Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240714

He had the same look on his face that billy joel has when someone yells, play piano man. Why you already know it. [ laughter ] this mornings House Judiciary Committee testimony from special Counsel Robert Mueller ran behind schedule to the point the Committee Democrats were asked to limit their questioning time, because its not like mueller could further limit his answers. Yes no correct. True no correct. Thank you. Yes. [ laughter ] seth in a new interview, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader ginsburg dismissed republican speculation about her health saying, quote, there was a senator who announced with great glee that i was going to be dead within six months. That senator whose name ive forgotten is now, himself, dead, and i am very much alive. [ laughter ] and thats how we learned rbg one time killed a guy. [ cheers and applause today was cousins day, or as Rudy Giuliani calls it, my anniversary [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] hey, i mean. Theres got to be a price for doing it [ laughter ] tmobile and taco bell are running a promotional event this weekend called tmobell which gives out free tacos inside tmobile cellphone stores. Not to be outdone, arbys Just Announced their new promotion, sprint to the bathroom [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause today was Amelia Earhart day and people celebrated almost all the way around the world [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] im not saying youre wrong [ laughter ] but its a [ bleep ] wellwritten joke. [ laughter and applause so lets agree lets agree to disagree on the content. [ laughter ] and finally, a Flight Attendant required five stitches earlier this week after being bitten during a flight by an emotional support dog. I hate those animals, she said about people in coach. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight [ cheers and applause he is one of our favorites an incredibly funny comedian and actor you can hear as the voice of timon in the liveaction version of the lion king. Billy eichner is back, everybody. [ cheers and applause so happy hes here she is the star of orange is the new black whose seventh and final season is available to stream this friday on netflix. We love having her here. Danielle brooks is back. [ cheers and applause and we have music from hobo johnson so its a great show for you guys before we get to that, it was a busy day Robert Mueller, the former special counsel in the russia investigation testified before Congress Today for more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth of course, muellers testimony was highly anticipated with lots of people expected to watch, except one guy who claimed he wouldnt watch, a guy notorious for watching more tv than is medically advisable, and thats the president of the United States. [ laughter ] trump said this week he would not watch the testimony because democrats shouldnt get to keep talking about the russia investigation. Mr. President one question. No, im not going to be watching probably maybe ill see a little bit of it im not going to be watching mueller, because you cant take all those bites out of the apple. Seth of course, trump thinks you cant take all those bites out of the apple, because hes never taken more than one bite out of an apple. And that was a mistake this meatball is disgusting. [ laughter ] but it would have been instructive for trump to watch, because he clearly has not read the report i mean, its over 400 pages. Theres no way trumps ever read anything that long in his life if he gets a Fortune Cookie with his takeout, he hands it to one of his aides just give me the gist. [ laughter ] in fact, despite his obvious lie, trump was almost certainly watching the hearings, because before they even started he predictably lost his mind on twitter. Again, all of these are just from this morning. So democrats and others can illegally fabricate a crime, try pinning it on a very innocent president , and when he fights back against this illegal, treasonous attack on our country, they call it obstruction . Wrong why didnt Robert Mueller investigate the investigators . Why didnt Robert Mueller and his band of 18 angry democrats spend any time investigating crooked Hillary Clinton, lying and leakin james comey, lisa page and her psycho lover, peter andy mccabe, the beautiful ohr family, fusion gps, and many more, including himself and andrew w so why didnt the highly conflicted Robert Mueller investigate how and why crooked Hillary Clinton deleted and acid washed 33,000 emails immediately after getting a subpoena from the United States congress she must have great lawyers no collusion, no obstruction the greatest witch hunt in u. S. History, by far seth dear god, his tweets would make more sense if they were scribbled on paper and faxed to a newspaper under the zodiac symbol. [ laughter ] but at the very least, todays hearings might have been informative, both for trump and for members of congress whove admitted they didnt read the whole report more than a dozen members of congress readily admitted to politico that they too have skipped around rather than studying every one of the special counsel reports 448 pages. That might explain why some democrats have spent the last few months trying to educate their republican colleagues by reading sections of the report into the congressional record including sections of the report that include colorful language which has given us fun clips like these page 38, volume 2, of the report says, and i quote, when sessions told the president that a