote for the blacks and i said i dont know what should we do . They know democrats but how can they vote like that. Tricksters and you never trust them annexing a note married to a white woman showing up some parties you cant tell what they are and watch these blocks. Hes like. He walked away and his wife came over and for the rest the night he was trying to talk to me. And i cannot stand the blacks thing and its that polite racism. Greg discuss rfk . I think its really fascinating to watch an independent beyond tv and i am one myself so maybe im biased he presented an objectively well reasoned argument which is to say he had reasons for why he thought what he thought and she comes back and says trump questioned the Election Results is not a threat to democracy . Normally republican they go backandforth but with he said i think it was and im talking about this now and she wasnt able to address his point about biden like a Malfunctioning Machine because he said im also against that but im talking about this and the First Amendment and i think thats why its great to have more candidates in the race in its a lot more substantive to watch on tv. Greg what you think michael . Will you be voting . You need an address. Michael as a homeless lesbian, im living from box to box to box [laughter] greg thank you tyrus. Im just lattice glad to see James Carville that is just so entertaining and want to word court him every day every time he talks on tv its like Cool Hand Luke the stage play and we got a problem here with communication. His Every Day Life must be so interesting. Im going to give you back rubs. Hes like a Hillbilly Version of baltimore. Die harry potter. That was titillating. That was titillating. Yes, he hung his said yes, h. Hung his head in shame for calling womens names. They need their lawn back fast and you need Scotts Turf Builder Rapid Grass. Its revolutionary mix of seed and fertilizer that grows grass 2 times faster than just seed alone. Giving you a stronger lawn. Release the hounds smell that freedom, eh . I smell it im still talking to the dogs. Get Scotts Turf Builder Rapid Grass today, its guaranteed. Feed your lawn. Feed it. Voldemort announcer should he apologize like a groveling was . Greg our whole segment to him calling the Lsu Lady Tigers villains and Dirty Debutantes and is not worse than lady tigers . Referred to the ucla bruins as milk and cookies and after much crying he tweeted, longoverdue apology and wrote the article on friday and apologized on monday and thats longoverdue in said words matter. I hate that phrase. As a journalist, no one should know this more than me and i failed miserably at my choice of words and i try to be clever using alliteration while not understanding the connotation. Our society has had to deal with so many layers of misogyny and racism and i will do much better in im deeply sorry. I havent heard such a boot licking since i hired jesse to lick my boots. He does a great job but hes so loud win hes licking my boots. Stupid words but the apology is more offensive . Maybe . I. Heather always stand by that if its a mistake maybe your whole career shouldnt be over and definitely shouldnt and he was trying to be funny and clever and i think it was a mess i would not recommend a Dirty Debutante because all that came up for adult films that came out in the eighties and nineties and a book from amazon called the Dirty Debutante days of Victorian Bdsm Medical Examination Erotic short and never wanted to read something less. Maybe the editor couldve caught Something Like that so maybe he submitted it thinking the editor would edit but it is definitely an embarrassing situation i dont think it makes him a terrible human being. Greg i love the people who are wringing their hands pointed out dirty dabs are the name of a porn series and i didnt know that someone like jim acosta did says a lot more about the people who are upset or they have really good resource teams. He was trying to paint a picture of the establishment of lsu but you would only say that as you wouldnt put Dirty Debutantes together unless you knew it was a match is not oops you came up with that term the happily i think a lot of it was taking shots at the head coach of lsu because shes taken shots to the media they try to write a headpieces either shes a distraction to the game and ill this drama and only apologize because he said i wanted things to settle down and he thought you got away with it. And they came out and obviously his job is on the line because no guy says i will be better or a girl is leaving him horror or hes about to be fired and those are the only times. [scattered applause ] greg bread of that apology is words matter and i promise to do better in its disgusting. It is terrible riding but i look at this and go i dont understand why this guy is being dragged. Right i hope we give generously for his gofundme for his upper lip. He also needs a spine. Why are you even apologizing . Greg some people have to apologize