I feel like the melting bad guy in the Indiana Jones movie. Damn, this Global Warming. I dont know. The science on Global Warming isnt it yet. Are you insane . Campers could roast marshmallows over my testicles. Weather is cyclical. Screw this . Im going to go coach hockey. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, trumps g. O. P. Lovefest. Plus stephen welcomes hugh laurie. Gretchen carlson. And ben affleck and michael stevens. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen how are you . Hey, folks. Thanks very much. Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, welcome welcome one and all to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause hey, i dont know i dont know where you guys live, but you ever see, like a crazy old guy yelling on his front lawn into, like, a crowd of people gather together and start taking pictures and, you know, yelling pictures of him . Well, today that lawn was 1600 pennsylvania avenue, because this afternoon, grandpa baggysuit held an impromptu press yelling next to what sounded like an industrial grain combine. And he had some specific things he wanted to talk about specifically, everything. For instance, a lot of people have been talking about the fact that three republican senators flake, mccain, and corker have called donald trump unfit for office. Sure. cheers and applause jon im ready, im willing, and im able. Stephen sure, scientists, psychiatrists, human rights activists and world and religious leaders have also said it. But, eventually, republicans catch on. Theyre late to everything. They just found out about gangnam style. Is that it . Is that what it is . Is that what it is . Jon Something Like that. Something like that. Stephen but trump claime everybody got along great at yesterdays big republican unity lunch. I think we had a tremendous i called it a love fest. It was almost a love fest. Maybe it was a love fest. Stephen maybe a love fest. Could have been a friendship orgy, possibly an affectionate ass pile. Were still checking. It was wonderful. It was love i i. And what is his evidence of this lovefesting . He tweeted that republican senators gave him Standing Ovations. Multiple Standing Ovations. And really, they just gave me a standing o dont you get it . Youre president. They have to stand when you walk in the room. Its part of the gig. Thats like saying, my proctologist likes me so much, he stuck his finger right up my butt, okay . Right up no copay. laughter ive never copayed for it in my life. Luncheon, it wasnt just the Standing Ovations that trump enjoyed. A reporter overheard a member of trumps secret service saying that trump ate rice and two pieces of cherry pie, took a few sips of his drink, and that quote, he loves rice. laughter well, of course he loves rice. Its the same reason he loves mike pence bland and white. cheers and applause . Jon oh stephen and sure, sure. Were all adults. And rice and pie . Thats what he eats . Is he president , or a baby at dennys . Great meeting. Fantastic meeting. I got Standing Ovations. But i was focused on business finishing my rice so i could have more pie. What does Donald Trumps food pyramid look like . Pie, rice, steak, ketchup, coke button, and beautiful chocolate cake . cheers and applause the most beautiful, unbelievable. applause meanwhile, back on the white house lawn, trump assured everyone that senator jeff flakes recent comments wont hurt him in arizona. Im very high in arizona. I love the people. They like me. Stephen and if they like you, they also must be very high in arizona. Thank you, thank you. Really . A little of that. Thanks. Trump also addressed the recent reports that he couldnt remember a Fallen Soldiers name. I certainly respect la david, who, by the way, i called la david right from the beginning, just so you understand. They put a chart in front la david. It says, la david johnson. So i called right from the beginning, theres no hesitation. Stephen remember when barack obama would go on tv to brag about being able to read a name off a chart . laughter i dont remember that. I dont. cheers and applause did that happen . Did that do you remember that . Jon i dont remember that. Stephen i dont remember that. Now, keep in mind, if donald now keep in mind, keep in mind, if barack obama ever held a press conference like this, the dow would be at zero, and wed all be fighting over feral cat meat. laughter and trump explained why he was able to remember the name that was written on the chart in front of him. One of the great memories of all time. laughter stephen its true. Its true. See that. He did that. Its true. Look. He remembered to put his hair on today. Yes, vague memory. Yes, thats, memory, right there. Yes. Thats why everyone calls me the elephant in the room. Because my memory is so good. Above all, trump just wants the press to know hes just misunderstood. I think the press makes me more uncivil than i am. You know, people dont understand. I was a nice student. Stephen you were a nice student . Let me read you this actual passage from the art of the deal. In the second grade, i actually gave a teacher a black eye. I punched my music teacher because i didnt think he knew anything about music. laughter so, yeah, he was a nice student. On