Senators forehead. The hearing came to an abrupt end when it turned out the rhino was playing possum and trampled the president s son. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, trouble in poll land. Plus, stephen welcomes beto orourke and billy porter. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen wooo hi delightful. Hey, everybody how are you . Thanks, everybody. Welcome. Welcome, one and all, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Folks, heres something both joe biden and donald trump were in iowa campaigning yesterday, so happy new Election Year my resolution is to never learn who John Hickenlooper is. laughter biden and trump were super catty about each other in each of their speeches when they were talking. It was like high school, which for these two guys involved reading to learn off slate tablets between harvests. Single, oneroom schoolhouse. Biden applause biden attacked trump for acting unpresident ial. Donald trump, the president of the United States, just spent saturday night attacking private citizens, using language like little Donny Deutsch and total loser. Barack obama wouldnt do that. No president would do that. Most teenagers wouldnt do that. Stephen true, because most teenagers dont spend their saturday nights watching Donny Deutsch. cheers and applause also i might have. I might have. Also, nice sly throw out there, like, you just throw your old boss in there, remember . Just managed to slip obama into that sentence somehow. In fact, the only President Biden seemed to mention more than donald trump was barack obama. My granddaughter, who is graduating from high school, and her best friend is sasha obama. Afterward no, theyve been in School Together the whole time. So, barack and i and jill and the whole family, we got together afterwards to have a little light lunch and dinner for the families that all these girls grew up together with. Stephen we get it. You know barack obama. laughter we understand. We concede that. At this point, you should change your slogan to biden 2020 obama 2012 applause when he wasnt talking about barack obama, biden made some pretty Wild Campaign promises. I promise you, if im elected president , youre going to see the single most important thing that changes in america is were going to cure cancer. Stephen okay, that would be great. That would be great. It touched his life. Its touched so many lives. But, please, but if you can cure cancer, could you maybe just do that now . Because people might, might cheers and applause lets not hang this. President or no president , people might vote for a candidate who promises to cure cancer, but they would definitely vote for the guy whos already done it. Now on the other side of the state, i dont know which side, but in iowa, at an ethanol plant, trump reminded farmers of the moment when he, trump, reversed some of obamas water regulations. They took your land away. If you had a puddle in the middle of the field, they considered it a lake. The rules, the regulations made it impossible. And i signed that. And behind me, i had Home Builders and farmers mostly, and ranchers. And many of them never cried in their lives, including when they were born, and they were crying. laughter stephen what does he have against Human Emotion that he considered it a weakness for male babies to cry . as trump im telling you people who have never shed a tear in their lives, im telling you, as soon as i became president , started bawling, wherever i go. The toughest people youve ever seen, theyre weeping. These people, these men are weeping. Theyre muttering, why . How could you let this happen, god . Thats how much they love me. Later, at a fundraiser, trump posed an interesting question. Despite our amazing success, the Democrat Party has never been angrier. Theyre so angry. Did you ever see a people so angry . For what . Stephen ill give you a hint. laughter what has two thumbs and is destroying democracy . cheers and applause see, its possible, i dont know if any of you have noticed this, jon, but some people dont like donald trump, which may be why, in a new National Quinnipiac poll, biden leads trump by 13 points. 13. cheers and applause 13. Thats not that 13. That is a lead that is so big, its ready for its bar mitzvah. And its not just biden. In the poll, sanders beats trump by nine points, harris wins by eight points, warren beats him by seven, buttigieg and booker both beat him by five. cheers and applause and, and, somehow and somehow, bill de blasio still loses by 137 . laughter buttigieg beats him. Let me remind you. Right now, the sitting president of the United States, the commander in chief, the leader of the free world, is trailing the mayor of south bend, indiana. Its like the heavyweight champ applause thats like the heavyweight champ being knocked out by your cousin who claims he knows karate. Come at me, bro. For i know karatay. I could kill you with one toe. Would you like to find out which one . Harder to do than i thought. But trump is not concerned, tweeting, laughter wow, that was applause let me get this straight. So they suppress numbers, but first they made up the numbers, and the numbers dont even exist. Can you