Anyway, coming up on tonights show apple announces a new iphone, jaboukie youngwhite is working the polls, and why donald trump is threatening to hook up with you. So lets do this, people welcome to the daily social distancing show. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central announcer from trevors couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show, with trevor noah. Trevor lets kick things off with the Technology News that im super excited about today. I finally found my remote. Yo, that was killing me. I was watching spanish soccer, match, but then my tv was stuck on spanish tv the entire week. Me he sentido muy frustrado porque no puedo hablar ni un poco de espanol and this also happened today, apple announcing new gadgets. Anchor apple unveiling its highly anticipated iphone 12, featuring four new models with 5g capability, ceramic shield, and mag safe wireless charging. Reporter they did announce four new iphones the iphone 12, the iphone 12 mini, the iphone 12 pro, and the iphone 12 promax. The regular iphone 12 and 12 mini will come with a thing called mag safe sm and that lets chargers, cases, other accessories snap on onto the back of the device. To reduce their carbon footprint, the new iphone, when you open an iphone box, there will be no headphones, no chargers inside. Trevor yoooo, apple has done it again you know how many times ive lost my charger . But now, apple is like, you dont gotta worry about that no more. I got you. Its actually amazing how were so addicted to apple products that well take whatever they give. No charger well take it no ear buds im in the iphone 13 will now have no phone. I want two i want the big box and the small box now, look, i can understand why theyre getting rid of the headphones. I mean, we all need to be more social. But the charger . Now is not the time to have people sharing chargers wait, how did you get corona . Well, youve got to understand my battery was at 30 . Lets move to a country that is still on the iphone 2. Over the weekend, kim jongun, hosted a surprise military parade where he showed off his brandnew missile and a brand new side of himself. Kim jongun apologied for failing to improve peoples lives at an address at a predawn military parade. This came at the climax of a nearly twohour military parade in the countrys capital. The countrys leader, kim jongun, was seen crying, along with those in the crowd, thanking the north Korean People for their hard work during the pandemic. He got more emotional than i think weve ever seen. It looks like he was standing at the podium sobbing, and this went on for quite some time. Trevor wow, guys. This is the day that kim jongun finally became president. I honestly honestly cant believe that kim jongun broke down crying during a military parade. Thats how you know everyone is feeling the pandemic blues. Even a murderous dictator is like, its too much. All the time in my background. Although its really easy to admit your fairlies as a leader when its impossible for anyone who replace you. Its not like anyone can vote you out. Its kind of like when a kidnapper admits that they were wrong. I wish this hadnt happened to the both of us. Both of us . And look, i dont speak north korean, so i cant confirm exactly what kim was saying, but if i had to put my money on it, he was probably saying this applause trevor but lets move on from the worlds most famous dictatorship to the one country that will never become a dictatorship for at least the next three weeks the United States of america. After r. B. G. s passing, President Trump and his republican minions wasted no time nominating judge Amy Coney Barrett the g. O. P. s final infinity stone to destroy planned parenthood. Now, unlike last years nominee, brett kavanaugh, barrett has not been accused of Sexual Assault or juvenile delinquency or. Wait, what was the other thing . I liked beer. Trevor my man. So, if you were planning on watching these hearings, please, dont waste your life, because over the years, all these hearings have become is each party making big speeches about how the nominee is either going to save or destroy the Supreme Court, and then the nominee pretending that they have never had a point of view on anything, for example, its no secret that Amy Coney Barrett is against roe v wade. Trump wouldnt have picked her otherwise. But if you ask her about it during the hearing, all of a sudden, she doesnt have an opinion anymore. Do you agree with Justice Scalias view that roe was wrongly decided . I think, on that question, you know, im going to invoke justice kagans description, which i think is perfectly put. When she was in her confirmation hearing, she said that she was not going to grade precedent or give it a thumbs up or a thumbs down. And i think in an area where precedent continues to be pressed and litigated, as is true of casey, it would be particularly it would actually be wrong and a violation of the canons for me to do that as a sitting judge. Its distressing not to get a straight answer, so let me try again. Do you agree with Justice Scalias view that roe was wrongly decided . Again, i cant precommit or say, yes, im going in with some agenda, because im not. Do you agree with Justice Scalias view that roe can and should be overturned by the Supreme Court . Its a contentious issue which is, i know, one reason why it would be comforting to you to have an answer, but i cant express views on cases or precommit to approaching a case any particular way. Trevor yes, democrats spent all day trying to get barrett to admit that she wants to overturn roe v wade. Bafnlgly the wohl day was like