of the brain, so what happened with me is when it went, my neck muscle spasmed. i couldn't move the back of my head like this. i was like -- and i thought instantly i thought someone had shot me, i thought broke into my house -- we have dogs and security. and i got up and went into survival mode, and i knew without looking in the mirror that the left side of my mouth was drooping, and i knew i was in trouble. i knew instantly. i've been through a lot of things in my life and a lot of bad things, you know what i mean, and i said, this is bad and i went back. kristi had just laid down with our daughters, raine and jorja, and i said, you need to get up. my brain exploded. imagine you being asleep. >> did you think then you may die? >> i'll be honest with you, i thought -- i didn't think about anything but getting to the emergency room. i thought, yes, there's -- when you go into survival mode, i'm almost thinking the opposite. i'm going to do anything i have to do to survive more than die, you know what i mean? and what was pushing me was the fact that i was pretty sure that i may die from this, absolutely.