imagine trump giving an alibi . as trump it couldnt have been me, officer. I was asleep the whole time. Plus i was at work. The crime didnt occur, and i dont exist smoke bomb im gone. cheers and applause so the polls look bad for trump, but, i dont know. Can i trust them . Ive been hurt before. My psyche is still processing the feelings from Election Night 2016, and my livers still processing the bourbon. laughter dare i love again . Oh, who am i kidding . I cant stay mad at you, polls. You had me at trumps losing. applause now, trump talked about his polling this afternoon in a press avail with the president of poland, andrzej duda. Which is why we at the late show are declaring this andrzej duda day. laughter anyway, trump was asked about all of his bad polling. No, because we have great internal polling. There were fake polls that were released by somebody that is its ridiculous. No, we are winning in every single state that weve polled. Stephen yes, they are winning in every state theyve polled delusiana, chaos sachusetts, and denialvania. laughter then hde donald trump, a bizarre claim. The strongest ive ever been is exactly today. Stephen not sure not sure id be bragging about that. as trump im 72, i shamble, i only eat garbage food. And i promise you this im at my absolute peak. Then, trump recalled the good times he recently had in europe, and his speech over there to commemorate dday. I just had an incredible time. That speech was special from the standpoint of the people of poland, and i know it was considered a very important speech. I could say it, but i dont wanna say it. But some people said it was the best speech ever made by a president in europe. Stephen as trump it was the best speech ever by a president in europe. I dont wanna say it, but i gotta say it, because if i dont say it, no one will ever have said it. cheers and applause invert the polarity, and the thing like that, and you have. Karatay. Later in the duda day, the leaders held a joint press conference, and in honor of the event, trump did his hair and eyebrows in neon highlighter. laughter while talking about americas relationship with poland, we learned something new about donald trump. We are committed to further expanding commerce based on fairness and reciprocity perhaps my favorite word. Stephen as trump reciprocity, perhaps my favorite word. I cant wait to spell it wrong in a tweet. Im thinking maybe recipe city. or raisinbranity. one reporter asked trump about a letter trump received from kim jongun, and trump was not very forthcoming. He just wrote me a nice letter. Unexpected. Some day you will see what was in that letter. Some day you will be reading about it, maybe in 100 years from now, maybe in two weeks. Who knows . Stephen you know you you actually know donald trump would be the worst ever comcast technician. as trump yeah, hi. Ill be at your apartment sometime between 2 00 p. M. And the next century. Who knows . When trump had cheers and applause Comcast Comcast comcast do they own this network . They dont. When trump had to choose a reporter to ask the next question, he just couldnt decide. Who do i like . Nobody stephen what a coincidence. Nobody is also who likes you weve got a great show for you tonight. Beto orourke is here. But when return, the scandal in local weather this is a hot one. Stick around. cheers and applause i switched to liberty mutual, because they let me customize my insurance. And as a fitness junkie, i customize everything, like my bike, and my calves. Liberty mutual customizes your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Steady the elbow. Shoot me one . Ahh boom shaka laka. Feisty. Ahh Wireless Network claims are americas most reliable network. The nations largest and most reliable network. The best network is even better . Best, fastest, best. Enough. Sprints doing things differently. Theyre offering a new 100 total satisfaction guarantee. I mean i think Sprints Network and savings are great, but dont just take my word for it. Try it out and decide for yourself. 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Petsmart band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back. Give it up for jon batiste and stay human right over there. Give it up for the band jon yeah stephen jon, you know who is going to be out here in just a moment, sitting right there. Do you want to guess his name . Jon beto orourke. Stephen beto orourke is going to be sitting right over there. cheers and applause running for president of the United States. Jon yes stephen and hes going to sit over there. He might stand up here to talk for a while. Jon thats what i was going to say. Is he going to stand up there . Stephen he likes standing on things. The guys got fantastic balance. Jon oh, my goodness. Stephen i bet he knows karatay. Folks, personal question. Are there any weather fans out there . applause yeah. Well, im sorry to say i have some troubling news. Not all is well in the world of weather. Theres controversy involving w. I. C. S. , springfield, Illinois News leader. They were told by their corporate owners that every time there was any bad weather everything from a tornado to a light drizzle they had to announce it to