Oh, my goodness. Stop it. Stop it. To stop addressing me with your eyes or chyme kidding continue. Happy thursday everybody. The director of men in black says that will smith so badly onset that the cast and crew had to be evacuated for three hours. In d. C. They call that pulling a biden. On the bright side it was the last time anyone in the cast or crew made a joke about his wife's hair. Kamala harris has now gone 74 days without holding an official press conference since emerging as the democratic nominee. Her husband has gone 1000 days without banging a nanny. According to a report, three women are claiming to have had romantic relationships with rfk jr. In the last year. Just three? you call yourself a kennedy. All downhill from him. Italian women earned a guinness world record when her tongue was confirmed to have more girth than a pingpong ball. Is she willing to travel asked one man. Kamala harris was finally on the ground in the swath of destruction caused by helene. Apparently the liquor stores were hardest hit once she got there. Thank you. 180 passengers on an alaskan cruise have come down with a mysterious illness that causes intense diarrhea. The deck is now called the deck. It's got so bad polar bears are being mistaken for brown bears. They are soaking in it. Because of the port strike there's been panic buying toilet toilet paper. It's all been traced to one guy in new jersey. Finally a fake doctor in thailand has been busted for performing illegal enlargement surgeries for 20 years. I hope jesse got the extended warranty. All right so in america you need an i. D. To do just about everything. You need one to drive, apply for a job, to buy booze, before you drive to your job. Just kidding, a drink at work. You need i. D. To bide decongestants that work. You need it to adopt a pet despite the norma's supply of cats. You would have a tough time renting an apartment, a car or a hotel room unless it's by the hour. You can't even get on a plane. And then again neither could biden but it had to do with. . . You can still ride the bus. Fugitives are a large percentage of their customers. You know what you can do without an i. D. ? you guessed it. Vote to. California and 13 other states at least. No i. D. Required to. Now governor newsom is fighting to keep it that way. He signed legislation banning local governments from instituting their own voter i. D. Laws. This guy is so greasy he should sell his older combs. Earlier this year voters passed passed a measure requiring voter i. D. Basically saying we live in this town and we will decide whether illegals are allowed to vote here because that's what this is all about after all what other reason is there not to require an i. D. To vote? here's what california attorney general had to say about it. The right to freely cast your vote is the foundation of our democracy and huntington beach is voter i. D. Policy flies in the face of this principle. Americans have that right you hole. If you want to go to the process of becoming an american then you can freely cast your vote. I can't go to mexico and vote in their elections unless it's the best bonds in cancun contest which i never win, it's totally rigged. Last year i lost to a guy in a wheelchair. The libs are shutting this measure down. They say its an attempt to stop conspiracy theories. Nothing shuts down conspiracy theories like lawmakers banning any attempt to stop voter fraud while making it impossible to prove. It. . . If california was anymore stupid it would be oregon. So why are they doing this? part of it is due to refusing to share the same side with people you revile. Republicans, trumpeters, people with brains. It's also refusal to see how you incentivize the gaming of a system. Just look at every place where progressive policies have advanced. You see the natural response. I gaming of the system by people who see the way in. Cashless bail enabled and incentivized criminals to repeatedly offend. Decriminalizing. . . And caused stores to flee cities. Sanctuary cities protected the influx of criminals as local law enforcement refused to hold them so the feds can going grab them. Lacks asylum laws are easily gained by grifters. . . Violence male felons gamed the system by identifying as female which allows them entry into female prisons. Among other safe spaces for women. Like the kitchen. I liked it. Of course no voter i. D. Laws allow you to gain game the election system they want illegals to be able to vote because they assume it will be for them. If that wasn't the sentiment, why do they push this idea? has any politician opposing voter i. D. Shown proof of actual people harmed by this law? the fact is the assumption that some people aren't smart or sophisticated enough to get something that everyone else can get easily is racist. But they call you racist for calling that out. The fact is they would rather break the rules then play by them and if you disagree you got to be racist. I won't point to be