Broken and crimeinfested places from which they came. Okay, this is besides the point, but, dude, youre from queens. [ laughter ] i would say you should go back and fix it, but i dont think any of the trains are running. [ laughter ] House Speaker nancy pelosi said today she will introduce a resolution condemning president trumps racist attacks on minority lawmakers man, nancy pelosi counterattacks from a president the way a normal person handles bad service at starbucks [ laughter ] go back to where they came from oh, you bet, ill be filling out a comment card [ laughter ] i am very dissatisfied. [ light laughter ] new york city suffered a major blackout on saturday that left over 70,000 people in manhattan without power. Of course, in manhattan, 70,000 people is two starbucks and a jamba juice. [ laughter ] california congressman Eric Swalwell has announced he is dropping out of the democratic president ial race swalwell made the decision after realizing that he didnt know which one he was, either [ laughter and applause president ial hopeful beto orourke revealed this weekend that both he and his wife recently learned that their ancestors owned slaves even weirder, how they announced it [ laughter ] can i get you a piece . I dont think so, no. A mobile Shopping Company has created a hyper realistic action figure of amazon ceo jeff bezos. Then again, it might just be a vibrator [ laughter ] [ audience oohs [ cheers and applause in a new interview, the ceo of ecigarette company juul apologized to the parents of children whove become addicted to vaping. Well, technically what he said was, im sorry your kids are so cool. [ laughter ] according to a recent survey, 21 is the average age at which people meet their best friends, while 31 is the age they realize they havent seen them in 6 years. [ laughter ] the coast guard released a video over the weekend of Service Members seizing 232 million worth of cocaine from a homemade submarine. Wow, how could someone have the energy to build their own subma oh, right right, right, right. [ laughter ] right, the cocaine the cocaine. [ applause ] and finally, the womens world cup ended last week. Here with the highlights of the tournament, please welcome one of our writers, jenny hagel, everybody. [ cheers and applause hey, everybody the world cup wrapped up last week, and it was incredible. First, some teams played each other and some qualified and some didnt. Yada, yada but the whole thing really kicked off when u. S. Player Megan Rapinoe had this exchange with a reporter. Reporter are you excited about going to the white house im not going to the [ bleep ] white house. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause yeah. When that happened, lesbians were like, i love her. And straight women were like, am i straight . [ laughter ] then the team beat thailand and spain and then Megan Rapinoe sat out a game and everyone in america was like, oh [ bleep ], is my girlfriend okay . [ laughter ] seth sorry, jenny, this is great, but i thought you were going to go over the highlights of the world cup seth, im a lesbian these are the highlights [ laughter ] then the president tweeted, megan should win first before she talks. Finish the job. And then rapinoe scored two goals against france and ran to the sidelines and did this and then you know what the president said then . [ cheers and applause yeah, you know what the president said then . Seth what . Jack [ bleep ] because thats the dopest comeback ever [ laughter ] yeah last night i tried to buy milk at a bodega and they were like, we dont take debit cards and i was like i have exact change, bitch [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause then the u. S. Beat england and the netherlands and became the world champs for a second time in a row and not only that, Megan Rapinoe is here tonight to celebrate [ cheers and applause it was a great ending for straight fans. For lesbians, it was just the beginning. Because then things got very gay. Player kelley ohara ran into the stands and kissed her girlfriend, even though she wasnt even officially out what a badass way to come out. I came out in my apartment by whispering to my straight roommate, i think i like girls. And then she said, okay and then we just went back to watching dawsons creek. [ laughter ] then goalkeeper Ashlyn Harris posted a picture of herself wearing this look at that outfit. [ cheers and applause its like shes the ceo of a company that makes lesbians. [ laughter ] and then rapinoe rolled up to an interview with Rachel Maddow looking like some kind of sexy tim burton character [ light laughter ] its like jack the pumpkin king had a hot gay sister [ laughter ] but dont worry, Rachel Maddow is a professional. And she meets highprofile people all the time so you can totally count on her to keep her cool youre really good at talking im still so nervous [ laughter ] look how flustered she got. Thats how other lesbians act when they meet Rachel Maddow [ light laughter ] it was truly the gayest week america has ever seen. Now, i just want to say i know the u. S. Womens National Team is not just made up of lesbians and every team members contributions to the world cup were incredible. But it was a big deal this week to watch the gay members of the team be so out and proud and unapologetic about who they are and for the whole country to be so onboard with it for once, americans were into lesbians but not in a creepy way. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause im a lesbian, im a woman, and im also hispanic. So there hasnt been a lot of great news for me lately but watching america go in just a few years from this, to this, that makes me proud to be an american [ cheers and applause seth jenny hagel, everybody [ cheers and applause we got a great show for you tonight. Shes the star of the hit Series Big Little Lies currently in its Second Season on hbo laura dern is back, everybody. [ cheers and applause as jenny mentioned, world cup champion Megan Rapinoe will be joining us [ cheers and applause and we have a very funny comedian who will be performing at the Edinburgh Fringe festival in august. Catherine cohen is here. [ cheers and applause so its a great show before we get to any of that, the president mounted an appallingly racist attack on four Democratic Women of color in congress. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth its been obvious from the very first moment he stepped onto the political stage that donald trump is a racist and that racism is at the core of his political ideology. Its not a side dish its the main course every day he serves up a steaming hot entree of racism and then washes it down with a side of mcdonalds, wendys and burger king, with some pizza. [ laughter and applause seth trump launched his political career by questioning legitimacy of the first black president , began his campaign by claiming mexico is sending criminals and rapists to the u. S. And said a judge who was overseeing a lawsuit against him in 2016 shouldnt be allowed to oversee the case because of his ethnicity. Now, this judge is of mexican heritage im building a wall. Okay im building a wall. But youre invoking his race when talking about whether or not he can do his job. Jake, im building a wall okay im building a wall. If you are saying he cant do his job because of his race, is that not the definition of racism no, i dont think so at all no . No. Hes proud of his heritage i respect him for that youre saying he cant do his job because of that. Look, hes proud of his heritage okay im building a wall. This judge is giving us unfair rulings. Now i say why. Well, i wanna im building a wall seth okay. But why wont you tell us what youre building . [ laughter ] he keeps saying it over and over like hes wearing a wire and calling for backup im building a wall im building a wall. Wall, steve, get me out of here [ laughter ] so trump launched a racist attack on a judge by calling him unqualified to rule in a case because of their ethnicity, and by the way, in case youre somehow still curious about Donald Trumps legal bona fides, heres what he had to say on friday about special counsel Robert Muellers report which listed ten possible instances of obstruction of justice remember ten ten. Somehow, everyones forgotten about that, because it was like 50 scandals ago. We all have such scandal fatigue, at this point trump could streak naked across the white house lawn with his head stuck in a kfc bucket screaming, i did it, i broke all the laws. [ light laughter ] and two days later wed all be scratching our heads going, oh, yeah, right, that happened. [ light laughter ] so trump was asked about the Mueller Report on friday, and he tried to claim that article 2 of the constitution gives him the power to basically do whatever he wants now, remember, this is the same guy who said a judge wasnt qualified to rule on a case because of that judges ethnicity. By comparison, heres trump talking about article 2 of the constitution of the United States number one, theres no crime. And how do you obstruct when theres no crime also, take a look at one other thing. Its a thing called article 2. Nobody ever mentions article 2 it gives me all of these rights at a level that nobody has ever seen before. We dont even talk about article 2. Seth what do you mean nobody has ever seen before [ laughter ] it was written over 200 years ago. Just because youve never seen it before [ laughter ] doesnt mean nobodys ever seen it before. I just saw this great little independent film, no ones ever seen it before, called the lion king. [ laughter ] its about a good guy named scar but oh, hes got a real [ bleep nephew who tries to backstab him. [ light laughter ] but i like scar i havent finished it. Its two hours long. Thats too long. But like scars chances. I think i think its going to end well for scar. [ laughter ] also his interpretation of article 2 is obviously wrong which is not surprising since he apparently just discovered it. Heres another thing i just learned. Did you know we had a president who was 100 feet tall . [ light laughter ] made of stone. [ laughter ] what we saw in that interview was the core of trumps racist world view and we saw it yet again on sunday when trump launched a stunningly racist attack on four progressive women of color in congress the president of the United States told progressive Democratic Women of color in congress to go back to the crimeinfested places from which they came. Trump writing this, so interesting to see progressive democrat congresswomen who originally came from countries whose governments are a complete and total catastrophe. The worst, most corrupt, and inept, anywhere in the world, if they even have a functioning government at all, now loudly and viciously telling the people of the United States, the greatest and most powerful nation on earth, how our government is to be run. Why dont they go back and help fix the totally broken and crimeinfested places from which they came . Then come back and show us how it is done these places need your help badly. You cant leave fast enough. Im sure that nancy pelosi would be very happy to quickly work out free travel arrangements. Seth