his report card under works and plays well with others, he got please dont punch me laughter okay, to be honest, that may not be entirely fair. Trump did have a point. Sort of. I went to an ivy league college. I was a nice student. I did very well. Im a very intelligent person. Stephen its true. I mean, just look at his senior thesis, i like rice and pie. cheers and applause i like kidneys, kidneys. Oh, there was more senate news today. People had been speculating about a possible senate run by michigan raprocker and fedora host organism, kid rock. laughter earlier this year, kid rock even launched a website kidrockforsenate. Com, featuring him and his potential running mate, a terrified deer that he murdered. Well, yesterday, kid rock addressed the senate rumors with howard stern. bleep no, im not running for senate. Are you bleep kidding me . Thank god. Like, who bleep couldnt figure that out. Ive released a new album on november, whatever third or Something Like that. Hes not running for bleep no. Are you bleep bleep me . laughter stephen so, just to translate, kid rock is not running for senate. laughter but, even though hes not running, kid rock is still a trump guy, and he proved it in the interview by taking on the New York Times. I get very upset when i hear people knocking the New York Times, which i think is probably the greatest im gonna knock it. I do believe that papers like the New York Times are a miracle. The the reporting. Its a little bit gay. laughter stephen im not sure what exactly kid rock thinks is gay about the New York Times, but im going to guess its the reading part. Anyone . I dont know. I dont know. applause i dont know. Hey, anyone here use amazon . You heard about this thing . cheers and applause if youre not familiar, its an online bookstore that also makes tv shows and spaceships. Well, today, amazon announced its newest innovation, amazon key, a new service that lets couriers unlock your front door. Its perfect for anyone who loves their uber driver but wishes there was a way they could sneak in and watch you sleep. laughter clearly, this is going to be huge for amazon, so other companies are stepping up to make their Services Even more direct. For instance, uber itself has they are offering a new service where they preeat the food and put it directly into your mouth. Its called chewber. We have a great show for you tonight. Hugh laurie is here. But when we come back, trumps cabinet needs some cleaning. Stick around. applause when i walked through a snowstorm for a cigarette, thats when i knew i had to quit. For real this time. Thats why im using nicorette. Only nicorette gum has patented dualcoated technology for great taste plus intense craving relief. Every great why needs a great how. Im living that yacht life, life, life top speed fifty knots life on the caribbean seas its a champagne and models potpourri on my yacht made of cuban mahogany, gany, gany, gany watch this dont get mad bell mnemonic get e trade and get invested behold the power of energizer® ultimate lithium™. Music the 1 longestlasting battery. Fortified. Tored. Replenished. Emerge everyday with emergenc packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. Why not feel this good everyday . Emerge and see. Made with 100 ribeye beef, fresh spring mix and provalone cheese on a potato bun. R im inviting the whole industry to try it. Of course ill protect their identities. Like this. Try my first ever ribeye burgers. Introducing fast foods first made with 100 ribeye beef, fresh spring mix and provolone cheese on an artisan potato bun. Yep, nailed it come try my new ribeye burgers. Only at jack in the box. Im waiting for your company and hoping that youll come back to me Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human. Yeah cheers and applause that was that right there. cheers and applause thanks, everybody jon, thats what were you guys just playing just now . What were you playing . Jon fats domino. Stephen fats domino. The great. Jon yes, amazing. New orleans own. Stephen blueberry hill. Jon blueberry hill. Stephen passed today at the ripe old age of 89 years old. Fats will be missed. I want to thank fats domino wherever you may be, fats for making it to 89 with the nickname fats. That gives a lot of hope to us who dont really want to watch what we eat. Jon you can just go for it. Stephen he wasnt slims domino. Of he wasnt lets do some crunches domino. Of the he was lets enjoy lunch dominoes. Odominoes. Here today, gone, like, in 89 years. You know, we talk a lot about donald trump on this show. Dont know if you noticed. laughter but once in a while, its nice to stop looking at all the horrible things trump is doing and focus, instead, on the horrible things his cabinet is doing. Tonight were doing that in a new segment were calling skeletons in the cabinet. That was a very direct little graphic we had there. Jon yeah, literal. Stephen skeletons in the cabinet. A cabinet what, do you expect to be in there . A skeleton. Tonights skeleton head of the Environmental Protection agency, scott pruitt. laughing pruitt is no stranger to the Environmental Protection agency, because when he was Oklahoma Attorney general, he sued the e. P. A. More than a dozen times. Putting pruitt in charge of