special counsel had been appointed, the president slumped back in his chair and said, oh, my god, this is terrible this is the end of my presidency im [ bleep ]. quote, on saturday, june 17th, 2017, the president called mcgahn and told him to have the special counsel removed. That evening, mcgahn called both priebus and bannon and told them that he intended to resign priebus recalled that mcgahn said that the president had asked him to, quote, do crazy [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] seth it is both great and weird to hear a curse word come out of elizabeth warren. [ laughter ] its like watching a nun take a hit off a joint. [ laughter ] what they were reading into the record were details from the report on trumps various attempts to obstruct justice including ordering his former White House Counsel Don Mcgahn to fire mueller. But trump has repeatedly insisted falsely without offering any details that article 2 of the constitution, which is about the executive branch, gives him the power to fire mueller and do whatever he wants. Hes repeated that argument over and over including during a rambling speech yesterday. Article 2 allows me to do whatever i want. Article 2 would have allowed me to fire him. Nobody ever mentions article 2 it gives me all of these rights at a level that nobody has ever seen before. We dont even talk about article 2. Then i have an article 2 where i have the right to do whatever i want as president , but i dont even talk about that [ laughter ] seth first, i have an article 2 is such a new york way of saying it its not jaywalkinghen i do it, because i got an article 2 right here, buddy. [ laughter ] stop your honking. [ cheers and applause also i like how he says i dont talk about that even though he constantly talks about that. Hes like a grandparent who wont stop talking about how you wont call i never hear from you, not a phone call, not an email, not even a card, but still, i dont complain. [ laughter ] also article 2 does not give you the right to do whatever you want if thats the case, it would have been a lot shorter. [ laughter ] this is why todays hearing was so important the lawless president who openly welcomed foreign interference and then tried repeatedly to stop the investigation of that interference thinks he can do whatever he wants, which is why we need a congress that will hold him accountable now you heard the president in his tweets today and for the last few months, he was totally and completely exonerated by the Mueller Report since donald trump is known as a truthful guy, im sure once the hearings began, that Robert Mueller confirmed exactly what the president said. The president had repeatedly claimed that your report found there was no obstruction, and that it completely and totally exonerated him but that is not what your report said, is it . Correct, that is not what the report said. So the report did not conclude that he did not commit obstruction of justice is that correct . That is correct and what about total exoneration . Did you actually totally exonerate the president . No. Seth what . But trump scream tweeted, no collusion, no obstruction. [ light laughter ] it was in all caps and if its in all caps you know its true. Like when you get an email that says free boner pills you know its legit [ light laughter ] youre not going to pay for those boner pills. [ laughter ] right off the bat, this was the key exchange we heard from the investigator, himself, that his report did not exonerate the president. In fact, there was at least one very specific reason mueller couldnt just go ahead and charge trump with a crime, and its because of guidelines from the justice Departments Office of legal counsel, or olc, that say a sitting president cannot be indicted, which mueller confirmed today. The chairman of the Judiciary Committee jerry nadler also asked mueller about his attempts to interview trump, which trump refused, and revealed how long mueller had tried to get trump to sit down for an interview did the president refuse a request to be interviewed by you and your team . Yes yes and is it true you tried for more than a year to secure an interview with the president yes seth well, you didnt go through the proper channels. If you want trump to give you an answer, you either need to go to fox news or send him a rambling tweet that praises him in syntax he is familiar with. Mr. Very innocent president , sir, we would love for you to sit down for a very exonerating interview, sir, because youre the best and most not guilty president , with the most innocence, sir, and everyone says so, sir. [ laughter ] and then [ cheers and applause then after the chairmans first questions came time for the republicans to open up their questions with the Ranking Member of the committee, doug collins, who warned mueller that he would try to speak slowly and then immediately rambled so quickly even mueller couldnt follow him. Ill talk slowly. Im said that i talk fast. I will talk slowly your report states that your Investigative Team included 19 lawyers and approximately 40 fbi agents and analysts and accountants. Are those numbers accurate could you repeat that, please [ laughter ] is it also true you issued 2,800 subpoenas, executed nearly 500 search warrants, obtained more than 230 orders for Communications Records and 50 pin registers that went a little fast for me [ laughter ] seth dude, are you a member of congress or an auctioneer [ laughter ] he didnt get the answer he wanted but he did sell three paintings and a hog. [ light laughter ] republicans also tried to grill mueller by criticizing him for specifically stating in