Schmed cheers and applause very fun conversation. If the past two months are anything to go by, a good chance, america will spend the next four years cleaning up after this carrottinged toddler. laughter but good news, it might not last four years because thanks to this toddler, we may not make it that long. Overseas for the latest on the Nuclear Threat from north korea, the regime announced this weekend it tested a new engine that could fuel a Nuclear Missile that drew a sharp response from president trump. Hes acting very, very badly. Trevor this is the secret to trumps success he uses language that everyone, even pets, can understand. laughter hes acting very bad. Bad north korea. Bad. Bad. Kellyanne, off the couch. Off the couch. laughter , so yes, north korea tested new missile technology. They basically do it riff weekend, theyre like white people and brunch. laughter whats so special about this time . It appears north korea tested a new type of rocket engine. The test of this engine could significance fall a step forward in north koreas stated ambition of test launching an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile capable of carrying a nucleartipped warhead all the way to the continental u. S. Trevor holy bleep , these guys are getting closer and closer to blowing up the world. Not only have they developed nuclear weapons, they almost have the technology for it to reach its destination, which seems the more important part. Maybe thats just me. Theyre saying, well blow you and didnt tell us they couldnt send it. Well figure out a way. Use postmates . I dont know if it will get there. laughter look how happy they are about the test. They just said north korea is planning to nuke the u. S. And all im thinking is, nooooo piggy back ride this is a weird way to celebrate a missile test. Maybe he had wisconsin in his march bracket. Or maybe hes exciting because hes finally developed 80s flattop technology. laughter photos like this are such great propaganda. A few poll came out showing Donald TrumpsApproval Rating is at a new low of 37 . You know why applause no, dont be a heart. laughter you know why . I think its because he always looks so miserable. You see a photo like that and you want to hate the guy. But if donald trump staged some piggyback photos huh, huh . 47 . Huh . applause who knows . Now, you know, a problem wan International Crisis like this is that, under the Trump Administration, people dont really know who in washington is calling the shots. Thats why here at the daily show, weve decided to do the job that the news refuses to do and keep track of whos currently the real president. Now, our top statistical scientists have helped us create this tracking board, which shows in real time whos really in charge and, as you can see, there is been a lot of movement opened board here. Kashmir outside coming in strong, and despite technically being president he cant break the board. You will get there. Number three, weve got paul ryan. Oh, look at that. Yes. audience reacts hes been doing well, dragging himself up the list with pure Upper Body Strength and tricking trump into backing the worlds worth health care plan. Thats what he did. Number two, lets see what youve got. Number two oh laughter anyone whos eating next to trump at maralago when he has to make a decision, thats who the president is now. Should we bomb north korea . What do you think, table 4 . What if yo do you think . Oh, me . I guess, yeah laughter the number one spot and effectively the real president of the United States is drum roll fox news playing hail to the chief trevor fox news yeah all right yes laughter since focus got rid of the woman who is come tweeng them and trump, they have since been on a long honeymoon with the president. Its now his favorite channel, aside from the golf strippers network. laughter seriously, if you listen to donald trump, you can see that he loves fox news. I saw this morning on fox friends, i watch i like that group of three people. Fox has treated me very nice. Wherever fox is, thank you. Fox said it was great. Thank you. Fox friends in the morning, theyre very honorable people. They have the most honest morning show. Trevor they have the most honest morning show unlike nickelodeon with the fake sponge guy. You cant have rectangle pants. Its a lie, folks, its a lie. laughter trump doesnt just watch fox. Since he became president , trump has done more interviews with fox than every orthoexam combined. Hes done fox friends, sean hannity, tucker carlson, bill oreilly. Hes been on focus so much hes also been sexually assaulted by roger ailes. Very sad. laughter trump wont give you the time of day but if you are at fox, doesnt matter who you are, you get to sit with the president. He even sat with jesse waters. Quiz chuck schumer, president of cnn and alec baldwin. If you had to fire one person now, who would you fire . Well, i think the alec baldwin situation is