Too long, promise you come back, because i will be pissed if you dont come back, you better come back. Anyway, we have a ton of stuff to catch up on. Welcome to the daily social distancing show. From trevors couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world this is the daily distancing show with trevor noah. Trevor lets kick things off with the only story anyone is talking about. The miami heat beat the lakers did you stee jimmy butler insane, triple double, 40 points, yo. Obviously im joking. The real big new this weekend was the premier league. Man united love, and liverpoolason v be like if the cowboys got beaten by the brown, that was the craziest news. All right, but for real, for real, obviously there is only onestory that anyone in the world cares about right now. Breaking news. The president has tests positive for the coronavirus. Revealing his diagnosis in a late night tweet saying he and the first lady have covid19 and will quarantine immediately. Breaking overnight President Trump this morning at Walter Reed Medical Center. The president s medical team is insisting is he doing well and is receiving doses of the experimental drug remdesivir and steroids. His doctors are also saying he could be released from the hospital as early as today. Trevor thats right, people. Donald j. Trump, president of the United States is battling covid19. And before i say anything else can i just say on the record, i do want donald trump to die from this. I dont wish death on anyone. And especially not donald trump. I dont want him to lose his life, you want him to lose his election. Also i dont want him to die because mike pence would be president and then we might be dead because pick pence is the post boring person on the planet, the most boring person around the trump. If trump is cocaine, mike pence is a flower. Your nose will still burn but fog cool happens. The whole reason people chose joe biden is because he has the best chance to beat donald trump, if trump wasnt in the race, people could have taken a chance with someone else like personally i would have voted for Marianne Williamson because do i think America Needs to realize its chakras. Yes, i know im not allowed to vote but im still allowed to breathe. It is great the president is doing better. We still have to ask the question, how did this happen and how did it get this bad. To be honest the way trump has handled the countrys Coronavirus Response is unfortunately also how he has handled this pandemic in his personal life. Starting with his brazen disregard for all the safety precautions that keep the virus from spreading. Mask, one crowded rose garden, the question was in a superspreader event. For the coronavirus crisis. Last weeknd packed and mostly maskless for the Supreme Court pick may have been a super spreaded event, those infected include the president , first lady, kellyanne conway, chris cristie, mike lee and thom till is and the president of notre dame, hope micks, bill stepian and personal assistance nick luna. Kayleigh mcenany said she tested positive. Mike lee seen on camera hugging over attendees. We have images of the indoor reception and it is so streuking. And you see the little red dot, that shows who subsequently tested positive so as you walk through them you start to see the mixing and mingling. Trevor yeah, turns out while you spent the last seven months hugging your grandma through a giant condom trump and his friends are having no mask cocktail receptions indoors with the guest of honor is covid19. And now at least 30 people in trumps srk el have tested possive for covid19. You realize that there is more infections at the white house over the last day than in the new zealand, vietnam, tie want, thailand and Australia Combined the white house is like the wet market of america right now. Thank god dr. Fauci doesnt have t you must be so re relieved that trump months ago. This story is insane. Everyone from Trump Campaign manager to trumps press secretary, trumps friends have been infked with coronavirus now. It seems like the of writer of 2020 didnt know how to wrap it up, like they all get coronavirus, the end. Some people are saying this was karma catching up with trump but guys the massive outbreak at the white house is not karma it is consequences. It is not karma to get hit by lightning when are you standing on the roof of a Skyscraper Holding a metal rod when in is lightning. The university didnt do that shit to you, did you it to yourself. It is bad enough the trump put the entire white house in danger, he is what is even more disturbing it is that after trump found out that he could have been exposed to the virus, he didnt quarantine. He didnt social distance, he carried on with his life with complete disregard for other peoples lives. There is evidence of disregard for the health and safety of others. President trump would have likely been for up to t days prior to his positive test that means anyone he had contact with at tuesdays debate or wednesdays rally in minnesota could be at risk. Contact tracing is under way this morning for more than 200 people what may have been exposed to the coronavirus at a new jersey fundraiser for President Trump last friday. The president traveled to the fundraiser despite the white house knowing before he left washington that a close aide had tested positive for the virus. It would also be irresponsible for the president to have been going to a rally in minnesota on wednesday night and then proceeding to a fund raiser in bed ministers on thursday. Trevor i dont care what anyone says, this is truly despicable. Trump knew that he could be infected and he put his own supporters at risk anyway . And i feel so bad for anyone who paid money to attend the fundraiser because those people didnt want covid. They just wanted it give trump enough money so that he would left them dump tent ak els in a river, why should something bad happen to them. Not only did trump expose his donors but the Trump Campaign also never