He tweeted it in lower, sentence case. Thats as close as trump is gonna get to making a concession speech. Hes like a kid slowly realizing nobodys coming to his birthday party. We should never have given him that diet coke button thats hard to give up. This had to put a little crinkle in his tin foil hat. The department of homeland securitys cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency this is one of trumps own cabinet agencies, put out a statement debunking his claims of widespread fraud. They wrote, the november 3rd election was the most secure in american history. And then they took another dig at the boss baby, while we know there are many unfounded claims and opportunities for misinformation about the process of our elections, we can assure you we have the utmost confidence in the security and integrity of our elections, and you should, too. And how did the president react to that statement of reassurance from his own agency . Most fraudulent election in history [ laughter ] [ applause ] so everythings going great. Really well. If donald trump gets any more embarrassing, were gonna have to start calling him donald junior. [ laughter ] i wonder if he really even believes any of this garbage . He says it was rigged. He says everything is rigged. When donald trump says something is rigged, you can rest assured that it probably is not. We are running against a rigged race. It was a rigged race. Some of the voting was rigged. Florida was rigged. The game was rigged. Our country is rigged. The economy is rigged. The republican system was rigged. Hillary clinton was rigged. The media is rigged. These polls are rigged. The whole deal is rigged. The banks are rigged. The process is rigged. I think my side was rigged. Its a rigged everything. The whole deal is rigged, folks. Rigged, rigged, rigged, rigged. Rigged, rigged, rigged, rigged. I call plenty of things in the country, rigged. Jimmy yes, you do. [ laughter ] if the president says it, it must be true. Its going to take him some time to digest this loss. Heres how it will go, these are the trump stages of grief in ten parts. First up, denial. We were getting ready to win this election, frankly we did win this election. Jimmy then, anger. Joe biden is a criminal, and he has been a criminal for a long time. And you are a criminal and the media for not reporting it. Jimmy after anger comes blame. This is a horrible thing that the United StatesSupreme Court has done to our country. And i say it and i say it loud and i say it proud. Jimmy after blame we have delusion. I see thousands of ballots. Right . Unsolicited ballots being given out by the millions and thousands of them are dumped in dumpsters. Jimmy litigation. Theres tremendous litigation going on. Jimmy discombobulation. If people wanted to get their ballots in, they should have gotten their ballots in long before that, a longtime. Jimmy more delusion. Ive done more for the black community than any president since abraham lincoln. Incoherence. I can tell you stories about lady gaga. I know a lot of stories about lady gaga. And john bon jovi. Every time i see him, he kisses my ass. Jimmy hallucination. Ding, ding, ding, bong, bong, bong bing. Jimmy and finally, acceptance. This was chinas fault. [ laughter ] laws laws. Jimmy or as close to it as he can possibly get. Now bend over and take it like a man getting spanked with a rolledup magazine. [ laughter ] its just going to take time. Four more years and hell be over the whole thing. And it may take his supporters longer than that. There was a rally on saturday in washington, what they call the million maga march. They were about 995,000 short of a million, but dont say that to White House Press secretary kasey macaroni, who did what Trump Press Secretaries are expected to do. She added a few zeros to the total. She tweeted, amazing more than one million marchers for president realdonaldtrump descend on the swamp in support. Best base in political history. We love you guys even sean spicer was like that was a little much. [ laughter ] local authorities estimated the size of the crowd around 10,000 people. But bear in mind, in fairness to kayleigh, if you ask her how old she is, she holds up her fingers and says this many. [ laughter ] the president did not speak at the rally, but he did drive through the crowd to give a tiny little thumb up on the way to the golf club he would never allow any of those people to join. I think i have an idea to solve this. I know ive had other ideas to solve this, and i know they havent solved it. But heres another one. You with me on this . Guillermo i am with you. Jimmy thank you. Heres what we do. We tell trump hes going to resign the presidency. We hand him a piece of paper. It says, i, donald j. Trump hereby resign as president of the United States effective immediately. We give him a big, fat sharpie. [ applause ] let him go to town. Once that thing is notarized, we put him in a sack and ship him right back to maralago. [ laughter ] [ applause ] trump is desperate for a win right now. He took a victory lap today after the very good news that another Covid Vaccine is on the way. Writing, another vaccine just announced. This time by moderna, 95 effective. For those great historians, please remember that these great discoveries, which will end the china plague, all took place on my watch dont worry. We will make sure that no one ever forgets what took place on your watch. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thats the one thing you dont need to worry about. With the virus hitting alltime highs, trumps new top covid adviser, scott atlas, who he found on fox news, urged people in michigan to rise up against Safety Measures in their state. Down with safety [ laughter ] but the fact that we have two viable vaccines is great news. This morning i was actually fantasizing about being on an elevator with people. [ laughter ] guillermo, which vaccine are you into, pfizer or moderna . Pfizer. Jimmy you like pfizer, huh . Yeah, yeah. Jimmy what is it about the pfizer that you like . I dont know, it was the first one that came. Jimmy the first one . Yeah. Jimmy it is the original. Like cocacola and pepsi, cokes the real thing. Exactly. Jimmy this could be our new cola war. Pfizer has to be very cold, moderna doesnt have to be as cold. I prefer the first one. Jimmy whose name you can now not remember. [ laughter ] pfouzer pfizer the first one. Ffpfizer. Jimmy i have one question. Do you know how to do a cartwheel . [ cheers and applause ] no, no. I dont know how to do a cartwheel, im too fat. I dont know. Jimmy youre never too fat for a cartwheel. I dont know, but one of my good writers over here jimmy you have writers . Really . Yeah. Daniel jimmy wait a minute, these words you say are being provided to you by writers . [ laughter ] yeah, yeah. Jimmy i made a decision, i made it last week and it was reaffirmed for me. I want to learn who do a cartwheel. Now that im 53, it seems like the right time. [ cheers and applause ] you and i. Lets try it jimmy no, no, go ahead. Go ahead and give it a try but i want to really learn, like i want to get an olympian or something to teach us. Oh, okay. Jimmy i dont want to stop you, give it a try if youd like and well see. [ cheers and applause ] do we have time . Jimmy yeah, weve got time. Its a cartwheel, how long can it take . Remember, i dont know [ bleep ] i didnt drink this time. [ laughter ] jimmy start over here so we can really see you, see whats happening here. Yaed. Go ahead. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that was actually really good. Oh my god, it was terrible. [ laughter ] jimmy what the hell were we talking about . Oh, trump, right. What else . So now the Trump Lawyers are now 1 for 24 in court. Wasting our money, trying desperately to convince a judge at this point any judge that there was some shred of voter fraud. Multiple cases were dismissed and withdrawn today. Because they have no evidence. The odds are piling up against donald trump, but when youre the underdog, who do you go to when you want to win a big game . When you are the you dont know. [ laughter ] thats right, you go to rudy. Every ballot they could see had bidens name on it. Nobody else, not even another democrat. Why does that happen . It happens because you know you are behind. Dominion notifies you and you call off the counting and you start doing ballots like this. You cant, you cant do the down ticket. Thats why you have biden and no down ticket because they had enough time to get bidens name in. Jimmy right. Its true, i read about it on a jpeg on facebook. [ laughter ] looks like somebody treated himself to a new pinky ring and while you may be wondering why donald trump, the president of the United States, would put his legal fate in the hands of the only person who seems to be more out of it than he is the reason may be as simple as this commercial that runs opposite mypillow on fox news. Looking for a lawyer who doesnt give a [ bleep ] . Call the notorious rudy g. , Rudy Giuliani and associates 5 h 5amiamess . Maybe. Something is wrong i will answer the phone. I always answer the phone. I have a scab on my income that i keep picking and Rudy Giuliani and associates. I have no associates they quit weeks ago. Remember this . What happened to me . 555nyclow. What happened to me . Call now jimmy call now. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy fun fact, did you know Rudy Giuliani is the only vampire who loves garlic . He even smells like it what a confusing time it is to be alive. Especially if youre a parent. Kids know more about whats going on than we think they do. Last night on 60 minutes, president obama was talking about trump refusing to concede, he said we would never accept behavior like that from our own kids if they lost, a game or something, and thats true. So what are the lessons our children have learned from this president known as trump . Some of them are these. Cheating is okay. Lie. Always lie. Never tell the truth. If somebody disagrees with you, they are a loser. Cheat on your spouse. Cheat on your taxes. Being attractive and rich is most important. Dont follow the rules. Never apologize. Ever. Apologies are for losers. Science is dumb. Dont help sick people. Dont help poor people. Never take responsibility for anything. Blame everyone else. Dont exercise. Stare into an eclipse. Fried chicken is good for you. Call people names. Sleepy. Nasty. Crazy. Lazy. Low iq. Little. Weirdo. Ugly. Loser. Pocahontas. If you lose, call the winner a cheater. Dont let anybody else talk. Interrupt people. People who are different are keep interrupting. Interrupt, interrupt, interrupt. Hire Rudy Giuliani. And dont forget to interrupt. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy he is, hes an inspiration to all of us. Thanks, kids. We have a good show for you tonight. David cross is with us. Weve got music from wallows. And well be right back with Ryan Phillippe. Did you get a streuseltopped blueberry muffin because its a special day . Or is it a special day because you got a streuseltopped blueberry muffin . Meet the new bakery sweets at mcdonalds ba da ba ba ba its black friday now. Only athis week. Save on toys. Video games. Tvs and more. This week only. Its black friday, now. At target. New aveeno® restorative skin therapy. With our highest concentration of prebiotic oat intensely moisturizes over time to improve skins resilience. Aveeno® healthy. Its our nature™. 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Then later, their ep is called remote music from wallows. [ cheers and applause ] what do we got this week . Weve got quite a week for you. This week, weve got new shows with goldie hawn, alison brie, alex winter. Well have a visit from people magazines sexiest man alive, whose identity has not yet been revealed. But will be revealed on the show. Well have music from geazy featuring blackbear, beebadoobee, and zac brown band. And on thursday, president barack obama. [ cheers and applause ] you know that guy, right . Guillermo yeah, sure jimmy that will be a lot of fun. You know our first guest from those things we used to go to called movies. His latest is a tv show. He plays private investigator cody hoyt in the new tv show big sky. It premieres tomorrow night on abc. Please welcome Ryan Phillippe. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy please. Hows it going . Its going good. You know, its actually nice to see anyone these days. Jimmy it really is, i know. When people say nice to see you, you cant help but feel like you means humanity. Yeah, yeah, get out of the house. Jimmy have you been getting out of the house or staying in . Ive been working, just got back from vancouver doing big sky. I went through the early days of the quarantine and stayed in the house and did everything and then i needed to hit the road, jimmy. Jimmy by yourself . I did, yeah. Jimmy where did you go . I took a road trip across country in my tesla. Im from delaware, which is a state having a moment right now. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy right, home to joe biden. He, aubrey plaza and i being the most famous people from delaware. Jimmy i have news, neither of you were there already, he was the Vice President before this. I know, i know, but i have a, im from delaware. I have a small beachhouse there and i kept thinking about how badly i wanted to be there. Jimmy oh. And this idea of driving across country in an electric vehicle which, you know, four years ago wasnt even a possibility that got me super excited. I hopped in the tesla, and i allowed it to dictate my path. You want to hit the super chargers. If you dont hit the super chargers, you are sitting for a longtime. Jimmy i know this, i learned this the hard way. [ laughter ] how so . Jimmy my wife has one of those teslas. We miscalculated. Eye tell you a sneaky thing they do. What this. Jimmy on the super charger, if you put your destination in the car, it will only give you enough super charge to get you to the destination. Oh, i know. Jimmy yeah. Youre holding your breath the last few miles. Seeing it tick down to under 5 . Jimmy and the result is you wind up at one of those nonsuper chargers, in my case in the parking lot of a walmart store. Yeah, they are not always in the best place. Jimmy it would give you one mile every 40 minutes, or Something Like that. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy i dont know if youre like this, but i cannot if i see someones cell phone is not fully charged . Ill just grab it and plug it in. [ laughter ] yeah. You know what this is called, theres a term for this. Jimmy what . Range anxiety. Jimmy really . Yes. Its a tesla driver known term. Where you had range anxiety. Jimmy i have it. I might have to be hospitalized for it. [ laughter ] but i cant get in because of covid was on no timetable so i allowed the tesla to dictate my path. If i had to go out of the way to get to a super charger, that was fine, because i had no time is irrelevant, it doesnt mean anything anymore. So, you know, and also, i really wanted to try out the camping mode. Do you know about camping mode . Jimmy i have read about it, yeah. So camping mode keeps your cabin of your vehicle climate controlled all night if you have enough charge and you can also put on netflix. At some point in my journey, ive got to find a place to try out this camping mode. Jimmy you can put netflix on in the car . Yeah, you curl up in the couch with big screen. Jimmy thats supposed to simulate camping in some way . [ laughter ] i guess so, glamping. Well have to ask elon. Jimmy okay, im learning about the car. So on the way across country, i did stop i was determined to have one night in the vehicle, i wanted to try that out. But i was really tired and needed to shower a couple of times and i went to the holiday inn. These were the days when things were just opening up again. So the guidelines and protocols of even checking into a holiday inn were over the top. You walked in and everything was covered in plastic. To check in at the checkin counter i had to yell to the woman because she is behind a couple of panes and the stand here thing was eight feet away from her. When i came time to give her my credit card, i had to throw it like a chinese star to get it to her. [ laughter ] go into the room, everything from the remote to the buttons on the bathroom, everythings covered in plastic. It was very odd. But i made my way across country, and i figured out a way to hack the selfdrive. Jimmy oh, on the tesla, the selfdriving feature. Yeah. Jimmy does that work . Ive been too nervous to drive it. I went hours without touching the wheel. Jimmy really . I took off my shoes. I had multiple screens on the windshield so i can facetime with my kids and friends. Jimmy how did it go . It was amazing. It was like a superslow first class. [ laughter ] jimmy tell me what you did. I know this is probably a terrible idea for us to tell anyone how you did this. How did you do it . First of all, its easily searchable on youtube, i dont need to take you through the steps. Jimmy i see. But what i will say is, there was no one on the road, height of the pandemic. Those straight highways across new mexico, texas, oklahoma, its a straight shot and i didnt see anybody for miles. So i got super comfortable. I was reclined. Like i said, i was chilling. Yeah. Jimmy do you put a pair of gloves on the wheel so it feels like theres hands there or what do you do . A a adequately weighted water bottle does the trick. Jimmy oh, is that right . You tuck it in the corner of the wheel. Jimmy wow. Imagine thats how you die. Imagine. [ laughter ] yeah, they found an evian bottle, you dont want to know where they found it. Apparently he was laying on his stomach. So i realize this was a couple of days in the journey, im getting close to delaware, i have to try out the camping thing. So i go online in a charging session and im looking at the koa spots. Jimmy yeah, yeah. And i didnt find one th