Chieng shows us the future, the bernie and warren fight is dragging in other candidates and democrats just hand deliver trumps ass to him. So lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with a crazy story out of los angeles where a Delta Airlines flight had to mick an energy landing. But it was the people on the ground who were most afraid. We start with ta breaking news from los angeles where dozens of children and adults have received medical treatment after the crew of a chinabound Delta Airlines jet forced to return to lax after losing an engine, durched fuel as it passed just a few thousand feet above neighborhoods and schools. The boeing 777 with 164 people aboard headed to shanghai, china, was airborne only minutes when it was forced to circle back. Streams of fuel poured over three local schools where 44 children and adults complained of skin irritation, suffering from minor injury. Man, that must have been terrifying. Los angeles gets jet fuel sprayed on them from above. And worst of all trk is not even organic. Yeah. This is also probably how god punishes you for not nominating women directors, l. A. , that is what it is. Now fortunately no one in the schools was seriously hurt. But i like to imagine that there was one rebel kid sneaking out behind the school to smoke a cigarette, yeah. An his friend was like no, mike, cigarettes are dangerous. And is he like dont be such a bitch. laughter now in case you are wondering why the schools, in the pilots defense, they had to dump the fuel because the plane lost an engine because st a boeing, so it makes sense. But, but like did they have to dump it over the schools. It almost feels personal, like three schools, almost like one the pilots went to those schools and his copilot was like lets dump it over the vacant lot and he is like no, no, i got the perfect place, take that, mr. Engelberg. All right, lets move on to some legal news. America has always had weird old laws that no one realizes realis still in effect. And one man who is getting divorced is trying to tack advantage of that. A kansas man has asked an iowa court to let him settle a dispute with his exwife with a trial by combat. The Des Moines Register reports david ostrom asked the Shelby County court to give him 12 weeks lead time in order to forge catano swords, in those documents ostrom argues trial by combat has not been exlissitily banned or restricted in the United States. Trevor trial by combat . Wow. When this couple said till death do us part, they meant it. This would be like if Marriage Story was directed by quentin tarantino. And i honestly feel sorry for the wife because getting divorced is already hard enough. Usually it is like my e is so avoying, annoying he wants the kids and we agreed and now it is mi exis so annoying he wont stop texting me that i only have four wokes to forge my own weapon. By the way how crazy is this that people are like well, trial by combat was never explicitly banned so i guess it is still a thing. Like how back logged is americas legal system. Because this doesnt bode well for Something Like reparation. Think about it, sorry, reparations are going to take awhile. Were still trying to outlaw jowsing. I will say this though, it is a great loophole if you just want to murder someone like if someone at work is stealing your lunch out of the fridge you can run up to them, jerry, a challenge you to a dual, huh . Y ewa and everyone is like goddam, jerry lost the shit out of that duel. And finally, last nights democratic debate featured some fiery exchanges particularly between Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren. But it turns out the real drama happened after the main event was over. One time allies Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, the two senators are working through some issues. They had this moment after the debate where senator warren left bern yoa sanders hanging as he tried to shake her hand, followed by a brief but noticeably tense exchange. Caught in the middle. Deciding im not going to get caught in the middle of this. Wow. This beef between bern yoa and warren is really heating up. And you know what that means . Trial by combat snr thats how they do it in iowa, baby. And by the way, how cute is tom steyer. He is like oblivious to the whole tense situation. He is so cheerful, wow, what a fun debate, guys. You guys thinking what i am thinking, tgi fridays . No, bernie, applebies, what do you want . Now everyone has been trying to figure out what bernie and Elizabeth Warren were saying to each other. They dont want to tell anyone, they havent said anything to the press about this mini fight, no one knows what they said except the daily show. Because you see we have hightech technology that picked up their conversation. Bernie, did you see the oscar noms, little women, what a snub. What . Greta gerwig, best director. Were talking snubs adam sandler in uncut gyms was snubbedment they dont respect the sandman. Wow, that was intense, that is it for the headlines, lets move on to our top story. applause impeachment, it is when Congress Puts the president in airplane mode. With the world recently on the brink of World War Three you might have forgotten that impeachment is still happening. So lets catch up on the latest doivments in another installment of the magical Wonderful World to impeachment. The magical Wonderful World to impeachment. It is probably president ial harassment. You may remember that after trump was impeached back in December Nancy pelosi didnt pass the articles on to the senate. Instead she chose to hold on to them, tight, tighter than mike pences schfinker in a room with two women, temptation often passes through the back door. But, but today after a month of tension pelosi finally announced she is handing the articles over to the senate so they can hold the trial. And i done know what was going on with nancy today but at her press conference she