the e. P. A. Is like putting voldemort in charge of hogwarts, which, of course, is impossible, because trump already picked him to run health and human services. And since since applause . Stephen a lot of voldemort fans here tonight. A lot of voldemort fans. Misunderstood. And no he was a really nice student, voldemort. So nice. Very smart. Very smart. And since taking office, pruitt has spent more time protecting himself than the environment because unlike previous heads of the e. P. A. , pruitt is hiring a dozen more agents to work in shifts providing him roundtheclock protection. Over a dozen . To put that into perspective, eric trump only has two secret service agents, and thats just to keep him from choking on loose change. laughter but its delicious. Quarters are delicious. Shiny. But dont worry, the e. P. A. Is taking some action, because last week, pruitt pulled e. P. A. Scientists out of a Climate Change conference talk. Oh, that is a nerd, nerd punishment. Gentlemen, you cannot participate in that academic conference. Im also banning usb drives, lanyards and dobbs whether marvel has overextended its universe. For the record, it has. laughter it has. According to the e. P. A. s official statement, the scientists would be permitted to attend but not speak, because it is not an e. P. A. Conference. Yes, e. P. A. Scientists can speak only at e. P. A. Conferences, just like only guys named ted can give ted talks. laughter thats who they mean. Thats who they mean, that guy right there. Hes a good guy. Youd like him. Hes a good guy. And who is behind this inflammatory, wildly political event that pruitt doesnt want scientists speaking at . The narragansett bay estuary program. Thats right, nbep. And now scientists and citizens alike are protesting pruitts muzzling of the e. P. A. Great job, scott pruitt. If you hadnt made such a big deal of this, nobody would even be talking about the narragansett bay estuary program. Most people dont even know what the hell an estuary is. Until today, i thought having too much estuary is what caused men to grow breasts. Jon oh, oh yeah, Something Like, that right . Glut. Stephen but with prosecute in charge, the silencing of climate scientists could continue, which means they need to figure out a way to communicate their findings at conferences where theyre allowed to attend but not speak. And i believe they can do that with a simple game of charades. Jon, will you help me out . Jon yes. Stephen i will convey to you an environmental idea. This is an environmental idea. Here we go. Jon three words. Youre running. Walk walk walking. Something big. Huge trumps ego planet earth dying. Anthropogenic mass extinction stephen yes jon got it cheers and applause yes stephen or these scientists could get their point across through the art of mime. More powerful hurricanes. Deforestation forcing animals into smaller habitats. laughter or this only because im good at it. cheers and applause and, of course, without saying a word, all of these scientists can deliver a powerful message to scott pruitt. Well be right back with hugh laurie. applause my wife got me to be a devoted vegetarian. Except for every ladies night. Only glad has forceflex to prevent rips, leaks, and punctures. So whatever you throw in the bag. Stays in the bag. Be happy, its glad. Its time to stack the savings. At kohls, take 50 off hundreds of select items storewide. Plus take an extra 20 off. Plus take an extra 10 off when you spend 50 or more. Plus get kohls cash. Plus yes2you members earn triple points. Only at kohls. Like paperless, multicar, and safe driver, that help them save on their car insurance. Any questions . Yeah. How do you go to the bathroom . Great. Any insurancerelated questions . Mmhmm. Do you have a girlfriend . Uh, im actually focusing on my career right now, saving people nearly 600 when they switch, so. Wheres your belly button . [ sighs ] ive got to start booking better gigs. [ sighs ] remember 2007 . Smartphones . O m g ten years later, nothings really changed. Its time to snap out of it. [hello moto] snap on a jbl speaker. Put a 70 screen on a wall. Get a 10x optical zoom. Get excited world. [hello moto] moto is here. The new moto z with moto mods. Buy the new moto z and youll get a free projector mod. Willing and im able to rock n roll tonight im ready and im willing and im able to rock n roll tonight come on pretty baby cheers and applause . Stephen hey, everybody welcome back. Ladies and gentlemen, folks, oh, folks, im so happy. You know my first guest as dr. House from house and now dr. Chance from chance. Please welcome Hugh Laurie Hugh hew hew laurie hugh hugh hugh cheers and applause thank you. Stephen thanks for coming back. Its its a thrill. Its an absolute thrill to be back. Thank you. Stephen its a little bit different than the last time you were here, because the last time you were here, you were here for one of our live shows. It was the second i believe it was the second president ial debate. Stephen right, right. I had gone on that evening, and so you did a live thing. How the hell you do that, i will never understand. Stephen well, you were there. You it wily sat in when qeer wee eating we had writers in there. Oh, thats what they were doing. I didnt know stephen