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Finally, its time for our penny pincher of the week. Now, this is gonna help you save on your toilettissue deal. You fold it one time, you fold it two times, then you fold it a third time. Then, you see this little tip right here . You tear that off. Once you get done taking a shit or pissing, you put your finger in there, you wipe your ass, okay . Then you take this and you wipe all this off. Well, now, i like a finger up the bhole as much as the next closeted guy, but this is disgusting. And this right here is why i told you to save the little tip. You clean all the shit out your fingernails. Tosh ohh and thats why he won the 2018 nobel prize in economics. I dont know if that would work for me. Most of dannys dukers are dewy. Goodnight [ cheers and applause ] from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody thank you so much for tuning in thank you for coming out wow lets do it lets get into the show im trevor noah. Our guest tonight was the star of spiderman into the spider verse and now place raekwon in hulus new wu tang series also, popeyes has run out of chicken and Hurricane Dorian braces for President Trump. Lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets begin with news out of the vatican where the pope almost didnt show up for his weekly address, but turns out he had a good excuse. A rescue at the vatican after pope francis gets stuck in an elevator for 25 minutes, the incident causing the pope to arrive late for his weekly address in st. Peters square sunday. He told the crowd there was an electrical problem in the vatican that trapped him in the elevator and called for applause for the firefighters that rescued him. Trevor thats right, the pope was trapped in the elevator and the firefighters had dom rescue him. I would have been childish, i would have opened the doors and been, like, wheres your god now . laughter its actually weird because, like, you dont actually think about the pope using elevators. You know . Its like a normal thing to do. I almost imagine, like, does he have elevator jokes . He would have fun ones. Hes like, can you hit heaven, please . Ha ha, just kidding, im going to eight. laughter so the pope got stuck in an elevator. He was fine. Turns out he uses the hat to store snacks in other international news, the pro democracy protests in hong kong interring week 14. Because china is not backing down the protests are getting more intense. Pro democracy protests in hong kong turn violent as police and demonstrators clash in the streets. Police arrested protesters who disrupted the subway system by blocking train doors and hundreds of students at the Chinese University of hong kong held a rally to demand political reform. Trevor saturday was more violent with protesters assaulting government headquarters. They threw bricks and fire bombs. Police fired back with tear gas and water canons tinted with blue dye to i. D. People. Trevor china does not mess around. Because, i mean, its one thing to arrest people at a protest. Its another thing to mock them with blue dye so you can arrest them later. Like, thats really bad news for the protesters and, if youre in the touring company of the blue man group. laughter you know, just, like, wait, im not a protester, im in the blue man group. Theyre, like, thats even worse laugh but kudos to these protesters. They are not giving up. They believe in what they believe in and theyre even responding to oppression by getting creative with science. Theyre disrupting cameras with lasers, disarming tear gas with water canisters. They put the tear gas into the can and shakes it up and when the guy opens it up, theres no more tear gas. Look at this, comes out and its, like, tear gas gone. Like magic trick. Yeah. This is why you should Pay Attention in chemistry class, people, especially americans because occupy wall street couldnt even get their volcano to smoke. laughter and finally, as america donts struggle with escalating gun violence, it doesnt seem like lawmakers are going to reach a solution anytime soon, but one man in st. Louis has come up with a new idea for dealing with gun violence. Just dont give a shit. A man with nerves of steel kept cool when coming face to face with suspects in an armed robbery. Watch as everybody in this st. Louis bar gets on the floor when robbers come in except the one man taking a chug of his drink. He goes on to light a cigarette when one of the suspects waves a gun in his face. On top of that, he refused the suspects demands, kept his cell phone and cash while everybody else in the bar got robbed. laughter trevor wow. Wow that dude just opted out of a robbery. I didnt even know you could do that. laughter he was, like, no, i don unsubsi dont want to be a part of it. laughter i tell you one thing, thats an authentic bar. Thats not a hipster bar where people go to look cool. This is a bar where men go to drink and wait for death laughter you might be thinking those robbers had guns. Why didnt they just do something . I tell you why, because the guy lit a cigarette. When you have a gun in someones face and their response is to light a cigarette, youre screwed. laughter thats, like, the scariest shit somebody can do. Freeze and the persons, like, click, you pointing that shit at me . laughter its like a Quentin Tarantino movie, like someones going to chop off my balls. That the whats about to happen, right . laughter he doesnt care because smoking is illegal indoors. And i bet theres a phone. Bhoa, my wife doesnt need to see this. Give back the phone. Lets move on to the top story. cheers and applause its officially the first week of september, which means