prolifer says what . Pardon . Well played. And abortion rights are just one example. Barrett refused to say where she stood on every topic. And im not picking on her. This is what every Supreme Court nominee does, which almost makes you wonder what the point of these hearings are. Seriously, what are we doing . We all know what shes going to do, so why do we have to do this whole song and dance as if its a big mystery . How do you feel . We know how she feels. Its like asking a toddler if theyre going to misbehave after you leave the room. Are you going to eat the cookie when i leave . I have no opinions on cookies. And are you going to draw on the walls . I have no opions on drawing. Well, that works for me. Heres the keys to the house, kid. See you in a week. giggles heres an idea, guys if we know which judges are liberal and which are conservative, then why dont we change the rules to reflect that . Just have four judges picked by democrats and four judges picked by conservatives, and then the ninth seat could be a guest judge every week, like on top chef. Stick with me on this. That way, it will be more fair. And, also, well all be a lot more interested in the Supreme Court. Oooh, Joaquin Phoenix is on this week. I wonder if hell take away my health care its so exciting and, finally, voting is now under way in much of the United States. But if you live in california and youre planning to drop off your ballot at a collection box, you might want to read the fine print. Controversy in california after the Republican Party installed dozens of their own ballot dropoff boxes at several locations across the state, state officials calling them unofficial and illegal, though they appear virtually indistinguishable from the boxes sanctioned by the state. The California Republican party not back, down, saying there are no laws that private dropoff boxes are not permitted. Trevor whoa, whoa, whoa the california g. O. P. Put out their own ballot dropoff boxes and labeled them official . Thats shady as hell. You cant say somethings official if its not official. I hate it when people do that. You know, like how they say old spice is the official deodorant of the n. F. L. But ive smelled patrick mahomes, and he smells like sunshine, which last time i checked, is not part of the old spice catalogue. The deception aside, though, i dont think ballot boxes on every corner is actually a bad idea. It should be this easy to vote in america. There should be drop boxes all over the place. They should be like starbucks they should be everywhere, and they should also let you take a dump if you need to. Otherwise the alternative is what we saw happening in georgia yesterday, where people were waiting in line for 11 hours just to vote. And let me tell you something if im waiting 11 hours in line, i dont want to vote at the end of it. I want to be president after 11 hours of waiting in line, ive decided that im going to be the de facto leader of this here group of people. Ive waited far too long for this time to be just about a vote what . No, that wasnt m. L. P. Its the just person. All right, i have got to go wait in line for the new iphone. I heard this one doesnt come with a screen, so excited. But when we come back, well tell you why the president is threatening to kiss people, so stick around. Patience is not a virtue, it is a weapon. Whats your wild rabbit . Taking california for a ride. Companies like uber, lyft, doordash. Breaking state employment laws for years. Now these multibilliondollar companies wrote deceptive prop 22 to buy themselves a new law. To deny drivers the rights they deserve. No sick leave. No workers comp. No unemployment benefits. Vote no on the deceptive uber, lyft, doordash prop 22. One ride california doesnt want to take. Doordash prop 22. On october 13th and 14th, save big on things for you, for each other, and everything you need to start your Holiday Shopping early. Amazon prime day. October 13th and 14th. Is someone trying to steal your butterfinger . Call the bfi. Woah. Im going in. No one lays a finger on your butterfinger. The ffor a chip so iconic,ssage. We dont need to name it. No logos, no gimmicks. Just those red and blue bags with the stuff you love in it. Man you know the brand. Its the threesided crunch. That had you trade your buddies for it, if they packed a pack at lunch. No logo, but our names on the tip of your tongue. Shaking for crumbs when the bag is done of that cheesy, spicy, crispycrunchy, flavor packed bodega snack that rhymes with. I need those. But an ad with no logo . Its another level. Daily social distancing show. After a week of being forced to quarantine, Donald J Trump is back on the campaign trail doing what he loves most spreading covid19. President trump returned to the campaign trail with a rally in sanford, florida. It was his first rally outside of the white house since many did not wear masks, including the president himself. I went through it. Now they say im immune. I can i feel so powerful. Ill walk into that audience. applause ill walk in there. Ill kiss everyone in that audience. Ill kiss the guys and the beautiful women, and the everybody. Ill just give you a big fat kiss. Trevor yes, my friends. It looks like trump has emerged from his battle with the deadly virus, and its made him horny as hell. I guess its true what they say a serious illness can make you realize whats most important in life. And, also, kissing the women and the guys. Whoa im happy that trump is biohazardcurious now. Thats cool. Although he may have just lost mike pences vote. Vote. as pence this is not the moral example we should be setting for those