Stand Ups News Today

Trump phrasing criminals that have been describing january 6, wilders as hostages while critics attacked his comments about a bloodbath. If he isnt elected, his Campaign Says those words are being taken out of context. Were going to bring you trumps remarks, plus, he may have a bigger problem today trying to make a 400 and million bond in his civil fraud case . His lawyers say thats easier said than done and securing a bond and the full amount is a quote, practical impossibilities. And ripped ap...

somebody asks you where youre from and you answer, "im from chicago," nobodys going to give you a patronizing response like, "oh, chicagos charming." >> hey, chicago. >> more likely itll be "wow, chicago" or "oh, chicago." theyll be impressed. chicago is the town, a city that doesnt ever have to measure itself against any other city. other places have to measure themselves against it. its big, its outgoing, its tough, its opinionated and everybodys got a story. ♪ i took a walk throug...

that chicks arent funny. i hate to tell you its still very much a thing. there are some people that cant get their heads around what they dont know. i said i wanted to be a comedian, she said. maybe its better if you just die. i think they thought of women as a different species. very few ladies are capable of being a comedian. and so everybody sits right up. heres somebody that thinks she can do it. great argument that women are doing much better work than that. youre welcome. whats t...

. the storm prediction center upgrading the risk expecting more tornadoes in mississippi and alabama, and that includes areas like rolling fork, mississippi. already reeling after being obliterated by an e f four tornado overnight on friday. the death toll from this weekend storms rising to 26 president biden approving mississippis disaster declaration, freeing up federal resources, and today, the head of fema and the department of homeland security. toward the damage alongside mississ...

chance to speak on this soon. as i said earlier this week, my corvette is in a locked garage and they arent sitting in the street. >> in a locked garage. >> president biden: as well as my corvette. people know i take classified documents and material seriously. i also said were cooperating fully and completely with the justice departments revuchlt as part of that process my lawyers reviewed other places where documents from my time as vice president were stored and they finished the re...

the tables have turned. >> the idea that jokes arent funny, its still very much a thing. >> there are some people who cant get their heads around what they dont know. >> i said i wanted to be a comedian, she said, maybe its better if you just died. >> i think they thought of women as a different species. >> for view ladies are capable of being a comedian, so everybody sticks by them. heres somebody that thinks they do it. >> this is a great argument that women are doing much better wor...

>> congressman cheney is standing up to donald trump for the sake of the institutional vitality and, indeed, survival of the republican party itself. >> i think here was the beginning of something much larger than being one of 435 members of the house, one of 535 members of congress. the language was remarkable. >> and to have celebrate sated herself -- elevated herself to this point where not just people in her own party, but people in the democratic party listen to her, consider her ...

capable. ronald reagan was vigorous for his age. he could ride a horse like no ones business. slick wily didnt just play the sax. he liked to throw on a sweat suit and jog all around town. it was a secret service nightmare. but, hey, at least he wasnt fooling around with the intern. who can forget when george w. bush threw the first pitch at yankee stadium or dodged both shoes thrown at him by the iraqi. the man was an athlete. obama played full court basketball while he was at the whi...

slide off the pedal. i was getting off the bike and it got stuck on the right side. come on. dont make things up. now you sound like a republican politician. that was a joke. all kidding aside, no, i dont think it is. i was talking to larry summers this morning. theres nothing inevitable about a recession. heres what we can do. i think we can get a change in medicare and a reduction in the cost of insulin. we also can move in a direction that we can provide for -- taxes on those in the...

love it and well give you an award for it. carson: and so it has come to this. fallon: i thought that johnny carson came with the tv set. leno: what the hell were you thinking? ray: dave was the new johnny, for me. letterman: im not exactly a computer. slow down. meyers: it felt... edgy before i was probably old enough to appreciate what edgy was. man: you better be as good as letterman. obrien: ill give it a shot. obrien: my heart dropped through my butt. it exited my butt. stewart: h...