Page 4 - Jon Telling News Today

Signed up. They expect to three more million in one month. That is goag about a disaster jon disaster its a fever dream. Fit more by the outlandish opiate fiend as he lays on an alphabet city mattress. Watched chinatown. The deadline passed. Give us the total. 7. 1 million americans have signed up for private insurance plans through these marketplaces. 7. 1. Jon wow. Got it almost exactly. [laughter] with a healthy 1. 4 margin of error that will ease suspicions. Queue the celebration. This say p...

Am bishes goal. I think success looks like 7 Million People signing up by the end of march. Jon and failure looks me me looks like we never have this information. Youll never get there. Allegedly four Million People signed up. They expect to three more million in one month. That is goag about a disaster jon disaster its a fever dream. Fit more by the outlandish opiate fiend as he lays on an alphabet city mattress. Watched chinatown. The deadline passed. Give us the total. 7. 1 million americans ...

We were having earlier in the audience. [laughter] the end of march saw the Affordable Care act enrollment deadline. It was a crucial test for the Obama Administration they set an am bishes goal. I think success looks like 7 Million People signing up by the end of march. Jon and failure looks me me looks like we never have this information. Youll never get there. Allegedly four Million People signed up. They expect to three more million in one month. That is goag about a disaster jon disaster it...

A lot about it these days. [laughter] but right before we started the taping, israel and hamas have apparently agreed to a 72hour ceasefire, a 72hour ceasefire. Very nice. [cheering and applause] thats three days. Heres what im hoping for, a threeday ceasefire somehow miraculously returns into an eightday ceasefire and suddenly we got ourselves another hanukkah working, a whole other miracle. Obviously this is something a lot of us have been hoping for. We continue to support diplomatic efforts ...

Jon stop. Stop it. Dont be so hard on yourselves. [laughter] when you guys suck, it is not failure. It is just you living up to our extremely low expectations. [laughter] congress is the sharknado 2 of government. [cheering and applause] of course it sucked. It was supposed to suck. [laughter] but i forgot what it was like the hear that kind of urgency from members of congress some what are you going to do first . Border crisis . Student loans . How about a nice budget resolution . We have chose...

Deadline. It was a crucial test for the Obama Administration they set an am bishes goal. I think success looks like 7 Million People signing up by the end of march. Jon and failure looks me me looks like we never have this information. Youll never get there. Allegedly four Million People signed up. They expect to three more million in one month. That is goag about a disaster jon disaster its a fever dream. Fit more by the outlandish opiate fiend as he lays on an alphabet city mattress. Watched c...

Ceasefire, a 72hour ceasefire. Very nice. [cheering and applause] thats three days. Heres what im hoping for, a threeday ceasefire somehow miraculously returns into an eightday ceasefire and suddenly we got ourselves another hanukkah working, a whole other miracle. Obviously this is something a lot of us have been hoping for. We continue to support diplomatic efforts to end the violence between israel and hamas. The president has put his presidency behind the efforts to try find peace in the reg...

Ceasefire, a 72hour ceasefire. Very nice. [cheering and applause] thats three days. Heres what im hoping for, a threeday ceasefire somehow miraculously returns into an eightday ceasefire and suddenly we got ourselves another hanukkah working, a whole other miracle. Obviously this is something a lot of us have been hoping for. We continue to support diplomatic efforts to end the violence between israel and hamas. The president has put his presidency behind the efforts to try find peace in the reg...

After the bell as originally expected. Andrew has more on that. Okay. Thank you, becky. Ibm sending out an advisory that plans to release the results of their Third Quarter at 7 00 a. M. Eastern time. Well have details on what the announcement could be because the wall street journal says they will play global foundings to take its money losing chip business off of its hands. So the deal of sorts where nobody is buying something from them but they are paying to get rid of it. Ibm is talking to p...

Which, of course, i didnt do. And even if i did use performance enhancing drugs, so did all the other prophets. But i didnt. So what have we learned, from this great wristband theft . Maybe. That when stripped of our scauses, only causes are left. And causes shouldnt be worn on our wrists with a sneer. Lets keep our causes where they belong, which is right here. On tshirts free pussy riot [cheers and applause] free pussy riot boys yeah yay january 14, 2013. From comedy centrals world news headqu...