just groupies. I thought you were just welcoming people in off the street. No, it was amazing. Stephen i was so grateful you came that night because doing a show live is much different than doing it now. Theres more pressure. And you were driving around a seg segway, a little segway i had. I was so grateful, i sent one of those to you for christmas this year. And i was wondering if you ever got it, because i never got a thank you note. applause and before you before you answer. I know you got it, because i got the notice that it had been delivered. Thats you, hugh laurie, down here, beverly hills. And up here, it says, yeah, yeah, good news. Its been delivered. Of th. So i got you a present tr a little early. Its stationery. applause . And does it have any particular stephen you did get it, right . You did get it, right . applause i did i did i honestly stephen, i am horrified. Stephen are you . Horrified by this. Stephen yeah. Because i, in my mind and i like to inning reality, too wrote you a letter thanking you for this incredibly generous gift. I have no idea why it did not reach you . Stephen uhhuh. Ill be honest, i didnt buy you anything in return. Stephen yeah. Um stephen year, i noticed. laughter but i am convinced that i wrote to you, and in sort of february, and i cant believe and i just feel horrible. And youre welcome to take both of my kidneys now. laughter and stephen how are they . Are they good . Are they highquality kidneys . Not bad. I wouldnt offer you the liver. Stephen all right, good. Thats a mess. Stephen well put this here for a little later. And i just feel like stephen and you dont have to send me a thank you note for the thank you notes. I will. Stephen you absolutely dont need to. I will send you two arab stallions. I dont know what youre going to do with those. Stephen sounds delicious. What would you like . Stephen what would i like . What size are you in arab stallion . laughter no stephen im a medium. A medium. Stephen im a medium. A stallion of any kind. Doesnt have to be arab. Heres the image i of you maybe youve never done this. Do you fence . Stephen i dont. But i have. You have fenced. Stephen yes. I can picture it. Stephen i can picture you fencing, too. Theres something chivalrous about you. I can see you enguard. Stephen one of my producers, paul, i gave them epees for his birthday, and all we used them for was we would throw old dvds and cds at each other and swat them out of the air with the epees. A wonderful flash. I recommend it. Did he send you a thank you note . laughter stephen he did, he did. He kind of did, huh . Stephen he did. applause all the thanks i need is that youre here again. No, i dont think thats enough. But thank you for saying that. Stephen youre welcome. Last time you were here you said you are a little worried about donald trump perhaps being elected, but you gave us kind of a hopeful story about this cab driver who had driven you to the studio that night. Thats right, yes, yes, who saw all sorts of good things in the future. Stephen yeah. Because he told me he said he said, im middle eastern, and i didnt want to correct him, because you dont. I mean, im in his cab. He said im middle eastren. And you can probably from my appearance. And i said yes. And he said, i can see a lot of opportunities for me playing a terrorist in tv shows. Stephen well, that was very hopeful. Did he know you were a tv star gitold him its the first thing i say when i get into a cab. laughter applause . Stephen my good man ill have you know. Take the long way around. And he said i said, i could i look like a terrorist, dont i . And i said, honestly, i dont know what terrorists look like, but, yes, i what do you say . But anyway he was very excited about the opportunities that would open up for him when he traveled west to hollywood, and he was going to make his name as a middle eatren stephen have you kept in touch with this fella . We send cards, yeah. Stephen you have played a doctor so many times at this point. Do you have a prescription pad or anything like that . I could use a little zoloft. I do. Stephen you have a prescription pad . With dr. Houses name on it or dr. Chance . I have both. I have a hefty supply of both. Theyre not legal document s. Stephen farm sifts dont know. A pharmacist wont know that. That should be your first question, say to the pharmacist, do you get hulu . You dont get hulu . Id like to fill this, please. Stephen so you played dr. House for eight years. Now youre playing chance. Whats chances first name . Eldon. Stephen eldon chance. Lets go with chance. Dr. Chance who is a neuropsychiatrist . Correct. Stephen what is a neuropsychiatrist . Well, a psychiatrist, obviously, is mental disfunction generally. Neuropsychiatry is the field of psychiatry arising from disease or trauma to the brain and Central Nervous system. You have a car accident and suddenly dont recognize your grandmother, or whatever it might be. Although, you attach neuro to anything, it sounds good. Stephen right. Ing i think of you as a neurohost. Its just everything sounds stephen sure, sure. I host a talk show, but i also could look in your brain. We have a clip here from the new hulu show. And what is happening in this . Whats happening characters are in