So, what are some Key Takeaways from this commercial . Border would be the second biggest story of the day but somehow it is that. A new book by a couple writers i like that, just not when it comes out of her mouth. From the New York Times cites yeah, as a mother, i wouldnt want my kids to see that. Multiple sources in the good mom. To see wait. Im sorry. What . Administration dont kids see enough violence as it is . Who say trump wanted an moat, he wanted snakes, alligators, an ive seen violence. Electrified wall with spikes on maybe we turn the word bundle into a character, top to keep immigrants out. Like mr. Bundles. He was said to be so frustrated top o the bundle to you. By lack of progress on his [ laughter ] bundle, bundle, bundle. Stupid wall. My kids would love that. Yeah. At one point he shouted at everyone, i ran on this issue, you guys are making me look like an idiot, and they were like sorry, mr. President , dicky the jimmy kimmel tell us about this moat filled Concert Series is presented by mercedes benz, the best or nothing. With alligators and snakes. Jimmy id like to thank Gwyneth Paltrow, chef evan funke according to the book during the and apologies to matt damon. Nightline is next but first same meeting he suggested shooting mieg wloon here with the sing go, fin de e shooting migrants who cross the border. People said we cant do that. He said no shoot them in the legs to slow them down. Kp semana and then he had them run a cost analysis for this plan, for the shooting and attack snakes plan, and that should be it, shouldnt that result in everyone being [ singing in Foreign Language ] escorted out of the white house and into the wild . It should, but it, it hasnt. And the president of course denied these allegations, now he said the press is trying to sell the fact that i wanted a moot stuffed with alligators and snakes. A moot is like a canadian moat. Its a different. [cheers and applause] you guys know. Its planned on the southern border. Hes building a moat. At the top there will be a moot. Not only did trump tweet denial, he yelled at a reporter who asked him about it. So these two reporters wrote [ singing in Foreign Language ] this book, and they said i want a moat with alligators, snakes, electrified fences so people get electrocuted if they so much as [ singing in Foreign Language ] [ singing in Foreign Language ] touch the fence and spikes on top. I never said it, i said im tough on the border, not that tough. Okay. It was a lie. Jimmy he didnt want alligators, he wanted dragons with fire in their mouths, like [ singing in Foreign Language ] the one calisi had. This story by the way was corroborated by a dozen white house officials who spoke on condition of anonymity. Thats all of them i guess. How many could be left . And this idea of an moat, where would they get an idea like this . Theyll say we need to quadruple the Border Patrol or they want a higher fence. Maybe theyll need an moat. Maybe theyll want alligators in the moat. Jimmy obama and his jokes again have us in a fix. [ singing in Foreign Language ] thanks, obama. So anyway, now we have a new scandal, gator gate. But as horrible as that is, and it is horrible, and we must not forget that. The main event in washington, d. C. Right now is impeachment. All the president s hench men are getting in on this. Today we learned that the thank you secretary of state, mike pompeo was part of trumps now infamous call with the ukraine. Even though he acted like he didnt know anything about it. Pompeo held a press conference in italy where he admitted on Second Thought he was on the call, so oops. [ singing in Foreign Language ] thank you epico. [cheers and applause] i was on the phone call. The phone call was in the context of now, i guess ive been secretary of state for coming on a year and a half, i know precisely what the american policy with respect to ukraine. Its been remarkably consistent, and we will continue to try to drive jimmy i think that means six more weeks of impeachment. [cheers and applause] theres a very distinct pattern when trump or one of his characters get caught on something. First they deny it or play dumb. Then they say i did do it, but they act like it was no big deal. Then they say they didnt do it xxx after they said they did it. Pompeo is at stage two of that. Give him a couple days. This is nightline. With all this shrapnel coming at tonight she took us on jolly him, the president is absolutely melting down. Today he continued his attacks holidays. Its a Jolly Holiday with you burt and made the hills