seemed a little spaced out. Good morning, everyone. This is a very important day for us. And as we know on reference temple macialgers that our founders and our poets and others have used over time, to place us in time, to emphasize the importance of time. Because everything is about time. Trevor yeah, and speaking of timing, it feels like pelosis edibles just kicked in at te wrong moment, there. What was that . All of us are just clocks telling time. We all have hands and faces, and little tiny batteries. Now i think, i think the point pelosi was trying to make is that she feels that after a month of waiting, now is the right time to pass impeachment to the senate. But handing over the articles of impeachment isnt as simple as handing over your mom to a nursing home. No, an occasion like this calls for a little ceremony. They are going to be marching the articles from the House Chamber through the statuary hall, through the rotunda along the second floor of the capitol, past the old Senate Chamber, through the ohio clock corridor and then eventually to the Senate Chamber. Those documents now are being taken from the house of representatives through statuary homes, i will be going into the Capitol Rotunda to the senate to present the articles of impeachment. Mr. President , i have been directed by the house of representatives to inform the senate the house has passed 878 98 a resolution appointing an authorizing managers for the impeachment trial of donald john trump, president of the United States. Trevor so were all just going to pretend nobody invented email . laughter is that what is happening . It is 2020, just send it as a pdf. People are marching the articles down the hallway. It looks like the most more owes pizza delivery ever. That will be 2499. And just as an aside. What was up with that graphic . What was that from the news, huh . We dont need to see an arrow making love to the Senate Chamber to understand how people owner a room. Dlers walking across a building, it is a Straight Line strks a hallway, we get it. So now so now that the senate has the articles of impeachment, the big fight is now going to be about whether or not the trial will include new witnesses and new evidence. Because you see, just yesterday we learned new details about trump and his shady dealings with ukraine. The new evidence collected by congressional investigators comes from lev parnas an associate of rudy giuliani, 59 pages of records including text messages, emails and handwritten notes including one scrawled on hotel stationary that reads quote get zelensky to announce that the biden case will be investigated. And theres a letter from giuliani requesting a meeting with ukraines then president elect zel ensky emphasizing giuliani was working as personal counsel of President Trump and with his knowledge and content. Trevor seriously . They wrote down the plot of their crime and then kept it . That is a literal paper trail. Why would you do that . What, were they just hanging around like you have to keep the receipts, isnt that taxes, no, no, it is for crimes too. You have to keep them. Only done all trump would hire henchmen who are also into scrap booking. I feel like a bunch of criminal martha stewarts, you know, also known as martha stewart. So that is where we are now. That is the latest update. We are on the cusp of the senate trial with new information still trickling out as we speak. And well see how many senators are interested in hearing more evidence. But at least for nancy pelosi, her job is now done. She held the hearings, she made impeachment happened and passed the articles on to the senate. And now she has earned some time, much needed time to chill with kelso and fez in the basement. Is with thinking about the incredible hulk. I like that show. Especially the part we are gets all like mad and turns green and then his shirt rips off. But then i was thinking, like what if he was purple. And a lady. No one referenced temple markers that our founders and our poets and others have used over time to place us in time, to emphasize the importance of time, because everything is about tiesm. laughter so no more for nancy, shes toasted. Trevor i new nancy had that good shit. Well be right back. applause lisa its good to be transparent. At h r block, you know the price before you begin. It makes things. [thud]. Crystal clear. lisa vo upfront transparent pricing. lisa sorry trevor. lisa vo know the price before you begin. Its better with block. A whole pound of tasty food. But how . Its a famous pour of this, and some famous bits of that, and my famous chicken on top all that stuff, and more gravy. Kfc famous bowls, a whole pound of Delicious Food for only three bucks it helps to have someone in your corner. Thats why theres covered california. Were the only place where you can get financial help to pay for your health insurance. New this year, almost a Million People could receive additional financial help from the state to help lower the cost of health insurance. More for those already getting it, and new help for many who havent gotten help before. With insurance, you have annual outofpocket caps that limit your financial risk. If you ever have high medical bills, youll only pay a small portion and your plan will pay the rest. At coveredca. Com you can see health plans sidebyside, so you can choose the one that fits your needs and budget. So check to see how much you can save. It only takes 5 minutes. Have questions or want to enroll . Visit us online, call us, or meet with an expert in your area. The last day to get covered is january 31st. Get covered today. The last day to get covered is january 31st. Im an offensive assistant coach for the San Francisco 49ers. Im not just here to be the token female, im here to help us win. The surface pro helps me get whats in my head and get it out on to the field. Awwww yeah. Thats the stuff. No really. Those are the actual ingredients. Funky