conflict. If i remember. Stephen all right, characters are in conflict. One is a neuropsychiatrist. Well find out about the other. Jim. Lindsey, mr. Winter is in a fragile state right now. He needs constant medical supervision. Its possible he might hurt himself or someone else. I will lodge a formal complaint with the state medical board. I get it. You care about him. So do i. Were on the same side here. You will lose your license, face charges. Should i keep going . Listen, if anything happens to him, you could be held responsible. I am trying my best to be civil, dr. Chance. You dont want to see what happens when i stop. Or maybe i do, lindsey. Stephen or maybe you do. applause hugh, always a pleasure to see you. Thank you very much stephen chance is on hulu now. Hugh laurie, everybody well be right back with gretchen carlson. applause i found one innetwork next tuesday. But choosing unitedhealthcare can help you control your care. Thanks, stephanie. I see on your preventive checklist, youre due for a colonoscopy. Its covered at no additional cost to you. Great no green. Unitedhealthcare it all started when sophia stopped into marshalls and found a mug for surprisingly little green. She paired that with some succulents. And suddenly something clicked. That surprise led to a stylish wood mirror, soothing lavender oils, a party llama. Or is that an alpaca . Super soft towels, and an enchanting vase that magically tied it all together. She arranged it all into the greatest guest bathroom ever. Did sophia expect to get so much bang for so few bucks . No. But great things happen when you choose surprise. Marshalls. Your surprise is waiting. [ joe cocke s with a little help from my friends ] but great things happen when you choose surprise. Vw drivers have always put others first. Now were returning the favor, with the people first warranty. Americas best bumpertobumper limited warranty. That one. This. That one. I got a whole lot of. To do stephen welcome back, everybody. cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a former fox news host and current activist in the fight to stop Sexual Harassment. Please welcome gretchen carlson. applause cheers and applause . Thank you. Thanks for having me. Stephen thanks so much for being here. Of course stephen one of the nice things doing this show now, after doing my old show for 10 years in character, is i get to sit down and have nice conversations with people i made so many jokes about in the old days. I was so happy to oblige to give you so much material to work with. Stephen youre most welcome. You talked a little smack about me. But this show is like america everybody comes together and now we are friends. Yes, and im glad to know we are now. Stephen we are. I want to thank you for writing this book. Its called be fierce how to stop harassment and take your power back. Thank you. applause . Stephen you absolutely were and are fierce in what you have done. It was a year and a half ago that you brought your suit publicly against roger ailes . Yeah, its a date you never forget, july 6, 2016. Stephen it really did change a lot. Not just in media, but in the united states. It you know, when i heard you had done this, i thought, oh, my god, she must have something on this man, because people forget now because ailes is no longer with us, and his fall was so precipitous, but he was a very powerful and dangerous man in the media industry, especially. What did you think was going to happen when you opened your mouth over this thing that this abuse that you were holding on to . Probably the most powerful person in media. I mean, its an excruciating choice for any woman to make this kind of decision because before the environment of what youre in right now youre automatically called a liar, not to be believed worse. You know, you just cant take a joke. So this was really an excruciating choice for me to make and to decide that i would do something that might not be good for my children. I mean, that would be the most paramount youre a dad. Do you do Something Like this . How your kids going to fare from this . In the end, i did this for all the other women across america who have faced similar indignities. applause stephen given the present climate, its easy for people to forget that when you first did this, you were attacked. People were saying, oh, shes just doing this to further her career or because she was feeling marginalized by roger, Something Like that. That there were ulterior motives you had because this couldnt be the proof. Because so many women want to come forward with Sexual Harassment claims to be famous and make money. Ive never, ever heard of one woman wanting to do that. Stephen its not an uncommon accusation. Its an accusations and its the myth i go through in the book. Heres what happens now, stephen thank god more women are being fierce and they have found the courage from within and the bravery to come forward and say, me, too. And theyre saying theyre not going to put up with this crap anymore. applause and if i had anything to do with that, i am eternally grateful. If i gave the courage to one person to come forward and be fierce, then my mission has been accomplished. applause . Stephen well, i cannot speak for the people who came