come on chairman of the house alive. The hills are alive with the Intelligence Committee adam schiff. He called schiff a lowlife, repeatedly accused him of sound of music treason, which is a word he now the new memoir revealing doesnt know the definition of. He floated the theory that schiff wrote the the struggles to diane sawyer. Whistleblowers report. High and low notes. Based on nothing. He even gave him a new nickname. Those favorite things. Hes shifty schiff, a shifty, dishonest guy. And this guy was negative on taken with a spoonful of sugar. Mary poppins practically perfect in every way. Mike pompeo, he cant, you know, and she wasnt. Theres an expression, he so there couldnt carry his blank strap, i wont say it, because theyll say it was so terrible to say. But that guy couldnt carry his blank strap, you understand that . Jimmy im not sure i do, lets go do our experts to find out. Gene . Dumb donald is really dumb. Now dumb is he . Got a letter from a politician asking for support. But instead of money he sent the politician a blank. Jockstrap. Can you say jockstrap on television . I dont know. Jimmy you can now. If you go through all the seasons of match game you can predict the future. Its incredible. So the schiff is hitting the tan. The president repeated a curse word. He tweeted a curse word in all caps. He could use a million rounds of golf right now. He says this investigation has nothing do with his perfect call to ukraine. He says the democrats have been out to get him since the day he won. And was sworn in. Shifty schiff should resign, in disgrace by the way. And jerry nadler and all of them, its a disgrace whats going on. You have a perfect, i mean, perfect converti president of another country, ukraine in this case. And they try and say oh, lets impeach him. Theyve been trying to impeach me from the day i got elected. Ive been going through this for ththe day i got elected. Jimmy and guess what, theyre about to get their wish. [cheers and applause] thanks to you. All credit. All credit goes to him. But i have to say, i do think these guys are going about their the wrong way. Democrats need to stop using the word impeach. He gets defensive. They should tell him, listen, mr. President , youve done an amazing job. Youve done such an amazing job we are sending you right to the hall of fame. You will be the first inductee into the president hall of fame. Were going to retire your jersey, well have a ceremony, maybe a parade, then lead him into a hall of some kind and lock him in it. [cheers and applause] maybe hand him a trophy. And throw a few of those snakes and alligators in there while were at it. An innocent bystander in all of this today was the president of finland. This poor guy was unfortunate enough to stand next to trump during his crazy press conference. He was in America Today to bear witness to our president throwing a televised tantrum the likes of which the finnish have probably never seen. Ive done more than any president in the history of this country has done. For me its like putting on a suit in the morning. People have said to me, how does he handle it . Rush limbaugh said i dont know of any person in america who could handle it. Sean hannity has said it. Others said the same thing. Jimmy thats the helsinki shuffle. The finnish president even got a chance to see trump take a shot at the speaker of the house. He saved his best material of the day for nancy pelosi. Sved althese subpoenas. Now look at nancy pelosi, nancy pelosi hands out subpoenas like theyre cookies. You want a subpoena . Here you go, take them, like theyre cookies. Paul ryan would not give subpoenas. Nancy pelosi . Here you go. Take it. Who wants a subpoena . Every day you get subpoenas. Jimmy thats right, now open your mouth for some more subpoenas. Because youre the cookie monster, and if you dont believe the president that this is all a hoax, just ask his good pal vladimir. Let me just tell you, the whole thing is a scam. The mueller deal was a scam, the russian collusion was a scam. You can ask putin. No ones been tougher on russia than trump. Jimmy just ask putin. Hell tell you whats what. Hes very open. Putin defended trump as hes been known to do. Putin said i see nothing compromising in the conversation. Between trump and zelensky. Any head of state would have done the same. Theyve been using any reason to attack trump. Now it is ukraine. I think thats sweet that he stands by his man like that. Then putin joked that russia is planning to interfere in the 2020 election. He said ill tell you a secret. Yes