[cheering and applause] get enough, fair enough. All right, i will stay. But only for one drink. It is friday so you know what that means. Let's welcome tonight to cast. His razors are the opposite of his act, not terrible. Comedian and founder of western razor company, david angelo. She says bless your heart before she rips you apart, cohost of the bottom line. He made his bones killed bad guys with drones, the national security analyst and fox news contributor! [cheering and applause] she went from having scabies to making babies. The bestselling author, cat! [cheering and applause] greg: that's my favourite rhyme. Scabies and babies. That's accurate. Greg: awesome. Before we get to new stories, let's do this. Announcer: greg's leftovers! greg: time for leftovers where read the jokes we did not use this weekend is always it is my first time reading them so if they suck we will just blame the blame the writers. Donald trump is doing a rally in butler, pennsylvania, last month the same town where he was shot. Not to be outdone by and will also return to the scene where he almost died. [laughter] greg: joy and wanda fear that donald trump will put comedians in jail. Good news ladies, you're both safe. [laughter] greg: a woman who ate nothing but sardines for three months says she lost 35 pounds and it cured her chronic medical complaints. Plus she has a new boyfriend. I loved his music. Disgraced former governor is reportedly considering a run for new york city mayor. He is already campaigning for the youth vote since he killed all of the old people. Slight exaggeration. Only some. Joe biden referred to j. D. Vance as a secretary during an event yesterday. Even more absurd you refute referred to his wife as a doctor. Mark zuckerberg unveiled a new holographic smart glasses this week, look at them. They will allow users to translate words spoken in foreign countries so you can hear what a [bleep] dork in 24 languages. [laughter] this week, former nascar driver danica patrick endorsed trump and then said she wanted to help make america great again. And i say what a better way for her to do that then to stop encouraging women to drive. Sexist, i know. I'm glad you caught that sexism. Singer lana del rey married an alligator tour guide, which may help if one day she ever opens for madonna. [laughter] sorry! earlier today, israel's prime minister addressed the u. N. General assembly. To make sure that the prohamas protesters wouldn't show up late, he offered to page them first. [applause] vice president harris finally paid a visit to our southern border and while she spoke to reporters, your husband interviewed potential nannies. This week, prince harry screamed with terror as he navigated a haunted house with jimmy fallon. Harry said the scariest part was being confronted by the ghost of his missing testicles. The most sexually active australian woman says she's meeting her goal of sleeping with 600 men this year. I wonder if she counts those who banged her in the outback. That's a large part of the country. P. Diddy and crypto fraudsters sam bankmanfried are bunk mates in jail. Did he said he is thrilled to have been paired up with someone with such a nice rack. California's plastic bag ban is now in effect. Prompting nancy pelosi to go into hiding. [cheering and applause] terrible. Announcing a two day route from chicago to florida. It is the only trip where a oneway ticket is more expensive than the roundtrip. See, because no one wants to go back to chicago. So that's why the one way is more expensive. Roundtrip. Thank you, sir! [laughter] i knew that would take a while. And finally, the world's largest cheesecake was served at a cream cheese festival in new york. It isn't the largest largest anymore, said one man. Cheap! but it always works. Two days have come and gone since kamala harris' first big girl interview and the media is beginning to notice what we have known for a while. That the more you hear from her, the more you understand why the left does not want you to hear from her. Check out her greatest hits from wednesday night. But we are going to have to raise corporate taxes and we're going to have to raise we will have to make sure that the biggest corporations and billionaires pay their fair share. That is looking holistically at the connection between that and housing. And looking holistically at the incentives we in the federal government could create to actually engage in planning and holistic manner. Just want to ask you yes or no. At any point in your life have you served to all beef patties, special sauce, pickles, seed working at mcdonald's,, yes or no? i have. Greg: sure you have, kamala. And brian just opened a 24hour health club. [laughter] i love how she never says where this mcdonald's was. You want lies with that shake? at least working with biden has taught her what a number 2 is. And it's not a cheeseburger combo. But the interview was such a disaster that even the new york times