This morning, because hes not going to get any flights off. I think that tells its own story. I dont think hes ever believed that plan is going to work. And so hes called an election early enough to have it not tested before the election. We have to deal with the terrible loss of control of the border under this government. We have to tackle government. We have to tackle the small boats that are coming across. Nobody, but nobody across. Nobody, but nobody should be making that journey. Should be making that journey. Meanwhile, lib dems leader sir ed davey says the conservatives are out of touch for far too long, people across the United Kingdom have been let down and taken for granted by this conservative government and this conservative government and this out of touch conservative party. But with this election , we but with this election, we have the chance to win the change. Our country so desperately needs , and a record desperately needs, and a record more than 68,500 people were granted Refugee Status or other types of leave to remain in the year to march, Home Office Figures show. Thats the highest number for any 12 month period since records began. Meanwhile, the records began. Meanwhile, the total asylum backlog still stands at more than 100,000. And for. For. The. Hello and welcome to headliners your run through the next days newspapers with three comedians. Im stephen allen, and tonight im joined by new yorks louis schaffer. And san franciscos scott shapiro. East coast, first west coast. What could possibly go wrong . Theyre probably armed. How are you doing . Both. All good. Im doing very good. Im wearing a tie. Im wearing a tie. Scott, are you wearing a tie . Scott, are you wearing a tie . Scott, are you wearing a tie . I am tonight in honour of louis. He asked if id wear a tie. I didnt really want to tie. I didnt really want to talk about it, so i said yes. And i wore a paul smith fashionable tie as opposed to other ties , we dont know if other ties, we dont know if this is not fashionable. I paid £2 for this at the at the charity shop right worth. Well, we dont know. If its not fashionable. We can take a solid guess, though, cant we . Yeah, yeah, yeah, says the guy with a tie. Lets be honest, if youre trying to remain neutral when theres an election happening, how do you do it . You have one thats got red and blue in it. See, we all wear drag, dont we . Youre dragged out to be diplomatic. Im dragged up to be fashionable and contemporary. And louis is dragged up to be just louis. Really . But you know what . Cancelled. But, scott, look what scott is. You cant see what scott is wearing. Hes not wearing. Hes hes wearing shorts. What do they call it . They call it in this country. Shorts well, louis, whatever happens to the waist down with me is none of your concern. Actually, im a married man. Well, you should have. Can we maintain a professional relationship . For gods sake . For gods sake . Lets move on before it gets too graphic, lets take a look at fridays front pages. The at fridays front pages. The daily mail goes with tories to cut green levies on fuel bills. The guardian says sunak begins Election Campaign by abandoning flagship policies at the times. Energy bills tumble in first big election battle. The express pms plan to take down starmer in tv debates. The metro , in tv debates. The metro, rishis bumpy takeoff and finally the daily star got to be careful about saying this one general ejection i think i got it right. Those are your front pages. All right. Take a look at the front page of the express. Louis, where they got, good news. Prime ministers plan to take down starmer in tv debates. Take down starmer in tv debates. Rishi throws down gauntlet to spineless keir starmer. He wants to have a debate every week, which is, like, ridiculous because they have a debate every week. Its called prime ministers questions. They face each other. Is that this guy . This is the problem with keir starmer, with the rishi sunak, because he thinks hes in america and theyre having an election and an american type, and hes the president. And he was you know, he knows that joe biden wasnt very good with the debate situation. So hes saying, look at me, im having debates. But its you know, they normally say, though, that if you think youre going to win , you think youre going to win, you think youre going to win, you dont want a debate. I mean, David Cameron set out loads because he thought he, you know, hes got enough going because you can only lose if youre in a winning position. You have a debate. Thats when you make an error. Is it rishi trying to prove he said that keir starmer is neutral in every subject. Thats important and he has no plan. Im going to show that by having debates with him, although theyve both been accused of that. I think sunak accused of that. I think sunak is just plotting himself to move to the us. Hes talked about america so much in the last six months. Yeah, hes keeping himself skinny. He looks great in a tiny lapelled suit and i felt, well, i, i love i love the way he looks. I love his hairy wrists. But i felt bad for him dunng wrists. But i felt bad for him during the announcement yesterday when he was all wet. Yeah. Where was his interpreter . Where was the deaf interpreter . Where was the deaf interpreter . Where was the deaf interpreter . Where was his umbrella holder . They have just given up on him. He is the lowest rung of the toilet ladder. Seriously. I mean, i thought that number 10 had. They should have a weather app. Couldnt they have checked in a couple of hours . It would get better. And then the, you know, the labor party in the background screaming, yelling through his it was just it was all so bad. The guy who was playing things can only get better. There was a news story. He said, there was a news story. He said, i didnt do that to help labour. We just getting prs checks sent to brian cox then im not sure. Im not sure how much you had to license that, but that was a lot of outlets. It was it was just bad for rishi. And i think that hes just hes given up too. I think hes already in the us in his mind. Well, why is he in the us . Because the guy cares about money. His wifes a billionaire. Where would you want to live if you have money . I mean, this country is a good country if you have money. But i mean, farage wants to be in the us as well. I think they they see that as a definite success story. If they can make it there. More on that story later. I say, but also , i mean, when it say, but also, i mean, when it comes to the idea of how rained on he got, some people say, you know, its a brave move. He didnt know what he manned up. You know, i dont need an umbrella. It was hard to watch. So by now his trousers might have dned now his trousers might have dried and shrunk even more. But still, they didnt have a special needs interpreter, which they always