and, i fell in love with her. and, of course, blew it immediately because i'm incapable of any relationship at that point in my life. and that was one of the things that made me want to get sober because i knew if i couldn't make it work with cheryl, who just gets me and understands me and has my back and is a true partner for me, that i was never going to be able to make it work with anybody. and i wanted a family. i wanted that life badly. i mean, i worked -- i changed my life to get it. >> you could have had any woman at the time you wanted. what was it about her? for someone that doesn't know her. what are her qualities that particularly got you? >> she saw me, unlike any other woman that had been in my orbit for years. she didn't want anything from me. she wanted me to win. she wanted me to be the best that i could be.