their viewers with the graphic code red. The theory behind the code red is that its exciting, its grabbing, and more people would keep watching if you scare them until their pants are at code brown. Heres the thing, though. Its not at all informative. So viewers complained to the station with thousands of comments on social media, letters to the editor, frequent calls to local talk radio shows. Wow. Does this town consist entirely of old people . laughter dear television, i dont like the Weather Forecast changed. Also, lorna doones are too pointy laughter enter our hero, w. I. C. S. Meteorologist and norse god of beige, joe crain. Crain was the weatherman there. Crain heard the calls of the people and went on air to take a stand. We want you to know, its not us. This is a corporate initiative, the code red alert. And behind the scenes, many of us have tried to dissuade it for the last few months, to try Something Else thats less controversial to the viewers. So, keep in mind, despite the fact that this facility is owned by a corporation, its still licensed under the authority by the federal Communications Commission to serve the public interest, convenience, and necessity. So you still have a voice. Keep those cards and letters coming. Stephen oh, snap a call to action against his own company this is like if network was about the weather guy. I want you to get up right now, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell, im as wet as hell, and im not gonna forget my umbrella anymore cheers and applause where is my tony wheres my tony, cranston crains bold stand actually did have an impact, because the station agreed to replace code red. But like all revolutionaries, he paid a price, because as of today, joe crain is out of his job at w. I. C. S. This is an injustice and, ironically, its the one instance where it would be good to have a code red. With joe crain gone, the problem of scaring people about the weather isnt getting any better. Just look at w. I. C. S. s new weatherman. Hello springfield, im trip dipler with your fiveday death cast. It look likes we have light rain headed into tuesday so pack an umbrella and make your peace with god. Later tonight, temperatures will dip, so weve got an apocalypse advisory. If you go outside youll be engulfed in icecold tongues of flames, and your children will forget the sound of your voice. So if youve got any patio furniture, bring it on in tonight. Over to otis for sports. The warriors are coming flee stephen well be right back with beto orourke not even our competitors best battery can match the power of energizer. Because energizer ultimate lithium is the longest lasting aa battery in the world. [confetti cannon popping] energizer. Backed by science. Matched by no one. 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This is big. And thats bigger. That leave therea lasting impression. Like the feeling of movement as a new journey begins, or the sight of soft fur, warmed by the morning sun. You might remember new flavours, or a view that defies all expectations. These are the memories that stay with you, long after the moments have passed. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome back, everybody all right. Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest this evening is a former threeterm congressman from texas whos currently running for president of the United States. Please welcome beto orourke be thankful for another day and hopeful for tomorrow tomorrow stephen welcome back to the show. Thank you for having me back. Stephen nice to see you again. The last time you were here you were running for senate in texas, if people dont remember, against ted cruz. And you did not win that one. You did not win that one. What made you go, okay, didnt get senate. Lets go for the brass ring here . And go for president of the United States. Very exciting campaign. Right. Stephen but you did not win that one. Does this one seem easier to you . laughter definitely not. You know, in texas, we got to be something or be part of something just extraordinarily special. A state that had been 50th in voter turnout. So it wasnt a red state. It was a nonvoting state. Turned out at record levels. Young voter turnout and early voting was up 500 . We won more votes than any democrat has in the history of the state of texas. Stephen it was very close, 2. 6 which in texas applause we didnt win our race, but we helped others win their races. Fletcher, democrats replacing republicans, helping to flip the house of representatives. 