have. Or was that person, i think ive never signed professionally, but its hard to hold an umbrella and do international signing. I think hes asking. I think scotts asking for two people. I think i think i know not like theyre listening, but my friend, my friend says to me that theres a Certain Group of people in this country who like to see a guy all drenched in wet like that. It shows that hes committed to. Hes committed in america. You would think the guys a loser. Yeah. Its just like yeah. Itsjust like bad planning yeah. Its just like bad planning , its just like bad planning, thats all it looked like to me. Yeah. You have to ask, what do you think, steve . Do you think its. Do you think the people of this country like a guy whos all drenched and wet . Well, i mean, famously being gunged on some noel edmonds thing that seems to play well. So its almost the same, isnt it . I think later he sat in the corner naked while his suit dry, turning a light on and off and crying to himself. Seriously, you gotta have a hobby, arent you . Moving on to the guardian, scott . What have they got . Well, theyve got the same old shtick, apparently. Sunak begins Election Campaign by abandoning flagship policies. Hes given up on rwanda and given up on the banning smoking for young people. Both those policies were thinks hes very important to have very close to his heart. And theyre gone. I think that people are too confused by rwanda. It was too weird. I think the average voting public was like, theyre going where . For what purpose . And then people had heard, even in the sun how much it would cost a huge amount of money per person, and that only one person would be flown per week or something. The plans seemed obscure and it seemed opaque, and it seemed unfair to a lot of people. Although rwanda is not necessarily a bad place, but have you been to rwanda . No, but they are fighting a civil. They are fighting a war with the congo next door. And i think a lot of people are worried that that violence were kind of leaked into rwanda that could put in danger the people being sent there. The whole thing just seemed like a miasma. And i think sunak hadnt solved it. And i think really, the expenses will worry people the most. And if youre talking about bringing taxes down and then youre spending all this money, i think sunak just giving up on all his, you know, heartfelt policies. I you know, heartfelt policies. I think his advisers just said, get out while you still can before they burn you at the stake because things are going so badly. One policy that is being pushed through, as we just heard in the news, is the giving money to the victims of the horizon scandal, because could you imagine if the one thing that happened was rishi sunak . After all, weve been through with itv1s drama, if he was like, oh yeah, sorry, were pausing that or it would have kicked off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is the honzon . Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is the horizon . Horizon is the post subpost. Oh, then those people, not the blood. Thats next. Bloods next. No, its just the. But the blood also sounds a bit ridiculous to me. The truth is, is the guy the guy . He is, is the guy the guy . He doesnt seem like theres a big problem in this thing, which you havent mentioned, which is theres a war over immigration in this country. This is the number one issue thats going through a lot of people, especially people in his own party. Thats all half of the people. Thats the only thing that they care about. And he has he hasnt addressed it. Its an endless war that no pm has solved in the last 20 years. Well no, no, theyre not solved that. They caused it. Tony blair was the cause of it. And i think this guy is also the cause of it. Its a team where as i weve never worked together. We havent no no no ive skipped it every time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Im moving on to the times to say that im going to say in my tweet that, you know, if he if he turns up, but but can i just ask the question. Go on then is thatis ask the question. Go on then is that is that, i forgot what the question is. It happens at your age. Lets just. Should we not ask the question then . By the sounds of it, ill ask the question which is which is which is there a conservative party thatis is there a conservative party that is against immigration because they used to be against them . Well, weve got immigration as a topic later on in one of the stories, you know, keep your powder dry, keep some powder. Its funny you bring that up because someone from a local pub in my neighbourhood, a lot of people locally in Bethnal Green watched the show, watched this network, and they stopped me on my way home. The other night because they were having a drink and they said, you know, who would you vote for . For pm if the, you know, if its tomorrow, this is right before he announced that its the july 4th date. And, you know, i didnt have an answer. But you cant vote, can you vote, i could , but i probably wont. Yeah. Fake id you can have. What do you mean, you could . What do you mean, you could . Its a long story i wont go into right now. It involves payoffs. Were going to move on to the next one, which is the times. Its a struggle, though, isnt it . Youre one of those complicated people. People dont know about this guy. I dont know about this guy. I dont know about this guy. I dont know about him. Ive a lot of names, a lot of lives. Weve known each other over 25. The weve known each other over 25. The love of all that. We really know each other, know each other to the times were getting along the best that weve gotten along in tonights. Im ignoring most of what youre saying. Thats the reason. Well, thats the key to getting along. You think. You think youre doing some ignoring. Hes ignoring me so much, im going to check that ive not died. Theres a chance im Patrick Swayze right now. No, because im just so shocked to be working with the guy. Anyway, this is in the times, which is the times hard times blame for abortions at record high. And this is an abortion. Can you believe it . We grew up with abortion in america. It became legal in america like 1972. I barely survived my mothers. Yes. And can i make can i try to be funny a little bit . You go for it. Thats what i was worried about. Youre always like, jumping in. Jumping in with you, with all those jokes. Yeah, jokes make people laugh. Anyway. Its up seven. Steve. Ill talk to you. Im not going to Pay Attention to this guy. Its up 17 to 250,000 per year, which is the highest its been in in, since 1971. Thats over 50 years. People are killing their children. But its all part its all part of team world. And we hate children time. Thats what the article says, that youve also got to factor in things like the cost of living crisis, how expensive things are, and also the fact that its