couldn't spin it. They tore her interview apart like gnawing through a platter of pulled pork sandwiches. Here's the quote. Ms. Harris respond to the fairly basic and predictable questions with roundabout responses that did not provide a substantive answer. Or this. A hardhitting harris interview is yet to come. Wow. Where this. It's not quite clear what she gained beyond getting her campaign the ability to say she held a oneonone cabletelevision interview. Now that may sound mild to you but for the times, that is them losing their collective [bleep]. Even they knew that when she talked, she made a ball of yarn sound like socrates. , a lot kamala is so bad this days it's causing some of the u. N. To drink. [laughter] greg: that was the transitional leader of haiti. I want to see it again. I would say someone get that many plastic straw, too bad they are banned. So while they push harris on us like a reverse mortgage at a timeshare, they also tried to hide who she actually is. It is a catch22. We are witnessing an election version of hiding kids presence until christmas morning. Except the gifts are a pile of rapid manure and the parents are the democratic party and the media. It is the total opposite with donald trump. Sure he says a lot of stuff but within that he offers did specifics and i will take that over this game of hide and seek. Go ahead, ask him if he will settle the war in ukraine and the chaos in the middle east. I will settle the war in ukraine and i will end the chaos in the middle east and i will prevent something that nobody else will be able to do. I will prevent world war iii. Do you think biden lies awake at night thinking how are we going to get europe to pay? no, he goes to sleep. Here's a guy who can sleep on the beach. Had you sleep on the beach when you have cameras on? i will never sleep on the beach in front of live television, i promise! [cheering and applause] greg: has anyone ever promised that before? has anyone ever had to? not only does the emperor have no close, he has no empire. All he has is a beach umbrella and memories of corn pop and cannibalism. So you have a candidate in harris who says nothing and needs even less and you have from pool say whatever he wants but tells you exactly what he thinks, take it or leave it. For many, that depends demands transparency. It is the biggest hypocrisy of all. They pick the candidate who will not reveal her plans, perhaps because they know how bad they could be. Right, joe? vice president, there wasn't a single thing that i did that she couldn't do. So i was able to delegate her responsibility on foreign policy, the mystic policy. Greg: that is what you call a sick burn. Is the harris campaign tries to find daylight between their crummy candidate in the past four years, joe says hold on kids, she was with me every step of the way. From afghanistan to the border. Maybe he is not so demented after all. [cheering and applause] greg: david, for those of you at home who don't know, you're quite an accomplished comedian but you also own a razor company. How was your razor company doing? i'm living at the ymca right now. . . [laughter] the company is doing good. That's the thing, i'm not taking as many, and giving it back to the people. Greg: really? my margins are very small. Here's what i'm thinking. Inflation is a big problem in america right now. My product needs to actually cost less. My blades are only ten cents each. Made in america, i don't know why they are not flying off the shelves. [laughter] greg: let me ask you this, which president would best benefit the razor industry? i mean if you don't count cutting your wrists. . . [laughter] i'm happy to meet with both candidates. Greg: do you sleep on the beach? sometimes. The ymca has a curfew at 11. Greg: i'm going to leave you alone now. Did you find the new york times assessment of kamala harris that is their version of holy crap, they are pulling out their hair. Even in that tone you could tell they are in panic. They were in panic, it could be worse. You need to sell his raisers for them because wrists letting is a onetime customer. You want trump to lower inflation, in people go out and feel good where women actually want to shave their legs. And pits. I don't know if i should have done that. They were horrified by her performance. And they were horrified about what she may say if she has to keep doing these interviews because she is this close to letting slept why she really wants the top job. And it is because she just wants to spend other people's money. She wants to get her hands on daddy uncle sam's credit card which has no limit on it. That is really any girls goal, right? and a private jet, the giant jumbo jet with the big bedroom on it. Who doesn't want to be able to fly on that, anywhere? right, greg? girl power! she is the embodiment of everything that the feminist in the democratic party loathed back deep down. Greg: interesting. Brett, i watched trump yesterday