his report that trump had not been exonerated but as usual they devolved into partisan name calling, when one republican congressman called democrats socialists and slammed mueller for how he handled the allegations against trump. Americans need to know this, as they listen to democrats and socialists on the other side of the aisle, i agree with the chairman this morning when he said donald trump is not above the law. Hes not but he damn sure shouldnt be below the law which is where volume 2 of this report puts him. Seth i agree, because that isnt a thing. [ laughter ] though, if anyone could be below the law, its Donald Trump Trump looks up at the law the same way he looks up at an eclipse. [ laughter ] below the law sounds like a straight to video Steven Seagal movie starring donald trump. [ laughter ] now, compare that tirade to the straightforward questions of some of the democrats which produced matter of fact yesorno answers. An unsuccessful attempt to obstruct justice is still a crime, is that correct that is correct does that mean you have to investigate all of his conduct to ascertain true motive no. President trump directed White House Counsel Don Mcgahn to fire you. Isnt that correct true. Seth damn. This hearing was flying so fast it must have been impossible for trump to follow along. Remember, hes used to fox news where his favorite hosts speak slowly and loudly in words he can understand paul ryan needs to step down as speaker of the house. Seth see, nice and slow in a new york accent. [ applause ] Jeanine Pirro Jeanine Pirro is like dora the explorer if shed grown up on long island. Can you help boots find the auto body shop good job. [ speaking in Foreign Language ] [ laughter ] this captured the fundamental weirdness of the hearing mueller wants the report to speak for itself, and that report is incredibly damning on its own which is why mueller often responded with simple yesorno answers. In fact, so much of this hearing consisted of democrats just reading excerpts of the report to mueller and having mueller confirm that he did, indeed, write those excerpts on page 77 of volume 2, your report also stated, quote, in addition, some witnesses said that trump privately sought information about future wikileak releases. End quote. Is that correct . Correct the president engaged in efforts and i quote, to encourage witnesses not to cooperate with the investigation. Is that right . Thats correct. Didnt the president say, quote, and this is on page 116, if he doesnt write a letter, then maybe ill have to get rid of him. End quote. Yes seth yeah, he wrote it thats why this whole thing was so weird he already wrote down everything he knows its like if you called in Ernest Hemingway to grill him about one of his books is it true that one of the characters is an old man . Yes. [ laughter ] and he is, in fact, on the sea . That is correct. [ laughter ] republicans, meanwhile, tried to impugn muellers credibility, like when congressman Louie Gohmert bizarrely asked mueller if he was friends with former fbi director james comey, who of course was fired by trump after trump asked him for loyalty and told him to shut down his investigation into former National Security adviser michael flynn. You and james comey have been good friends, were good friends, for many years correct . We were Business Associates we both started off at the Justice Department about you were good friends you can Work Together and not be friends but you and comey were friends. We were friends seth gohmert might just be jealous that unlike him, people have friends [ laughter ] and this friend of yours, hes someone you can have lunch with, maybe catch a ball game . [ laughter and applause and when youre going through a rough patch in your personal life, hes there to lend an ear . Maybe your family and his family take a vacation together once in a well, that must be very nice for you. [ laughter ] mr. Mueller, i have one question for you, will you be my friend . No. [ laughter ] [ applause ] seth and then gohmert went off on an unhinged rant that went on for so long, he eventually got cut off by the chairman of the committee which led to a very curt response from mueller. If somebody knows they did not conspire with anybody from russia to effect the election, and they see the big Justice Department with people that hate that person coming after them, and then a special counsel appointed who hires dozens or more people that hate that person, and he knows hes innocent hes not corruptly acting in order to see that justice is done what hes doing is not obstructing justice. He is pursuing justice and the fact that you gentlemans time [ gavel struck ] ran it out in two years means you perpetuated injustice i take i take your question gentlemans time is expired the witness may answer the question i take your question. [ light laughter ] seth now, apparently, i take your question is a pretty standard legal response, but it sounded like some dowager countesslevel shade [ laughter ] i take your question, now, if you dont mind, do [ bleep ] right off. [ laughter ] [ applause ] in particular, republicans seem focused on the fact that mueller listed possible instances of obstruction of justice and said he cannot exonerate the president. Republicans basically argued that it was unfair for mueller to put that information in the report if he could not indict the president. Even though the rules specifically said he wasnt allowed to indict the president. But then one republican congressman accidentally got mueller to offer an extremely revealing answer on whether trump could ever be charged with a crime in the future. Was