This morning, because hes not going to get any flights off. I think that tells its own story. I dont think hes ever believed that plan is going to work. And so hes called an election early enough to have it not tested before the election. We have to deal with the terrible loss of control of the border under this government. We have to tackle government. We have to tackle the small boats that are coming across. Nobody, but nobody across. Nobody, but nobody should be making that journey. Should be making that journey. Meanwhile, lib dems leader sir ed davey says the conservatives are out of touch for far too long, people across the United Kingdom have been let down and taken for granted by this conservative government and this conservative government and this out of touch conservative party. But with this election , we but with this election, we have the chance to win the change. Our country so desperately needs , and a record desperately needs, and a record more than 68,500 people were granted Refugee Status or other types of leave to remain in the year to march, Home Office Figures show. Thats the highest number for any 12 month period since records began. Meanwhile, the records began. Meanwhile, the total asylum backlog still stands at more than 100,000. And for. For. The. Hello and welcome to headliners your run through the next days newspapers with three comedians. Im stephen allen, and tonight im joined by new yorks louis schaffer. And san franciscos scott shapiro. East coast, first west coast. What could possibly go wrong . Theyre probably armed. How are you doing . Both. All good. Im doing very good. Im wearing a tie. Im wearing a tie. Scott, are you wearing a tie . Scott, are you wearing a tie . Scott, are you wearing a tie . I am tonight in honour of louis. He asked if id wear a tie. I didnt really want to tie. I didnt really want to talk about it, so i said yes. And i wore a paul smith fashionable tie as opposed to other ties , we dont know if other ties, we dont know if this is not fashionable. I paid £2 for this at the at the charity shop right worth. Well, we dont know. If its not fashionable. We can take a solid guess, though, cant we . Yeah, yeah, yeah, says the guy with a tie. Lets be honest, if youre trying to remain neutral when theres an election happening, how do you do it . You have one thats got red and blue in it. See, we all wear drag, dont we . Youre dragged out to be diplomatic. Im dragged up to be fashionable and contemporary. And louis is dragged up to be just louis. Really . But you know what . Cancelled. But, scott, look what scott is. You cant see what scott is wearing. Hes not wearing. Hes hes wearing shorts. What do they call it . They call it in this country. Shorts well, louis, whatever happens to the waist down with me is none of your concern. Actually, im a married man. Well, you should have. Can we maintain a professional relationship . For gods sake . For gods sake . Lets move on before it gets too graphic, lets take a look at fridays front pages. The at fridays front pages. The daily mail goes with tories to cut green levies on fuel bills. The guardian says sunak begins Election Campaign by abandoning flagship policies at the times. Energy bills tumble in first big election battle. The express pms plan to take down starmer in tv debates. The metro , in tv debates. The metro, rishis bumpy takeoff and finally the daily star got to be careful about saying this one general ejection i think i got it right. Those are your front pages. All right. Take a look at the front page of the express. Louis, where they got, good news. Prime ministers plan to take down starmer in tv debates. Take down starmer in tv debates. Rishi throws down gauntlet to spineless keir starmer. He wants to have a debate every week, which is, like, ridiculous because they have a debate every week. Its called prime ministers questions. They face each other. Is that this guy . This is the problem with keir starmer, with the rishi sunak, because he thinks hes in america and theyre having an election and an american type, and hes the president. And he was you know, he knows that joe biden wasnt very good with the debate situation. So hes saying, look at me, im having debates. But its you know, they normally say, though, that if you think youre going to win , you think youre going to win, you think youre going to win, you dont want a debate. I mean, David Cameron set out loads because he thought he, you know, hes got enough going because you can only lose if youre in a winning position. You have a debate. Thats when you make an error. Is it rishi trying to prove he said that keir starmer is neutral in every subject. Thats important and he has no plan. Im going to show that by having debates with him, although theyve both been accused of that. I think sunak accused of that. I think sunak is just plotting himself to move to the us. Hes talked about america so much in the last six months. Yeah, hes keeping himself skinny. He looks great in a tiny lapelled suit and i felt, well, i, i love i love the way he looks. I love his hairy wrists. But i felt bad for him dunng wrists. But i felt bad for him during the announcement yesterday when he was all wet. Yeah. Where was his interpreter . Where was the deaf interpreter . Where was the deaf interpreter . Where was the deaf interpreter . Where was his umbrella holder . They have just given up on him. He is the lowest rung of the toilet ladder. Seriously. I mean, i thought that number 10 had. They should have a weather app. Couldnt they have checked in a couple of hours . It would get better. And then the, you know, the labor party in the background screaming, yelling through his it was just it was all so bad. The guy who was playing things can only get better. There was a news story. He said, there was a news story. He said, i didnt do that to help labour. We just getting prs checks sent to brian cox then im not sure. Im not sure how much you had to license that, but that was a lot of outlets. It was it was just bad for rishi. And i think that hes just hes given up too. I think hes already in the us in his mind. Well, why is he in the us . Because the guy cares about money. His wifes a billionaire. Where would you want to live if you have money . I mean, this country is a good country if you have