designate the democrat party for what it really is? an ongoing criminal enterprise. At this point you would think they want to keep criminals out from other countries? considering how much they hate competition? [applause] let's welcome tonight's guests. She passed the bar now she gets thrown out of them. [applause] he gets handmedowns from an elf. Comedian tyler fisher. Her maternity seems like an intern duty, kat timpf. And he can break down the truth or knockout your tooth, either way. . . Greg: it always seems like there's a pattern or a trend that everything the dems do is meant to create a hole in the system so that other people can get in. What say you? as a former californian. And i have one edit to make in your monologue. When you said that they break the rules. I argue that they rewrite them. That is what is so scary. Think about what we just covered. The voters created which is the law and california, you can create propositions and create local ordinances. The voters do that, it's the will of the people. The attorney general of the state comes out and he says i refuse to enforce that. Where did we see that before? with kamala harris in california. I say this without even talking about the substance of prop 13 but the voters passed it and then attorney general kamala. . . When it went to court she refused to defend what was the will of the people in her state because she called it unconstitutional. The point is it wasn't and it didn't pass for a different reason. Here you have california saying we want a certain law in the bill and then you have the attorney general saying i refuse to enforce it and you have other guys up there saying what is this willynilly charters and charter cities. [bleep] that's the will of the people appear at about how the laws work. That's the democracy. Keep in mind the risk there. It means if you are a congressperson or a senator rensselaer then that person might say i'm not going to enforce it. I gets unconstitutional. I'm not going to enforce the law. That the dangerous part and that's when democracy is threatened. I like it win you act out other people. Is like you are doing a historical reenactment. And they said this and then i said this. Tyler i have to ask you because i always ask the same question, what you think trump would say about this? i have some edits in emily's response. First of all we are wearing the exact same outfit. I know i saw you last week i didn't want to say anything. He would say first of all you know, you can have your out. You can't have a gun but you can have it out, open carry. California which is really a shame. Gavin newsom, he's the poor man's obama. You ever noticed that? he's doing an obama impression. Obama does the wrapper sort of thing like that. Gavin does it a little creepier. If you talk really slow you can say absolutely nothing but people go. . . What a failure appear will end with that. What a failure. [applause] it seems the argument has always been about election transparency. What the problem with voter ideas i don't think it's all migrants. I can see how this could be important to many constituents. Chi feel like keeping track of your i. D. Would be really hard if you are a late stage mental addict living under a bridge. Which in california, 90 but jillian. They have tend cities. Even in new york there's more homeless. Their tents are way more advanced than ours out there. On wonders who. . . I don't see i never understood the arc them into being racist. I don't understand because i think we know california is going blue right? that's usually how it happens i'm no bill hammer. I don't know the math but i'm going to call blue for california california for kamala. I'm calling california for kamala. You heard it here first america. I'm going to call arizona no i won't. Please do. All right tyrus. First of all we have to be thankful we have the electoral college because they are trying to overload the popular vote. The other side of it is need to be paying attention and the reason why it's so important to them because they like to bust everybody in to vote the way they want them to and nothing slows that process down like having to get everybody vetted. It's like a tyrus, get ready to come on down and ready to vote. I black republican. Hello. They only want a certain thing. Whatever one should be afraid of is they are trying to make it as easy as possible to vote everywhere so they think they have enough numbers of uninformed people that will follow and they have always said it's us minorities. The problem is minorities are paying attention now. This is the whole purpose of why president trump was in the first time. He made politics transparent. We see it now. This is them panicking because mostly california is read they are just outnumbered in the big cities and now it's getting the people in the big cities are leaving. They are upset. It's not as blue as you thought it might be. It might not ever be read but it's definitely purple. They need more people because whenever they are in trouble they go to the people that they [bleep] the most, the lower class. We will help you do this and keep screwing you over for the next four years. This election is not as close because they are starting to panic and do [bleep] like this. It's a good sign for the electoral college and president trump that they are trying to open all the floodgates and these oversaturated blue cities. There you go. [applause] we shall move on. Up next, politico gets weird about vance's beer to. Autumn is here. That means if you don't have leaffilter, you're stuck dealing with leaves, debris, all kinds of headaches. Oh. Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt. I'm ray sparks from 318 down the street. You did our gutters last year. The sparks family. We cleaned, sealed and installed leaffilter. Yes, sir. Of course. I love you, man. You make me feel so free. To schedule your free inspection, call 833 leaffilter today. Or visit leaffilter. Com next. . . I smell like death. Wanna know my secret for staying fresh —in the afterlife? —please. I use secret whole body deodorant. Does it leave a residue? actually, it goes on clear with no embarrassing white marks. You're a lifesaver. Well, no. It's too late for that. . . (laughter) politico lingers on candidates fingers. They defend walz's wide eyes as they claim beards are for bad guys. Tyler, speaking of beards and i mean the one on her face, not the one you hang out with. Is it the shirt? it's the shirt. For a little guy you've got a lot of hair. It's my leg hair that i glue on. Some hack rights this piece on the body language from the debate claiming that it speaks volumes. It says that one mike lost but one of them says walz's wide eyes showed his passion and emotional intensity, can we show that? humans would widen their eyes to convey that danger is close. What emotion are you getting from that? [applause] first of all he looked burdened by what has not been and what will never be. He had that face like a cop pulled him over and he realized he had heroin in his pocket. Where my? the debate? body language is everything. You have to look calm. You look calm and relaxed. It's why when i'm making love to a woman. . . It's a theory. Hypothetical. You want to be calm and you want to do minimal movements. It's why i do what's called the mitch mcconnell where i just. . . She will pick up and end up doing most of the work. Write that down. You are truly a casanova. All right can't, they did a stupid take on vance's facial hair. They said voters see beards as more masculine. But also it can be negative, conveying aggression. The opposition to feminist ideals. Is that sexist? there are plenty of women with beards. This guy is the perfect example of how just because you are an expert doesn't mean you are not a [bleep] idiot. If you've ever been to brooklyn and seen these dudes in brooklyn with their soy lattes walking around. It's like you spent years doing this you've never even heard of a hipster? how useful are you really? he opened up with his credentials of i've been doing this so long and then he proceeds to proceeds to say one of the dumbest things i've ever heard. That's a big red flag. When you meet someone and they have to give you their resume and as soon as they talk you're like that's why you gave me your resume. It doesn't speak for itself. You suck. It's like when people have their phd on their twitter handle. It's like you know this person is completely bonkers. And their pronouns. Are you mad tyrus that beards have been coopted by beta males like tyler? watch what i say. I will make you my puppet for the rest of the show. And you will answer for me. That angry outburst had nothing to do with my beard. When they said it was masculine for real, the reason why men grow beards scientifically is because we are the ones that fight and are aggressive and as a little bit more protection to our face. He probably shouldn't have wore a beard, he should have wore a hazmat suit to protect him from all the [bleep] that was flying over from the other side. This expert also claimed that walz pointed directly at the camera which means he wants you to pay attention. I hope this person wasn't paid by politico. To the question, if this is exactly why everyone hates mainstream media and it's so hypocritical. Do you remember when the same fashion experts analysed the rnc and dnc and said how walz. . . And that made him amount of the people but then when he showed up in a suit it was an elegant representation of d. C. When vance wears it he's microaggression and everyone should be afraid of him, i was walking down an alley and i saw a guy with a beard that expression, the pepper spray would be all sprayed all over walz. That is a freak. 