kids are going back to school, the football season is about to begin and wearing white is no longer okay in america. Yes. People take that shit seriously out here. Even the clan is putting on their Pumpkin Spice hoods. Like you cant be amasterrer race till you master fashion, isnt that right, boys . Whoo unfortunately, september also means Hurricane Season is in full swing. Tonight, bracing for hurricane dorien and the devastating images coming in, homes wiped away, gusts reaching 220 miles an hour. Water is seen lapping the windows of this home. The home owner says the water reached his kitchen windows 20 feet off the ground. This woman nervously watched as flood waters reached the second story of her home. Swim swim swim our team witnessing the people practically swept away. Conditions amplified when the storms stalled directly over grand bahama, crawling across the island at 1mileperhour. Trevor thats right, the bahamas have just been hit with one of the worst hurricanes ever recorded and with it being reported that 13,000 homes may have been destroyed, this island nation is going to need as much help as they can get. So please donate if you can. Everybody is going to need it. And, you know, whenever i see this, i ask myself, i go, like, why do hurricanes destroy the most beautiful places on earth . I wish hurricanes hit places we actually wanted to rebuild. Like why doesnt a hurricane hit la guardia hurt . That would be great, then we could start over from scratch and fix that shit hole laughter chances are the hurricane would be like, la guardia . ~bleep no. They dont even va place to charge your phone. Im not going there. laughter so murk dorian slammed into the bahamas and is headed toward the u. S. The good news, President Trump has a lot of experience handling hurricanes of this magnitude. The bad news is he doesnt remember any of his experience. The president appeared baffled by the storms intensity. Im not sure that ive ever even heard of a category 5. I knew it existed. Trevor even though there have been four category 5 hurricanes since hes been in office. Its not the first time hes claimed surprise about the common term. Category 5 never heard about category 5s before. Category 5 is big stuff. Category 5. Nobodys ever heard of a 5 little land. It actually touched down as a category 5. People have never seen anything like that. I never even knew a category 5 existed. Trevor okay, this is just weird, man. Every time a category 5 storm comes, trump acts like its never happened before. It must be so strange working for donald trump. Can you imagine what its like, people coming in, mr. President , the hurricane is a category 5. Wow category 5 thats never happened before no, sir, they happen all the time. What does . The category 5. Wow thats never happened before laughter and i dont know if trump was having a slow weekend or if the barometric pressure from the storm did something to his brain because not only did he forget how big the storm was, but he forgot where it was going. The president also misstated the storms possible trajectory. Alabama could be in for at least some very strong winds and something more than that. So for alabama, please be careful, also. Trevor not long after that, the National Weather service corrected the president saying, alabama will not see any impacts from dorien. Trevor yeah trump had to be corrected by the National Weather service and i know were used to it by now, but it still amazes me how often the government has to tell you not to Pay Attention to the president. Yeah, trump is like your friend who youre driving home from a wisdom tooth surgery drugged up yelling out crazy shit, like, theres a dragon in the next car no, thats a hipster with a vape calm down laughter i feel bad for anyone in alabama. Could you imagine if people in alabama heard trump and took it seriously in people were probably saying things they could wouldnt normally say because a hurricane is coming. A family loading up, quick, kids, get the xbox, what about grandma . She doesnt play fortnight, shes dead weight what about the hurricane . Oh, grandma, sorry that. laughter Serious Business is not Donald Trumps specialty. While Hurricane Dorian was hitting the bahamas, President Trump was hitting the links. On monday the president played golf at his Trump National golf club in virginia. He did receive hourly briefings on the storm. We should remind you President Trump had canceled a diplomatic trip to poland sentset to mark the 80th ago varies of 80th anniversary of world war ii to, yep, better monitor the storm. Trevor people were surprised that the president went golfing as a hurricane barreled down on the east coast to have United States. But in trumps defense, golf is a good way to monitor a hurricane. Mmm, i think its coming. Went way off. Thats not me, the hurricane is close. laughter when it comes to hurricanes, President Trump doesnt remember the category, doesnt remember where theyre going and hes not really paying attention. Luckily, he does have a way to stop them. As dorian churns, so are ideas about how to stop hurricanes in their tracks. Why . This report on axios that President Trump suggested on multiple occasions National Security officials explore disrupting the storms by dropping a nuke right into the middle of them. During the recent white house briefings, axios quotes the president saying, i got it, i got it, why dont we nuke them . They start forming off the coast of africa, as they move across the atlantic, we drop a bomb inside the hurricane and it disrupts it. Why cant we do that . The briefer reportedly replied, well look into it. laughter trevor something tells me trump hears the phrase