Page 17 - Network Data News Today

This is the colbert report. cheers and applause stephen right there, welcome to the report, everybody, good to have you with us. Stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen thank you ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for being here. Folks, i cannot tell you how much i appreciate you being here. cheers and applause folks, thank you so much. For that energy and thank you so much for being here on this quite possibly the last episode of the ...

[audience reacts]. Jon by pork i assume the gentleman was referring to local constituents. One senator pointed to her waist and squeezed her stomach and said, dont lose too much weight. I like my girls chubby. Jon dont get too porky. I like my girls chubby. Even when it comes to sexism, the senate is gridlocked. They cant make any progress [cheering and applause] they cant get anything done. Luckily theres always one asshole left. To break the tie. The prize comment, she writes, came from a sout...

First we turn to washington, d. C. , home of our nations most respected institutions and also the government. Americans have a very low opinion of congress, and this next story probably so s not going to help that very much. Jon oh, crap. What did congress do this time . What did they kill a veterans bill to make a food about food stamps or outlaw tan because the president wore the color . What did that kick a puppy in an elevator . What did they do . New yorks junior senator Kirsten Gillibrand ...

Jon welcome to the daily show. Im jon stewart. My guest is on the Zach Galifianakis will be joining us. The excited news can look who is here. She made it to the show. [cheers and applause] jon a gentleman in the audience with his wife of 25 years. Only one ticket was left. Here is my impression of him at the time. I dont know her theyre boeing here together. We saved their relationship. Well, im just happy. But first its time for a daily showy bowl a update. Brought to you by arbys. Arbys. A lo...

Actually pronounced lithgo. laughter olive garden is introducing a 100 allyoucaneat pasta pass that lasts seven weeks. Though, technically the last two weeks are for your next of kin. laughter this is the colbert report. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central eagle caw cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome to the report, good to have you with us audience chanting Stephen Stephen thats absolutely right that is my name thank you so much cheers and applause thank yo...

No matter how much things change. Help your Small Business do more business. Try our toolkitfreeat constantcontact. Com. Jon thats our show join us tomorrow night at 11 00. eagle caw cheers and applause stephen oh, hey welcome to the report, everybody thank you for joining us ill be right with ya audience chanting Stephen Stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen thank you cheers and applause ill be with you in just one minute. I just need one second here. Im still trying to load the iphone 6 anno...

New york, Kirsten Gillibrand. Shell join us tonight on the program talking about her brand new book. Look how tired little johnny is hes to tired you may have noticed we didnt do a show last night. I was up in canada for a few days. I just wanted to thank both festivals for giving us an opportunity and such a warm reception and it was really lovely and greatly appreciated and exciting and i probably should have slept. So nice up there, but its always good to get back to the u. S. Of a. Whatd i m...

Realizing this time i can hear them. Well, the democrats are in control. We dont know. Its the subject of tonights democalypse 2014 its all about that base. What will happen if republicans recapture the senate . The stakes are stunning. If the president loses the senate, he will have both houses of Congress Working to stop him. Gridlock will be epidemic. Jon oh, no, grid lock will be epidemic in washington. Thats like saying the internet will been inundated with porn. Traditionally midterms func...

Stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen thank you cheers and applause ill be with you in just one minute. I just need one second here. Im still trying to load the iphone 6 announcement, so i can find out why i suddenly hate this iphone 5 im watching it on. laughter wow, 7. 1 millimeters. I wonder how many that is . laughter of course, the iphone 6 wasnt the big surprise. Many people predicted 6 would come after 5. laughter i am so excited and i am so proud to share it with you this morning. It i...

Stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen cheers and applause stephen welcome thank you for joining us, folks i hope everyone at home can hear the precision of that chanting. That is what we call in the pundit business the metro no, maam of love cheers and applause folks, far too often, i sit at this desk and yell into that camera as the epitome of an angry american. You deserve more than that. So tonight, i am the epitome of an angry Irish Catholic american. cheering tell em why, jim. Organizers ...