17 African American women. applause 17 African American women elected to judicial positions in harris county, literally changing the face of criminal justice in that community. applause and what i think i took from that is that we got to be part of a movement. And in a movement of people who were brought in to our democracy, a democracy that has been badly broken, captured, corrupted by special interests and corporations. This grassroots, peoplepowered campaign, didnt take a dime from a single pac, represents the kind of movement that it will take to defeat donald trump in 2020, and then bring this country together again in 2020. applause so that was that was what i took from it. Stephen now, there have been some polls, which im sure youve seen, there are some polls im sure youve seen, that 60 of Texas Democrats want you to run against senator cornyn, because hes not particularly popular in texas right now. And you have a chance of beating him. Why not go for that . You already know how to run for senate. Why go why gear up this other thing instead of, you know, taking the next chop at cornyn . I just think given where we are in this country, this moment of truth on everything that you can care about, will we be up to the challenge of confronting Climate Change before its too late . Will we be able to extend health care to every single american . Will we ensure that our democracy, under attack by powers from without the country, under attack by our very president , can we save it . I want to be in the most consequential position to make sure that i do everything i can for to deliver for this country. So i want to run to serve as president of the United States. And i want to do so in a way that brings people in, that fixes our democracy, that ensures that were not defined by our differences but instead by our ambitions and the work that were willing to do in order to achieve them. So thats what has moved me and amy and our family to make this decision. And ill say this for texas there are going to be some extraordinary candidates running to oppose john cornyn. One m. J. Hager, a combat veteran, an extraordinary candidate. If shes the nominee, she will defeat him. There are others who are running who may have just as good a chance. Texas is finally turning out. Our democracy works. Were going to have a democrat representing that state in the United States senate after 2020. applause stephen that will be fascinating to see because texas has been on the cusp of turning for so long. Right. Stephen if im not mistaken correct me, obviously, if im wrong, you are one of the candidates in favor of starting impeachment hearings, or impeachment proceedings against President Trump. Am i correct in that . Yes. applause stephen but if that actually goes forward and hes impeached, you wouldnt have the pleasure of running against him. Arent you robbing yourself of the joy of running against President Trump there . Th pelosi is still dead set against it. Shes saying its not impossible, but she just does not see the sign that its the right thing to do. Why do you feel differently . You know, impeachment is not about getting rid of the president. Its about finding the facts, getting to the truth, ensuring that theres accountability and justice for what happened to this democracy in 2016. A candidate for president who invited the participation of a foreign power. applause who once the investigation began, fired the principal investigator, james comey, the head of the f. B. I. Tweeted in broad daylight to his attorney general to stop the investigation. And there was something really powerful in what bob mueller said within the last few weeks in his public comments. He said that when the subject of an investigation lies to the investigators or obstructs justice, it gets to the very heart of this government and our ability to hold ourselves accountable. In other words, for this democracy to persist, there has to be justice. And if we set the precedent that some people are above the law or beyond the reach of the law, by not impeaching this president , not getting to the facts or the truth, i think that begins the end of this democracy. So lets begin impeachment proceedings, get to the truth, and hold people accountable. cheers and applause stephen just today, this is news, trump is using the executive privilege over census information. So he will not reveal any communications between i think its wilbur ross and is it the attorney general as well . About whether the Citizenship Question was put in there to suppress responses from non from nonwhites, essentially. Right. Stephen so but hes exerting executive privilege. What do you make of the present state of the presidency . If you were president , what power would you surrender . Because there seems to be this snowballing collection of power of the presidency. Not generation after generation, literally one president after another. What is the first power you would signal you were willing to give up as president. So, first of all, let me just say on this census issue, theyre predicting that the census is predicting a 6 undercount that will be targeted against nonwhites in this country, so hispanics, African Americans, communities of color. That means less representation and less resources. So we absolutely must get those documents. And then we also must understand that we already have a smoking gun from a republican strategist who said that he did this to diminish the power of communities of color. Stephen thats how we know that this exertion of executive privilege is really to hide something. Thats right. Stephen we need to see the other half of that communication. Thats right. So, look, ive always been about being as accountable and transparent as i possibly can. On the city council for six years, held a town hall meeting, literally, every single week. In Congress Every single