because they have mouth to feed. He is complaining about Womens Basketball team those Dirty Debutantes and dont google that. I did it here at work. Greg part two is the one in then part three and four the art women supposed to be just as tough like sorry i said something bad about the girls because you cant handle it but they should go over and kick his ass. [applause] and if this were dudes, no one would think about it but they have to white knight women who are supposed to be tough checks. Thats where i would push back and understand the coach that its her job and her duty to protect them but the counter argument is what you just alluded to that she said im not going to let you attack young people in some things and this commentary you guys that you should be offended by as a woman that was so sexist and they dont even know it so my point is as a woman that if im not offended, dont tell me if i should be and if i am, maybe theres some truth to it saying it so sexist may be maybe he didnt intentionally mean it and he didnt google it but just put it and the article. Greg i think we had no real impact on this story. Isnt that the medias job . Coming up, why prisoners are suini log first Solar Eclipse suini log first Solar Eclipse and i saved hundreds. Thats great. I know, right . Ive been telling everyone. Baby liberty. Did you hear that . Ty just said her first word. Can you say mama . Baby liberty. Can you say auntie . Baby liberty. How many people did you tell . Only pay for what you need. Jingle liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Baby liberty. Are you satisfied with the results you get from expensive Nutritional Supplements that dont contain more than 12 minerals . You cant get much benefit from 8 to 10 minerals when your body needs at least 60 minerals to be healthy. Now, try immuno 150 with its 70 minerals and 80 other nutrients. Im elmer heinrich, celebrating my 90th birthday as i make this commercial, with no dementia, no health problems, aches, or pains of any kind and the flexibility i had when i was 60. Now, i have consumed immuno 150 for many years. I can still drive a golf ball 220 yards, work out, bench press 100 pounds, run, jump, and do about anything i did 30 years ago. Now, i know its because of the 70 minerals. Now, look at the two videos on our website listed on the screen and consider placing an order online or call our tollfree number. And, by all means check the number of minerals in the product you take. I know you can be just as sharp and as healthy as i am and in as good of shape when you are 90 years old if you consume a full spectrum of minerals every day. The 70 minerals are the key, order now. Announcer a story in five words. Greg five words in nates inmates sue to ce clips. This is so funny as they are suing so they can watch the Solar Eclipse and argue and argue a lockdown violates their Constitutional Rights by preventing them for taking part in a religious event and an atheist is included so they said it accounts as a religious event tyrus i agree with them as they have every right to sue to see that and they should sue and if i was the warden, i would get a postponement two days after the eclipse in when they get a little court date said i fed a change of heart, you guys can see the eclipse in 500 years. [applause] greg whats next heather, they could say that a rainbow is a religious experience. Maybe the trans. Greg Groundhog Day and the groundhog arises. In the bible their actual passages that refer during jesus is crucifixion and the profit mohamed sans dies in the atheist, a good point because the atheist was granted permission of month ago so just based on that alone like arent you supposed apply. Greg you knox was to have rights in prison. They ruled the atheist could watch it not due to any religious beliefs but they have to grant access. Greg if you debated theyve already won where you going to watch the eclipse . What train with you beyond . Probably behind a 711 hanging out with my girl. Greg are you still with bertha . Bertha left. I got a new girl. [cheers and applause] a new box for living in [laughter] greg i think they should tell the prisoners that you won their case and say were having a problem with the doors and give the guards a Dimmer Switch and dim the lights like it so cool and awesome and bring the lights back up and that would be great. Greg the atheist, i cant believe they let him on religious grounds that you believe in nothing and just close your eyes and pretend its in eclipse. Kat, i have to say is nice to see interested Inmates Interested And Thanks Then Writing Fan Male to you. Honestly im surprised that inmates theres not more lawsuits coming from inmates in general because i feel like they have a lot of time and allow library and theyre not in there because theyre afraid to question authority so if i were imprisoned, i would sue people all the time. Thats all i would do and probably a numbers game as youll get some of them so why dont i sue people