Page 3 - Jon Telling News Today

Its because a wizard alien has cast his mighty spell. [cheers and applause] oh, im so glad its over, sharon, arent you . We are now with the young boys who helped stop the alien. Boys, how does it feel to be free of your illness . I guess it feels great. Thanks. Yeah, it feels great i never wanna see bush again i finally paid a lady to show me hers. You wanna know whats under that bush . Nothing but a pair of sick joker lips i am so happy that i am cured and no longer have any desire to have sex...

Love. Last we checked in the embattled Obama Administration was making a simple promise to the american people. By the end of this month we anticipate that it is going to be working the way that it will suppose to. It will take to the end of november for an optimally functioning web site. We will have it fully functioning by the end of november. Jon fully functioning by november . But as of now for some reason the site continues to give people hepatitis. We dont know. laughter well, today the pr...

Functioning by the end of november. Jon fully functioning by november . But as of now for some reason the site continues to give people hepatitis. We dont know. laughter well, today the president called a press conference to make a slight adjustment to the promise of a fully functional web site by photograph 30th. The web site will work much better on november 30th, december 1st than it worked certainly on october 1st. Thats a pretty low barment by the time we look back on this next year the peo...

Audience. [laughter] the end of march saw the Affordable Care act enrollment deadline. It was a crucial test for the Obama Administration they set an am bishes goal. I think success looks like 7 Million People signing up by the end of march. Jon and failure looks me me looks like we never have this information. Youll never get there. Allegedly four Million People signed up. They expect to three more million in one month. That is goag about a disaster jon disaster its a fever dream. Fit more by t...

Jon welcome to the show, my name is jon stewart. We have a nice one for you tonight. The great Geoffrey Rush will be joining us. Lets begin tonight with healthcare. Gov, rhymes with love. Last we checked in the embattled Obama Administration was making a simple promise to the american people. By the end of this month we anticipate that it is going to be working the way that it will suppose to. It will take to the end of november for an optimally functioning web site. We will have it fully functi...

You want a ham sandwich . Yes [harmonica music] wonk, wonk from Comedy Central in new york this is the daily show with jon stewart. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central jon welcome to the show, my name is jon stewart. We have a nice one for you tonight. The great Geoffrey Rush will be joining us. Lets begin tonight with healthcare. Gov, rhymes with love. Last we checked in the embattled Obama Administration was making a simple promise to the american people. By the end of t...

End of march. Jon and failure looks me me looks like we never have this information. Youll never get there. Allegedly four Million People signed up. They expect to three more million in one month. That is goag about a disaster jon disaster its a fever dream. Fit more by the outlandish opiate fiend as he lays on an alphabet city mattress. Watched chinatown. The deadline passed. Give us the total. 7. 1 million americans have signed up for private insurance plans through these marketplaces. 7. 1. J...

Be joining us. Lets begin tonight with healthcare. Gov, rhymes with love. Last we checked in the embattled Obama Administration was making a simple promise to the american people. By the end of this month we anticipate that it is going to be working the way that it will suppose to. It will take to the end of november for an optimally functioning web site. We will have it fully functioning by the end of november. Jon fully functioning by november . But as of now for some reason the site continues...

Benefits of meditation and our favorite palestinian polish cuisine. [laughter] but first a little discussion we were having earlier in the audience. [laughter] the end of march saw the Affordable Care act enrollment deadline. It was a crucial test for the Obama Administration they set an am bishes goal. I think success looks like 7 Million People signing up by the end of march. Jon and failure looks me me looks like we never have this information. Youll never get there. Allegedly four Million Pe...

Welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. Good show tonight. My guest will be denis leary. Were going to talk about the benefits of meditation and our favorite palestinian polish cuisine. [laughter] but first a little discussion we were having earlier in the audience. [laughter] the end of march saw the Affordable Care act enrollment deadline. It was a crucial test for the Obama Administration they set an am bishes goal. I think success looks like 7 Million People signing up by the end ...