's expression throughout the entire time did not convey steadiness. Almost unsteady weirdness. He could have been one of the three stooges. [simultaneous talking] it was like he likes me, he really likes me. He made a friend that day. That's why he was like you were not to ring up any of the [bleep] i've been a part of. We will have lunch. I made a new friend. Up next the media talk to their tails when a vet calls for alpha males. If you have heart failure, farxiga can help you keep living life with the ones you love. Ask your doctor about farxiga today. Farxiga can cause serious side effects, including ketoacidosis that may be fatal, dehydration, urinary tract or genital yeast infections, and low blood sugar. A rare, lifethreatening bacterial infection in the skin of the perineum could occur. Stop taking farxiga and call your doctor right away if you have symptoms of this infection, an allergic reaction, or ketoacidosis. ♪ farxiga ♪ should navy recruits the flesh eating brutes? are video of the day comes from. . . My nickname in college by the way. I don't think you want that nickname. Cow is female. That means you have really big. . . Weights are crushed my dreams. So he has a trump endorsed retired navy captain who is running for senate in virginia. At a debate last night against him cane, the topic of anemic military recruitment numbers arose and he didn't beat around the bush. Rowlett. Where using a drag queen to recruit for the navy, that's not the people we want. What we need is alpha males and all females were going to rip out their own guts, eight them and ask for seconds. Those are men and women who are going to win the wars. Please audience, please. That's the best part. That's the best part. Stop being so american. Don't applaud self cannibalism. I love this guy by the next time he's asking me to dinner, taking a pass. Don't you love the audience response? if you are going to rip your own guts out and eat them, that is going to put you at an automatic disadvantage. During any contest. I do have a very close friend who does drag who was in the navy so one does not necessarily preclude and other. Came to my birthday a few years ago. Thank you for your service. It does not make a person weak. No one said that here. That was the suggestion. I thought that he said those aren't the people we want so i disagree with that. My friends service means just as much is anyone's does. I thought he had some better points in terms of talking about the covid vaccine and how that could have deterred some people from wanting to join the military, there were people who were saying i would give my life for this country and you can't actually if you don't take that shot. I thought i was great but it was a funny clip and it got people fired up so good for that i suppose. Is that a job? it would be like if you were to use ronald mcdonald to their people to join the nfl. Drag or not is irrelevant. The message you want is you want to let them know exactly what they are getting into if they are going to serve. He saying alpha males and females that are training hard and doing those things might be doing drag in their personal time but they have to be that way. When you are advertising to serve in this country you should be looking to the wider universe and bringing people into because not everyone is going to be as comfortable at that. If you're trying to sell a family who is watching tv that drag is the way to go into the navy they are probably not going to enlist. Whether what they do in the personal time is not the message but this goes back to that woke stuff where they are overcompensating for we want everyone who wants to serve but it needs to be the best and brightest because that's what you want and you can be the best and brightest at drag at the point is for advertising for the military you should be seeing exactly what they are getting into. [applause] you shouldn't eat your own organs. Do not cannibal shame. We will not have that here. Emily would you consider yourself an alpha female? i would. Really? yes. I feel like i only compete with myself. I'm very supportive in games, i don't mind losing. You are very alpha female. You be great in the military. I'm type a, i don't know if i'm alpha. Just your response, no. I like being supportive. You are a supportive alpha. This was my favourite tv moment of all time. I thought it was hysterical and amazing. This takes place in virginia which is one of those litmus tests for the state of the union and the state of our future. That was tim kane who used to have who had run for vice president previously. It failed and now we have him come on. In virginia there's signs everywhere. Everyone wants this guy and everyone wants someone. . . He's got a great name. I've never done that in my life, i can't. Everybody wants a hung cow. No greg, how dare you. That is a drag queen. She wants a hung cow that finishes. Apparently the one at home is not getting it done. Is or is it not a great drag name? were you going to finish your point? allow me to man's blame the rest of her, let me j. D. Vance this with my toxic bearded. I saw the response to it. Frankly we used to say, sir, yes, sir, and now we are going to be