now . Greg were not suing enough. By the way, to your point if they see the eclipse in her eyes are injured, they consume. Have you been watching in eclipse in your eyes are injured . That will be on fox news in two weeks. We are the number 1 and Solar Eclipse injuries. Tyrus i hope they call it dumb ass syndrome and theyve been telling you since they were a baby to not stare at the sun so anyone who looks at, i feel like it is fair. Greg and you dont do the commercial into the camera. You need to call do we. Greg squatters try to masko. Their receipt. Dryness and frizz could be damaged hair that cant retain moisture. New pantene miracle rescue deep conditioner, with firstofitskind melting prov pearls. Locks in moisture to repair 6 months of damage in one wash, without weigh down. Guaranteed or your money back for resilient, healthylooking hair. If you know, you know its pantene. [cheers and applause] announcer five more words. Greg squatters show Fast Food Receipts and ill go to first michael. Alleges squatters suing the owner of the house are living in after being kicked out claiming to have a lease and paying the rent in now using it over eats delivery receipt for a shake shack 25 thats proof they established a move in date. Do they have a legal right to live there because theyre shaking them down over there shack . [scattered applause ] i cant follow that. Greg you follow a lot of things. I want this to work so bad because if they get away with this, thats my new Retirement Plan the all order some burger king and have it delivered to gregs house to prove i lived there and ill take what you got in Elon Musk Rocket Factory and ill have it all and pay my lawyers who got me off the eclipse, huey, Dewey And Louie and ill give them a receipt from burger king. Lee should order chickfila at the Governors Mansion just go in and get rid of it [scattered applause ] tyrus if he did that, he would get shot as a home invader i wont call them squatters but their stealing and destroying property slowly and living in it. This is how bad it is anyone who saw that receipt should have left saying you have ten minutes. We see that in theres somebody some Left Progressive person saying that does prove they live there and the fact you made them prove it is racist so they need their space in their safe space happens to be your address so if you can please let them get back to your days are so i think you have to walk and trip involves, you say there attacking me, rape greg you know it kills me, heather. The law is if you occupy a property for 30 days its yours. No one taught us this. How did this slip in . And is not just new york spee three i dont think its the norm because an New York State you have to stay there for ten years which is a really long time before the law makes it difficult and new york city says the only have to stay there for 30 days so you camp out in the backyard the basement or the attic and 30 days is enough not to say the home is yours but make it really difficult for the legal homeowner to be able to remove you from their house and thats absurd. Greg imagine if you knew this ten or 15 years ago like you couldve lived anywhere you wanted because her tiny and can slip in and live and a wall i. Kat feel like ive been living and manhattan too long because all i can think about is how did you get shake shack delivered for 25. 27 whatd you get . A diet coke . Thats with everything and the delivery and they probably dont tip and i want to know the person who delivered the order. I would never do it as its pathetic in how could you feel okay with that . I guess people dont have shame. Greg they are criminals. Kat we shouldnt be able to do that and the recordkeeping, if they apply themselves to anything else tham maybe they might be useful. Greg we will be right backtardive d. Greg so her doctor prescribed austedo xr a oncedaily td treatment for adults. As you go with austedo austedo xr significantly reduced kates td movements. Some people saw a response as early as 2 weeks. With austedo xr, kate can stay on her Mental Health meds kate oh, hi buddy avo austedo xr can cause depression, suicidal thoughts, or actions in patients with huntingtons disease. Pay close attention to and call your doctor if you become depressed, have sudden changes in mood, or have suicidal thoughts. Dont take if you have liver problems, are taking reserpine, tetrabenazine, or valbenazine. Austedo xr may cause irregular or fast heartbeat, or abnormal movements. Seek help for fever, stiff muscles, problems thinking, or sweating. Common side effects include inflammation of the nose and throat, insomnia and sleepiness. As you go with austedo ask your doctor for austedo xr. Austedo xr greg that is time, we love the america speed a good evening andres gallagher its 11 00 pm on the east coast, a in los angeles and this is americas late news. fox news night. They said today they declared the joe biden bought a blood ba,
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