due to nhs problems that its due to nhs problems that some people cant get contraceptives. Theyre contraceptives. Theyre everywhere. Yeah. I mean, you could also maybe not do what youre doing, but youve got to do what the truth is, if you look at the people, because im of that age, the people, all those great rock stars who lived in the 1960s, they were all born in the 1960s, they were all born in 1980. In 19, excuse me, 1942, 1943. They were all born in really bad times. And imagine if we had if there was abortion. Im im not saying im against abortion. Do you think theyre aborting the future rock stars of the uk . Is that what youre saying . The musics over because people are having sex. You sound crazier and crazier. I was i was saying that. Im not saying. Im not saying that. Well, you dont know who youre killing. Yeah, i know you could be killing. Share the feature. Share. All right. Thats terrible. Terrible idea. Or we could just all dress up as cher. Gypsys, tramps and thieves. Gypsys, tramps and thieves. Hear from the people in the town of cornwall. Town of cornwall. See if the daily star makes us make any more sense. Which it wont. What have they got on the front page . Oh, god. Glasses, please. Hello day bookings are up 57 as people are trying to escape. People are trying to escape. Really . The Election Campaign of july 4th. So theyre all leaving the country trying to get away from it all . We dont know that. Do we know that . Well, thats what it says in the star. It says it in the star. But who knows what it is. Its going to be july, july 4th. Its going to be july, july 4th. Its going to be july, july 4th. Its going to be warm. Of course. Holiday bookings go up huge amounts every single month in the in this time, i dont know. They never give you any information in the daily star though. I love the daily star. They never give you enough information to think and maybe upset your day in the day. Well, we know women are going elsewhere for abortions. Theyre having those at home, so it must be another reason, right . Yeah, maybe theyre looking for new guys. Yeah, it could be. Well, thats the end of part one. But in a surprise move, part two follows next when well talk about the election, the election and maybe a little bit about the election welcome back to headliners. Im stephen allen, here with two men, both known for their fondness of meat, Louis Schaefer and Scott Capurro. And we are hosting a night with the headliners live. And you can join us for an evening of comedy with andrew doyle, leo kearse, simon evans and josh howie will be none of us, none of us, none of the ones on this. Apparently b team will be there. For more information, scan the qr code on the screen or visit gb news. Com right louis to the daily mail nigel farage is leaving gb news. Everyones asking the big important question can i have his parking space . Yeah, can i have a can i have a car, anyway, this is nigel farage is shelving his gb news show to campaign for reform, which is the Political Party that he. I dont think he did. He set it up with, with, richard tice says it in that article. It says it in that article. It says it in that article. So sorry. There was a way to read it. I dont know, this was this one i skipped because he said, no, its all good news for Louis Schaefer because hes hes not. Louis lubricated the transition. Transition. Hes he was i had nothing to do with it. But now im the number two guy here in the station. Im, im this is the Louis Schaefer. This is the channel that Louis Schaefer is on. And, hes hes hes not in this basically , tice his guy this basically, tice his guy called this election the immigration election. Right. And thats what it is. Because whats going to happen is after the tories lose, this is my prediction. You can bet on it if you want to. If its legal after the tories lose the second party, the reform party, which will hopefully have more votes than the tories will, will form the new conservative party. What do you say about that when he says, shelving . Does he mean hes taking a pause . As i say in showbiz, in the us, or does that mean his show here is over gbnews . Well i dont know, but i know from my media career, every time theres been a pause of me doing a show, ive never been allowed back to it. Yeah. So yeah, yeah, thats the way things go. Well, with me, its always goes with your fired. Thats. Yeah. Well at least they tell you. Yeah. We are easily replaced. But when he says that about immigration this mr rice is that his name . Tice. Tice whatever. When he says that, it makes me think. I guess brexit was then all about immigration, wasnt it . And they dont feel brexit was fixed because theyre still letting them in. So weve got to run again to keep them out. The reason farage isnt hitting the party is because farage said a few months ago that if i did choose to run that reform, numbers would double. And in the recent polls, reform numbers have doubled without him at the helm. So he realises actually the actually, i think what he realises and what they realise they dont need him and theres a thing about him saying he wants to go and get involved in the Trump Campaign and if youve got to pick one of those two things, be part of the Trump Campaign or part of the reform campaign, youre more likely to be on the winning team because of the first past the post system. You could easily be on the winning team in america, and thats going to look better on a cv. Well, yeah. Go ahead. No, go ahead. No, go ahead. But it also may also if he chooses to be involved in this thing, theres a really good chance, like you say hes not going to win. The reform is not going to win. The reform is not going to win. So hes going to come out as a loser this way. Hes unsullied. Hes lost enough campaigns as it is. But what if reform wins 10, wins enough seats, that they had a bit of influence in the parliament that would make him bigger here, that would actually make him someone who who had political influence instead of just being a commentator. Whereas in the you had ten seats, but hes not going to get any of those seats right. Because you have to win each each you have to win a place. And based on this, hes not going to get any seats if he gets 20 or 30 of the votes in, hes not going to get it. But in the us, i dont think i think all thats really about just getting himself on tv there. I dont know really why he gives up a tv spot here to go to the us to try to get a tv spot there. It seems a bit too unpredictable for me. Well, lewis, onto the daily mail. Labour will make us a magnet for migrants, says the man who oversaw record numbers of migration. Tell us more. Yes, this is good news. Ive got my cup here and i want you to find me on twitter. Lewis schaffer on twitter i feel like youre not respecting my. You dont do this when simon evans is hosting. No, because i can never look into his eyes. I cant