rock track tostitos. [crunch] get to the good stuff. Welcome back to the daily show. The future is coming fast. And it is here now. Which means ronny chieng is back with another installment of todays future now. Thankers, tremp. The Computer Electronic show in las vegas just wrapped up. The annual convention where Tech Companies show off new gadgets so useless they make mens nipples seem functional. Thissier was no exception. The most anticipated tech show opens its doors to the public. The ces gives us a glimpse of the new technology that will be making its way into our lives. This year at ces there is a faucet i can talk to. If turning on the faucet ever feels like a lot of work, then meet the new by moen smart boss. It takes voice commands. Hey, google, ask moen to dispense two cups of water. Within getting moen. Wave over sensor to dispense two cups now. Two cups. laughter at last, a faucet that takes 30 minutes to fill a cup. Who is this for . Is there someone out there without is like finally a sink for me, the guy who wants to drink exactly two cups of water and not a drop more. I want to be overhydrated and i dont want to be underhydrated. I want to be perfectly hydrated. Also by the way, every faucet is a faucet you can talk to if you are very, very lonely, okay, trust me. What would impress me is if you invented a faucet you cant talk to. Like you ask it for a cup of water and it is like look, im just not ready to open up right now, okay. And if you are hoping ces will bring us the latest advancements in artificial intelligence, well, keep hoping because the robot uprising is going to take awhile. Samsung unveiled neon the worlds first Artificial Human at ces in las vegas. These virtual beings look and behave like humans. The create ares claim the human avatars have the ability to con verse and sim pathize like real real people. Okay, im go to get to chat with neon and ask it a few questions, here we go. An my questions are going to be relayed by simon here to neon. Neon, what is your favorite food . Neon, what is your favorite food . Pizza. Wow, millions of dollars in research and development and thats the big revelation. Pizza. I bet thats the only word she knows. It sliek hey neon, how do we solve Climate Change and two hours later is like, pizza. And also how does it even know it likes pizz blanca how can you trust something that has never eaten before. That is like asking the pope about his favorite sex position, hes not qualified to ena. Okay. And what kind of sorry ass tech demo is this. Why do i have to ask the guy to ask the robot for me . Does he come with a computer . Imagine if that is how it worked in they rear. Say, siri, turn on the lights, i mean sorry, hey, derrick, tell siri to turn on the lights. Thanks, derrick. laughter but luckily not all the stupid stuff at ces is useless this year. Because one New Invention might actually clang our lives. A Company Called dna nuj helps shoppers make healthier decisions while Grocery Shopping based on their dna. So you go into the supermarket, take a dna test and wear a band that scans groceries as you shop to recommend the best food for you based on your dna. So what i can do if i am wearing this device is turn up to the supermarket and actually scan a product, and that went red, so that means this isnt ideal for my body chemistry. Okay. Dna Grocery Shopping kind of sounds like it might make sense although i have to be honest, this whole thing sounds like the worlds worst lizza remix, i just took a dna test, turns out im 100 buying cheetos. Yo, we dont need a dna test to know that we need to eat healthy food, okay. Let me help you out, if what you are eating comes in a box with a cartoon character on it, it is bad for you, okay, there, i just saved you 200. Eating healthy isnt that compli kailted. [bleep] your dna, just eat more vegetables. We dont have to map the human genome to know it is a bad idea to eat a pint of ben jerries. Test my dna. Are you irish, eat more vegetables are you chinese, eat more veg tables, are you 2 african and 98 swedish, eat more vegetables, and by the way, that just means you are white. Trevor you seem especially unset by this dna service. Hell yai, i gave it my dnat told me to eat more walnuts and that i am adopted, which sucks because i hate walnuts. Now if you will excuse me, i have to ask derrick to ask siri to ask my faucet to get mee a new slice of pizza. Trevor ronny chieng, everybody. Well be right back. 7. Trevor welcome back to the daily show, my guest tonight is an inspiring young woman, an actor, an activist, a College Student who stars in the hit freeform series grownish. I went from working retail at julyys bad ass boutique to running it to becoming his personal stylist by the time i left. So i guess you could say i went from being cup bitch to that bitch. And how did i achieve all of this . By putting an entire ocean between me and all the drama i created before i left for the summer. Were done. And so even though were all back on campus together ive decided to pain tain at least a five kilometer distance between me and my distractions. Who if you werent clear are aaron and luka. Trevor please welcome yara shahidi. applause welcome back to the show. Thank you, its been almost two years to the day. Trevor it has been almost two years to the date. Since i sat in that chair. Trevor what was great is when you were here you were promoting the launch of grownish and now were celebrating the season three. Thank you. Trevor it is exciting. St. Trevor what i love about the slow is it feels like it mirrors your life, were watching you in the show playing this girl who grows into a young woman and you start to experience changes in life with like how you work, how you live, love life, work life, political life, everything. What are you most excited about in the upcoming season. I feel like the culmination of everything we worked towards in season one and two, we ha