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Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240711

Whats happening . potusgeist. Leaving this winter . What a baby. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, potus cant copus. Plus, stephen welcomes Michael Moore and musical guest Sara Bareilles with a special appearance by steve carell featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody welcome to a late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. Im so glad youre here, and you and you and you, my friends, for this special night, because believe it or not, this is our thousandth episode 1,000 i wish i could be together with the whole staff right now. Theyve done such an extraordinary job. The writers, staff, editors, producers, postproduction, the amazing crew, my editorial staff, the lawyers oh, the lawyers we planned a big balloon drop, which. I assume is happening right now in the theater . Its happening. I dont know, you could lie to me, because were not allow

Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240711

Howard featuring jon batiste and stay homin. Are are and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert, im flad to be your host tonight, all nights, but particularly tonight is an historicam night in the annals of television. Tonight is the first night i am sitting down with a guest in person the late show and who else do you want to break that seal with but president barack obama. Thats right, barack obama, my guest tonight. Three acts . Three acts of barack obama. And you go, is that seems like a long time no, its not. You cant believe how quickly it flies. First act, obviously, just friends hanging out. Power packed though, and really substantive. Next act were going to move some paper. Were gog sell some books. Super fun at the same time. Then the third act, we play basketball. Thats historic. That is an historic game. Wait until you see the results. A

Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240711

A baby announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, potus cant copus. Plus stephen welcomes Michael Moore and musical guest Sara Bareilles, with a special appearance by steve carell, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody welcome to a late show. I am your host Stephen Colbert. Im so glad youre here, and you and you and you, my friends, for this special night, because believe it or not, this is our thousandth episode 1,000 i wish i could be together with the whole staff right now. Theyve done such an extraordinary job. The writers, staff, editors, producers, postproduction, the amazing crew, my editorial staff, the lawyers oh, the lawyers we planned a big balloon drop, which i assume is happening now in the theater . Its happening. I dont know, you could lie to me, because were not allowed in. Someone should really check on my petting zoo down there. I

Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240711

We have years of experience prosecuting imaginary voter fraud. Even with zero evidence, we will prove you lost because of glitches, not enough observers, too many observers, counted illegal votes, counted legal votes, sharpies werent allowed, sharpies were allowed, vote written on a sandwich, youre a terrible candidate, dead people voted, not enough dead people voted, and people voted. But dont take my word for it, listen to these satisfied customers. translated roger cornsworth is my lawyer for life because he made me president for life. translated i received two votes from my uncle one from him and the other from the dog i fed him to. translated if it wasnt for roger cornsworth, filipinos would be parading through the streets with my liver on the stick. We wont stop til your democracy is a pile of ash and your ego is soothed call today if you want power thats a cinchely call the attorneys cornsworth and pinchley 1800coupcoupcachoo announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonig

Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240711

Call your aunt ronda because of the restraining order . Deep state. And just like your actual crazy uncle, he doesnt know when to leave. Its pronounced kamala. Casa blanca . No, its kama, then la. Kookaburra . Yahtzee. This is settlers of catan. belches blowup crazy uncle. Because a family that inflates together celebrates together. You know any female sex dolls you can set me up with . Hell, give me a beach ball. Im not picky. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonights transition to greatness. Plus stephen welcomes glenn close and musical guest kane brown with sway lee and khalid, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody welcome welcome heres mud in your eye to a late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Im very excited. Im also a little tired because i got up way early this morning and interviewed barack obama today. The only thing keeping me drivi

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