kids in cages. Its also insane how trump says hell kiss all the guys but just the beautiful women. as trump you ugly chicks. Im out. I can deal with corona, but doctors say a butterface could be fatal. But, hey, man, good for trum im glad that hes feeling better. Although i think his recovery will be awful for Public Health. I mean, how are his supporters going to be taken seriously if be beaten by a guy whose body is 83 Chicken Nuggets . The fact is trumps behavior sets an example for the people around him. And you could see at the rally that people are already taking corona less seriously. Governor ron desantis is being criticized for his appearance at President Trumps rally in sanford. This is the governor of florida, ron desantis. Hes at the rally that trump is at right now, and this is his entrance no mask, highfiving the crowd, then touching his face with the hand that he used to high 5. Trevor man, i know everyone likes to shit on ron desantis for his choices, but i disagree. Of course hes going to highfive strangers and then snort their germs. If youre the governor of florida, then youve got to represent florida, baby i mean, this just shows you how powerful trumpism is. His supporters think that his success is their success. Theyre running around that rally like they got over covid. Yeah, were immune, baby theyre like that with everything trump does. Yeah, we got our tax cuts, baby no, bleep . He got his tax cut. Youre unemployed. Now, although trump is feeling better, his poll numbers are still in the i. C. U. , which is why hes launched a bold new ad campaign to convince america that his handling of the pandemic has been as successful as his own personal steroid regime. Reporter the Trump Campaign now facing pushback from dr. Anthony fauci after lifting part of a sevenmonthold sound bite for a new ad. President trump tackled the virus head on, as leaders should. I cant imagine that anybody could be doing more. The rpresident tweeting they are, indeed, dr. Faucis own words, and the president s campaign tweeting it will keep airing the ad. But dr. Fauci tells nbc news, they did this without my permission, and my comments were taken out of context. Reporter dr. Fauci wasnt talking about the president. The quote is from an interview with fox news back in march where he was talking about the Coronavirus Task force and its efforts to respond to the pandemic. I think its really unfortunate and really disappointing that they did that, to take a completely outofcontext statement and put it in which is obviously a Political Campaign ad i thought was really very disappointing. What would you say if i told you i heard that the Trump Campaign was actually preparing to do another ad featuring you . You know, that would be terrible. I mean, that would be outrageous if they do that. Trevor noooo, dr. Fauci what have you done . If you tell trump not to do something, hes going to do it even more. Its what happens all the time. Whatever you do, mr. President , please, dont run your businesses while youre in office. You mean like this . Nooo at least dont host events for people in the middle of a pandemic you mean like this . Nooo whatever you do dont wipe your booingers on the white house curtains. You mean like this . Noooo now the curtains are all green and to be honest, i cant blame trump for this. He did what he had to do. Its not like hes got many doctors dying to endorse him. It was either quote dr. Fauci out of context or bring back this dude. The good news for trump is while dr. Fauci may not be vouching for his medical expertise, trump did get a very real endorsement from another top scientist, his son eric. I spoke to him three times that next saturday. The guy sounded 100 . It was amazing. It actually probably goes to speak to how good some of these vaccines that are being created are, and what my fathers done on the vaccine front, no one could have done. No one could have done. My father literally started day one creating this vaccine. He worked to push this vaccine. And now my father just took it. And you see how well he got over it. Trevor eric trump talks about his dad the way little children talk about their dads my dad invented the corona vaccine, and then he took the corona vaccine, and now hes the strongestest person in the world. And, clearly, eric doesnt understand highway vaccines even work. They are the prevention, not the treatment. Its like how a condom is a prevention for having a kid like eric, and then leaving him at the mall as a child hoping he wouldnt find his way home was the treatment. Its nice that he thinks so highly of his dad. President trump was probably watching this at home like, wow, that stranger is so nice but, yes, according to business casual napoleon dynamite, not only did donald trump invent the vaccine, but its already here and you might be thinking, wait, trevor, i just read that Johnson Johnson had to pause their trial because someone got a mysterious illness. But youre just watching the wrong news the real news is that coronavirus has been handled. You heard what dr. Fauci didnt say hires the truth, people if the president of the United States, with his team of 60 doctors and a hospital in his house and access to unreleased drugs can beat this virus, then clearly, anyone can do it. Now, who wants a kiss . Come on come get it. All right, we have to take a quick break, but when we come back, jaboukie youngwhite will show you how you can save the election. You dont want to miss it. Finally the crispiness of ritz and the bold taste of cheese. Together in one perfectly critzpy bite. 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