see what hes thinking because his eyes are all miss, youre much nicer. No, im just so nervous. Do the story or i will come round there. Because scott is scott and i have a thing anyway. And wed have a thing. We dont have a thing at all. We dont have a thing at all. We dont have a thing. But i have a thing. Youve got a thing anyway. Weve never met. Youve got more than one thing. I think theres a lot of things. We got a thing. Yeah. Labour will make britain a magnet for every illegal migrant in europe. If it wins the next election, rishi sunak has warned. Which is what the guy, which is what rishi sunak has done. Hes basically theres been a million, two new immigrants in the country. Its a relatively small country, the 60 million, 65 million people. So when you let 1,000,002 every single year into the country, this is the this is why this election for the for the people who might be watching this show, possibly. I dont know if you werent even allowed to have a show for people who might watch our show. It has to be for everybody, but its what you dont make any. I feel like youre speaking in circles. I do when he says that, it feels a bit like when. When he says that this is a election about, you know, a magnet for every illegal. Hes trying to pick up the reform vote. I think, again, they were panicking that farage would run. Now theyve got that good news for them in a way. And so he says this trying to kind of brighten the mood of the conservative party, who want him to crawl into a box and go away. They have made it very clear again, i feel bad for him because hes hes done everything theyve asked him to do, and still its not enough. Thats not true. Thats not true. They havent has they . Who is they . The tories are completely divided. Theres two groups of tories. His advisory party have been consulting him to move forward in some of these subjects, that hes obviously turned his back on in the last 24 hours. So they realised i think as again , as realised i think as again, as close to his heart as he held those that he couldnt find any support within his own consultancy. I think again hes done what he was asked to do, support the support that. And support the support that. And now theyre saying, oh, forget about those. It makes him look terrible. Oh, i think migrants terrible. Oh, i think migrants are sort of the last ditch effort. You know, for him to actually move the needle because evenin actually move the needle because even in the news, we saw the clip where rishi sunak says keir starmer has got absolutely no plan at all. And then the clip of keir starmer saying weve got the border force thing, the Great British six pouring, boiling in. And he said its an issue that absolutely has to be stopped. So i think they could just argue this forever, pretending the other guys not got a plan. Also, starmer doesnt want to put forward any of his real, i think points of interest until theyre closer to the election, hes worried that theyll be pulled apart by the media, but also he doesnt want to be told no until the election is over. He doesnt want to do it at all. He doesnt want to do it at all. He just wants to get elected. And when he and once he gets elected, hell do what he wants. He wants to do. Scott, the Sun Jeremy Corbyn is getting ready to win the argument, but not the election again, right . The 74 year old socialist whos never thought he was wrong because no ones ever said he was, will battle head to head with his old party in a desperate bid to keep his leafy north london seat , corbyn lost north london seat, corbyn lost his whip in 2020 because playing down institutional anti semitism and now hes running in a pro palestinian platform calling for a ceasefire, trying to garner those votes from people that wont vote for starmer over whats happening in the middle east. So i you know, i never really was quite clear on all the points of interest around his anti semitism claims. And then i read some more about it today. And in this article. And i just all i today. And in this article. And ijust all i can say is, today. And in this article. And i just all i can say is, wow, really . He did that. Wow. He really . He did that. Wow. He said that. Yeah. So i can understand why the Jewish Community is nervous and why they might not want to vote for, or any thinking person might not want to vote for corbyn anymore. Want to vote for corbyn anymore. Also, i have seen him speak live and on tv. Its not very inspiring , and on tv. Its not very inspiring, its and on tv. Its not very inspiring , its just and on tv. Its not very inspiring, its just not the discourse. Well, i mean , you say that well, i mean, you say that maybe theres an age demographic thing because i remember the 2019 election when he went to glastonbury and all the kids were shouting, oh, Jeremy Corbyn but then again, its the same kids who are now are also really getting into the anti semitism. So maybe we should have seen it coming. Yeah, yeah, theyve forgotten about it. The truth is, he says, im not anti semitic. And then who, who who is behind him as he announces his candidacy . All of the pro gaza. Lets drive the jews into the sea or the river, whichever. Whichever jews into the sea or the river, whichever. Whichever ones closer. Yeah. Or deeper or deeper or colder. Not even drive them in. Just kill them. Kill, kill, kill us when were there. So, i mean, i like the idea that the guy actually believes in something, but thats thats no place. A belief can be good. But place. A belief can be good. But not all beliefs are good. Not all be good, especially not in politics. I think its interesting that he waited until his anti semitism, you know, became fashionable. Yeah. Fashionable. Yeah. Thats going to help him flares. You wait long enough, it comes back around again. Politics are. It goes in phases, doesnt it, louis . The telegraph. Labour is so confident of a win it can now afford to ignore its own mps. Yes, this was this is the telegraph. Rosie duffield snubbed from labours election launch in her own county and her county. This, this rosie duffield, shes the mp for canterbury. Or maybe they got a few of them in canterbury. Its a lovely town actually. I just saw a city. Its a city because its got a cathedral. But you know, thats different. Its different for the americans if youve got a church, because religion is so out of it, if you have a church in this country, youve got youre basically a city, a cathedral. Okay i was making i was making a joke. No, i was making a joke. Some things you cant joke about. I think as the representative for the uk here, i feel i need to go. Yeah, i think that one needs a punchline. But anyway. Yeah, well, thats my speed. Basically. At least ive. Ive shown up, but it says shes, theres only one of, theres only, theres 12 mps in kent and shes the only one who was labour and they didnt invite her to the party. She maybe there