his wife, in fact, his children were in school with other children that were not of the same faith or the same beliefs or the same religious convictions. he had lost his job. he knew, financially, he was in deep trouble. he had a lot of time to think of how to get out of this. he didn't want to leave them, just abandon them. so in his own twisted mind, he determined that if they were dead, they would go to heaven still in the state of grace. >> again, john list in his own words, with pat being so determined to get into acting, i was also fearful as to what this might do to her continuing to be a christian. also, with helen not going to church, i know that this would harm the children eventually in their attendance.