Friend, but she doesnt know it. Lupita nyongo is here, everybody. cheers and applause we are going to be talking about New York Times bestsellinh Childrens Book and the new star wars movie shes in. Also on tonights show, we find the worst place to have your wedding. Ronny chieng sees dead people. And the u. S. Government admits its been lying to you. So lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with time magazines person of the year. Its an annual message to the worlds other 7. 7 billion people that you suck. laughter and this years honoree is an obvious choice. This was Just Announced moments ago. The time person of the year is 16yearold Climate Change activist greta thunberg. You remember when the swedish teen took on u. N. World leaders at the Climate Change summit. 16 years old. Congratulations to her. She had a passionate plea garnering a lot of attention. And for way too long, the politicians and the people in power have gotten away with not doing anything at all to fight the Climate Crisis and the ecological crisis. But we will make sure that they will not get away with it any longer. cheers and applause trevor yeah. Greta thunberg has been named time magazines person of the year. And she must have been so excited when they told her. It was like, great news, greta, were going to cut down a Million Trees and print your face on them and then were going to put them on airplanes and send them all over the world laughter its so cool to be named the person of the year while youre still in high school. All the other kids are like, i was sho voted most likely to succeed. And great is slam her magazine, i already did, bitch. Plus she doesnt have to fill out a college application. She can show them this. But it will be awkward when she presents it to harvard. Wait a second, aunt becky said i was person of the year. If youre getting married, get out, its a trap. The popular Wedding Planning site pin tret and the knot bounce announced they are no longer promoting content for plantationstyle weddings. The wedding trend has been slammed for romanticizing it. It was created so our ancestors could be forced to work and do free labor. Its not that slavery happened in these places. These places were created for slavery. Trevor yes, wedding planners are coming under fire. I dont even get it. Like, why would you want your wedding at a Place Associated with slavery . Unless youre trying to send a message about your marriage. You know. Just like, yeah, i want to get married somewhere that reminds me that my freedom is over, and im going to have to obey someone for rest of my life. You know, the one good thing about a plantation wedding is that its the perfect excuse for people who dont want to go to your wedding. Yeah. Because you can just pretend its a moral stand, you know. Hey, id love to be there. But i cant. I cant attend a wedding where people were enslaved, at a place where people were enslaved. Its like, you know what, youre right, were moving our wedding to our backyard. On land stolen from native americans. laughter and i guess youre not getting married . Thats sad. I really wanted to come. Laugh thats it for the headlines. Lets move on to our top story. The war in afghanistan. Its basically the greys anatomy of wars. We all thought it ended years ago, but somehow its still going strong. laughter and now, with the war in its 18th year, were learning for the first time how badly americans have been played. Tonight, newly released documents have raised serious questions about whether the American People were lied to about the progress of the war in afghanistan, the longest in our history. A massive new trove of confidential documents obtained by the Washington Post reveals u. S. Officials systematically lied to the American Public about the afghan war, virtually since the beginning, 18 years ago. The objective to conceal widespread fears that america was losing. The rosy picture thats been painted by our political and military leadership is not the real picture on the ground. Trevor yes, for 18 years, the American Government has been painting a rosy picture telling americans everything has been going great in afghanistan, when, in reality, its a total shit show. Its basically the technique every failing couple uses on instagram. Just like datenight, couplegoals. Send. Are you done with your phone now . Well, if you didnt smile so shity, i wouldnt have to take so many pictures, you dick. I hate you. I hate you more. Lets do one more in Portrait Mode laughter but, yes, were now learning from this bombshell Washington Post expose the government manipulated every detail about the war in afghanistan. They used numbers they couldnt back up. They hyped small successes when they knew the big picture was getting worse, and they even tried to spin suicide bombings as a sign of success, which is confidence, if nothing else. Its like making a tinder profile that says, you know im a catch because i have my own room in my mommys basement. Swipe right. Now, its not unusual for governments to try and make things seem like theyre going well in a war when they arent. But what makes the story even more egregious was that they lied about even having a plan. It says, blunt as can be, we didnt know what we were doing. We didnt know exactly why we were there or how we could get out, and not a soul could define victory. Retired general, douglas lute saying in 2015, what are we trying to do here . We didnt have the foggiest notion of what we were undertaking. We didnt have a strategy. We didnt even know who the enemy was. Who were we there to fight . Trevor wow. America sent its troops to afghanistan for 18 years, and they didnt even know who they were going to fight . Thats not how you go to war. Thats a strategy of a group of drunk dudes going out in boston, you know. Like someones getting beep ed up tonight, bro. Who . I dont know, probably us. laughter but, basically, part of the problem is that the people in charge didnt know how to define victory in afghanistan. Was it beating the taliban, or