was a mistake that they made. Its easy. Ive been many parties that ive not been ianed parties that ive not been invited to, ive got natalie, elphicke now, which is kind of a labour person. Shes only good until the election. Shes not until the election. Shes not running for election, according to this article. So her feelings were hurt and the reason her feelings were hurt. I dont know whether you know this, but its because of her stance on womens rights. Shes shes for, like, private womens spaces. Yes. For private womens spaces. Yes. For women who are. Whatever. I dont even know how you define them. She can identify a woman, actually. Yeah. She can she identify as a woman . Yes. As well. And can i do my favourite thing . I know im not on the panel tonight, but this is my favourite thing. My but this is my favourite thing. My hobby is you read the article and some articles disprove itself right in the last sentence. The whole article. They didnt invite her. How dare they not invited . What . Are they not invited . And then he did it. Peaceful. Yeah, no. Down the bottom. They didnt invite any mps. The whole thing was not about inviting mps. It was about new candidates. No one got invited. Oh, right. Right. Right. No, thats just what they say. Because theyre politicians. Well, like the comedy show theyre hosting it. The backyard where . No, its only contracted people on the show. Oh, really . Only contracted. All right, well, that seems ridiculous. Why is that the case . Why or why not do two show we all know they cant afford. Oh god, is that what they said . Im trying to calm down, scott. Yeah. No, youre gonna have to come. I dont know why im gonna go heckle them. I dont want to show where youre the sensible one, louis. All right, we had that before. Its a very difficult shift. You know, i dont mind that comedy show anyway, because. Because doyle will be doing half my act as it is. So at least ill be there in spirits. Another section is done. Bosh but in the next one, one way tickets to jersey taxing meat and porn is to next. Welcome back to headliners. Scott to the daily mail. Just when women started doing better than men at university. Heres some stats to make it even more confusing. Confusing. Why do i get the trans story . Its because its because you were on facebook with me today. You saw this. Someone called me transphobic. Is that it . They did because all i said, all i said was this whole cis crappy terms are all made up and theyre all homophobic. And someone piped in and suddenly im a transphobe and thats it. Its over. My career is over. Ive been labelled, ive been cancelled. Im done. Youre more than qualified to sit in that seat. Exactly. So at least you had jokes. What . Thats one. In Transgender University applicants have been in the care system , apparently, in the care system, apparently, compared with just 1 in 20 of their peers. Apparently their peers. Apparently transgender applicants are more likely to self harmed. Theyre likely to self harmed. Theyre more likely to, have been have gone to private school than non trans applicants. They are more likely nearly half to declare disability, and more than a fifth declare a Mental Health condition. Who are applying for university. So this applying for university. So this study was done by someone whos, josh freeman and ross stevenson, they are the reports authors , they are the reports authors, and they they called for universities to support trans students more and their own challenges. And, parents of all vulnerable teenagers are concerned that universities continue to promote an ideological rather than evidence led approach to trans identity. I suppose in some ways, weve been talking for months on shows like this saying, oh, theres an indoctrination in universities. Theyve been captured. Turns out theyve been captured. Turns out its before then we were wrong lying to you, i know. Yeah, i missed the run. Although it only says applicants. I mean, i want to find out. Give it a few months and well find out who got in. I mean, it is unbelievable. It says half the people, half of the people who were applicants to the universities said they had a disability, compared to only 12 of the rest of the people which has the trans applicants. Yeah, yeah, which is a huge amount of people. And you dont want to say it. Its a whole its a horrible thing. You can make jokes about it all you want to, but its theres a lot of i mean, maybe its no big deal if people want to if people want to do what theyre going to do, you should let them just do what they want to do. I dont care what people do as long as they, you know, dont have a go at you on social media and just label me a traitor at facebook. I cant let it go in my neighbourhood and up in nunhead just today, i saw a very large, large, very tall trans woman talking to a very small trans man. Thats adorable. We are the world building bridges. The problem i have with what happened today and what i see sometimes im out and about is someone describing what, like a cis or a non cis gay male or something. Yeah. And its like, oh, this person online was saying well a non cis gay male is oh just Something Like is a woman who identifies as a man and has sex with men. So thats and has sex with men. So thats a non cis gay man. Its not that again slow that down. Its a woman who identified who was born female but identifies as male and then has sex with men. Male and then has sex with men. Thats a non cis gay man. Thats a non binary gay. That is not a gay man. A gay man is a man who has sex with men. I just man, i yes, what she described was a heterosexual female, but what it lends itself to is a comedy room full of people that might believe some of that stuff. So when i start cracking jokes about it, im seen as evil. When what im talking about is myself and my own community, which, if anything, i should be able to joke about my own personal experience. And when they are, if theyre offended by your comedy, id just say to them, why . Why are they offended by a non cis woman like yourself . Which i think that works out and corrects itself back around to exactly what you get up to, right . I can play the dog if you want. I can do any gender, any type. Louis. Louis. The times and jersey has greenlit euthanasia for the things they will do to get on that. Things to do before you die list. Yes, this is unbelievable. This is new jersey and they want to be not new jersey. Its not new jersey, just jersey. Just jersey, just jersey. Yes. Oh sorry, i wasnt i didnt read it properly. Jersey approves assisted dying. That was a joke. Oh trying to get us off of that subject. Get us off of that subject. Yeah. Even though this is all trans all the time, this states. Anyway were all in drag. All of us. All of us. Jersey approves assisted dying for the terminally ill. And this is by a vote. Believe it or not, jersey are those little islands. Theres