well definitely do it. Just dont tell anyone. He loves this so much. He did it once hell do it twice. Its like lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown, only in this case, Charlie Brown is donnie orange, and we are, i dont know what we are, i guess were the dirt. And if that all wasnt enough, the Inspector General of the state department called an urgent meeting with members of congress. He scheduled it yesterday for this morning. All we knew it was highly unusual. After the meeting, jamie raskin who is on the House Oversight committee, held a strange little chat with the press. And he wanted to give as you packet of information, which is unclassified. Which originally arrived at the department of state addressed to secretary pompeo and looks like this. So its in calligraphy. Says secretary pompeo, attention, and it says the white house. So it may have come from the white house. It may not. We dont know. And there is a series of folders, which all come from trump hotels. So folder after folder that say trump hotel. Now i havent had time to thoroughly scrutinize everything but its eentially a pimmy r packet of propaganda which is apparently full of stories about joe biden and other people trump doesnt like, whoever it was wrote on the front in calligraphy to secretary pompeo, the white house, and then they put all the propaganda in folders from the trump hotel. Now if this is from someone whos working in support of donald trump, that person is an idiot, which considering who were dealing with is entirely, not just possible, but probable. Can you believe they put conspiracy information in folders that said trump hotel . It is so dumb it almost has to be the president who did this. I wonder if any was written in sharpie because [ applause ] speaking of villainous clowns, the number one movie at the box office this weekend is expected to be joker. The origin story of batmans greatest foe. We ran it by our inhouse movie critic. Yehya loves movies and movie stars. Hes spent so much of his life trying to get pictures with them. And here he is talking about the movie joker. Hi. Wait a minute, im sorry. Action hi, its me, yehya. Talk about the movie coming the movie behind me is jocker, jocker is it just me . Siler alert. Batman is not in that movie. [ bleep ]. Only the joker. Before the joker, jack nicholson, thats the one. John legend. Yeah, john legend, god bless him. And also the guy who do the joker is jack like Something Like that. Joaquin phoenix is good actor. He done lot of movie like he do the movie he played the guitar with the lady threw the spoon something. And then he did the movie also and he made sex on the computer, now he do the movie joker with Robert De Niro, and Robert De Niro play like a talking show like jimmy kimmel, like jay leno, like johnny carson, and the guy ed mcmahon. The guy steven something and the guy kobe labrien with red hair and the general. The movie for him. The movie i like it because you know with charlene stone and Robert De Niro who did the movie in hospital his brain not good. You got a gift, my friend. Also he did the movie something taxi driver and martin scorsese, and he say you talkin to me . You talkin to me . Im the only one here, nobody here. The joker [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] jimmy thank you, yehya. All right, we have a good show tonight, music from lunay chef evan funke is here and well be right back with Gwyneth Paltrow. [cheers and applause] Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by tj maxx. Abss Jimmy Kimmel Live brought to you by applebees. Combinations starting at 9. 99. Up to 12 [growling] mail slice. Im jimmy dean, and only one like this any nicer. Ning a hearty, hefty, good tasting breakfast. With eggs, bacon, sausage, cheese and taters. And when you finish, you know you had something to eat. And take an extra 15 or 20 off get to kohls. Plus take an extra 15 off your 50 home sale purchase save on the ninja foodi. Nine west handbags and luggage. And all koolaburra by ugg is up to 25 off. Plus get kohls cash right now at kohls. Stop dancing around the pain that keeps you up again, and again. Advil pm silences pain, and you sleep the whole night. Advil pm yeah, that needs mmm. Thats better. Hvr seasoning. You either love it or you really love it. No matter what life throws down roomba is up for the challenge. Only roomba uses 2 multisurface rubber brushes that powerfully clean up debris on all your floors. And only the roomba i7 system empties its bin into allergenlock™ bags that trap 99 of allergens. Forget