talked for like 45, 15 minutes. He went on a lot of tangents but every time he went to anything, weather it was israel or ukraine, even england, he was aware of what was going on and he could drop down into each issue. Are you worried? you are a foreign policy dude, that if kamala harris gets elected, not only does she not know, it doesn't seem like she has a desire to know. She has zero foreign policy and that is a problem. I think kamala will never answer detailed questions about how she will govern or be any different than what we have already seen about the white house and she has pretty much had the position for the last four years already and what has she done that is any different? nothing. And look at the national security structure the guys have been running the agency's, the appointees for our government. It is failure after failure and kamala and biden appointed these people to this position. But trump actually seems to have a plan. He understands the issues and has a plan to stop the war in ukraine and i have to be honest, it is really bad out there right now. We are on the precipice of another world war. Israel, taiwan, ukraine, we cannot have terrible leadership sitting up at the top and causing even more wars than before. The fact is trump stop a lot of stuff overseas when he was in office and he will probably do it again. Greg: i hope you're right. Cat, i was thinking about what you said last night. What thing? greg: what exactly has she been doing? they say vice president do a lot in their job but that should mean that she had time to get better. She didn't even write a book. I know! greg: everyone at fox has written a book. She didn't even have a meeting with someone to talk about writing a book to put her name on. There is nothing, she did nothing. But you see things go pretty well for her when she does nothing. If i would go into hiding and then i am on the cover of time magazine, i might go into hiding, two. When she is not doing interviews and she is not on the air, she has a bunch of people on the air, in print, every medium talking about how great she is without actually taking the chance to put herself out there and the chance she may say something wrong or mess something up. I think the new york times nailed it when they said that there is no other reason to do this except to say she did a oneonone interview. That is why she did it. So people on this channel cannot say she does not do oneonone interviews. It was a noninterview, she didn't do great even those the softest when she could have had. Would you come to work if you actually did way better by not coming? greg: they tried to tell me that. [laughter] but then also there were people on the air all day talking about how great greg is, you would sit at home and watch it. Greg: that is true! that's a good idea for my retirement. I'm thinking about it for my maternity leave. Greg: exactly! we have to move on, so much more to go. Up next, was he was then his rights to enjoy turkish delights? [cheering and applause] announcer: if you'd like tickets to see gutfeld, had online and click the link to join our studio audience. Penetrating pain relief. . . . . . With vicks vapors. (granddaughter laughing) vapofreeze your pain away. Now at walmart. Introducing the second chance offer from betmgm. What'd he say? if you bet on a player to score the first touchdown and instead he scores the second? boom! you get your money back in cash. Straight cash? second chance, you heard? what if my guy fumbles, and some other guy scores first? second chance. What if you need a second chance to land on the field? this offer only applies to touchdowns. You alright? i hurt my spleen! get the second chance offer from betmgm. The sportsbook born in vegas. ♪ innovation in health care means nothing if no one can afford it. ♪ at evernorth, we're helping to unlock barriers. ♪ using our 35 plus years of pharmacy benefits management experience to save businesses billions while boosting medication adherence. Helping plan sponsors and their members be at their best. That's wonder made possible. Evernorth health services. Announcer: a story in five words. [cheering and applause] greg: thank you. I agree. Mayor adams corrupt citizens erupt. This is not an us thing, this is a you thing! your policies are antiblack! you are a disgrace to our black people in this city! what you are saying is unconscionable! [shouting] you are a socialist! [shouting] greg: wow! that is what you call a new york city press conference. So cat, new york city's mayor eric adams indicted on charges like fraud, bribery, campaign finance violation although he claims it is politically motivated because he criticized the handling of the southern border. Is that a witch hunt? what you make of the violations? people got mad at me but i'm still going to say it again, i feel like the bribes were not that great that he got. He did this all for business class flights? you know what i mean? you are risking