three of them. Guernsey jersey and one other white. White of man. That one. No. Isle of man . No, thats another one. Its not that. Whatever it is, they took a vote and they said, if youre not, if youre going to die within six months, well kill you now. Well save you if youre going to die within a year because youve got a neurodegenerative disease, well kill you. Well kill you now its a victory again for the death cult of this world. Yeah. Its like, lets kill people. Theres too many people. People bad. And it just people. People bad. And it just pays to kill them. And you have to be a resident of jersey or live there for at least a year. So the numbers were talking about, theyre not going to Impact Global population. Still people. What is what is what do you say . Just jump in the sea. Its freezing. Youll die in two minutes anyway, right . Actually, its the warmest part of britain. All right. Yeah it is really . Yeah. It is. Its right next to france. Thats the freezing. Thats the freezing. It is freezing numbingly cold. Its not numbingly cold. Its no less cold. But if youre dying, youre likely to be thin. And so the water will kill you faster, right . If youre a chubby dying, then you know, dont do the sea. Hes. Hes right. Youre right. Its not just about jumping into the thing. You can kill yourself if you want to die. But even if. Why do you have to be killed . You kill yourself and even if you dont want to be killed. I think the problem is. What if you do it wrong . You know, and then youre. And then youre handicapable and dying. I knew a guy. I knew a guy who jumped from the empire state building, and he lived to tell about it. How he told everyone in the 86th floor, everyone in the 85th floor, everyone in the 84th floor, everyone. Old school jokes, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Theyre all weak. Thank you. Theyre all weak. Enjoy the curly fries, scott. Enjoy the curly fries, scott. The telegraph porn is causing unemployment in men, which is such a shame because theyre online. Theyre just searching for the wrong kind of job, technology is fuelling very worrying. Rise in Mental Health conditions. The article goes on to say, mel stride has blamed pornography and video games for a surge in worklessness among young men. Apparently theres a surge in young men not working the work and pensions secretary said that, there were 900,000 young people aged between 16 and 24 who were, not in education or employment or training. And thats up by only really about 88,000 from the previous year, for boys, things like gaming, he says, is a prevalent factor. The problem is that that boys go to porn. These young age groups, they found because theyre completely stressed out, because theyre unemployed, because they have no work, because at home is a nightmare. They cant find anyone to go out with because they have no money. So they go to porn and theyre gaming. Its the other way around. And this guy doesnt want to look at those issues about Mental Illness among young men, about stress of their dealing with, about family issues. Instead, he blames two thriving industries. Blames two thriving industries. Lets blame people that are actually making money and creating jobs for these guys who are, you know, staying at home, watching their screen and looking for love. Can it really be impact . Can porn cause that much of a problem . Its what, like two minutes a day . No, i dont think it can. I think it can. I think i think you have to be kind of like, happy to go with porn. Basically, if you, if youre totally miserable, even porn is not going to make you happy. You have to have at least a bit of hope until until the conclusion. Although porn is about suspending disbelief, so you could probably pretend for a while, you hold your breath to close your eyes for about 3 or 4 minutes. Youre happy and thats all it really takes. I dont think its pretending. I think youre really in the moment and you feel like youre in the moment. When youre watching porn, youre in the moment. Yes, in the moment. And the moments gone. Then you wake up and you think, holy, we got to play and you think, holy, we got to play a video game. The truth is, is that this guy is a bit late to the game. The elections coming up. Nobody gives a damn about what mel stride has to say. Hes gone. You know, why is this even post . I wonder how much porn hes watched to make this determination. Yeah, technically. Yeah, technically. Probably quite a lot. Right . Probably quite a lot. Right . I blame the lockdown. Yeah. Oh, louis, the telegraph, a man who gives to money labour wants them to put a tax on meat. Of course hes against eating meat. Hes a donor. Doner kebab. Oh, ho. 110. No. What have you written down . What have you written down . It hurts. See, this is the it hurts. See, this is the thing. This is why steve is very successful. More than more than i am. I dont know about you, but because he does, he prepares his. His. He prepares. He writes the show anyway. Tax red meat to save the planet. Labour. Mega donor urges. And this is this guy. Hes. He is. His name is vince dale. Vince and he was the. Just stop. You probably dont know about this because youre flying all around the world. Im stuck at a nunhead, a flat with a horrible. Hes the. Hes the Just Stop Oil guy. But he had a he had he was like a billionaire. He had money from this eco thing. And so hes been giving money and hes saying im going to be nicer. Im not going to do the Just Stop Oil thing because its just bothering too many people. So instead, im going to give money to 2. 4 million and more to to the the labour party, hoping everythings going to be all right. And he thinks that if he thinks that red meat is the problem and you know what the problem and you know what the problem is, someone like this, we should we should be eating guys like this. Is it more cow farts . Is that the problem . Thats what they say, dont they . Yeah. And how intensive it is to grow it. I mean, if they taxed red meat, lewis, it would financially ruin you, wouldnt it, im ruined already. Thats true. It would. It would ruin me, basically. Actually, it isnt. It is. It is more expensive, but it isnt more expensive, but it isnt more expensive because all the food, all the money that i save by not wasting it on green plants and meat. And look at how honestly , meat. And look at how honestly, from a gay point of view. Oh, god. Are you talking to me now . Are you talking to me now . Yeah, im talking to you now because thats your million. You finally turned to me. When you say the gay thing. Finally, im looking better and better looking over your back. The whole time. Until you said the gay thing, right . Thats homophobic. Lewis thats not homophobic. Its homo like it. Its homo like it. We should grow our own animals because ive lived on farms. My husbands from a farm in brazil. When you kill that pig, in brazil. When