forward, i cant, of course, speak for the people who came forward and their motivations and how you might have influenced them, but i think its undeniable that the fact that you came forward and were proven right was a chirchg in the armor a silence that surrounds powerful men. Its so true because, you know, especially with settlement agreements, the women are gagged forever from saying what happened to them. Stephen you cant talk about tright . I cant talk about it. But my complaint is public for anyone who wants to google it so go ahead and do that. Stephen you cant say anything but i can online you can go online and find out all the salacious details. But heres the point i got a public apology. That never happens in a settlement agreement. And to me, that apology was for all of the other women in america and across the world to let them know that if you stand up and you speak up, that you will be heard. Heard. applause . Stephen well, now weve seen the fall of harvey weinstein, bill oreilly, roger ailes, roy price, terry richardson, james tobak, the director. , of course, our president has many accusations against him. Do you believe the women who have accused the president of this kind of abuse . So, in fact, i feature one of the women who accused President Trump in my book be fierce, because i thought it was so important to give those women voice. Stephen so you do believe that. I believe the People Magazine reporter. She tells her story in the book. Look, those stories went away pretty quickly. What changed in our culture which is amazing because cultural shifts take a long time to change in these 15 mongst, all these women who are coming forward now, their stories are still in the news. That is absolutely amazing that were not discounting them anymore. And men are coming forward, too. This is not just a womens issue. But we need men to help us, so i hope youre going to join my be fierce movement. Stephen i would love to know more about it but if its what i, it is, of course,. It just means coming forward and helping pem you. Stephen cant talk about what happened to you at fox news or your settlement. You cant talk about your time at fox news. Dut butt it doesnt matter. Stephen it matters to a certain extent because im curious of what your time was like there. You are a stanford grad, a high school valedictorian, high school violinist, a deeply intelligent, well educated woman who from the outside seemed fiercely antiintellectual, antiexpert. And how did it feel to carry water. cheers and applause for nonothings, as such an intelligent person . I had a friend who had the exact same situation as yours, exactly the same as yours in every way. What do you imagine she felt about her situation . Well, to the extent that people can be brainwashed within Corporate Cultures and become part of a cult, you know, that can happen to people. And im sure it happens actually here. Does it ever happen here. Stephen i i i can only say if you say the trigger word. Okay, but on a more serious level are heres why settlements should not be secret anymore. Stephen okay. Because we have decided as a society that were going to silence women. And thats wrong. Stephen and thats what n. D. A. S do, for the most part. What they should be doing now is instead of talking about hiring back serial predators, they should be talking about hiring back all the women who lost their jobs as a result of having the bravery coming forward about Sexual Harassment. applause . Stephen but do you and i know i know weve got to go. Before we go, i wanted to ask you, given what has happened, what has happened to harvey weinstein, given the proof of your allegation, the fact that you got a public apology, do you imagine that theres any world in which if you said something about your time at fox news, that the news corp would come after you . Wouldnt than the dumbest thing they could possibly co . Do you really think that they would lift one finger to call a lawyer to come after you . Yo i have no idea. But all i know is im on a mission to continue this fight. Im on capitol hill to change the laws, to take the secrecy away so women have a voice. Ive started a fund, gift of courage, to empower women and girls financially so that they can have the resources that i had but they may not to do this fight. And so my mission right now is really about all the other women. Its pervasive in our society, and i want to help them because i have a 12yearold son and a 14yearold daughter, and i dont want them to face the same indignities that i have faced, ever. And i dont think anyone watching wants that for our kids. Stephen thats a fight worth having. The book is be fierce. The woman is gretchen carlson, everybody. Well be right back with a performance by adam savage and michael stevens. New charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. New charmin ultra soft is softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird. Enjoy the go with charmin tmobile family plans now come with netflix included. Thats huge. Thats right. Tmobiles got your Netflix Subscription covered. [ explosion noises ] so go ahead and watch however you want. Really . Thats incredible. All at no extra charge. This is awesome another reason why tmobile is americas best