beating al qaeda, making the country a democracy . Any if you dont know how to end it, then you should just wrap it up and get out, you know, like they did with game of thrones. Shes dead, hes gone, the bird kid is king. Roll the credits. Roll the credits. Take the money, lets go. But these people stretched it out and this report shows americas government had little success and not much of a strategy going in. But there was one thing they had plenty of money. The problem is, as any rapper will tell you, more money, more unnecessary expenditures. Aid workers in the field, military officers, diplomats they all said this was more money than they could possibly spend. They were ordered by congress and officials back in washington to spend, spend, spend as quickly as they could, as much as they could. Nearly 1 billion on helicopters and planes for the afghans. The trouble is there is serious doubt that the afghans can fly them. A half million of your dollars wasted on a building that melted four months after it was built. 34 million went to a soybeangrowing project, and soybeans dont grow in afghanistan, and people in afghanistan dont eat soybeans. The pentagon wasted millions on uniforms for the afghan army. It was to buy a forest camouflage pattern. Forest covers only 2 of afghanistan. Trevor okay, that is just insane. 28 million for forest camouflage in a country thats all desert. laughter the only way that could have been a bigger waste is if it was for Forest Whitaker camouflage. Yeah. At least that would have confused the people. Mahmoud, were being invaded by the guy from wakanda. Dont shoot, dont shoot i want his autograph so america spent nearly 2 trillion on the war in afghanistan with basically nothing to show for it. And maybe thats how you get the u. S. Government to put money into things Like Health Care or teachers. Thats what americans should do. Just tell them the taliban is there. And the congress will be like, schools and hospitals. Give them more money. Give them as much money as they need. And send in three Forest Whitakers, just in case do it applause now, you might be thinking who did this to us, trevor . Who can we be mad at . Is it trump . Is it bush . Is it obama . Because i didnt want to say. Anything but i think hes black. Well, actually, the answer is all of the above. U. S. Officials have misled the American People about the conflict across three administrations. With decades of upbeat president ial pronouncements about the war. Our progress is a tribute to the spirit of the Afghan People and to the might of the United States military. Here, in the predawn darkness of afghanistan, we can see the light of a new day on the horizon. Great progress is being made. The spirit and im hearing it from everybody, everybody that goes over comes back and says, really, its like a different place. Trevor yeah, it turns out that bush, obama, and trump all did their part to exaggerate americas success in afghanistan. And i guess thats the Silver Lining in the story in a country increasingly divided every day, its nice to learn that theres one issue that brings americas leaders together lying about war. Well be right back. cheers and applause when it comes to health coverage, it helps to have someone in your corner. Thats why theres covered california. Were the only place where you can get financial help to pay for your health insurance. New this year, almost a Million People could receive additional financial help from the state to help lower the cost of health insurance. More for those already getting it, and new help for many who havent gotten help before. So check to see how much you can save. It only takes 5 minutes. To be covered by january 1st, enroll by december 15th. Oh what fun it is to ride in a onehorse open sleigh, buble sparkling water. Its buble trevor welcome back to the daily show. When we die, we all have different ideas of what we want to happen to our bodies. Personally, i want my ashes to be scattered over the pool of a trump hotel. Out of respect. laughter but for many people in arizona, the afterlife is very different than what they expected. Ronny chieng has more as part of our new series, the united swing states of america. If youre going to talk about arizona, you have to talk about old people, because theyre everywhere here see . clears throat which brings me to death. Not no, not yours. Obviously, you still have a long road ahead of you. And here in arizona, people thinking about the afterlife are choosing something new whole body donation. More and more people are choosing to forgo traditional burial and just donate their bodies to science. There was a 20 increase in the number of people donating their body right here in arizona. Thats about 47,000 people. To investigate, i hit up a popular spot for the old folks to see if body donation really was all the rage. What do you want to happen to your body after you die . Id consider whole body donation. Have you considered body donation . Yes. I have it already set up. So you seem pretty old and close to death. What do you want to happen to after you die . Im going to be donating it to science. What made you think of doing that . I have no living relatives. Who is going to bury me . Do you have any friends . Yeah, they dont care about my body. Well, maybe they should care, because when i turned on the news, i discovered this. Scandal involving a body donation business in phoenix. The owner accused of selling bodies and body parts. Essentially running a chop shop for human body parts. A human chop shop . These were people, not cars you strip down for parts. I turned to a team of lawyers trying to end this horror. So what the bleep is happening in arizona . People are getting people to donate their bodies and telling them that theyre going to treat the bodies with dignity and respect. And they were sold off like you would sell off the parts of a cow. And then, ultimately, the f. B. I. Raided this organization here in arizona. So what did the f. B. I. Find . There were coolers and freezers of