Page 14 - Welcome Back Program News Today

That was a great one. He was going to interrupt the show to get him some more. Or, b, the more likely scenario, as hollywood has taught us, when a black president interrupts your show a meteor is headed towards the earth. So i start flipping around. Im flipping around, right . Im flipping around. Its clear all the news people know what this is but they cant say it yet. And this goes on for like a half an hour. Its going to be the president addressing the nation from the east room at the white ho...

I guess that clears that up. You know, im not certain about a lot of things. There are three things in this world that i do have certaintude on. The Empire Strikes back is the best star wars movie. [cheers and applause] o. J. Killed those two people. And the third one is what my erect penis looks like in my own underwear. [applause] i will tell you this i know. My penis like the front of my hand that i use to get to know my penis. [laughter] so i dont know whats going on here. I dont know how th...

Laughter cheers and applause so you can imagine how outraged fox must be to find out that the health care for those who risked their lives to recover that charred money is being held up by a republican filibuster. And i know they have access to 9 11 First Responders. Joining me now a leading opponent of the mocks and a former new York City Firefighter and 9 11 responder tim brown. Here is one of the 9 11 First Responders reacting to the decision by the landmark commission. A 9 11 responder is ta...

Subways at all. I guess the only way to fix this problem is to hire another irs perhaps to police them. An iirs. Perhaps we need an iiirs and an iv. [ laughter ] pretty soon were all just part of a nesting doll of oversight, paranoia and suspicious, each of us investigating the next to infinity when it turns out weve really just been investigating ourselves the whole time. [laughter] maybe then we realize right and wrong are just two sides of the same coin we call the universe or did i just blow...

Laughter i would like to reflect on what we have built here over these past 16 years. We worked awfully hard. And not every show has been up to snuff but weapons given it our all every single time. That is the thing that impresses me most. Everybody gives it all. And i feel like what weve built here is a monument to evisceration. laughter issues pundits politicians we here at the show left no target undisemboweled. In fact, if you are still Walking Around with a belly full of viscera know this w...

Secret meeting. Had secret meetings. Secretly working together for years. Jon oh [bleep] cheers and applause that i have to tell you this, that sounds so much more awesome than what happened. laughter basically the president of the United States called my office and asked twice if i would come to washington and meet with him. And i did. laughter wasnt really that big a deal am i was brought through the secret white house tunnel entrance at mt. Rushmore. It was a round table meeting with the pres...

But speaking of president s, big news from yesterday. The white house taking jon stewart very seriously. Politico is reporting that stewart secretly viingtsed the white house. The president invited stewart to two secret white house meetings when he needed media support. Secretly meeting with president obama,. Secret meeting. Had secret meetings. Secretly working together for years. Jon oh [bleep] cheers and applause that i have to tell you this, that sounds so much more awesome than what happene...

Jon oh [bleep] cheers and applause that i have to tell you this, that sounds so much more awesome than what happened. laughter basically the president of the United States called my office and asked twice if i would come to washington and meet with him. And i did. laughter wasnt really that big a deal am i was brought through the secret white house tunnel entrance at mt. Rushmore. It was a round table meeting with the president , elvis, still alive, minister farrakhan and the area 51 alien. But ...

Laughter all right. First you know, the sepublicans there are fat, fat the 2016 candidates, drms have decided to skip the primary process entirely more of a coronation type dealey. laughter until now. Have the senator Bernie Sanders made it official he will run for president jon yeah cheers and applause thats right lets meet whoever Bernie Sanders is laughter no, thats actually thats colonel sanders. Lets meet deion sanders. laughter that laughter thats ned flanders. Sure. Sure, thats Bernie San...

Garlin. cheers and applause first, now that Hillary Clinton and several republican candidates have thrown their hats into the ring, the 2016 election season is finally in bloom, like a beautiful flower that costs billions and billions of dollars and ultimately smells like bleep . laughter the election season flowers is really one of your lesdesirable flowers. And even though there is still an ungodly amount of time before the election, rrptz focused on mostly bigpicture issues. Would you attend ...