Page 67 - Seth News Today

Senator ted cruzs twitter account last night liked a pornographic video about a woman who finds a couple having sex on her couch. Ew, gross, said the porn stars after hearing that ted cruz watched them. [ laughter and applause ] thats right. Ted cruzs twitter account was caught liking a pornographic post last night. Its the secondmost embarrassing thing cruz has been caught liking. [ laughter and applause ] President Trump will reportedly visit china in november. Oh, can you pick up my handbags,...

According to bloomberg, President Trumps allies are worried about the resignation of his personal bodyguard and aide, keith schiller. Because they say schiller is trumps emotional anchor. Oh, when was he resigning . 30 years ago . [ laughter ] seriously, this has been the emotionally anchored trump . [ light laughter ] whats the unhinged trump going to do . Build a lair . [ laughter ] former president obama today criticized President Trumps decision to end the daca program. Of course, the only r...

According to bloomberg, President Trumps allies are worried about the resignation of his personal bodyguard and aide, keith schiller. Because they say schiller is trumps emotional anchor. Oh, when was he resigning . 30 years ago . [ laughter ] seriously, this has been the emotionally anchored trump . [ light laughter ] whats the unhinged trump going to do . Build a lair . [ laughter ] former president obama today criticized President Trumps decision to end the daca program. Of course, the only r...

[ laughter ] seth according to the Washington Post in july of 2016, former Trump Campaign chairman, Paul Manafort, offered to provide private briefings on the president ial race to a russian billionaire who is close with vladimir putin. So Paul Manafort was the Campaign Manager for donald trump and met with a billionaire, who is friends with putin, who is in a movie with kevin bacon. I did it, you guys [ cheers and applause ] President Trump tweeted yesterday, quote, alabama is so lucky to have ...

Its another busy day here at the white house. [ laughter ] seth according to the Washington Post in july of 2016, former Trump Campaign chairman, Paul Manafort, offered to provide private briefings on the president ial race to a russian billionaire who is close with vladimir putin. So Paul Manafort was the Campaign Manager for donald trump and met with a billionaire, who is friends with putin, who is in a movie with kevin bacon. I did it, you guys [ cheers and applause ] President Trump tweeted ...

Senate republicans announced today they will not hold a vote on the grahamcassidy bill to repeal and replace obamacare, after they were unable to secure enough support. But republicans plan to come back with a new plan, where they just slash the tires on all the ambulances. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] going to give it one more try. We think this is the plan. President trump said today that getting relief efforts to puerto rico after the devastation caused by Hurricane Maria is tough bec...

Senate republicans announced today they will not hold a vote on the grahamcassidy bill to repeal and replace obamacare, after they were unable to secure enough support. But republicans plan to come back with a new plan, where they just slash the tires on all the ambulances. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] going to give it one more try. We think this is the plan. President trump said today that getting relief efforts to puerto rico after the devastation caused by Hurricane Maria is tough bec...

According to cnn, after the candidate he was backing for the Alabama Special Senate election lost, President Trump was quote, pissed and embarrassed. Incidentally, pissed and embarrassed is also the title of his Russian Hotel tape. [ cheers and applause ] [ inaudible ] stick around for embarrassed. According to reports trumps soninlaw and Senior Adviser Jared Kushner is registered as a female voter in new york. [ light laughter ] to be fair, he did register over the phone. Hello, id like to regi...

So were now officially at war with at least 17 more countries. [ laughter and applause ] according to cnn, after the candidate he was backing for the Alabama Special Senate election lost, President Trump was quote, pissed and embarrassed. Incidentally, pissed and embarrassed is also the title of his Russian Hotel tape. [ cheers and applause ] [ inaudible ] stick around for embarrassed. According to reports trumps soninlaw and Senior Adviser Jared Kushner is registered as a female voter in new yo...

Thank you. Have a good time. [ laughter ] seth which means its time for another installment of i cant. Seth i just they it was a [ laughter ] youre the president. [ laughter ] i cant. [ cheers and applause ] seth thats right. President trump visited puerto rico today, and boy, was he surprised when he asked to speak to their president. [ laughter ] what . You have a donald trump too . [ laughter ] i want to meet him. Maybe he also hates his job. [ light laughter ] President Trump visited puerto ...