about vacuuming for months. If its not from irobot, its not a roomba™ good lunch . Amazin toyota. Lets go places. Jimmy hi there, welcome back to the show. Maker p aau sfoglino chef evan funke is here to make something delicious. [cheers and applause] then he is apple musics up next artist. His song is called fin de semana lunay from the mercedesbenz stage. Tomorrow night, danny devito and bob iger will be with us, and well have music from anderson pack featuring smokey robinson. So please join us for that. Jimmy our first guest has an oscar, an emmy, a golden globe and a goop. She has a new show too called the politician its streaming on netflix now. Please welcome Gwyneth Paltrow. [cheers and applause] jimmy very good to see you. Great to see you, too. Jimmy you look fantastic. You always look healthy. You look like you were out having fun before you get to places it seems. Were you out having fun today . Um, yeah, sure. Jimmy if you werent, its fine. Congratulations. You just had your oneyear anniversary of wedded bliss. [cheers and applause] we made it, we made it jimmy you guys, and correct me if i have any of this wrong. But you guys got married a year ago. Yes. Jimmy and you moved in together like a month ago. Yes. Jimmy now why is it, usually it goes the other way. Well, true. I think really because we have, we each have two teenaged children whom we love very much, but we were just trying to be mindful and give them a little space and not move too quickly and jimmy i see, so you then did merge, like the brady bunch but with less. Yeah, less merging and more originally, but now were merged. Jimmy youre merged now. And its great. Jimmy and did he get to keep any of his stuff . Or is it all your stuff . Because i would imagine all your stuff is better than his stuff or anyones stuff, really. Yeah, he got to keep some of his stuff. Jimmy he did. He has good taste. Hes got really nice clothes. And we put some chairs from his house in there. Jimmy would that be a deal breaker if you walked in and he had like lawn chairs in the place and inflatable furniture . Maybe a bud light sign hanging over the bed . Yes. Jimmy that would be. Interesting. Because you have, is it now, have you reached the point where acting is less interesting to you than this business endeavor that youre involved with . I just love my company, and i love the people i work with, and i love what were doing, and its very, i think, acting is fantastic in its way, but i dont know, i have a bit more autonomy running a business. Jimmy right, right. As an actor, youre not the boss, right . Definitely not, no. Jimmy by the way, speaking of, the reason i asked this question is because you were on jon favreaus show, the chef, he has celebrities on, and you were on the show, and he was speaking to you about the scene you did together in spiderman home coming and you were unaware you had been in spiderman home coming which by the way you were. How did that happen . Now i know this. I just got confused. Theres so many of these wonderful marvel interconnecting movies, and i thought it was an avengers movie, but it was not. Jimmy i see, okay. Was spiderman himself offended by this . Was he okay with it . I never actually saw the movie. Jimmy oh, you didnt see the movie. I mean, wait cut that out. Take that back. Jimmy its too late, tweet it everywhere. Its okay if you didnt. Its spiderman. Youre Gwyneth Paltrow. You shouldnt be watching spiderman. It would upset people if you would be. Have you ever read a comic book . Um jimmy no remember, youre under oath, i dont know if you got that. I want to ask you about some, you know i signed up for goop like the day it started, right . Thank you, i know, i love you for that. Jimmy i feel like im the ogoops as far as goop goes. Yeah. Jimmy i have some items i want to ask you about. Okay. Jimmy this is a product that i believe is on your holiday suggestion gift list. This is the martini bath soap. Yes. Jimmy can you drink this . Uh, no. But its so heaven, like you have a hard day or people are giving you a hard time and you run a hot bath and you soak, smell. It is like. Jimmy yeah, it smells really good. Than is something that i might get confused, and i might actually have a sip of, because it does say martini on it. Well, its in quotes. Jimmy yeah, its in quotes. The reason its called the martini, in the movie business, when youre on the very last shot of the day, they call that shot the martini. Jimmy oh, got you. Oh, boy. That makes sense. Jimmy this is a vibrator. And its a great name, smile makers. S