month, all comers welcomed, no holds barred. And its that level of accountability that i think produced better representation. I had a healthy dose of fear for those folks that i was going to face to explain the votes that i had taken or our progress or lack thereof on bills weve introduced. As president , ive committed that every single one of my cabinet secretaries will hold a real, live, not for show, town hall meeting to listen to the people in this country whom they serve and to whom they are accountable. I will make sure they respect the powers of congress, honor the subpoenas, if it comes to that, but work more collaboratively with them so that it does not. And then perhaps in the most awesome power that we have as a country, which is the power to send our fellow americans to war, to put their lives on the line, i will make sure that we not only end the wars that we are in, but before we send another Service Member in harms way, that we do this lawfully, as prescribed in the constitution, article one, through the peoples representatives, in congress. Its the only way that we stop this country from going to war without end. And its not just a function, as you said of this administration or this president. This is happening almost throughout my entire life. It explains how were at war today in our 18th year in afghanistan, and functionally in our 28th year in iraq through six successive president ial administrations. Lets return power to people on these incredibly important issues. applause stephen well, we have to take a little bit of a break. But stick around well be right back with some hard questions for beto orourke. Debate questions. 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I was a high school debater. And heres what we go. Number one, these are hard button issues. Youve got to shoot from the hip. The audience doesnt want to see you waffle on any of these. Do they . Audience no stephen congressman, on the issue of ryans, gosling or reynolds . Im going to go with gosling. Stephen gosling. applause bold, bold. Peoples choice. Stephen safe, theyre both canadians. They cannot vote for you. All right. Congressman, do you believe that its okay to share streaming passwords . Yes. cheers and applause stephen that is not theft . Here today, so it want to becana no so. Dfathered in. Yes, yes. Stephen youre sisterin lawd in. Yes. Stephen regarding our special relationship with the u. K. Obviously theyre our most important ally is the u. K. Should hermione have ended up with harry instead of ron . Yes. Stephen im sorry, audience, that is the correct answer. That is the correct answer. In the area of Space Exploration and nasa, bold frontier. Do you agree with that . Yes. Stephen star wars or star trek . Star wars. No question. Stephen this is where we diverge. This is where we diverge. Final question if trapped on a Deserted Island with all 22 other candidates, which would you eat first . Oh, wow. laughter you want to talk about health care . Or immigration . laughter stephen youre going to dodge this question . Totally. Stephen dodge this question . Yeah. Stephen dodge this question because there is no one that you would want to eat of the 22, or is it a blanket im against cannibalism . Yeah i would die first. Stephen you would. Yeah. Stephen you know they will eat you, then, right . Yes, i will offer myself. Stephen put on a few pounds first. All right, thank you so much for being here. Beto orourke, everybody. Well be right back with actor and fashion icon billy porter. Stick around. Im truly amazed at the effect that it has on people. Thank you, bob look its a hmm. Whale. I dont know. Thats it. Suit up haha watch the fur ahhh. 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Mmm who used expedia to book the Vacation Rental that led to the ride which took them to the place where they discovered that sometimes a little down time can lift you right up. Flights, hotels, cars, activities, Vacation Rentals. Expedia. Everything you need to go. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody prepare yourself. Prepare yourself, because my next guest is a tony and grammy awardwinner, a fashion icon, and the star of fxs pose. Please welcome to the late show, mr. Billy porter. cheers and applause hi cheers and applause stephen wow. Working out oh, my goodness im on the late show stephen you are. Thank you for dressing appropriately, okay. Thank you for putting some effort into it. Listen, listen, shes a fashion icon now. Theres an expectation stephen yes. So i have to show up appropriately. Stephen i i i am so glad you actually wore something that is as dynamic as that becausefak my red carpet work. Stephen this is work. Youre working it. That is work. Stephen youre not working it here . I am working it. Stephen this is the oscars this year. Look at that extraordinary applause that is this is this is this is at this years met gala, which always has notes on camp stephen it notes on camp this year. Susan sontag, notes on camp. Stephen theyre always a little extravagant. Its always appropriate though. My choices are appropriate. Stephen this is entirely appropriate. Take you straight to the temple of dendur right there. I mean its the gods, the gods. Stephen here you are in full bloom, full bloom right there. 