money. But i mean, farage wants to be in the us as well. I think they they see that as a definite success story. If they can make it there. More on that story later. I say, but also , i mean, when it say, but also, i mean, when it comes to the idea of how rained on he got, some people say, you know, its a brave move. He didnt know what he manned up. You know, i dont need an umbrella. It was hard to watch. So by now his trousers might have dned now his trousers might have dried and shrunk even more. But still, they didnt have a special needs interpreter, which they always have. Or was that person, i think ive never signed professionally, but its hard to hold an umbrella and do international signing. I think hes asking. I think scotts asking for two people. I think i think i know not like theyre listening, but my friend, my friend says to me that theres a Certain Group of people in this country who like to see a guy all drenched in wet like that. It shows that hes committed to. Hes committed in america. You would think the guys a loser. Yeah. Its just like yeah. Itsjust like bad planning yeah. Its just like bad planning , its just like bad planning, thats all it looked like to me. Yeah. You have to ask, what do you think, steve . Do you think its. Do you think the people of this country like a guy whos all drenched and wet . Well, i mean, famously being gunged on some noel edmonds thing that seems to play well. So its almost the same, isnt it . I think later he sat in the corner naked while his suit dry, turning a light on and off and crying to himself. Seriously, you gotta have a hobby, arent you . Moving on to the guardian, scott . What have they got . Well, theyve got the same old shtick, apparently. Sunak begins Election Campaign by abandoning flagship policies. Hes given up on rwanda and given up on the banning smoking for young people. Both those policies were thinks hes very important to have very close to his heart. And theyre gone. I think that people are too confused by rwanda. It was too weird. I think the average voting public was like, theyre going where . For what purpose . And then people had heard, even in the sun how much it would cost a huge amount of money per person, and that only one person would be flown per week or something. The plans seemed obscure and it seemed opaque, and it seemed unfair to a lot of people. Although rwanda is not necessarily a bad place, but have you been to rwanda . No, but they are fighting a civil. They are fighting a war with the congo next door. And i think a lot of people are worried that that violence were kind of leaked into rwanda that could put in danger the people being sent there. The whole thing just seemed like a miasma. And i think sunak hadnt solved it. And i think really, the expenses will worry people the most. And if youre talking about bringing taxes down and then youre spending all this money, i think sunak just giving up on all his, you know, heartfelt policies. I you know, heartfelt policies. I think his advisers just said, get out while you still can before they burn you at the stake because things are going so badly. One policy that is being pushed through, as we just heard in the news, is the giving money to the victims of the horizon scandal, because could you imagine if the one thing that happened was rishi sunak . After all, weve been through with itv1s drama, if he was like, oh yeah, sorry, were pausing that or it would have kicked off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is the honzon . Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is the horizon . Horizon is the post subpost. Oh, then those people, not the blood. Thats next. Bloods next. No, its just the. But the blood also sounds a bit ridiculous to me. The truth is, is the guy the guy . He is, is the guy the guy . He doesnt seem like theres a big problem in this thing, which you havent mentioned, which is theres a war over immigration in this country. This is the number one issue thats going through a lot of people, especially people in his own party. Thats all half of the people. Thats the only thing that they care about. And he has he hasnt addressed it. Its an endless war that no pm has solved in the last 20 years. Well no, no, theyre not solved that. They caused it. Tony blair was the cause of it. And i think this guy is also the cause of it. Its a team where as i weve never worked together. We havent no no no ive skipped it every time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Im moving on to the times to say that im going to say in my tweet that, you know, if he if he turns up, but but can i just ask the question. Go on then is thatis ask the question. Go on then is that is that, i forgot what the question is. It happens at your age. Lets just. Should we not ask the question then . By the sounds of it, ill ask the question which is which is which is there a conservative party thatis is there a conservative party that is against immigration because they used to be against them . Well, weve got immigration as a topic later on in one of the stories, you know, keep your powder dry, keep some powder. Its funny you bring that up because someone from a local pub in my neighbourhood, a lot of people locally in Bethnal Green watched the show, watched this network, and they stopped me on my way home. The other night because they were having a drink and they said, you know, who would you vote for . For pm if the, you know, if its tomorrow, this is right before he announced that its the july 4th date. And, you know, i didnt have an answer. But you cant vote, can you vote, i could , but i probably wont. Yeah. Fake id you can have. What do you mean, you could . What do you mean, you could . Its a long story i wont go into right now. It involves payoffs. Were going to move on to the next one, which is the times. Its a struggle, though, isnt it . Youre one of those complicated people. People dont know about this guy. I dont know about this guy. I dont know about this guy. I dont know about him. Ive a lot of names, a lot of lives. Weve known each other over 25. The weve known each other over 25. The love of all that. We really know each other, know each other to the times were getting along the best that weve gotten along in tonights. Im ignoring most of what youre saying. Thats the reason. Well, thats