okay. First of all, theres no acceptable word for this other than racist. Period not racially charged or racially tinged or as the New York Times put it, trumps raciallyinfused politics, like its some kind of fancy drink at a williamsburg cocktail bar. [ laughter ] oh, honey, their cosmo is racially infused. [ laughter ] second, this is beside the point, but three of the congresswomen youre attacking were born here and theyre all american citizens. So if youre asking them to fix the totally broken crimeinfested governments of their home countries, theyre trying [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause third, it doesnt matter doesnt matter whether they were born here or not, theyre americans. This is their country, and theyre treating it with a lot more respect and devotion than the racist gargoyle who sits around tweeting from the back nine of his chintzy golf course. I mean, look at that that looks like a sculpture someone would build to make fun of donald trump. [ laughter ] i call this one the melting racist. [ light laughter ] and then today trump reeled off yet another racist tirade at a white house event called the made in america product showcase. First he took questions from reporters and defended his tweets when asked if they were racist not at all. Do you think that those democratic congresswomen are not american somebody has a problem with our country if somebody doesnt want to be in our country, they should leave. Seth i think its very fitting that hes standing next to a boat because he always looks like he just fell off the side of a booze cruise and got dragged back onto deck by a lifeguard. [ light laughter ] then trump moved over to the podium where he continued his tirade and doubled down on those racist tweets. If youre not happy in the u. S. , if youre complaining all the time, very simply, you can leave. You can leave right now. Come back if you want. Dont come back. Its okay, too but if youre not happy, you can leave. Seth im sorry, youre accusing someone else of com all you do is complain you spent the eight years of obamas presidency lying and complaining about everything in fact, at one point you actually bragged about the fact you were great at whining. I am the most fabulous whiner i do whine, because i want to win. And im not happy if im not winning. Are whiners winners and im a whiner. And im a whiner and i keep whining and whining until i win. Seth that is a terrible dr. Seuss book [ laughter ] i keep whining and whining until im a winner and then i go home and have pizza for dinner. [ laughter ] now trumps attack on four progressive women of color wasnt just blatantly and appallingly racist, its also a classic racist trope its the kind of taunt or insult people of color have been subjected to for years as senator Kamala Harris explained. It is absolutely racist and unamerican. And it is an old trope, go back to where you came from, that, you know, you might hear it on the street, but you should never hear that from the president of the United States. Seth and shes right trump shouldnt be president at best he should be on the streets selling fake rolexes in times square [ light laughter ] and yelling at tourists for not buying them. Oh, what . Youve never heard of a polex . [ laughter ] what were seeing now, once again, is the core of trumps racist ideology and his policy agenda his administration is inflicting cruelty on migrants through inhumane detention centers, family separation and he spent his career questioning the legitimacy of everyone from the first black president to judges to members of congress what more do you need to impeach this guy congress should just say to him you can leave you can leave right now. Seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause you guys, we have a great show tonight. And were happy youre with us, but i want to say a few quick words about some sad news that happened over hiatus last week, we lost a beloved member of the late night team family, tommy weil tommy was a member of our security team. He was a retired nypd detective. A warmhearted guy who had a smile for everybody, who will be missed one of the great things about working with this show is the people we get to spend our time with and he was such a perfect example of that. So on behalf of everyone here, i want to send our condolences to tommys family well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause second chances. t give yy but a subaru can. dad you guys ok . You alright . Wow. avo eyesight with precollision braking. Standard on the subaru ascent. The threerow subaru ascent. Love. Its what makes a subaru a subaru. Get everything you need to go back big at the low prices you love. And i. Was. Take shocked. Test. Im from cameroon, congo, and. The bantu people. New features. Greater details. Richer stories. Get your dna kit today at ancestry. Com. Its my special friend, antonio. His luxurious fur calms my nerves when im worried about moving into our new apartment. Why dont we just ask geico for help with renters insurance . I didnt know geico helps with renters insurance. Yeah, and we could save a bunch too. Antonio fetch computer antonio . Ill get it. Get to know geico and see how much you could save on renters insurance. Did you know you can save money by using dish soap to clean grease on more than dishes . Try dawn ultra. Dawn is for more than just dishes. With 3x more grease cleaning power per drop, it tackles tough grease on a variety of surfaces. Try dawn ultra. [text tone] [text tone] [text tone] nice mmmmmm so nice nice [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, everybody. Give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause also this is so, so exciting sitting in with us this week, hes a 14yearold up and coming drummer from new jersey who starred in the tonynominated school of rock on broadway his videos have garnered millions of views, so be sure to check them out on instagram. Raghav mehrotra is here. How are you, raghav . [ cheers and applause good seeing everybody seth so glad youre here true story true story, you have to be 16yearsold to be in our audience raghav, life hack right there. [ light laughter ] he came in, they saw him at the door, they were like, we need i. D. And he just took out the sticks. He was like, these are my i. D. [ light laughter ] thank you so much for being here im thrilled [ cheers and applause our first guest tonight is an emmy winning and Academy Award nominated actress you know from films such as jurassic park, wild and star wars the last jedi. Shes currently starring in the Second Season of Big Little Lies. Lets take a look. How come im not at school . Sweetie, i told you ziggy and max and josh are having their special day with their moms, and i thought well wait a minute, lets us have a mother daughter day. It isnt because we are broke isnt . And we have to move . No amabella, its because i wanted to spend the day with you. Sweetie, everything isnt about money. Well, it is, but it isnt. Seth please welcome back to the show laura dern, everyone. [ cheers and applause seth welcome back. Thank you, so happy to be here seth were you i hope you had a chance backstage to meet Megan Rapinoe. Did you get a chance to say hi so excited. Beside myself. Seth you watched the final at an airport. You were traveling i did i did. It was a great moment at l. A. X when everyone was so thrilled that their flights were delayed. [ light laughter ] seth yeah. Thats a rare opportunity. Its incredible and as we all know, what a sense of community we feel when we have this collective, shared, experience of bliss watching that winning game. Seth it almost never happens at an airport. No. [ light laughter ] seth shared bliss. Shared bliss never happens but it did that day. And it was amazing as i said to her, watching this tribe of 6yearold boys, these boys imitating this female athletes with her moves and, you know, you just you wait for a paradigm shift where women are honored and celebrated for their genius and their art and their loud, fierce, voices and its very cool [ cheers and applause seth very cool you certainly you certainly are part of this Incredible Community with your show this is, obviously, a femaledriven show, a femaleproduced show im so sorry nobody watches it or talks about it. Maybe eventually [ light laughter ] but thank you for having me anyway seth you will break through. You will break through okay, thank you seth you have i feel like so one of the luxuries you have on the show is you have the best oneliners on the show. Do you feel that i do really enjoy what i get away with. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] lets just put it that way. It is amazing. And its been amazing as people are watching having people come up to you, and im starting to realize i think its because weve all been there weve all had this moment, but weve, i guess, thankfully, never said what renata says. Seth yeah. But we walk away in deep regret having not said that thing seth right to the individual whos just infuriated us so its quite delicious. Seth its very cathartic to watch renata do and say the things she does. Are you jealous of it that youre not a renata in real life you know, im troubled. Seth yeah. Because im not jealous and at times when i run into people, i dont know if i should accept a compliment, apologize. I sometimes i see myself going, shes a lot, i know. Sorry. [ laughter ] as though shes my sister and not a character i play but i also realize that theyll say to me, i mean, boy, shes really gone off the rails this time, can you believe when she and thats something i did when we were improvising, which means its in my psyche. Seth right [ light laughter ] to, you know seth so there is a little renata in there. I mean, clearly seth yeah. Clearly, guys, there is some renata seth i feel like the thing about the nice thing about the way you get to be renata is you dont actually have to in your life deal with the fallout which is really thats the joy of it, i guess i mean, you hope not. I havent yet had the experience where a man is looking at me across the restaurant. Hes like oh yeah Big Little Lies is not happening. Seth you guys last time you were here you talked about the group text of everybody on the show. Is the group text still going strong its going strong seth thats great. Its been renamed from five different area codes and i never know why a group of people are constantly texting each other because we cant recognize it, but now theyve given us a name. Seth oh, wow this season, which was the monterey five. So now our group texts can have a title. Seth thats wonderful. But then this other woman wants to, like, join the text. Seth oh, no. Thats so irritating meryl, okay [ laughter ] we have our own group text seth i think thats very important. Its you know, its a little rude. Seth lets be honest she has plenty i would say i would say. Seth right but then, of course, she writes the most genius thing ever, inspires us all to be better people. Im like, okay, you can be in our text. Seth is it when you are on a group text with that many talented people, do you have like like do you really, when youre about to text something, do you kind of, like, read it a few times to be like, is this worthy of the text chain . Sadly, thats gone away seth okay. And i think it should come back for me. [ laughter ] i should start to educate myself on what to say or not say because you do realize Extraordinary People youre speaking to and periodically im asking them about, like, the best mint or, you know, like whats a good snack when you feel exhausted on set . But then theyll come, you know, nicole taught me about apple with cinnamon. Seth really . So and its changed my life seth wow it was a game changer, guys seth you know they always say that shes, like she gets a lot of attention and rightfully so, praise for her acting but shes great with snacks no its true. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] its true yeah seth they say like one of the foremost snack experts in hollywood. Yeah [ laughter ] its true seth this is cool because renata is involved in the tech industry, and when you took on this role you met with a lot of people a lot of women in tech, which, of course, there are a lot fewer than men and that sort of led you to sort of independently on your own help out with grants in that sector well, you know, youre helping out. Were all helping out together because i dont know if you guys knew, but america is a community. Seth yeah, it is a big old community. Built on extraordinary migrant families who came here to make this an amazing place we get to be together in. And as we look for diversity and gender parity in companies and the workplace, it was amazing to learn that tech has got a lot to work to do so i was very happy through playing renata to learn about their numbers and help hopefully support more women in tech and get grant and scholarships in universities for them to be able to not only be in the boardroom but take over. [ cheers and applause seth excellent well, let me tell you, its always just such a delight to have you here. Thank you seth thank you so much, laura. Thank you seth please come back soon thank you for letting me seth give it up everybody. Laura dern [ cheers and applause the finale of Big Little Lies, airs next sunday at 9 00 pm on hb well be right back with Megan Rapinoe. [ cheers and applause see . Romance isnt dead but it is here. Thanks, captain obvious. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. Why are you here . Why are you here . Why are either of you here . hotels. Com. Be there. Do that. Get rewarded. Guys, cmon. Ow. Quit it. Stop. Ok, do i have to break you guys apart . Ow. Cmon. Ow. Stop touching me thats it. If you dont stop, i will eat all of you alive right now uh. I prefer the break us apart option. Introducing the m ms chocolate bar. We ran, hunted and explored. And some 10,000 years later, we got lazy and crawled right back into our caves. So find your fire move more live more its what you were made for. Get out of your caves. Degree motionsense. Made to move. cat 2 fwhoa so many choices cat 1 look extra gravy cat 2 and lil soups cat 1 theres the shreds cat 2 yeah friskies has it all. cat 1 i want it all can i have it all . vo feed their fantasy. Friskies. Become a golden opportunity . When the power of 472horses and an inspired race car design come together at the Perfect Moment. Dont miss your Perfect Moment to experience thrilling performance with our most exceptional offers. Now, at the lexus golden opportunity sales event. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. [ cheers and applause seth our next guest is a professional soccer player, olympic Gold Medalist and member of the u. S. Womens soccer team, which as you might have heard tonight just won the world cup please welcome to the show Megan Rapinoe, everybody [ cheers and applause seth thank you so much for being here ah, but of course seth i love the outfit i was saying backstage thank you seth i was worried you were going to run out of awesome outfits. No, no, no. Seth but its really good. I like this week, because i feel like for a long time i sort of only knew you from your soccer kit. And now im getting to see yeah. Seth were all getting to see your fashion yeah. No, carla welch is hooking me up big time seth okay, good. Yeah, i have someone on my side for sure. Seth all right very good. Yeah. Seth now, i feel like the difference between me and the way i approached sports as a kid in the way professional athletes your level approach different seth a little different. Tiny, yes seth every time i walked on the field, i thought to myself, oh, god, i hope this isnt a disaster. [ light laughter ] this could go horribly wrong. Seth this could go horribly wrong. So, i think you obviously go into it with confidence. With that said, was this result beyond expectation i mean, i knew you obviously went in thinking were going to win this thing but, you know, six goals and the golden ball and the golden boot. And when you look back on it, youre like, man, that couldnt have gone any better. Its how i drew it up, right . Seth yeah. Of course, i was like, im going to win everything. [ light laughter ] im going to plant this quote, a couple months ago to be release to get everyones attention who wasnt watching. Seth yeah. Then were just going to really blow it out of the water. Yeah no, i mean, im just, like, i cant believe im sitting here i cant believe that all happened seth was this your third world cup . Third world cup yeah, yeah seth third world cup i didnt do as well in the others ones as i did this one. Seth personally of course, you won two now. Yes, yes. Seth and do you feel having gone out, obviously, you have the pressure is off of you. Youre always going to be a world cup winner coming to this one. At the same time, is it just as exciting to go through it when youre at that level playing at the top of your sport . Yeah. It is. And this one even more i feel like we had so much more riding on it with equal pay and just with whats happening at home and, you know, maybe this being my last one. Hopefully not, but potentially im not getting any younger. But just felt, like, god, we really have to win this. Seth yeah. If we dont win this, this sucks. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] this is like this sucks. Seth i feel like i, you know, ive been fairly invested the last two times i never felt that before ive wanted you to win and thought, if you win, it will be awesome but i agree with you, this time is the first time i thought, if you lose, it will suck yeah. It was like we needed to win seth yes and im so glad it worked out. And of course, you had your parade is the parade as much fun as it looks . Yes seth yeah. [ laughter ] you certainly looked like you were having fun. It truly is seth this is here youre pouring champagne down one of your teammates [ laughter ] you have to stay hydrated seth you have to stay hydrated you probably didnt notice there was a camera there oh. People are filming that . Seth yeah they were filming that that whole thing was on people saw that seth how did you feel the next morning how were you guys doing . Ah. [ laughter ] it was, you know just get right back on it, dont you . Seth yeah. Highcaliber athletes can bounce back from that probably a little bit better were in tip top physical shape. Seth tip top [ laughter ] so we can handle a lot. Seth you mentioned equal pay. I do think it was great that it was brought up beforehand. Uhhuh. Seth so its something that fans were thinking about fans who were watching on the field thinking how could they be paid anything less than anyone else who does this for a living . You had fans chanting it after the game, chanting at the parade do you feel as though fifa as an organization is criticized from all sides, fairly yeah. Seth not known for being very quick to adjust and fix things yeah. Seth do you feel hopeful or optimistic that there will be a move toward equal pay . I do. Very much so fifa will be a much longer game. Theyre archaic in every single sense. U. S. Soccer while not super nimble and quick to change, theyre not in a great spot right now with their fight against us seth yeah, the optics are pretty bad for them right now. Its not great. Its not great [ laughter ] its not great im just like, you know what, leverage us. Seth yeah. This could be so much better for everyone why dont we just tag team seth yeah. It would be amazing [ laughter ] seth right were having so much fun. Like, you guys arent allowed to have as much fun as us, because, like, nobody wants to see you celebrate. Dont get on this parade you know what im saying nobody wants to see you with the players. Seth i know that must have been so were they even allowed to come to the parade . Did day have to come they were a couple of them, yeah, were allowed i think carlos was actually on our float. He was getting right in there. He was living his best life. And i was like, see carlos . [ laughter ] seth this is a lot of fun. This is what your future could be seth yeah, if you like parades, were a good group of people to hang out with. Yes yeah seth so that you mentioned there was because, of course, we all saw the quote about you not wanting to go to the white house right at the beginning but that was press you were doing months in advance uhhuh. Seth were you taken aback by the fact that all of a sudden that was out there and everybody knew that and the leadup or did you have a sense it was coming i did not know it was coming. Headsup would have been nice on that [ light laughter ] yeah and i think everyone thought i said it, like, you know, that was, like, a pregame right in the locker room. Which, it wasnt but i didnt mind it at all. Seth yeah. I said it i stand by it. Im not going. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] to the white house. Ill say that again. [ cheers and applause per my moms request, ive dropped the f word seth you have dropped the f word yeah. Seth oh, thats that was her only request yeah. Seth okay. That was her only request seth i think thats a very parental piece of advice on something. I know. Seth i will im not going to read them all but you know, there was he tweeted a lot about you. [ laughter ] yeah. Seth thats a three tweets i felt bad because i got a full three tweeter. Seth full three tweeter. Crazy seth i didnt even i only got three lines. Yeah. But you got a lowkey compliment here seth yeah. Whats my lowkey compliment almost almost no [ laughter ] i noticed that right away i didnt get a lowkey compliment seth you know what yeah here i am here i am taking this as an insult this is a man who just said, i got a little bit otalent yes you sure did he must have been off his game [ applause ] off his game seth you know what you have to remember, i just want to point out the date that was 2014. He was a much nicer guy in 2014. He got to sleep in his own the office has changed. Yeah seth yeah. Yeah, hes seth you were at the epsys which was, we were talking backstage, can be a fun night. It was. Seth who were some of the people i think the best part of that night is maybe meeting people in different sports or not even in sports at all. Who did you get to rub elbows with oh, my goodness well, i get to sit next to my beautiful girlfriend all the time sue bird seth sue bird. So shes seth