told the Biden Campaign about any of it. Even though they had just been debating a few feet apart while trump was likely contagious. Which honestly is surprising. I thought that if anyone would know the protocol that you may vin feked him t would be donald j. Trump, this is probably the First National security secret that trump has actually managed to keep a secret. He wont tell you he might have covid but on twitter he will be like we got a new mills, totally unstoppable. I will let you know the secret code is 32495 hashtag. And what came next, a blizzard of dubious medical information. The president s doctors and white house officials have been giving in confusing and conflicting information about the president s condition all week en. On saturday white house doctor sean conley repeatedly dodging questions about whether the president was so sick he needed oxygen. He was not on oxygen. Thursday no oxygen. None at this moment and yesterday, while we were all here, he was not on oxygen. But now conley says did he actually administer oxygen to the president on friday at the white house after his blood oxygen dropped. I was trying to reflect the upbeat attitude that the team, the president , his course of illness has had. Didnt want to give any information that might steer the course of illness in another drks and in doing so came off like we were trying to hide something which wasnt necessarily true. Also cueing confusion suggesting the president was diagnosed wednesday. The white house later claimed he misspoke and chief of staff mark meadows has also contradicted himself. He has mild symptoms. He said that friday and admitting the next day that in fact the president s vital signs had been very concerning and we are still not on a clear path to a full recovery. Do we have an accurate picture of how the president is doing . Well, the answer is no. I am going to be honest with you. I feel bad for this doctor. Yeah, i know, i know, because guys, in all his years of medical school the one thing he probably never learned was how to bull shit an entire country. Think about it. On one side he has the public asking for information on the president s health. And on the other side you have your patient, the president himself, who wants you to go out and tell everyone that his karate chopped the virus. Once again we are reminderred it doesnt matter who you are, if you come in to contact with donald trump, at some point you are going to have to lie. Doctors, National Security advisors, press secretary, lawyers, yo, i pray i am never on a flight with trump because that pilot would be out there lying like a mo [bleep]. Ladies and gentlemen, we are landing as planned in the middle of the ocean and i just want to thank President Trump personally for opening the emergency door mid flight and letting in a nice cool breeze. So right now as it stands this is so much de ception from the white house that even though the president is ef looing the hospital, we just dont know what condition the president is in right now. While trump is pawnting a rosy picture of his health, outside experts say all the medications trump has been given suggest that he is not doing that well. But then again, there is also the possibility that trump doesnt need all the drugs is he getting, he just wants them and the doctors are too afraid to say no. Give me all the pills. All the oxygen, and while you are at it, give me a boob job. Trevor like for instance the steroid he is on. Dexamethasone, is wild, like liss be into this. They say it can cause bad side effects like confusion, dillerium, mania, irritability, mood swings and feeling its of grandiosity. Are we sure trump wasnt already talking the steroid. Just like his handling of coronavirus as a whole, trumps handling of his own brush with corona has been marked by secretary resee, de ception and just generally ignoring science like it is one of his children. And one other thing that has remained consistent is that as always, the thing trump cares most about is how he looks. The president himself tries to project an image of recovery. Releasing photos and video taken inside walter reed. Its been a very interesting journey. I learned a lot about covid. Overnight the white house believes these photos of President Trump appearing to work in the make shift office set up at Walter Reed National mill ter medical center. You see the one taken at the conference table and one from the president ial suite where he filmed last nights update. Editor and chief of the air current jon ostrower looked at the photos, he while while they appeared to be taken over moments of time they were just 10 minutes apart. The authenticity of the photos. Basically trump staged these photos to make it seem like he was going to be at work. What we have here is a rare case of and it didnt happen, then again maybe trump wasnt busted at all. Maybe this turned out exactly as they intended. Okay mr. President , were going to take some photos of you do now, do what you normally do in the oval office. Scribble, scribble, scribble policy, policy scribble. So that is how trump has been handling life with coronavirus. I guess in some weird way st nice to know that he doesnt Treat America any differently than the way he treats himself. But there is one difference, unlike most american, trump has access to the best treatments possible, and a worldclass medical team looking after him. Both at the hospital and back at home at the white house. I mean look at this group of doctors that was voferred in trumps care. It lookings like the part of a movie when the scientists announce they made contact with the space create or. Nobody else so considering what he went through, and how much work it took to treat him, some people had a glimmer of hope, just a glimmer that maybe donald trump would come out of this with a new appreciation for how serious this disease is. Maybe he comes out with a new commitment to getting it under control, and that would last all of three days. President