not good. Chuck, im very disappointed. I will say im disappointed in all three. Trevor i love how seriously trump takes that question. laughter you ask trump about north korea, and hes, like, oh, bad, very bad, bad, bomb them, who gives a bleep . But here hes, uh, i would fire alec baldwin, marry the cnn guy and i would bleep chuck schumer. Yeah, that is what i would do. applause trevor now, the reason fox news is currently the president is because, since trump took office, fox has been the source of so much of the crazy bleep he said. Like, if trumps lies are the virus, fox news is the sexmonkey that started it all. Remember when trump said there were terror attacks in sweden . He got that from fox. His threat to send feds into chicago if the crime rate didnt go down, he got that idea from fox. If thats the trend, its no surprise the entire administration now started looking to fox for leadership. Last week was a perfect example of how this works. Trump had accused president obama of wiretapping him and then, shockingly, the claim turned out to be bleep . Who would have thought the intelligence communities in both houses of congress agreed. Everyone was trying to figure out what the hell trump was talking about. A fox news pundit had a theenchts three intelligence sources have informed fox news that president obama went outside the chain of command he didnt use the n. S. A. , he didnt use the c. I. A. , he didnt use the f. B. I. , and he didnt use the d. O. J. He is gchq. What the heck is gchq . Thats the initials for the british spying agency. Trevor that man there is judge andrew napolitano. Hes the man who claimed obama had the British Government spy on trump, which isnt true. Although, if it was, i would feel so bad for james bond. Like what a blee bleep missio. He probably ordered the martini trump grill, worst experience of his life. Excuse me, i asked for shaken and you put nachos in it. In a normal world, that ac cation would have disappeared, but because the Trump Administration serves at the pleasure of fox, this porcupine mans insane charge became the initial white house position. The Senate IntelligenceCommittee Says they see no indication trump tower was under surveillance. Fox news made the statement three sources informed president obama went outside the chain of command, used gchq, the initials for the British Intelligence spying agency. Trevor wow the white house is accusing americas closest ally the gchq to spy on americas president. By the way, gchq is a fantastic name for an intense agency. Throws you off right away. You dont know what it is. If im a villain and my henchman says gchq is here, i would probably say, yeah, thats the cable company, let them in. I dont know what that is. laughter now, if you were really the president and your administration pisses often your closest ally, you would try to restore their trust. For if you were donald trump, you would do this. All we did was quote a certain, very talented legal mind who was the one responsible for saying that on television. I didnt make an opinion on it. That was a statement made by a very talented lawyer on fox, so you shouldnt be talking to me, you should be talking to fox. Trevor there you have it, folks. Dont talk to me, i just work here. laughter fox is in charge. Donald trump just handled an International Crisis like a cashier at target. laughter , like, can i get fox news to register 4 please . Sorry, sorry, i need to void this accusation. Sorry. They dont trust me with the little key, im so sorry. Oh, and i guess if fox is the real president , kudos on how they handled it. Fox news cannot confirm judge napolitanos commentary. Fox news has no evidence the president was surveilled at anytime, anyway. Full stop. Trevor thats leadership, folks. Congratulations, fox news. As of now, you are the real president. Well be right back. cheers and applause im here in bristol, virginia. And now. Im in bristol, tennessee. On this side of the road is virginia. And on this side its tennessee. No matter which state in the country you live in, you could save hundreds on Car Insurance by switching to geico. Look, im in virginia. Im in tennessee. Virginia. Tennessee. And now im in virginessee. See how much you could save on Car Insurance. Or am i in tennaginia . Hmmm. Will the all new kfc georgia gold chicken with its great tasting Honey Mustard barbeque sauce make you rich and successful . [thud] i dont know. Its Finger Lickin gold sometimes you want to go. Where Everybody Knows your name, and theyre always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same. 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Find your awesome with the Xfinity Stream app. More to stream to every screen. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show now, today, we were supposed to be joined by senior trump advisor omarosa who, of course, was here to promote her episode of say yes to the dress. laughter that is true, by the way. audience reacts but, at the last minute, she bailed on us, and the reason she gave true again is that the administration didnt want her interview on the the daily show to eclipse the news of the day. Now, that doesnt really make sense to us because this was the news of the day. Breaking news, the f. B. I. Director james comey publicly rejects president trumps claim that he was wiretapped by his predecessor. I have no information that supports those tweets. Comey also confirmed the f. B. I. Is investigating any link between the russians and the Trump Campaign during the election. The f. B. I. , as part of our counterintelligence mission, is investigating the nature of any links between individuals associated with the Trump Campaign and the russian government and whether there was any coordination between the campaign and russias efforts. Trevor thats right, people. Obama didnt wiretap trump, and even the f. B. I. Thinks there is something at least worth investigating regarding how much Trumps Campaign communicated with russia. Wow. I did not see that coming. laughter is that like a thing for reverse mind blown . Is that like a thing . laughter i feel bad for the f. B. I. Agents who had to go through trumps tweets. I assume comey used this whole thing to haze some new guy. Hes, like, hey new guy investigate Donald Trumps wiretap tweets after that, there is some highly Sensitive Information inside my dogs butt. Ha ha. Take it around the block, see if he drops any hot leads. laughter my favorite part of this longass hearing was, even though the words coming out of comeys mouth were bad for donald trump, the president still managed to hear something totally different. During the middle of the hearing, the president sent out a tweet. He said, the n. S. A. And the f. B. I. Are telling congress that ruia did not influence the electoral process. Well with, shortly after he said that, actually, a member of Congress Asked the f. B. I. Director if that was true. Ive got a tweet from the president an hour ago saying the fast and f. B. I. Tell congress that russia did not influence the electoral process. So thats not quite accurate, that tweet . We dont have any information on that subject. Thats not something that was looked at. audience reacts trevor there is tweets in congress now . And trump is so gangster. He lied open twitter during a hearing about him lying on twitter. laughter he was live lying the hearing. laughter im honestly flabbergasted by this whole thing, you know. And the best part of all of this is that, instead of tweeting it from his usual at real donald trump account, he was tweeting from the official potus account, like we wouldnt know it was him. He was sitting there going, if it worked for superman, it will work for me yeah laughter donald trump, we know its you. Well be right back. cheers and applause kids, juicy fruitmmmm with longerlasting flavor . Mmm zipping zipping rattling longerlasting juicy fruit. So sweet you cant help but chew and chew. Blue moon is brewed with valencia orange peel, for a taste that shines brighter. Weve been a symbol of thers. Future, a standard, a star. But our past is just that, past. We are pioneers. So our greatest achievements cant lay behind us, because our destiny lies ahead. Thats what it means to drive the world forward. Thats what it means to dare. Boys are boys and girls are joys to you and me theyre more than toys gonna find one so i wont be lonely shell be mine forever only and when i do itll be alright wee hoo i tell ya now boys are boys and girls are joys nature made it delicious. We made it a snack. Chobani flip. Regerts . Le buzzing] sorry. I was eating a milky way. Were not in a rush to be most popular. Not in a rush not to be. Real bourbon. No apologies. Ah, thank you. Wild turkey®. Itll find you. No really the triple double. Crunchwrap big box is back, and its still all mains no sides with a doritos locos taco, a crunchy taco, and a mountain dew baja blast. Just 5 bucks only at taco bell. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is a legendary comedian from egypt, now a legal muslim resident of the United States. Please welcome Bassem Youssef cheers and applause trevor speaking in Foreign Language yeah, whatever. Trevor you know how long i practiced that for . Yeah, yeah, great. Trevor anyway, good to have you here, bassem. Yeah. Trevor lets get straight into it. You are originally from egypt, right . Now that youre living in california, how are you feeling . Well, i think im the unlucky sonofabitch in the whole world because i left, like, a strongman dictatorship back in egypt just in time to find you starting yours. Trevor thats true. laughter and scary. But talking about people, you know, back home, like how are people back home reacting to trump . You mean los angeles . Theyre terrified. laughter trevor no, not your new home. I mean in egypt. Well, it will come as a surprise for you. As a matter of