saying queen yes queen we will have to call kim jong un and say we need a list of everyone's pronouns because we don't want to misgender. We will be replacing bullets with glitter. The front lines will be working. I'm sensitive to this because i do drag. I'm a man dressed as a boy right now. I have the beard mostly to keep away. If they get me from the back they feel my face and they go i'm sorry. Are you following this race? is he doing very well. To me it shows how thirsty americans are for someone to stand up and say i'm sorry i've had enough of your [bleep]. We need some real men and women to stand there and get behind the guns that are going to defend this great country for one second we have someone. . . [applause] you could say they are hungry for some cow. I feel high right now. Are you hungry for cow? that should be his thing. At should be a sign. I don't know where i am. Coming up do you get sunday blues over monday's bad news? that was great. Giving you a stronger lawn. Smell that freedom, eh? download the my lawn app today for lawn care tips and customized plans. Feed your lawn. Feed it. Before apoquel chewable for allergic itch. Giving dogs pills was a battle of wits. Oh, maria, i'm wise to your foolish game. Is it gone? totally gone. Itch relief just got easier. Apoquel. The trusted number one treatment for allergic itch is now available in a tasty chewable that works in a day. Do not use in dogs with serious infections. May cause worsening of existing parasitic skin infestations or preexisting cancers and serious infections. New neoplasias have been observed. Do not use in dogs less than 12 months old. Ask your vet for apoquel chewable. Do it! ♪ no. ♪ no. Nuhuh. ♪ yeah. Oh. Yes. ♪ oh yeah. Yes. Isn't this great? yeeaahhhh!! ♪ yeah, i could do a cartwheel in here. Oh hey! would you like to join us? no. We would love to join you. ♪ a story in five words. People always dread next week. A new study finds that many suffer from sunday's gary's. That means feeling anxious or dread about the upcoming week. The average person experiencing this 36 times a year. What say you? do you have ways to overcome the sunday's gary's? get to work. I don't have time to be scared on sunday because i'm working. I'm doing my shows every weekend. On montour and it's a lot of fun pair if you are sitting around feeling sorry for yourself that you have a job to go to tomorrow then maybe you are thinking about yourself too much and you can go out and do something productive. [applause] good advice. It really is about living in the moment. If you live in the future it gets confusing. I'm so tired of these stupid studies. This is what they do when they have a really good job and they want to know they have a good job and it's sunday and you were sitting on the table and your wife is forced you to have a playdate with this [bleep] and he said i can't believe i have to go to the firm tomorrow. I've already learned my salary this year so it's all bonus but what you going to do. That's what this is. Oh, no, i have to go to work tomorrow, i have car service in the morning. What if there's traffic and my phones low on battery. [bleep] you. Tyler you are an organized little chap. I'm not. You have a certain code that you live by how do you frame your day so that you don't have anxiety or come always curious about that. About you in general i could care less. Just curious in general. I'm a standup comedian and i am on tour. It's hard for me to complain to be like i've got to be up by 7:00 p. M. Tomorrow. I got to tell [bleep] jokes from eight to nine. Be in bed by ten and do it all over again? this is the most job job i have is doing greg gutfeld show wants a month. I can't be like i'm 29 days from now i've got to work from five to six, wearing the same clothes as me. You turned into trump there for a minute. Emily you have a positive mindset. Do you ever experience anxiety about the week? i love sunday's. Is my favourite favourite day. Saturdays for chores, sunday is for church and for hanging out and doing whatever you want. I love sunday. But i hate the phrase because i thought it was sunday blues and you get them only at nighttime because monday sort of socks but it's the name that's really annoying. And sunday amazing. Is my favourite. School created this because school is a prison. So it was like sunday you would hear 60 minutes. Then the simpsons would be on and you would be. . . We would have watch parties for lost in the city, remember that? i don't remember that at all. You never invited me. We watched seven tab in. That dad turned out to not be so go to. He is going to seventh. The amount of life lessons that i learned from that piece of [bleep] it's like you should be it's residual from not looking forward to school. If it's work, if you're not looking forward to work you've got to do something about work. You're comparing a child where they've been having fun and they get to go to school. Grown man, my previous comment. Then you have