there sufficient evidence to convict President Trump or anyone else with obstruction of justice . We did not make that calculation. How could you not have made the calculation . E olc opinion, office of legal counsel, indicates that we cannot indict a sitting president. Okay. But the could you charge the president with a crime after he left office . Yes you believe that he committed you could charge the president of the United States with obstruction of justice after he left office . Yes seth oh, those were very fast yeses [ light laughter ] and would you like to be there the day hes arrested . Yes. That guy was a republican. [ cheers and applause was a republican who accidentally got Robert Mueller to say on National Television that after trump leaves office, he can be charged with a crime you know when trump heard that, he started pushing the sofa in front of the door. Youll never take me alive. [ laughter ] the bottom line from todays hearings is the same as its always been. We just got to see it played out live on tv russia interfered in the election to help trump trump welcomed and encouraged that help. And then he almost certainly committed crimes to obstruct the investigation of that help mueller couldnt indict trump, so the only remedy is impeachment. Its up to congress now. Theyre the only ones who can hold the president accountable for his crazy [ bleep ] [ laughter ] seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause well be right back with billy eichner, everybody [ cheers and applause announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. Somebody living with hiv . What would i say to somebody living with hiv . Used for hiv in certain adults. Its not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv with three different medicines to help you get to undetectable. That means the amount of virus is so low it cant be measured in lab tests. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. Do not take biktarvy if you take dofetilide or rifampin. 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What just happened . Boom goes the dynamite, club yoko plays ] feels like im taking flight. [sfx poof] [sfx squeaking eraser sound effect. ] i am who i wanna be who i wanna be who i wanna be. Im a strong individual feeling that power im so original, ya sing it louder. I am, ooo ooo ooo ooo Ehhh Ehhh Ehhh preorder and get more. Get up to 150 samsung credit, plus 6 months of Unlimited Music with spotify premium. [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, everybody. Give it up for the 8g band, right over there [ cheers and applause also, so happy fred armisen is back with us this week and, fred, you are a renaissance man. Fred oh, thanks. Seth ive said that before about you. Comedian, musician, writer, everything and, yet, also i find out this week that you are an art connoisseur. Fred i am, yes [ light laughter ] seth and you told me backstage that you have an art historians knowledge about every painting ever painted. Fred every painting. [ light laughter ] seth and i said, fred, i said you remember, it just happened i said, fred, dont lie to me. Fred you said that, yes. Seth because i will put you to the test. Fred you said that yes. Seth its time once again for fred armisen art aficionado. [ cheers and applause seth all right, fred lets see your art historians knowledge. This is jackson pollocks masterpiece, one number 31, 1950. Fred, tell us about this painting fred very, very famous painting a lots happened to it over the years. [ light laughter ] it was lost. Seth uhhuh. Fred for a day [ laughter ] but they found it again at a yard sale. Seth wait. Over the course of a day fred of a day. Seth it got lost and showed up at a yard fred very famous case. [ light laughter ] this is 1974 right . 74. And they found it again. And it fetched it fetched a million and a half at sothebys. Seth uhhuh. Fred and then it just and then they resold it again. It fetched 2 million. They resold it again it fetched seth sorry fred i think it fetched [ light laughter ] seth i feel like this ive known you for so long, i dont i feel like this is the first time ive heard you use fetched like this. [ laughter ] fred well, you know, its just in the art world, thats just what we use seth oh, thats an art term . Fetching fred yeah. So the same guy sort of bought it and kept selling it back to them. Like, i dont know if i want this. Theyre like, well, were going to have to charge more for it. [ light laughter ] so they they kept seth this wasnt a reauction this is, like, a sothebys return policy . Fred its how they operate that part of the that world i dont know as well but then he brought it back. Hes like, you know, it doesnt fit. [ light laughter ] and theyre, like, you know so he sold it back theyre like, well, did you try the barn . Hes like, let me try it again. So its a lot of reselling seth so he would so he would return it, say it doesnt fit. Theyd take it back. Fred yes seth and then hed go theyd say, try the barn. Hed be like, great. And then they would go, like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast. Fred yes seth you got to pay us again. Fred this is ours. And he was like, come on, be cool ive been here for, like, 15 minutes. And theyre, like, this is how we this is, like its in our hands. Im sorry. If you dont want it, well sell it to somebody else. Hes like, fine. And they brought it back so thats the history of this seth i feel like thats so little about this actual painting [ laughter ] do you remember the name of the guy who bought it all those times . Fred i do. [ laughter ] [ applause ] seth give it up [ light laughter ] give it up for