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Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240713

Keep your foreskin feel this grapefruit. It feels like the pulsing part. Love one another. Im andrew yang, and i approve whatever this was. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, once upon impeachment plus, stephen welcomes Jennifer Hudson Jonathan Pryce and musical Sharon Van Etten, with norah jones. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen come on ho, ho, ho wooo have a seat. Thank you up there, up there, down here. My friends. My friends. My friends. Welcome to the late show, one and all. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Well this is is this it . This tonight is the last late show before the holidays. I hope everybody out there gets the presents they want. Im looking forward to a great 2020, because next year, we could be getting a new president applause oh, father christmas, if you love me at all. And on day one, he or she will have a very important job getting

Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240713

And a special appearance by john lithgow. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen the hey, happy holidays fantastic hello hows it going. Hi hey, jon. I like it. Happy wednesday. Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen hi so nice. Wednesday, right . cheers and applause stephen thanks, everybody, up there, down here, all around the world, all my friends and neighbors. Welcome, one and all, everybody, everybody. Welcome to the late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. Lets get right to it. We dont have any time. We dont have a minute to waste here. Its almost christmas. Im busy, youre busy. Ive got an oven full of snickerdoodles i have to finish the monologue before the timer goes off. Its just after six clrks as we speak, the full house of representatives is still debating the articles of impeachment. They havent voted yet, but im about to go on vacation, so im jus

Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240713

Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Stephen welcomes congressman adam schiff and musical guest Sharon Van Etten with norah jones. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And, now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen come on hey its the Holiday Season, thats what it is thats what it is cheers and applause oh, my goodness welcome one and all, ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. The big story continues to be Donald Trumps allergic reaction to the constitution, and tonight, ill stab you with the epipen of fun in the latest installment of don and the giant impeach. cheering i have the right to do whatever i want as president. Stephen today, the House Judiciary Committee debated whether to send two articles of impeachment to the house floor. But first, they spent hours proposing highly specific and asinine amendments. Like one from florida congressman and humanhangover hyb

Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240713

Its a witch hunt. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, coocoo in cocoa town. Plus, stephen welcomes clive owen ambassador Samantha Power and musical guest, thomas rhett featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen come on hey i missed you stephen fantastic. Cant go wrong. Thank you thank you very much welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. We have moved into cheers you know why these people you know why these people are excited . They know they know what im about to say. Weve moved into an exciting new phase of impeachment because the House Judiciary Panel is set to debate articles of impeachment tonight. cheers and applause theyre doing it tonight. That thats right. Its impeachment after dark. Oooh, congressman nadler, my president ial power has been badly abused. laughter why dont you just pound that gavel, and i promise yo

Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240713

Anniversary by laying golf and making love to an overcooked steak with catsup on it. This is kind of interesting. You know how the president has the best words, uses all the best words . Well, hes in monroe, louisiana last night, where he treated the crowd to what seems to have become his new favorite word that is not a word. Mueller, remember that mueller, with that hoax. The biggest lie ever foistered on the american people. Jimmy foistered. And it wasnt gist just like a slip of the tongue. He did it again in lexington. The most egregious fraud ever foistered. Jimmy and again in tupelo. The biggest lies ever foistered. Jimmy used the word three times in a week. Its a combination of foisted and forced, which happen to be his two favorite ways to meet women. The Washington Post had a story this morning, and the president went Washington Postal all over it. It said i asked william barr to hold a press conference to declare that the president had broken no laws. As it pertains to this uk

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