disarticulated body parts you know, a cooler of arms, a cooler of legs. They found heads. They found the torso of a large human male with the head of a small female sewn on the top all right, okay, we get it. Enough already anyone here have a puppy i can pet for 10 seconds just to clear my head . And they found a giant bag of penises. They found a bag of dicks . Yes. It was referred to as a large bag male genitalia. So it was a large bag of dicks. Yes. Im scared to even ask but what were they going to do with this large bag of dicks . Well, we can only speculate. We know some of it may have gone to the black market in Southeast Asia for Something Like penis wine. Okay, im from Southeast Asia. Ive never heard of penis wine. What is it . I think its wine that has a penis in it thats supposed to make people more virile. That is disgusting. I thought so. Is it red or white . laughter i didnt even get close enough to it to even what kind of flavor profile is this . Is it nutty . I didnt taste it. Is it notes of foreskin . laughter can we move on. This this this is a serious case. Oh, yeah, thats right, youre going to mention penis wine and not talk about it. This case is about the harm that was done to people and families, not about penis wine. Shes right. People thought they were donating their bodies for research to find cures for diseases. But instead it was reallife invasion of the body snatchers. How are they going to fix this . We need regulations, licenses, for example. You dont need a license to deal with dead bodies . Correct. You need a license to do nails. You need a license to fish. You need a license to drive a forklift. Pay your money, fill out a form, and youre a medical director. That has to change. This is bleep horrific. This is not just an arizona problem. Its a nationwide problem. And if you think its not happening in your backyard, youre mistaken. Okay, sorry, can we just go back to the penis wine for a second . laughter do they stomp on dicks the way they stomp on grapes . Are they squeezing out the penis or are they just fermenting it . I dont know. And im not sure i really want to know. No one should have their dead body violated or their genitals turned into a tasty beverage. If people are going to donate, they should at least know exactly what theyre getting themselves into. They need to know the truth. Until arizona puts regulations in place, all we can do is offer competing services. Introducing, giveronnyyourbody. Com. Just give me your body, and well take care of the rest. With us, youll know exactly what youre getting. We provide services such as. You turn into a human ventriloquist dummy. Used for weekend at bernie sequels. Literal body pillow. Seat filler at the oscars. Those are just some of the many things we can do. Sound horrifying . You betcha. But its also perfectly legal until arizona changes its laws. Giveronnyyourbody. Com. Give me your body. I want your body. Ronny chieng is unlicensed and has no experience in this field which is not a problem in the state of arizona. Trevor ronny chieng, everybody. And heres some good news those lawyers just won the case and got awarded 58 million for all of the victims. cheers and applause which means, ronny chieng, youre rich. Well be right back. cheers and applause oh what fun it is to ride in a onehorse open sleigh, buble sparkling water. Its buble we ordered 10,000 units. That sounds good. Pretty cool, huh . Theyre speaking to mom in japanese, and mom hears them in english. Can you understand me . Yes, i can understand you. Okay. I have a lot of questions. How do you guys fly . What does santa do in the summer . Is mrs. Claus a good cook . Do you guys get presents . Can you roller skate or ice skate . I receivelize travel rewards. Going new places going out for a bite going anytime. Rewarded learn more at the explorer card dot com. Lights, ornaments, chand lil choo choo trains. Cmon. The best trees, they kinda only need two things. Peanut butter and chocolate. Not sorry. Reeses. Fast paced hip hop song playing rougout cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is an Academy Awardwinning actor who can be seen in the highly anticipated star wars the rise of skywalker. Shes also written a Childrens Book called sulwe. Please welcome Lupita Nyongo. cheers and applause hello hello trevor welcome back to the show. Thank you very much. Lets start by saying congratulations on all of your nominations. How many nominations do you have . Because sometimes i feel like instagram is just repeating a post, and then i realized, no, youve gotten nominated for another thing. Whats your latest nomination now . The Screen Actors Guild cheers and applause trevor thats for us. Yes, for us, yes, yes. Trevor are you a little bit worried that when you go to accept your award, are you going to kidnap you and then go accept the award on your behalf . Like, how do we know how do you we know youre you right now. Do you ever think of that . All the time. Trevor welcome back to the show. Thank you for having me. Trevor lets start off by talking about star wars. New movie coming out. Yes. Trevor maz kanata is your character. Yes. Trevor and youre coming back again. These are the most secretive movies, though. Like, the trailer doesnt give anything away. Right. Trevor which i enjoy. They dont let you tell us anything. Yeah. Trevor like like, why are we here . laughter well, you know, i dont know. I dont know. But it seems to work every time. Trevor it works every because the movies are amazing, but then, like, you cant tell me any normally i can ask you what happened in the story . Did this happen or that happen . I cant see it. Like, nobody knows what is going to happened. Its like lock and maybe one question, maybe you can tell us. Whats baby yoda like . Is he is he is he in the movie . You know, i know almost as much as you do, to be very honest. Trevor its crazy. They give you just what you need to know. Trevor right. So im curious as well. I cant wait. Trevor is it because they want you to go and watch the movie as well . I