you kill that pig, its like cotton candy. If you kill animals fresh and eat them right away, its delicious and much healthier. Yeah, right. Theres a little anxiety for the animal, but theyre dead, so. Oh, well. Oh, well. And they always say having pets is useful to teach your kids about grief. Yeah. I mean, kids about grief. Yeah. I mean, i didnt realise you meant to go out and actually just kill the chicken. Live in front of them, but theyve got to learn. Yeah. Death day on the farm is a sad day. But then 29 days of eating is much happier, right . Where did grandma go . Do you remember your pig . Well, wow. Wow. Grandma savages i now youve got some savages now youve got some family issues. I feel bad for your future children, scott. The guardian germany may have found a way to just stop. Just stop oil. Yes, they have. By imprisoning all those people, protesting, calling them gangsters. The germans had this law in place called paragraph, paragraph 129 of the german criminal code is meant to combat organised crime. They also thought any cults in germany are illegal, which is why they couldnt show John Travolta films for a very long time , films for a very long time, until clinton called them, dunng until clinton called them, during his presidency and asked him to show his films because hes part of scientology. Yeah, tom cruise couldnt show his films in germany either. So the germans are really touchy about the cult thing, you know, previous history stuff. So theyre really nervous about organised gangs as well. And theyre calling just off oil people. They name a few of them here who have been accused of being organised gangs, and theyre trying to then outlaw. Theyre trying to then outlaw. Theyre not just not just put them in prison but outlaw their activity so that they when they come out of jail, they cant do it again. Like makes them a proscribed terrorist group. But but you know what . I dont see why they shouldnt do that. Because these people, like we have our people here, our Just Stop Oil people, and they do the same thing every week over and over and over again. And we and were not stopping them. But organised crime is Violent Crime usually. And this crime isnt. This is a non Violent Crime. Its non Violent Crime. Its non violent protest. Take out the word. Usually this kind of crime that theyre doing by blocking trains, by throwing painting on things is something that you have to. I mean, im not i dont know what should be done, but something should be done, but something should be. Well, no ones died in the protests in germany so far. Thats thats what theyre saying. Yeah. Well thats it for part three. The final section boasts drugs, miracles and comedy. Thats not funny enough. So no welcome back to the final section of headliners. Lewis to the telegraph. And the bbc has achieved balance again , the bbc achieved balance again, the bbc says its sitcom needs to be more , quote, laugh out loud. This is it. Yeah couple sitcoms. Its the word is in there. Comedic comedy, situation comedy. Its american and it says, this guy john petrie, whos the bbc director of comedy, hes the director of comedy, hes the director of comedy, hes the director of comedy. He says that the bbc needs to put they havent done it and nobody wants to listen to the bbc because theres so many other choices and they know exactly who owns the bbc. Its owned by the deep state and no one can laugh at it. This was at the bbc comedy festival. The bbc holds. We werent invited to, by the way. No. Another thing were not ianed no. Another thing were not invited to. I know its a theme here. I know its a theme here. The longer i stay here, the less theyre interested in me. And i think this is i mean, they just they want someone whos going to go back and i havent gone back because i got the kit anyway. At least its nice that someone in tv is saying, you know, a sitcom can be about funny. The thing is, you know, when i was pitching shows about ten years ago, the term sitcom was just verboten. You did not say it. It was really unfashionable. It. It was really unfashionable. They wanted, you know, they wanted ideas , but not wanted ideas, but not necessarily punchlines. And they also wanted i gave them an outline for a show that we were a pilot, and they said, too much is going on. We need to spread this over six episodes, a bit slow moving , this over six episodes, a bit slow moving, and i think now they want it fast, fast, fast. I think, its basically Graham Linehan is who they need to call. And i think they, they owe him an apology anyway, so. Right. Kill two birds. I mean linehan was the best is the best. Whos alive still and ready to work. Were quite familiar with him. Yeah right. Weve got about a minute on each story. Lets see if we can rattle through these. Scott, the telegraph in my day, the police would take your drugs off you. Now theyre taking their own, well, its daily star, actually. And the uk cops are flying to peru to take mind bending, psychedelic ihra. I bending, psychedelic ihra. I know im mispronouncing that, but anyway, cops who are feeling the stress from work are being sent away because these drugs are not legal here in the uk. Theyre hitting a Tipping Point with the after 22 years, this one cop, paul, who was 41, he was hoping to find relief from his anxiety and suicidal thoughts and he took this vine concoction. It sounds a bit like, stuff we used to take when i was in high school. That would make us peyote, which would make us we would take and then we throw up, and then wed hallucinate and think all our problems were solved. We were 17. We didnt have problems. But these guys, you take the drugs over three night period and this one officer said the second night was terrible, but the third was better. And he feels as though hes a bit more balanced as hes going home. Like maybe he could face, actually face the stress he was not looking at before. And they are using a lot of hallucinogens in Psychiatric Care in the us. A in Psychiatric Care in the us. A few friends of mine, not because they know me, but i am the common trucks between all of it. But anyway, they have told me that they are taking psychedelic drugs in groups so they can be observed, they can be watched, and it allows them to open up and it allows them to open up and to again to look at whats going on in their life. Instead of ignoring or running away from it. Yeah. And then they can commit suicide and then they can kill themselves when theyre, when theyre done. Suicide was not mentioned in the star. It wasnt mentioned. But it will be mentioned the fact that theyre sending police to another country to do things that they cant do in this country, i think is wrong. But people do that on vacation all the time. They go abroad. But you dont send the police there. What are they going to send them to cambodia to do illegal things in cambodia . Why cambodia . Why pick