fred armisen, everybody. [ cheers and applause our first guest tonight is the emmynominated host of billy on the street. You can currently hear him as the voice of timon in the liveaction remake of the lion king, which is in theaters now lets take a look. Oh, no, its a little lion. That is not a lion. Well then, go check it out. What is it that is not a lion. Its a furry bird it looks like a lion. Thats not a lion let me get up closer look. Excuse me. Ugh, all right let me see what were dealing with here. Its a lion run for your life, pumbaa hey, timon wait, wait, wait timon, wait. Tis its a little lion it gets bigger. Can we keep him can we please keep him oh, oh, i promise. Ill walk him every day. If he makes a little mess, ill clean it up. Youll be his little mess hes going to eat you and then use my body as a toothpick but one day, when hes big and strong, hell be on our side ive got it what if hes on our side hear me out [ light laughter ] seth please welcome back to the show our very good friend billy eichner. [ cheers and applause seth congratulations thank you hey, guys. [ cheers ] seth this is hi, fred. Fred hi. Seth this movie i know everybody was very worried that it would not make any money. Yeah. People were very concerned seth they were very concerned. It was a little indie movie but word of mouth is spreading to the tune of 1 billion [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause seth and this is look, this is an incredible cast it is seth a lot of our dear friends are in this film yes seth beyonce is in this film one of your dearest friends seth dearest friends [ laughter ] who is coming tonight . Maybe she didnt i cant remember oh, is she . Oh, okay seth she always likes to watch from the audience. She likes to surprise with a tenminute set at the comedy store seth yeah. And then come seth but Entertainment Weekly said theres a clear standout performance in the lion king and its not beyonce. They fully give you the standout performance. Yeah, thats very [ cheers and applause yes, all right thank you. Except with a headline like that, i literally, becausef beyonce, have to join the Witness Protection Program seth yeah. [ laughter ] you know, which didnt stop me from reeeting it, by the way. [ light laughter ] but, still no, its very nice the reception has be ry amazing. Seth like, is lets talk oscar buzz, because there has yet to be anyone nominated for voice work, right . I didnt realize this, but no one has ever been nominated for a voice performance ever in any acting category seth i feel like this is like, what better year to get it started, right well, i agree with you, seth. [ laughter ] look, you know, im just a simple, ordinary, man with an emmynom and oscar buzz, trying to make it in our cruel and unforgiving world. [ light laughter ] seth my fingers are crossed for you. Fingers are crossed seth you had a premiere. And you got to meet you can see right there, you got to meet Meghan Markle. Yep seth there she is right there. And prince harry. [ laughter ] seth prince harry. Thats me and seth rogen. [ light laughter ] seth but you and Meghan Markle, you went to college together same school i went to. Same school you went to yeah Meghan Markle and i went to northwestern together. Seth yep and we were both theater majors, and we didnt [ scattered cheers ] okay, we get it. [ laughter ] we were both theater majors. Go, cats i love northwestern. We were both theater majors and we were there at the same time we didnt know each other. But in the midst of all this pomp and circumstance and at that premiere literally, were in a row. A receiving line with prince harry, Meghan Markle, beyonce, elton john, pharrell, tim rice, all these people me, obviously. And in the middle of all that, meghan and i are having a very casual conversation about who our acting teachers were at northwestern and she said, congratulations on your career. And i said, congratulations on your career. And she said, well, it took a little turn. [ laughter ] but she had a great sense of humor. And they were lovely very down to earth seth thats great. So you got to watch it with them and all the people you mentioned. But you have also tried to see it with a regular audience as well yes i did. We had two premieres and thats fun there are celebrities and industry people. But i wanted to see it with regular moviegoers seth yeah. And kids it must be fun and kids. Its a movie for children and for families ultimately. So i went to see it in imax. I snuck in to a regular screening in imax in l. A. Over the weekend, which was beautiful. The movie looks incredible its so beautiful looking. But, you know, i havent been to a movie where a lot of children are in a long time so basically, its parents spending a hundred dollars to take their kids to the bathroom, is what i realize [ laughter ] its, like so against the beautiful lion king for two hours is a silhouette of children being dragged up and down the stairs to the bathroom for, like, two hours [ light laughter ] i was like, why are the parents paying for this . Seth yeah. But i enjoyed it. You know, its a nice movie. Seth and you had a connection to the lion king on broadway yes seth as an actor, people might not know your connection to the lion king on broadway yes this is a true story i was a bartender at the lion king on broadway when i was a struggling actor still struggling according to some critics [ laughter ] but when i was a struggling actor, i was a bartender at broadway shows. And you know its a bad sign i was a bartender at one theater and then they moved me to the lion king. Which means im a bad bartender. [ light laughter ] because no ones making martinis at the lion king, right . [ light laughter ] so basically, youre selling candy and soda the whole time. And and in a foreshadowing of my later career, where i have to shout a lot, my job during intermission was to shout over all the kids in the lobby, all food, water, and soda, can be brought into the theater [ light laughter ] that was my job, was to make sure that parents knew if they bought things, their kids could continue to eat them during act two. Yes. Seth speaking of kids and food, youre a happy meal toy. I am a happy meal toy seth youre merchandise. Yes seth thats very exciting. [ audience aws ] first time merchandise aw, isnt that nice you can eat that while getting a heart attack at the same time. [ light laughter ] yes, thats fun. Who knew id be a happy meal toy . Seth happy meal. And you mentioned you are nominated for an emmy for billy on the street. I am. Seth congratulations [ cheers and applause thank you seth are you thank you seth how do you feel about your chances i mean, im pretty sure im going to lose to freaking Carpool Karaoke. Seth yeah, its a juggernaut now, they theyre in every cat i love ive been on Carpool Karaoke. Seth you have, yes i literally did it. I did Carpool Karaoke with metallica, which is actually dont clap, okay [ laughter ] because now theyre my competition. But, no, i feel like im going to lose to Carpool Karaoke. But, you know, maybe not seth yeah. Maybe on the wind of my oscar buzz seth yes, thats true. Ill get seth thats true because sometimes emmy voters are like, you know what we could just we could be, like, oscaradjacent with our vote. Right exactly. Seth yeah. So well see. Carpool karaoke has, like, 30 emmy theyre in every category seth yes Carpool Karaoke is nominated for, like, best supporting actress im not kidding. [ light laughter ] somehow i dont know why were promoting your stiffest competition. [ laughter ] hes on right now, if you want to change the channel seth no. Well, you could, but come right back say hi and then come right back. Thanks so much for being here. I love you. Seth its always great to have you thank you seth thats billy eichner, everybody. [ cheers and applause the lion king is in theaters now. Well be right back with danielle brooks. [ cheers and applause volunteerism. Fundraising. Giving back. Subaru and our retailers have given over one hundred and sixtyfive Million Dollars to charity. We call it our love promise. And its why you dont even have to own a subaru to love a subaru retailer. Love. Its what makes subaru, subaru you cant fake the goodness the crunch of real almonds. How chocolatey chunks taste in cold milk. We keep it real. Because you cant fake. Delicious. Special k. Ok. Family meeting aww come on im right in the middle of my show busy. Doing homework. I can hear you playing video games. Thats me, honey well, im going to tmobile and for every iphone ten r i buy, theyll give me another one. But if youre all too busy. Wait, what . Youre getting iphone ten rs . Awww yeah. The battery life on those is sick. 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Why are you still talking i dont give a [ bleep ] just get rid of it while youre at it, dump that janky ass shiv you also got under your pillow. Seth please welcome back to the show, danielle brooks, everyone [ cheers and applause hi. Seth welcome back. Im so glad to be back. Seth and i want to congratulate you and talk about the last season, but also, even more congratulations are in order. You are about to be a mom for the first time im going to be a mom [ cheers and applause im so excited seth that actually helps explain your footwear right now. Yes my mamas going to kill me for sitting like this. Let me not do that [ laughter ] i had to my feet are swelling and i brought some shoes and they dont fit seth yeah. And they hurt seth yeah. And im going into my third trimester tomorrow seth yeah. So im going to keep it 100 [ cheers and applause seth yeah. Great. We you i know youre keeping the sex a secret yes seth but are you working on names . Yes i am working on names. Its funny you say that because my mother is an l. Seth uhhuh. But everybody else in my family are ds. And then on my boyfriends side, everybodys ds. So its like, okay, maybe i can find a way to incorporate my mothers name in it. So, im, like my mothers name is lorita so i was, like, dorita, defeata. I know, horrible, right . Dajita my boyfriend says, yaneeda stop. [ laughter ] i was like, yeah, baby, i should stop but we got some good names seth thats good you got this in. I read that you did shakespeare in the park. Yes seth how was that . Crazy i was pregnant doing it. And its because its outside. Seth yeah. So youre in the elements whether it rains or not, you are onstage. And weve only called the show twice, but you still have to go and perform until its raining so hard where you cant perform. Seth wow so you just and who makes that call . Who says the stage manager i think i should make the call [ laughter ] and, like, it was an 1,800 seat house. And they stay and watch it seth wow its really magical but its a lot of animals seth what kind of animals . Raccoons raccoons. And bugs like, gnats flying in your nose. Seth oh, wow, did anyone come onstage did the raccoons come onstage . No, and i wonder, because seth, we were actually the first black show to ever do shakespeare in the park after 60 some odd years. [ applause ] i know seth fantastic give us a broadway house. We need a broadway house but, i think, im not trying to say its because we was black, but this is the first time i think no raccoons came onstage [ laughter ] i dont know