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The show the daily show. I want to talk about the news. laughter did i just give away the premise. I want to say despite last weeks senseless attack on the french satirical magazine charlie heb do a new edition of the magazine was released today. Take a look. Charlie head bo is back on newsstands this morning,. More than three million copies of charlyear hebdo sold out within hours. Jon wow. That is amazing. But i want to say, i really hope this suspect the secret to it saving the Publishing Ind...

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central jon welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. My guest tonight oh, man. You gotta see this movie. You got to see her performance in this movie. Jennifer aniston is going to be joining us in this film called cake. Its delicious. No shes shes unbelievable in it. But first, if youre like me no . All right . You woke up this morning with a difficulttoarticulate sense of panic, a kind of directionlessness, as though half of our wealth and almost all of ...

Food . Thats thats right, arbies this [bleep] aint over. I do not accept your peace offer. We shall always be enemies. For while you are a worthy adversary you will be arbys come for the tweets run from the meat. laughter cheers and applause theyre very nice people and i think i may have had some when i was younger. Its truly an invented beef. You know what i am saying. Now obviously we prepared a show tonight. Lower your expectations. But lets get right to it as you know our country has been ma...

You gotta go with the beasties. Thats the disguise you should go with there, the one that makes you look almost exactly like yourself . laughter even the bikers who wanted fruit on their ihop pancakes put in more effort to their disguises. What was this guy thinking . I feel bad for falciani. His heart was in the right place but his whistle blowing was in the wrong one. If he tried that america, things might have turned out differently. A pennsylvania accountant turned in his employer for failin...

Caught laundering nearly 1 billion in drug money. You heard the gasp. laughter what . Whats that . And like in most cases of drug cartel money laundering, the perpetrators were sent straight to pay a fine. laughter case closed. British bank hsbc is under fire again. The companys Swiss Banking arm is accused of helping clients hide billions of assets from International Tax authorities before 2007. Jon still breaking the bleep laws. I know youre british but keep calm and carry on wasnt meant for m...

Caught laundering nearly 1 billion in drug money. You heard the gasp. laughter what . Whats that . And like in most cases of drug cartel money laundering, the perpetrators were sent straight to pay a fine. laughter case closed. British bank hsbc is under fire again. The companys Swiss Banking arm is accused of helping clients hide billions of assets from International Tax authorities before 2007. Jon still breaking the bleep laws. I know youre british but keep calm and carry on wasnt meant for m...

My name is jon stewart. Olivia wilde will be joining us from the lazarus effect. First, hsbc, one of britains largest Financial Institution a spot of sticky pudding a couple of years ago after the bank was caught laundering nearly 1 billion in drug money. You heard the gasp. laughter what . Whats that . And like in most cases of drug cartel money laundering, the perpetrators were sent straight to pay a fine. laughter case closed. British bank hsbc is under fire again. The companys Swiss Banking ...

Least 40 miles from a v. A. Health site. They measure the trip driving miles wrath than as the crow flies. Jon boom cheers and applause jon sorry crows sounds like youre gonna have to drive to the doctor just like everyone else. And whats more, that small adjustment will actually double the number of veterans eligible for the program cheers and applause now, some naysayers out there will say but the v. A. Made that decision before the daily show wrote, taped and aired that piece, and the daily s...

Somebody whistled for crystal meth whistling and did it again. Anyway tonight we thought wed check in with our old paldz the Television New media in a new segment we call president ial campaign of one Hillary Dennis rodman clinton but two days old two days old and already the reporters assigned to her have repeatedly covered themselves in gore. For mondays chipotle tex mech erection, to tuesdays oh, my god, thats her car. You can see the media running behind me here. To chase the scooby van. lau...

Laughter all right. First you know, the sepublicans there are fat, fat the 2016 candidates drms have decided to skip the primary process entirely more of a coronation type dealey. laughter until now. Have the senator Bernie Sanders made it official he will run for president jon yeah cheers and applause thats right lets meet whoever Bernie Sanders is laughter no, thats actually thats colonel sanders. Lets meet deion sanders. laughter that laughter thats ned flanders. Sure. Sure, thats Bernie Sand...