10foot wingspan. Stephen and i think this actually has to be my favorite. Tell me about this now before i show it to the people. Okay so it was for the tonys a couple of nights ago. And it was upcycled, it is upcycled material, not recycled, upcycled couture. So we used the curtain from kinky boots to make this couture garment. cheers and applause stephen do you think do you feel that do you feel that a fashion makes a political statement . I think it can. You know, ive always been into fashion. And i feel like especially when it comes to gender. You know, weve moved beyond the idea that women wearing pants is a problem. You know, women wearing stephen thank you, katharine hepburn. Thank you, katharine hepburn. Women wearing pants is powerful, its strong, everybody accepts it and its associated with the patriarchy. Its associated with being male. Stephen yes. The minute a man puts on a dress, its disgusting. So what are you saying . Men are strong, women are disgusting. Im not doing that anymore. cheers and applause im done with that. Im a man in a dress, and if i feel like wearing a dress, im going to wear one. You know, people forget that jesus wore a dress, too. They call them robes, but he wore a dress. They wore dresses. Stephen simple cinch, shows off your figure. Listen, youve got to cinch it in, show your waistline. Stephen also wasnt afraid to show his abs. laughs you star in the fx series pose. Yes. Stephen its centered on the underground of ball culture of the 1980s, which you were part of. Well, i was ballroom adjacent. Let me just say that for real. You know, i moved to new york city, i was doing broadway shows, but im a gay black man so i did attend the balls, but i was not in the balls. Stephen you didnt walk in the balls. I didnt walk in the balls. But the culture is something thats really interesting because, you know, its a culture of chosen family. I think thats whats so great about the show. You know, the show presents what chosen family looks like. And sometimes our biological families are not equipped to love us unconditionally in the ways that are necessary for us to thrive when were l. G. B. T. Q. People. You know, and so the ballroom culture is a culture that came, that emerged out of, you know, these people being thrown out of their houses just because of who they are. You know, but we found our tribe. We found our family. And we, you know, the culture is about making sure that we uplift each other. And its amazing. Its amazing. applause stephen well, i i i was not part of the vogue culture. You werent . Stephen i missed that. You missed it . Stephen i missed in the 1990s, im sorry. But i admire your style. I think its absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much. Stephen and i think the spirit with which you express yourself is really beautiful. Thank you so much. Stephen and i was hoping you would help me be more beautiful. Well, i brought some i brought some things. Stephen well, i saw this is not ours. You brought this. This is me. Stephen because heres the thing, is that while i admire the beautiful way that you are dressed, i also am kind of used to, like, a man, like i put on a suit, and im done. Absolutely. And i totally understand that. Stephen what i can do to kick it up a little bit . You know, there are accessories that can sort of pump it up a notch, if you will. Stephen im ready. So i know that you wear glasses. We probably dont have the same we probably dont have the same prescription. Howsomeever, i think, you know, just to give it a little zhuzh, you know. cheers and applause i aint mad. Im not mad about that. Now stephen i like this. I feel like im a i feel like im a stunt man on rocket man. Exactly, exactly. Its a throwback to the elton john days. Stephen i love it. Im also a hat man. I have a wonderful hat that i bought back in 2000 when i had no money, and i knew i would need it. I spent 500 on it. A Phillip Tracy hat you know, now, youve got to you cant put it on straight. Youve got to cock that bleep youve got to cock that to the side, just like that. Stephen the the hat and the glasses are fighting my face. I know. applause you look in the mirror, you take one thing off. So take the glasses off. You can take the glasses off. Stephen no, ive got to keep the glasses on because they ruin my eyesight so much that i actually look prettier without being able to see. You look good that that. Stephen yeah, come on. You would have to change the bottom. You want to walk a little bit . We need a beat. You going to walk with me . Stephen ill walk with you. You going to walk with me . All right, heres the runway. Heres the runway. Oh, shoot we live this way. Come on, come on now you turn it oh shoot applause oh, my god. Stephen pose airs tuesday nights on fx. Billy porter, everybody well be right back. cheers and applause i love you stephen now stick around for jimmy cordini. Good night. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org stephen like all revolutionaries, joe crain paid a price. Because since joe crain stood are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from kittyhawk, north virg,