on the cambodians . What do they know . Because theyre doing a different kind of thing. I meant it as a as a joke. Im not saying they should be sent. Theyre going to them out. Helps. Yeah louis, the times, you know, youre getting old and even the saints are younger than. Well, yeah. This is a i forgot about the Catholic Church because weve been so worried about the muslims. But london bored teenager to become the first millennial saint are you worried about the muslims . Are we . Are we . Yes we are. I know the largest mosque in the uk and im fine with it. Youre fine with it because they havent come to you yet. Theyre worried about the jews. Wait till you know its because they slip off their shoes. Its so thoughtful on their knees five times a day. Yeah, exactly. When you get caught looking at. Dont dont do, dont make a mistake. I go in to buy things. I go in to buy things. So make a mistake. But pope francis, whos like the catholic, whos the Catholic Church guy, he has canonised this guy named carlo acutis. He was a 15 year old catholic boy who died of leukaemia in 2006 and born in london. Hes british. This is why it maybe it made the times, but this was in the times. But what did he do . He basically set up a website documenting miracles around the world. Two people in two Different Countries saw this, and they they looked at it and they said, oh, ive looked at this website and i survived my egregious illness and thats why this guy deserves to become a saint. If you believe in this , saint. If you believe in this, go to it. You know, i have someone im very close to that had suffered some terrible loss. Yeah and his family are religious and i am not. But i have honoured their own beliefs. I really admire how it helps them, i do. Im speaking sincerely. Right. I dont often put a joke at the end of that. Well, i wont if you want to spot a miracle. If you can get lewis to talk through a story without waffling, then ill figure out. Jersey, new jersey, varne tonight show. Thats. The show is nearly oven thats. The show is nearly over. So lets take another quick look at fridays front pages. The daily mail says tories to cut green levies on fuel bills. The Guardian Sunak begins Election Campaign by abandoning flagship policies. The times energy bills tumble in first big election battle expressed. Pms plan to take down starmer on tv debates and metro. Rishis bumpy takeoff. Metro. Rishis bumpy takeoff. Daily star says general ejection those front pages. Thanks to my guest tonight, Louis Schaefer and Scott Capurro were back tomorrow, 11 pm. With nick dixon andrew doyle hosting. If dixon andrew doyle hosting. If youre still watching at 5 am, enjoy breakfast on the way next, have yourself a good one. Thank you steve. A brighter outlook with boxt solar , the sponsors of weather solar, the sponsors of weather on. Gb news. On. Gb news. Hello. Very good evening. Heres your latest gb news weather update brought to you by the met office. Southern areas the met office. Southern areas will stay mostly dry as we go through the end of the week, but its a wetter story further north because the same area of low pressure that has brought all the rain weve had through the last day or so is lingering across the uk. So we can expect further outbreaks of rain as we go through the end of today. Overnight and into friday. Some of the rain will be a little bit on the heavy side, but it is a definitely easing further south. Its going to stay largely dry overnight and there will be some clear skies under which it could turn a bit fresh, a bit chilly perhaps for some of us to start first thing tomorrow morning. But on the whole, once the sunshine gets going, temperatures should rise quite quickly. If we take a look at whats going to happen first thing tomorrow morning. And yes, its a bit of a cloudy, damp start across many northern parts, particularly across a big chunk of scotland cloud and outbreaks of rain. None of it looks particularly heavy but could cause some further issues for areas affected by the heavy rain weve seen recently. Perhaps some brightness across western parts of scotland. But across northern ireland, much of england and wales are fairly cloudy and a little bit damp. Start the best chance of any sunshine first thing tomorrow morning will be across southern parts and to be honest, heres where were likely to see the best of the sunshine as we go through tomorrow. As a result of the sunshine, though, we could see a few showers popping up, but it is generally going to be dner but it is generally going to be drier towards southern parts, a little bit cloudier and a bit wetter further north. Some outbreaks of rain perhaps the odd heavy shower here, but not as wet as it has been recently. The temperatures will be near normal for the time of year, feeling warm in any sunshine. In fact, across northern parts it will feel markedly less fresh than it has done recently. As we go into saturday. Perhaps a bit of a chilly start for some of us, but it does look like the driest, sunniest day of the long weekend. A few showery outbreaks weekend. A few showery outbreaks developing, particularly towards eastern parts. But on sunday we are expecting some more wet weather to push its way in. Some of that could be pretty heavy at times and more showers perhaps on monday. Two looks like things are heating up. Boxt boilers heating up. Boxt boilers sponsors of weather on gb news. Airs 9 pm. On patrick christys. And its the first proper day of the general Election Campaign. And its all going off. Theyre all a load of prats. Theyre all a load of prats. Can you spot the prime ministers gaffe in wales . Looking forward to all the football. Meanwhile, storm is out stroking babys head. Suzie targets the southeast. Decline and chaos continuing under tories or rebuilding our country under labour. But can you spot why their big Campaign Launch video had to get pulled . Nigel farage will not stand as a candidate. A blow for richard tice awesome incompetence and uselessness of this concert of government and the lib dem leader, sir ed davey isnt making much sense, but with this election, we have the chance to win the change our country so desperately needs. Yeah, theres a longer clip of that. The net migration numbers are out and the spin is on immigration figures and they are down by 10. Its actually been around a 50 increase in work migration. 50 increase in work migration. And find out why this man is back in the headlines. Were back and were ready for it all over again. For it all over again. On my panel tonight is gb news superstar nana akua. Weve got tory peer lord shaun bailey and ex labour advisor matthew laza. Oh, and this horse doesnt like tourists. Oh, god help me. Like tourists. Oh, god help me. Hes got my heart. Hes got my heart. Get ready, britain. Here we go. Go. Theyre out. The traps and the race is on. Next. Good evening. Im sophia wenzler