trump has just tweeted to the world that he will be leaving the Walter Reed Medical Center a short time from now at 6 30 p. M. Eastern, a twitter announcement writing yoat dont be afraid of covid. Dont let it dominate your life. We have developed under the Trump Administration some really great drugs and knowledge. I feel better than i did 20 years ago. Thats right, america. Dont be afraid of covid and dont let it dominate your life. Because as long as you can take your private helicopterrer from your Home Hospital to an even better hospital, you will be great. And by the way, there are 200 thousand americans who got covid and dont feel better than they did 20 years ago, that is on you. We have to take a quick break but we will have more on the inspection heard around the world and jason momoa joins us on the show. Dont go away. Think we will make it in time . You may not expect the unexpected, but you can certainly take it on. The lexus es wow, this rain is bananas. Now available with allwheel drive. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. burk customer deepSomething Like that. burke well, heres Something Else with your farmers policy perk, new car replacement, you can get a new one. customer that is Something Else. burke get a whole lot of something with farmers policy perks. We are farmers. Bumpadum, bumbumbumbum why are we doing this . Why are we doing what . Using my old spice moisturize with shea butter body wash. All i wanted was to use your body wash and all i wanted was to have a body wash. Taking california for a ride. Companies like uber, lyft, doordash. Breaking state employment laws for years. Now these multibilliondollar companies wrote deceptive prop 22 to buy themselves a new law. To deny drivers the rights they deserve. No sick leave. No workers comp. No unemployment benefits. Vote no on the deceptive uber, lyft, doordash prop 22. One ride california doesnt want to take. Dynanana, nana, nana, eh dynanana, nana, nana, eh dynanana, nana, nana, eh light it up, dynamite shining through the city with a little funk and soul so ima light it up like dynamite cause, ahah, shining through the city with a little funk and soul ima light it up like dynamite, whoa welcome back to the social distancing show, there is no denying that everyone is still reeling over the news that President Trump has covid19. I mean one of the biggest places to see the panic is online. I figured lets get another perspective from someone who is an expert online, jab oukee young white, how is it going. What do you make of President Trumps diagnosis . Im not going to lie, trevor, im pis srksd. I understand that he is sick. But that is just how i feel. That is just how i feel. Trevor i hear you. Many americans are angry with the president because they feel like he was irresponsible with his health, with the health of those around him. And now hes not only endangering his own life but threatening the operation of the entire federal government. I mean like yeah, but im pissed because he is overshadowing the most Important News story right now. Melania trump dissh ssh. What . Trevor i dont remember that. You dont remember, of course you remember. You dont remember . It is because it was announced like two hours before it dropped that they both had covid. So of course you dont remember but she did she said it. Look. Turning now to secret audiotape just released of first lady melania trump. She apparently goes on a profanity laced ramp about about Christmas Decorations. I am like i support it, i dont say enough, i dont do enough. No. I put, im working like a with christmas started who gives a [bleep] go christmas stuff, but i need to do it, right . Trevor oh man. I totally fore got that story, that shit was crazy t turns out melania hates putting up Christmas Decorations at the white house. Yo t is the greatest news story of all time, trevor. I love it so much. I wait, listen. Who gives a [bleep] about christmas stuff and decorations. It makes phone calls so much more fun, yesterday when you called me 11 times. Trevor that was for work. I know, but you know what is the worst part about this getting buried, i had so many jokes about it like now i understand why her holiday decorations look like she murdered christmas. Also, i know why melania hate its santa, because she already got an old fat white man crawling into her room once a year. Oh, this is going to be, i had an act out plan too, it was going to go like this. Why dont you ever give me what i want, santa trump . A divorce. The action is not there yet but i was going to practice. Trevor you know, i cant even i feel like melania hating christmas as a story doesnt seem important right now. Yo, trevor, but its just not fair. Like can you imagine if Michelle Obama had been caught saying that she hates christmas. The fox news building would have exploded with semen. But instead, the people who came after starbucks because they didnt a Merry Christmas are now silent when their first lady says [bleep] christmas. You know what else, i was going to call it [bleep] christmas, because when family got together and listened to the melania [bleep] christmas tape, and said [bleep] christmas and now we cant [bleep] christmas because trump got covid. David well, also because melania is sick. Right, yeah, i guess. You dont want to be mean to melania when she is sick. Feel better, melania. Were rooting for you. Trevor well, look, maybe the trumps will get better soon and everyone can go back to the story. Trying to make me feel betterk trevor, i see what you are doing t is not going to work. [bleep] christmas is ruined. Now all that we have is regular christmas. Who the [bleep] wants regular christmas. Without gives a [bleep] about christmas and the decorations. Oh, i got to call now im going to have not talk this, i have to go. Is that cool in talk to you later. Peace trevor, nice talking with you. Trevor why would you have to go if you are not go tokingr3 gsh bye jaboukie, time for us to take a short break bu