backstage as well [ cheers and applause shes over there. Hi so thats really the highlight seth you guys look fantastic by the way yeah. Seth yeah. Thank you thank you. Took a tequila shot with Sandra Bullock seth wow [ audience reacts tequila shot with Sandra Bullock thats no thats a real thing right there. That was seth yeah. Yeah. I was like, if anybody who knows me knows, im terrible at taking shots. Especially tequila i was, like seth really . Now see thats everythings fine thank god its small normally, they come, like, theyre that big seth yeah, im so happy that we finally figured out something im better at. Yeah. [ laughter ] yeah, there you go. Yeah seth here were right, coming right to the end of the interview, im feeling pretty bad about myself here we go. Yeah a little talent. Seth well, thats really exciting and now i think one of the things that is also good to point out is you guys have theres a professional Soccer League here in the states. Yes seth youre going to go back you play for seattle and it will be really nice, i think, for the fans who enjoyed and appreciated the level of soccer you guys are playing thats happening right here in the country. They can come watch us everywhere theres teams all over the country. I play for the reign come watch us play come in every city come watch the National Team too. But shoutout nwsl, shout out reign fc i expect to see everybody there. Seth and youre very good with faces [ cheers and applause yes seth youre very good. Ill remember all of you. [ cheers and applause and you. Seth thank you so much for making the time. It was really a blast to watch you. [ cheers and applause Megan Rapinoe, everybody well be right back with catherine cohen. [ cheers and applause hey, who are you . Oh, hey jeff, im a car thief. What . im here to steal your car because, well, thats my job. What . What . . What . laughing what . . What . what . [crash] what . haha, it happens. And if youve got cutrate car insurance, paying for this could feel like getting robbed twice. So get allstate. And be better protected from mayhem. Like me. Still fresh. Unstopables inwash scent booster downy unstopables wherever you are. Whatever youre craving. And whenever youre craving it. Doordash has the restaurants you want. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. The most restaurants across america. First order, 0 delivery fee. Oooooooooo. Ill show you something neeeeeewwww. Im gonna make you moooooove. Ill show you something, ill show you something. Neeeeeewwww. Ia run to the leftthing, ilmorgan running. Iven,. Looking for one hundred. [ kids screaming ] a run to the left side, no foul given. Morgan running. Looking for one hundred. Shes got it [ kids cheering ] guys ive got an idea. Ooh what is it . So people love iphone xr, right . Well, it does have an incredible camera. And it comes in all those amazing colors. Uhhuh. What if we give the people iphone xr when they join tmobile . Iphone xr on us . Yeah. Iphone xr on us. Whats not to love about that for a limited time, join tmobile and get the awesome iphone xr on us. This is and because alling of the devices onching. Freds wifi network are protected with xfinity xfi, literally, nobodys watching. Except for millions of you, of course. Wait, millions of people are watching . Yeah. Were making a commercial. If its connected, its protected with xfinity xfi. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Xfinity delivers the best inhome wifi experience. Plus, add xfi advantage for enhanced network security. Click, call or visit a store today to learn more. [ cheers and applause seth our next guest is a very funny comedian who you can see regularly at joes pub and club cumming here in new york as well as at the Edinburgh Fringe festival next month. Tonight shes here to perform a song from her cabaret act. Please welcome to the show catherine cohen, everyone. [ cheers and applause hello oh, my god. I have an amazing voice. [ light laughter ] when i was a little gir gazing out my window looking at the world wishing time would just g on and on and on and take me to a new place where id sing a song and meet a fresh fac hey how do we find our callin how do we know where we belong if we harbor enough resentment in our teen we can write a catchy and funny song woo boys never wanted to kiss me so now i do comedy [ light laughter ] boys never wanted to kiss me so i need all of you to look at me look at me look at me look at m look at me oh oh look at m look at me look at me look at m oh oh oh look at me look at m look at me look at me please please please look at me look at m look at me look at me oh oh o oh when i was a tweenage gir at the Big School Dance i playfully grabbed andrews hat and away i pranced it was a flirty thing id seen som of the skinny hot girls do but andrew was just like, give me my hat back. [ light laughter ] i cried the whole way hom i thought stealing someones hat was sexy but now i sing in dimly lit bars andrew voted for trump and has a car i dont have one. Boys never wanted to kiss me so now i do comedy i dont have a car. Boys never wanted to kiss me so i need all of you to look at me seriously please. Look at m look at me look at me look at m oh rompe look at me look at m look at me look at me oh oh o foot pop look at me look at m look at me look at me please please pleas look at me look at me look at m look at me oh oh oh oh, my god. You look at me, you think, okay, she has it all. [ light laughter ] and its true. I do im young, oh. Im gorgeous oh but just this morning, i had one sip of cold brew and ruined my only butthole. [ laughter ] thats right stars, theyre just like us. [ laughter ] okay, the rumors are true. Im single okay jaws are on the floor at this point. I went through a breakup recently breakups are cool. Because its like you have a best friend, and then they die [ laughter ] but its okay. I didnt like having a boyfriend. I feel like the kind of girls who are always like, my boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend, are the same kind of girls who are like, theres actually too much sugar in fruit. [ laughter ] so for me, its a dessert. [ laughter ] but im getting back out there im in the mix im dating i love sex, cause it famously has no consequences. [ laughter ] i was hooking up with a guy recently and mid moment, he goes, oh, yeah, i love that fat, fat ass. And i was like, hmm, maybe one fat was enough. [ laughter ] i do bravely want to be thin because of society yeah, she went there she went there on latenight tv. Youre obsessed. Youre obsessed. Youre obsessed. That guy who i hooked up with, i met him at a bar and he was like, i live close to the bar i can bike us back to my place you can ride on my pegs. I was like, absolutely not. He was like, no, no, its okay. It can hold 120 pounds. I was like, okay, you dont know what math is. You arent my type. [ laughter ] i just think its, like, every chubby girls nightmare to be, like, carried in a playful way [ light laughter ] like, im pretty sure when i was born, the nurse, like, picked me up and handed me to my mom and i was like, its okay you can put me down. [ laughter ] said, help. This is healthy what im doing is health this is a good way to work [ bleep ] out yea for the record i met boy who want to kiss some even want to put their [ bleep ] in my mout but its never enough help spin boys never wanted to kiss me so now i do comedy lunge ow, help boys never wanted to kiss me so i need all of you to look at me please please please pleas look at me look at m look at me look at me oh oh look at me look at me look at m look at me oh oh oh im shy look at m look at me look at me look at m please please please look at me look at m look at me look at me oh oh o big finish, okay . Look at me [ cheers and applause seth catherine cohen, everybody [ cheers and applause im on the pill. Im on the pill. Im on the pill. Im on the pill, too. But its not birth control. Its truvada for prep®, a oncedaily prescription medicine for adults that, when taken every day along with using safer sex practices, can help lower my chances of getting hiv through sex. I use condoms. But i talked to my doctor about doing more. He said that because i had a higher chance of getting hiv through sex, truvada for prep could be an option for me. She also told me that truvada alone may not keep me from getting hiv. And it does not prevent other stis or pregnancy. You must be hivnegative to take truvada for prep. So you need to get tested for hiv immediately before, and at least every 3 months while taking, truvada. If you think you were exposed to hiv or have flulike symptoms, tell your doctor right away. They may do more tests to confirm you are still hivnegative. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems, kidney failure, and bone problems, which may lead to fractures. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. Tell your doctor about all the medicines you take, if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney, bone, or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking truvada without talking to your doctor. Common side effects include stomach pain, headache, and weight loss. Ask your doctor about your risk of getting hiv and if truvada for prep may be right for you. I wanted to do more. Thats why im on that pill. Truvada for prep. Eligible patients may pay as little as a zero dollar copay. Find out more at truvada. Com. Look limu. A civilian buying a new car. Ug lets go. Limus right. Liberty mutual can save you money by customizing your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need. Oh. Yeah, ive been a customer for years. Huh. Only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. [[airpod case clicking open]g] hey siri, play me something new. Music playing it was just past one when two three men from four five step to me door like oh my gosh just throw that cash in a black bag run around the back and pull up the track, cause yaow i just learnt some jazz today, its true you gon learn you gon learn you gon learn, hey crabfest is back at red lobster with 9 craveable crab creations. From the new ultimate crabfest trio with three kinds of wildcaught crab to the return of crab lovers dream grab your crab crew, hurry in or order it to go v. Especially when your easily distracted teenager has the car. The worst. At subaru, were taking on distracted driving [ping] with sensors that alert you when your eyes are off the road. The allnew subaru forester. The safest forester ever. Itits crepe day. Day for our family at dennys. A Family Tradition we started about 22 minutes ago and now we can continue that tradition at home with dennys delivery. See you at dennys or dennys. Com announcer for more late night, go to latenightseth. Com. Follow us on instagram and twitter latenightseth and be sure to check us out on youtube and facebook head over to itunes and subscribe to the late night with seth meyers podcast. Youll get a closer look and more downloaded right to your phone. [ cheers and applause seth my thanks to laura dern, Megan Rapinoe, catherine cohen, everybody raghav mehrotra, and of course, the 8g band. Stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow [ cheers and applause