the key to getting along. You think. You think youre doing some ignoring. Hes ignoring me so much, im going to check that ive not died. Theres a chance im Patrick Swayze right now. No, because im just so shocked to be working with the guy. Anyway, this is in the times, which is the times hard times blame for abortions at record high. And this is an abortion. Can you believe it . We grew up with abortion in america. It became legal in america like 1972. I barely survived my mothers. Yes. And can i make can i try to be funny a little bit . You go for it. Thats what i was worried about. Youre always like, jumping in. Jumping in with you, with all those jokes. Yeah, jokes make people laugh. Anyway. Its up seven. Steve. Ill talk to you. Im not going to Pay Attention to this guy. Its up 17 to 250,000 per year, which is the highest its been in in, since 1971. Thats over 50 years. People are killing their children. But its all part its all part of team world. And we hate children time. Thats what the article says, that youve also got to factor in things like the cost of living crisis, how expensive things are, and also the fact that its due to nhs problems that its due to nhs problems that some people cant get contraceptives. Theyre contraceptives. Theyre everywhere. Yeah. I mean, you could also maybe not do what youre doing, but youve got to do what the truth is, if you look at the people, because im of that age, the people, all those great rock stars who lived in the 1960s, they were all born in the 1960s, they were all born in 1980. In 19, excuse me, 1942, 1943. They were all born in really bad times. And imagine if we had if there was abortion. Im im not saying im against abortion. Do you think theyre aborting the future rock stars of the uk . Is that what youre saying . The musics over because people are having sex. You sound crazier and crazier. I was i was saying that. Im not saying. Im not saying that. Well, you dont know who youre killing. Yeah, i know you could be killing. Share the feature. Share. All right. Thats terrible. Terrible idea. Or we could just all dress up as cher. Gypsys, tramps and thieves. Gypsys, tramps and thieves. Hear from the people in the town of cornwall. Town of cornwall. See if the daily star makes us make any more sense. Which it wont. What have they got on the front page . Oh, god. Glasses, please. Hello day bookings are up 57 as people are trying to escape. People are trying to escape. Really . The Election Campaign of july 4th. So theyre all leaving the country trying to get away from it all . We dont know that. Do we know that . Well, thats what it says in the star. It says it in the star. But who knows what it is. Its going to be july, july 4th. Its going to be july, july 4th. Its going to be july, july 4th. Its going to be warm. Of course. Holiday bookings go up huge amounts every single month in the in this time, i dont know. They never give you any information in the daily star though. I love the daily star. They never give you enough information to think and maybe upset your day in the day. Well, we know women are going elsewhere for abortions. Theyre having those at home, so it must be another reason, right . Yeah, maybe theyre looking for new guys. Yeah, it could be. Well, thats the end of part one. But in a surprise move, part two follows next when well talk about the election, the election and maybe a little bit about the election welcome back to headliners. Im stephen allen, here with two men, both known for their fondness of meat, Louis Schaefer and Scott Capurro. And we are hosting a night with the headliners live. And you can join us for an evening of comedy with andrew doyle, leo kearse, simon evans and josh howie will be none of us, none of us, none of the ones on this. Apparently b team will be there. For more information, scan the qr code on the screen or visit gb news. Com right louis to the daily mail nigel farage is leaving gb news. Everyones asking the big important question can i have his parking space . Yeah, can i have a can i have a car, anyway, this is nigel farage is shelving his gb news show to campaign for reform, which is the Political Party that he. I dont think he did. He set it up with, with, richard tice says it in that article. It says it in that article. It says it in that article. So sorry. There was a way to read it. I dont know, this was this one i skipped because he said, no, its all good news for Louis Schaefer because hes hes not. Louis lubricated the transition. Transition. Hes he was i had nothing to do with it. But now im the number two guy here in the station. Im, im this is the Louis Schaefer. This is the channel that Louis Schaefer is on. And, hes hes hes not in this basically , tice his guy this basically, tice his guy called this election the immigration election. Right. And thats what it is. Because whats going to happen is after the tories lose, this is my prediction. You can bet on it if you want to. If its legal after the tories lose the second party, the reform party, which will hopefully have more votes than the tories will, will form the new conservative party. What do you say about that when he says, shelving . Does he mean hes taking a pause . As i say in showbiz, in the us, or does that mean his show here is over gbnews . Well i dont know, but i know from my media career, every time theres been a pause of me doing a show, ive never been allowed back to it. Yeah. So yeah, yeah, thats the way things go. Well, with me, its always goes with your fired. Thats. Yeah. Well at least they tell you. Yeah. We are easily replaced. But when he says that about immigration this mr rice is that his name . Tice. Tice whatever. When he says that, it makes me think. I guess brexit was then all about immigration, wasnt it . And they dont feel brexit was fixed because theyre still letting them in. So weve got to run again to keep them out. The reason farage isnt hitting the party is because farage said a few months ago that if i did choose to run that reform, numbers would double. And in the recent polls, reform numbers have doubled without him at the helm. So he realises actually the actually, i think what he realises and what they realise they dont need him and theres a thing about him saying he wants to go and get involved in the Trump Campaign and if youve g