federal prison, you have to be flying private. You're going to risk going to federal prison for extra legroom and a free bloody mary? [laughter] [applause] he's an idiot! and epstein would have had this covered. Even our corrupt elites are doing worse under the biden economy. Greg: the bribes have gotten so much worse! that's true! he is still going through tsa? is someone committing federal crimes? you are still going through tsa? greg: it is so pathetic. That reminds me though, of the best thing that adams ever did was this psa on how to find drugs in your kids room. Do we have that? you can look in the jewellery box. The jewellery box may just be a single jewellery box but if you look closely, you don't know what your child may be hiding. For instance, a gun. You should always, when your child brings in his knapsack with many different locations, look through it to see what exactly is your child carrying in addition to a book. Something as simple as a crack pipe with a picture frame behind it. Cameras try to determine what is taking place. Behind the picture frame, you could find bullets. Something simple as a baby doll could just be a baby doll but also it could be a place where you could secrete or hide drugs. See if you feel anything that is unusual like this with a button is a perfect in invitation to hide something. I felt something bumpy, i will reach in and see what it is. Just look and see what is inside your bookcases. It can be more than books. A perfect place to hide cocaine. That is a lot of cocaine. Greg: yes! who is this kid? greg: tony montana is a child? that is the funniest thing i have ever seen. Apparently he was not going for that? greg: i think he is getting a raw deal. Because i think i don't know. But he has problems. He needs to remake that video from prison now because prisoners always talk about hiding stuff. We are in his house and he is sharing locations of where he hides his own cocaine and his crack pipe. And now the feds know where to look. It's great. But i got a lot of conspiracy theories going through my head about why the justice department started going after him all of a sudden and i think it had to do with him all of a sudden saying we should actually stop illegals at the border before they come into the country and wait for 10 years to be prosecuted and used taxpayer dollars and next thing you know when he says that, he's going against the party line and here we have the justice department all of a sudden coming after him attacking him. So i think the democrats are probably banking on him leaving and it interim replacement being a little further left to help out the democratic party. To your point, according to ice, we now have 13,000 murderers and 16,000 sexual assault criminals roaming free in the united states that are not in detention from other countries. We were talking about replacement here, what about mr. Cuomo? that dirtbag? 's. Greg: he is a shoe in! that vulture? because he looks like a vulture? granddad killer? no. Eric adams is not going to resign, they will have to kick him out. People are saying due process, you stick with it and actually, the police department, like eric adams, you talk to anybody in leadership, and the police department, he has their back. Greg: so it's the left that wants him out? yes, because they want his job but also he does speak out and the only types of crime that are up are those committed by illegal migrants. Where is the justice department cracking down on the gangs who have come across the border? like the gang member with the gun who ran down the street right here? ran on the breezeway? why my losing my mind? because there was a [bleep] run in with a gun shooting at police right outside of the building here, that's why. Eric adams and that video in the beginning, he could be to parent counselling about how to raise your kids because he starts off by saying there is no constitution in your house for your kids. There is no first amendment, essentially. You speak when you are spoken to. No fourth amendment here, i'm searching all your [bleep]. I love that, he has a career after this. Greg: david, i'm going to get your thoughts on this as somebody who always complains about new york. It is an unlivable hole. You know? he has not done much to put a dent into that. But i think he will get out of this. This guy is slicker than a doorknob at puff daddy's house. [laughter] [applause] he will be, okay,, he will be okay. Greg: you are as sharp as your razors. Up next, the arkansas hack hag continues to nag. [cheering and applause] detect this: living with hiv, craig learned he can stay undetectable with fewer medicines. That's why he switched to dovato. Dovato is a complete hiv treatment for some adults. No other complete hiv pill uses fewer medicines to help keep you undetectable than dovato. Detect this: leo learned that most hiv pills contain 3 or 4 medicines. Dovato is as effective with just 2. If you have hepatitis b, d