well look into it about 50 times a day. He just says random shit like what in oreos hat the cream on the outside and the cookie on the inside . Ya, well look into it, sir. laughter now, as president , you should know that nuke ago hurricane is a terrible idea, all right. Not only will it not stop the hurricane, but now you have Nuclear Fallout being spread by 200mile an hour winds. The stuffs going to go everywhere. Its like taking a dump into an open viet amix. Its not a good idea. Not to mention the effects on the ocean. Youve got Nuclear Waste going up. I mean, Osama Bin Laden is in the ocean. Drop a nuke, next thing youre dealing with godzilla bin laden. You dont know what that shit will do laughter so i know people get mad when they see trump playing golf when a hurricane is closing in, but after what weve heard, i think the less trump is involved, the better. He doesnt know how big it is, doesnt know where its going and has bat shit ideas about how to stop it, so let him play his golf because if we dont theres a good chance trump will nuke alabama. Well be right back. cheers and applause another foodie trip. Who even cares . 211 people. Thanks, captain obvious. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. That fish is done, carol. Hotels. Com. Be there. Do that. Get rewarded. Applebees handcrafted burgers now starting at 7. 99. Now thats eatin good in the neighborhood fruit of the loom coolhave vents for airflow, and to demonstrate the importance of vents we removed them to see what would happen. Excuse me. Hello . Keep answering your phones. Help were going for it fruit of the loom coolzone fly boxer briefs. Without vents, its hard to keep your cool. Boots up as fast as 6 seconds when youre running late . At whispers its switching time or how about a battery that lasts up to 12 hours . Order up now were cooking. Or how about one with virus protection built in . Which. Would be helpful. Right. About. Now. Yeah, if you want all that, switch to chromebook. Boom goes the dynamite, club yoko plays ] feels like im taking flight. [sfx poof] [sfx squeaking eraser sound effect. ] i am who i wanna be who i wanna be who i wanna be. Im a strong individual feeling that power im so original, ya sing it louder. I am, oooh oooh oooh oooh Ehhh Ehhh Ehhh ehhh i am, oooh oooh oooh oooh i am Jon Hernandez found imhis own path. Through a field of smoke. Jon found his fighting spirit in one of the most dangerous jobs in the world. A job few are willing to do. Modelo. Brewed for those with a fighting spirit. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. Its time for us to catch up on all the biggest stories that we missed over the past two weeks, and to help us do that, were joined by the one and only roy wood, jr. , everybody cheers and applause hello. Trevor roy, there are so many major stories going on right now. Theres brexit thats in chaos, theres the taliban negotiations, there are fires in the amazon rain forest. Yeah, trevor, all that other shits happening but the only story that matters right now is the popeyes chicken sandwich. Trevor whoa, im sorry, what . Yeah, popeyes out of the blue introduced a chicken sandwich, a surprise attack on chickfila, like pearl harbor but juicier. Trevor wait, so your big story is that a chicken place started selling chicken . But with bread, trevor laughter theres bread i keep forgetting youre not from america. Ive got to explain this to you. See, trevor, for decades, americas Chicken Restaurants have all abided by certain rules chickfila sells chicken in a sandwich, popeyes sells chicken in a box, and k. F. C. Mixes their shit with cheetos, and, yes, that is a real sandwich. Which is why you shouldnt let the colonel smoke weed. Trevor i get it. Popeyes has a chicken sandwich. Lets turn to the amazon rain forest. No, trevor, its not just any sandwich the popeyes sandwich was so delicious not even popeyes was prepared. If youre hoping to sink your teeth into the hot new chicken sandwich from popeyes youre out of luck. The chicken chicken sandwich is so popular its out of stock. A fullon craze. Lines have been so long please had to be called to deal with the traffic crunch, and some people in florida have been waiting in line over an hour. The burning question is have you really run out . When will they be back and when can we get our hands on a new batch of them . laughter see thats how big this chicken sandwich is. This chicken sandwich is so big, cnn put the chicken full screen and put the hurricane down in the corner laughter thats right get that hurricane out of the way people looking at the hurricane forget the hurricane, when is that sandwich hitting my city . laughter and if popeyes thinks they can launch the most delicious chicken sandwich ever and just run out of stock, well then they have another thing coming. Trevor that viral chicken sandwich war has gotten so crazy a tennessee man is suing popeyes for selling out of its new scanned sand. Craig barr says he went to several popeyes locations and none had his chicken sandwich. Hes suing popeyes for 5,000 for false advertising and deceptive business practices. Mmmmm mmm cheers and applause thats right America Needs more heroes like this man fighting the legal battle of our time hes a modern day atticus finch. The movie about him will be called to fry a mockingbird. laughter if you think suing popeyes is extreme, wait until you see how some people are taking the law into their own maunds. The chicken sandwich war is turning violent. This Morning Police are look for a man who they say pulled a gun on a group of popeyes employees here in southeast houston after the restaurant ran out of the popular chicken sandwiches. Whe