unlimited network. And now, you can enjoy all your favorite shows on the best iphone yet. Save 300 bucks on the amazing iphone 8. Well, before it was even founded, a french teenager, bienville, scared away a british warship with just a story. And Great Stories kept coming. [trumpet playing] some make you move to jazz, funk and bounce. Some of our stories arent quite as straightforward. Blocked by the saints [crowd roaring] while others prove that great things can happen. Even on a monday night. Cause for three hundred years, Great Stories have started the same way. One time, in new orleans. [crowd applause] cpresented bye cotarget. Food has the power to transform lives. With the help of target, the San FranciscoMarin Food Bank addresses hunger headon in the community. Our food pantries are vibrant. People feel welcomed, and theyre being respected. It helps our team members see the work that they do in the store every day. How that actually relates to their communities. Cbs eye on the community is sponsored by target. A Silicon Valley server farm. The vault to mans greatest wonders. Selfies, cat videos and winking emojis. Speaking of tech wonders, with the geico app you can get roadside assistance, digital id cards. Or even file a claim. Do that. Yeah, yeah that should work. Its not happening. Just try again. Uh, i think i found your problem. Thanks. Hmm. The awardwinning geico app. Download it today. Its time to stack the savings. At kohls, take 50 off hundreds of select items storewide. Plus take an extra 20 off. Plus take an extra 10 off when you spend 50 or more. Plus get kohls cash. Plus yes2you members earn triple points. Only at kohls. With the Alaska Airlines visa signature card you get a companion ticket every year. So why not take someone that you see all the time. Someone like, i dunno, me . I mean i always spell your name right and put a little unicorn in your foam. No pressure but i really need to get out of here. Theyve been playing the same playlist for three months and im pretty sure youre not supposed to eat scones for dinner this many days in a row. Mexico, hawaii, costa rica, i dont really know. Im a quick packer. Were back. You know, folks, after 14 fabulous years of myth busting my next guest teamed up with one of youtubes biggest acts. All right, ready . Here we and now to review for me and for you and for us of whom in science we trust smokes not just smoke mingling with the air its a particular reaction of particulates in attraction to other things to science things dinosaurs exist in the plastic toys of kids made from petroleum that came from crude oil which what dinosaursate might exist then was just hydrocarbons stuff decomposing in all of our gardens even when dinosaurs lived next to Dinosaur Gardens how can our synapses be so happy when theyre starved of all the facts that make them fire around real fast inside our brains . Are made to study microbiology and physics and astronomy and motion, in the ocean, in the air, or over there, i do not care what you study just so long you make a buddy out of meteors, geology and matter, dark or light, it doesnt matter doesnt matter in all these things that we sing they are brain, brain, brain, brain brain candy yeah a big blazing fire is the opposite of a plant its an exothermic reaction making heat and light and co2 in its action all from a breath of what me and what you survive on oxygen yes now photosynthesis opposes a fire in every instance its an endothermic reaction using heat and light and co2 as its passion fire in every instance all to give us what you and me survive on oxygen, but oh, how can our how can our synapses be so happy when theyre starved of all the facts that make them fire around real fast inside our brains . Brains are made to study microbiology and physics and astronomy and motion, in the ocean, in the air, or over there, i do not care what you study just so long you make a buddy out of meteors, geology and matter, dark or light, it doesnt matter of fact, to me, theres commonality because all these things that we sing they are brain, brain, brain, brain brain candy cheers and applause well done stephen brain candy live is on tour now. Adam savage, michael stevens, everybody. Thank you. My name is jamir dixon and im a locate and Mark Fieldman for pg e. Most people in the community recognize the blue trucks as pg e. My truck is something new. Its an 811 truck. When you call 811, i come out to your house and i mark out our gas lines and our electric lines to make sure that you dont hit them when youre digging. 811 is a free service. Im passionate about it because every time i go on the street i think about my own kids. Theyre the reason that i want to protect our community and our environment, and if me driving a that truck means that somebody gets to go home safer, then ill drive it every day of the week. Together, were building a better california. Stephen thats it for the late show, everybody. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be julianne moore, jermaine fowler, and musical guest, fleet foxes. Now, stick around for james corden and his guests, anna wintour and zac posen. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show ladies and gentlemen, from all the way inside an anonymous tin