people living in covid times who are so used to monday being another because i mutation up sunday which i find quite alarming. It living in the present beats all of that. Just enjoy where you are at the moment then sunday is amazing. You don't do drugs or alcohol. I overdosed on flint stones vitamin once last week. I took to cope fred's, those of the big ones. Don't do two of those unless you live in california. A famous actor and the cast and crew departed. [narrator] life with ear ringing sounded like a constant train whistle i couldn't escape. Then i started taking lipo flavonoid. With 60 years of clinical experience, it's the number one doctor recommended brand for ear ringing. And now i'm finally free. Take back control with lipo flavonoid. It's time for breaking wind news. It cannot came out of his. . . Like a poison gas. Men in black director revealed that will smith onset. It was so potent it caused a three hour evacuation p or could it was done in a tight space. Should he be charged with assault? we should be because it's funny that hollywood is leaking all these funny little stories about people's bouts with what's coming. Will smith did that but what else was happening backstage? i think even though it's a funny moment, they are trying to leak little stories to ease what we are about to hear with diddy and all the people connected to. This is the one joke but something bad happening onset somebody's but that is going to have to see a therapist over. I think we only to look at that's great, let's stay focused and get some of the stuff out. How dare you take the joy out of my favourite part story. My goal today was like i don't care, anything else, i'm in a mood. Whose happiness can i take. I took yours. These people always protect each other. He's being protected on this one. Three hours from a? he his pants. He was a man in black. You might need to go to the doctor. It does say something about perhaps his diet if a is that lethal. Have you had any experiences in the situation? i. E. Baby food so i don't know if we knew he had such a weapon eyes gas chamber, we could have prevented whole chris rock thing. Could have been like my. . . Just shot one at him. It is like a superpower. He is. . . There is such thing. Think about what he could do with a weapon iced. At one time in college i thought about not saying the story because it's disgusting that we were with all of our sorority and the fraternity. All of a sudden the most terrible smell i've ever smelled it was like. . . It was horrible. We thought it was one of the guys and then you can smell it still. It was our sorority sister. Literally to this day whenever anyone mentions her name we all think about that. What was her name? and. Kamala harris. Do you have a story? no. Factcheck. Not one that i haven't told. I told that one already. You can recycle at some point. I told it already. I wanted a new one. I haven't updated my material. That's what your story is so interesting because i've yet to smell one coming from a woman in my entire life and i i had three older sisters sisters. Do you guys have a trick? you don't actually not do it. Factcheck. You can always tell when they need to because they are extra mean. I'm so short on making eye contact with women's so i can confirm there is something going on over there. If they leave the room, that's attal. That's why they are always leaving the room. The only way you can out the secret is when you have a daughter. Because the daughter will get them on to relax and they will synchronize and then you will hear it and be like i guess you are not a miracle of medicine. They synchronize it. A symphony they call it. It nicely done. You are embarrassed because you know it's true. We will be right back when my doctor gave me breztri for my copd, things changed for me. Breztri gave me better breathing, symptom improvement, and reduced flareups. Breztri won't replace a rescue inhaler for sudden breathing problems. It is not for asthma. Tell your doctor if you have a heart condition or high blood pressure before taking it. Don't take breztri more than prescribed. Breztri may increase your risk of thrush, pneumonia, and osteoporosis. Call your doctor if worsened breathing, chest pain, mouth or tongue swelling, problems urinating, vision changes, or eye pain occur. Ask your doctor about breztri. Hey, everybody, fall is back and the leaves are flyin'. And if you don't have leaffilter, guess where they're going? into your gutters. Call your local leaffilter trusted pros for america's number one gutter protection, call 833 leaffilter or visit leaffilter. Com. Every guy look better. From tall to short. From big to slim. From our iconic button downs for all shapes and sizes to a whole lot more. Try us today. Untuckit. We just make guys look better. Oh, and we make great styles for her too. Find the perfect fit at untuckit. Com and more than 80 stores worldwide. [cheering and applause] trace: i'm trace gallagher. It's 11:00 p. M. On the