Page 65 - Seth News Today

[ laughter ] good job, don, you aced a dennys placemat. [ laughter and applause ] thats right. President trump claimed that he scored higher on his cognitive test than all his predecessors. Psychological test could use a little work, though. Hillary clinton in prison. [ laughter ] Hillary Clinton in prison. A butterfly talking to Hillary Clinton in prison. [ light laughter ] following several postponements, Vice President mike pence will finally begin his trip to the middle east tomorrow. Appare...

[ laughter ] good job, don, you aced a dennys placemat. [ laughter and applause ] thats right. President trump claimed that he scored higher on his cognitive test than all his predecessors. Psychological test could use a little work, though. Hillary clinton in prison. [ laughter ] Hillary Clinton in prison. A butterfly talking to Hillary Clinton in prison. [ light laughter ] following several postponements, Vice President mike pence will finally begin his trip to the middle east tomorrow. Appare...

I dont know what he said next, but it had to be, why is everybody laughing . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] according to according to new analysis, President Trump speaks at a fourth grade level. But only [ laughter ] but only when he doesnt want betsy devos to know what hes talking about. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this isnt for betsy. We need to do it ammediately [ laughter ] former white house chief strategist, steve bannon, has stepped down from his position as the head of br...

Everybody laughing . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] according to according to new analysis, President Trump speaks at a fourth grade level. But only [ laughter ] but only when he doesnt want betsy devos to know what hes talking about. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this isnt for betsy. We need to do it ammediately [ laughter ] former white house chief strategist, steve bannon, has stepped down from his position as the head of breitbart news. So hes unemployed. [ cheers ] i guess all ...

Seth and that means its time for our new segment, lets get petty. [ cheering and applause ] seth wow, dude. Well, i guess theres one draft you couldnt dodge. [ laughter ] hey, trump, where are you going . Bald . And you thought cnn was giving you bad coverage. [ light laughter ] its like a mullet, except no one showed up to the party in the back. [ light laughter ] this explains why hes so intent on keeping the coal industry alive. Look what wind does to him. [ laughter ] ive seen more hair on a...

Well, unfortunately, last night, Bill Belichick missed his yearly bath. [ laughter ] according to coach doug pederson, last nights trick touchdown pass to eagles quarterback nick foles was nicknamed the philly special. It replaces the old philly special, barfing a cheese steak into a trash can while people whip batteries at you. [ laughter ] dozens of eagles fans were seen stage diving off the awning of the philadelphia ritzcarlton after last nights super bowl win. But dont worry, they died. [ l...

Concussion. [ light laughter ] according to politico, senior white house adviser Jared Kushner lost his top secret security clearance on friday, because as it turns out, you have to be 18 [ laughter and applause ] youve got to be 18 years old. President trump today endorsed senator ted cruz for reelection ahead of next weeks republican primary in texas [ audience boos ] and when he heard that, ted cruz smiled so big, eight babies started crying. [ laughter and applause ] an msnbc host said this ...

[ light laughter ] [ audience ohs ] this brings us to a new segment entitled it slowly dawns on seth that this man is our president. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] seth this man is our president. [ light laughter ] announcer this has been it slowly dawns on seth that this man is our president. [ cheers and applause ] seth thats right. President trump said i really believe id run in there even if i didnt have a weapon. I got to say, i find it hard to believe trump would voluntarily run inside a place ...

This brings us to a new segment entitled it slowly dawns on seth that this man is our president. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] seth this man is our president. [ light laughter ] announcer this has been it slowly dawns on seth that this man is our president. [ cheers and applause ] seth thats right. President trump said i really believe id run in there even if i didnt have a weapon. I got to say, i find it hard to believe trump would voluntarily run inside a place of education. [ laughter ] the only ...

On his final morning in the middle east today, Vice President pence visited the western wall in jerusalem and placed a small white note of prayer in its cracks, right next to trumps. [ light laughter ] according to the new york times, attorney general Jeff Sessions was questioned by special counsel Robert Muellers office last week for several hours. But despite muellers tenacity, sessions said he would not disclose the location of me pot of gold. [ light laughter ] following reports that Preside...