fact, he is quite popular with our egyptian media, and i know that you guys like news montage, so i prepared something for you. Have a look. speaking in Foreign Language trump. speaking in Foreign Language donald trump. speaking in Foreign Language trump. speaking in Foreign Language speaking in Foreign Language speaking in Foreign Language speaking in Foreign Language trevor heres the question how is trump so popular in the middle east . Yeah, how is trump so popular here . Trevor well, i mean, to, to. He makes promises he never will deliver. He talks about a religion and he never read the boofnlgt hes full of bleep . Hes the perfect person. Its full of nostalgia for him. Trevor the book youre here to talk about is a book that could give trump ideas or a lesson in a revolution. Revolution for dummies raffing through the arab spring. In the book you show how i mean, you really made comedy in a country that was on the brink. Can you give us a sneak preview of what america has to look forward to . This is basically a knowhow book. It could be used for you as a warning. We can call this the prequel laughter or donald trump is really get ideas, thats why it has dummies in the title. applause trevor you know, can i tell you something, theyre clapping for you now. Dont forget, you just got here, bassem. Me and you are not safe, my friend. Were not. Trevor dont let this applause make you think youre safe, my friend, youre not. No, i dont think i am. Trevor when ump in egypt, you were doing a show similar to the daily show with one big difference, you had 30 Million People watching your show per episode. With ratings like that, everyone would say why is your show a off the air. Two minutes ago you told me nobody is safe. Trevor yeah. Its the same thing. Doesnt matter, as long as we have thinskinned dictators who really get the jokes, the only difference is here you have someone who goes on a twitter rant. Back then, we get kicked out. Trevor if you get a chance, you should make time, tickling giants is the documentary. A story about you that tracks you before the revolution and spring in egypt and takes you through being chased out of the country. This all started in 2012 when i first came to this stee studi. One of your producers, sarah texler, she followed me for two years, and did a wonderful job. Its playing tomorrow in landmark theaters across the nation. Shes amazing. I come here and see all the people supporting me. I hope it will continue. I definitely think it will. Next time if theyre going to make this movie into a future movie, you know how they have Gerard Butler play an egyptian god and people like me have to apply for terrorist number three, i would like that to change. I would like you to play my part. Trevor i play you . Yeah. Because egypt is in africa, too. Africa jokes cheers and applause trevor oh, man, bassem i hope you join us over and over again. You tell an amazing story. A fascinating book. Revolution for dummies laughing through the arab spring and tickling giants all come out march 21. Go to tickelinggiants. Com for more information Bassem Youssef, everybody cheers and applause dear journal. Today i learned many great things. One, old spice sweat defense gives me fortyeight hours sweat protection. Two, gorillas have strong muscles and do not speak english. Old spice theme playing in the background. Where plans start at onlycricket 30 month. And more 4g lte coverage than tmobile or sprint. Plus, when you switch now you can get a brand new smartphone for free. Cricket wireless. Something to smile about. Nature made it delicious. We made it a snack. Chobani flip. Deartheres no other way to say this. Its over. Ive found a permanent escape from monotony. Together, we are perfectly balanced. Our senses awake. Our hearts racing as one. I know this is sudden, but they say. If you love something set it free. See you around, giulia investing in the future hoof this country. A recent study found that lowincome neighborhoods are more likely to have tobacco retailers. Near schools. Than in other neighborhoods. How convenient. In fact, big tobacco went to the Supreme Court to keep tobacco advertising near schools. Cool, huh . Nothing says commitment to the youth like a hard won legal battle. Its not a coincidence. Its profiling. Dont let it go unseen. Enlist thetruth. Com be the generation that ends smoking. Trevor thats our show for tonight. Here it is, your moment of zen. tapping sound cheers and applause Comedy Central [cheers and applause] chris its 29 minutes until midnight, which ive been told is something a miranda who thinks theyre a carrie would say. If youre surprised to see us on the air today that means you noticed this from our twitter account unfortunately, we have some bad news there will be no more midnight episodes. Thanks for your support. We will miss you midnight nobody panic it got crazy for a sec. You saw how much everyone cared. Dont worry. Sir, it will be oka