if we intimidated them, our presence, what it was, but they didnt come onstage seth Stacey Abrams came to the show yes, she did. Seth that must have been really exciting to have her there. That was great. I should play her in a movie, shouldnt i . Seth yeah, absolutely. Yeah, shes wonderful she really enjoyed the show and she had a great time seth and then orange is the new black, this is crazy, after seven seasons, you were the last scene shot last scene shot, seth seth and how was that . Must have been so emotional. It was emotional but it helped because i shot it by myself seth uhhuh. So no one else was i was on a phone call doing my last scene, so it kind of was easier than connecting and having eye contact. Seth yeah, yeah. Jenji was there all the writers were there and i actually sang a song i wrote a song for my cast mates called seasons and the whole crew and cast came back to take a final photo and i sang the song, barely sang the song i kind of talksang it because i was crying so much yeah, they just enjoyed it so i found a way to incorporate as many of their names into the song or memories that weve had together into the song and shared it with them. It was crazy because jenji decided to put it in the show. Seth oh, wow so it will be in season 7 youll get to hear seasons on season 7 seth thats fantastic. You also have a new lp yes go listen to it. Im so proud [ cheers and applause thank you. Yes. Seth thats excellent. Well, i am so happy for everything that you have going on, but most of all, this thing youre about to make and bring into the world yes you have any advice now . Seth my advice would be for your husband to do everything you need well, wait, before, i got to get one of those [ laughter ] i love you, boo, but seth that is my advice if you are watching, that is my advice love you, d yes. Seth thats danielle brooks, everybody. The final season of orange is the new black begins streaming friday well be right back with music from hobo johnson. [ cheers and applause be right back. With moderate to severe Crohns Disease, i was there, just not always where i needed to be. Is she alright . I hope so. So i talked to my doctor about humira. I learned humira is for people who still have symptoms of Crohns Disease after trying other medications. And the majority of people on humira saw significant symptom relief and many achieved remission in as little as 4 weeks. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Be there for you, and them. Ask your gastroenterologist about humira. With humira, remission is possible. Oooooooooo. Ill show you something neeeeeewwww. Im gonna make you moooooove. Ill show you something, ill show you something. Neeeeeewwww. And now for their service to the community, ill show you something, ill show you something. We present limu emu doug with this key to the city. [ applause ] its an honor to tell you that Liberty Mutual customizes your Car Insurance so you only pay for what you need. And now we need to get back to work. [ applause and band playing ] only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Were going all in thion strawberries. Ra, at their reddest, ripest, they make everything better. Like our strawberry poppyseed salad and new strawberry summer caprese salad. Order online for delivery. Panera. Food as it should be momespecially these days. Its easy to shrink into your own little world. dad i think its here. mom vo especially at this age. big sister where are we going . mom vo its a big, beautiful world out there. little sister woah. big sister wow. See that . mom vo sometimes you just need a little help seeing it. avo the threerow subaru ascent. Love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Get zero percent during the subaru a lot to love event. Make a dunkin run and avoid the afternoon drag. Shouldve got one for john. Ye. Sorry john its okay. Come in for a 2 medium latte or cappuccino from 26pm. America runs on dunkin. [ cheers and applause seth his album, the fall of hobo johnson, is out on september 13th making his late night tv debut, performing typical story, please welcome hobo johnson. [ cheers and applause its a its a its a its typical story where th bassist kills the singer the guitarist and the drummer find theyre i love with each other its the story of the kid who clearly won know what to say when the love of his life starts to calmly walk away and its the story of the dad who decides to chase his dream he quits his jo he falls apart and loses everything and its the stor of the kid who jus wants to make a record loves and crafts it but nobody ever ever cares about it wel hey hey whats your nam talk is for th guys you hate we should sit in silenc while we think o what to say he hey hey i dont think this is working out will you forget i eve asked you to come over to my house i dont think i know much but i know i couldn take a good punch so if you feel like ive been talking enough just tell me to shut up and i will gladl shut the up you kno im afraid of everything staying the same or worsening whats the point of finding calm when calm to m is unsettling settle down little ki your bones are shaking in your skin go and try and take a breath thoug its a typical story about the king who had it all except for citizens who didnt want his head up on a wall its the typical stor about the wife who couldnt quit being in love with such a giant piece of its the story of the queen who coul never ever think of any redeeming qualitie a man could ever bring its the story of the dog who wanted to run away til he learned tha his life is much safer inside a cage i dont really need muc just a place to be alone and you wont really see me much i think im invisible my mirror show another gu the guy doesnt do he just sits in his miserabl everybodys gott live a life that they didnt ask fo why would he put me here just to di just to just to die hey hey whats your nam talking to the guy you hate we should sit in silenc while we think o what to say he hey hey i dont think this is working out will you forget i eve asked you to come over to my hous hey hey i dont think i know much but i know i couldn take a good punch so if you feel like ive been talking enough just tell me to shut up and i will gladl shut the up [ cheers and applause seth hobo johnson, everyone. The fall tour of hobo johnson kicks off on october 9th in seattle. For dates, go to hobojohnson. Com. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause this is a surface laptop 2. And this is a real person named mackenzie book. Hi, im mac book. So mac, which laptop lasts longer . Surface laptop lasts longer. Hmm, interesting. And which ones faster . This ones faster. Really . Amazing. Which one has a better touchscreen . The surface has a better touchscreen. Because it actually has a touchscreen. Oh, right. Macs dont have touchscreens. You should get a surface. Trust me, im mac book. Well, there you have it. Mac book says, get a surface. And these new highrise slim straights are it. Take that jane fineberg. Take what . Jane i see youre still a weirdo. Made a whole career of it babe. All jeans on sale up to fifty percent off and get five bucks off when you try them on. Only at old navy. When does an opportunity become a golden opportunity . When luxury and capability meet exceptional offers. Dont miss your golden opportunity to experience the luxury you desire on a full line of utility vehicles. Now, at the lexus goldoppor. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. So thing no one tells you about tampons . You gotta change sizes to match your flow. Only tampax pearl makes five. So if it hurts to remove . Go down a size. Leaking . Go up one. And every size has our leakguard braid for backup protection. Find your flow combo with tampax. You cant fake the goodness the crunch of real almonds. How chocolatey chunks taste in cold milk. We keep it real. Because you cant fake. Delicious. Special k. Im on the pill. Ill. Im on the pill. Im on the pill, too. But its not birth control. Its truvada for prep®, a oncedaily prescription medicine for adults that, when taken every day along with using safer sex practices, can help lower my chances of getting hiv through sex. I use condoms. But i talked to my doctor about doing more. He said that because i had a higher chance of getting hiv through sex, truvada for prep could be an option for me. She also told me that truvada alone may not keep me from getting hiv. And it does not prevent other stis or pregnancy. You must be hivnegative to take truvada for prep. So you need to get tested for hiv immediately before, and at least every 3 months while taking, truvada. If you think you were exposed to hiv or have flulike symptoms, tell your doctor right away. They may do more tests to confirm you are still hivnegative. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems, kidney failure, and bone problems, which may lead to fractures. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. Tell your doctor about all the medicines you take, if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney, bone, or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking truvada without talking to your doctor. Common side effects include stomach pain, headache, and weight loss. Ask your doctor about your risk of getting hiv and if truvada for prep may be right for you. I wanted to do more. Thats why im on that pill. Truvada for prep. Eligible patients may pay as little as a zero dollar copay. Find out more at truvada. Com. And out of respect, we will let you make the first offer. Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes . Objection overruled. One hour. Sweeten the deal by doing the dishes and ill consider it. I wouldnt do it. I hate the dishes. One hour with the tablet, you walk the dog and do the dishes. If you insist. Congratulations. Only xfinity xfi lets you take control of your familys online time. Thats simple, easy, awesome. Xfinity xfi gives you the speed, coverage and control you need. Manage your wifi network from anywhere when you download the xfi app today. Dand steaks arent just for dinner. St. And right now we can have both for less because with choice sirloin. Dennys is elevating its new steak and eggs for just 10. 99. Its new and its a pretty big deal. See you at dennys announcer for more late night, go to latenightseth. Com. Follow us on instagram and twitter latenightseth and be sure to check us out on youtube and facebook head over to itunes to subscribe to the late night with seth meyers podcast youll get a closer look and more downloaded right to your phone. From the couldnt be prouders to the wait did we just winners. Everyone uses their phone differently. Thats why Xfinity Mobile created a different kind of wireless network. With a different way to do data. One designed to save you money. Now you can share data between lines, mix with unlimited, and switch it up at anytime. Design your own data with Xfinity Mobile. Its wireless reimagined. Simple, easy, awesome. [ cheers and applause seth my thanks to billy eichner, danielle brooks, hobo johnson fred armisen, the 8g band. Stay tuned for carson daly. See you tomorrow [ cheers and applause carson good evening. Im carson daly. Welcome to the 2000th, and yes, final episode of last call. Thats right some of you cant believe th