He had the same look on his face that billy joel has when someone yells, play piano man. Why you already know it. [ laughter ] this mornings House Judiciary Committee testimony from special Counsel Robert Mueller ran behind schedule to the point the Committee Democrats were asked to limit their questioning time, because its not like mueller could further limit his answers. Yes no correct. True no correct. Thank you. Yes. [ laughter ] seth in a new interview, Supreme CourtJustice Ruth Bader ginsburg dismissed republican speculation about her health saying, quote, there was a senator who announced with great glee that i was going to be dead within six months. That senator whose name ive forgotten is now, himself, dead, and i am very much alive. [ laughter ] and thats how we learned rbg one time killed a guy. [ cheers and applause today was cousins day, or as Rudy Giuliani calls it, my anniversary [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] hey, i mean. Theres got to be a price for doing it [ laughter ] tmobile and taco bell are running a promotional event this weekend called tmobell which gives out free tacos inside tmobile cellphone stores. Not to be outdone, arbys Just Announced their new promotion, sprint to the bathroom [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause today was Amelia Earhart day and people celebrated almost all the way around the world [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] im not saying youre wrong [ laughter ] but its a [ bleep ] wellwritten joke. [ laughter and applause so lets agree lets agree to disagree on the content. [ laughter ] and finally, a Flight Attendant required five stitches earlier this week after being bitten during a flight by an emotional support dog. I hate those animals, she said about people in coach. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight [ cheers and applause he is one of our favorites an incredibly funny comedian and actor you can hear as the voice of timon in the liveaction version of the lion king. Billy eichner is back, everybody. [ cheers and applause so happy hes here she is the star of orange is the new black whose seventh and final season is available to stream this friday on netflix. We love having her here. Danielle brooks is back. [ cheers and applause and we have music from hobo johnson so its a great show for you guys before we get to that, it was a busy day Robert Mueller, the former special counsel in the russia investigation testified before Congress Today for more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth of course, muellers testimony was highly anticipated with lots of people expected to watch, except one guy who claimed he wouldnt watch, a guy notorious for watching more tv than is medically advisable, and thats the president of the United States. [ laughter ] trump said this week he would not watch the testimony because democrats shouldnt get to keep talking about the russia investigation. Mr. President one question. No, im not going to be watching probably maybe ill see a little bit of it im not going to be watching mueller, because you cant take all those bites out of the apple. Seth of course, trump thinks you cant take all those bites out of the apple, because hes never taken more than one bite out of an apple. And that was a mistake this meatball is disgusting. [ laughter ] but it would have been instructive for trump to watch, because he clearly has not read the report i mean, its over 400 pages. Theres no way trumps ever read anything that long in his life if he gets a Fortune Cookie with his takeout, he hands it to one of his aides just give me the gist. [ laughter ] in fact, despite his obvious lie, trump was almost certainly watching the hearings, because before they even started he predictably lost his mind on twitter. Again, all of these are just from this morning. So democrats and others can illegally fabricate a crime, try pinning it on a very innocent president , and when he fights back against this illegal, treasonous attack on our country, they call it obstruction . Wrong why didnt Robert Mueller investigate the investigators . Why didnt Robert Mueller and his band of 18 angry democrats spend any time investigating crooked Hillary Clinton, lying and leakin james comey, lisa page and her psycho lover, peter andy mccabe, the beautiful ohr family, fusion gps, and many more, including himself and andrew w so why didnt the highly conflicted Robert Mueller investigate how and why crooked Hillary Clinton deleted and acid washed 33,000 emails immediately after getting a subpoena from the United States congress she must have great lawyers no collusion, no obstruction the greatest witch hunt in u. S. History, by far seth dear god, his tweets would make more sense if they were scribbled on paper and faxed to a newspaper under the zodiac symbol. [ laughter ] but at the very least, todays hearings might have been informative, both for trump and for members of congress whove admitted they didnt read the whole report more than a dozen members of congress readily admitted to politico that they too have skipped around rather than studying every one of the special counsel reports 448 pages. That might explain why some democrats have spent the last few months trying to educate their republican colleagues by reading sections of the report into the congressional record including sections of the report that include colorful language which has given us fun clips like these page 38, volume 2, of the report says, and i quote, when sessions told the president that a special counsel had been appointed, the president slumped back in his chair and said, oh, my god, this is terrible this is the end of my presidency im [ bleep ]. quote, on saturday, june 17th, 2017, the president called mcgahn and told him to have the special counsel removed. That evening, mcgahn called both priebus and bannon and told them that he intended to resign priebus recalled that mcgahn said that the president had asked him to, quote, do crazy [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] seth it is both great and weird to hear a curse word come out of elizabeth warren. [ laughter ] its like watching a nun take a hit off a joint. [ laughter ] what they were reading into the record were details from the report on trumps various attempts to obstruct justice including ordering his former White House Counsel Don Mcgahn to fire mueller. But trump has repeatedly insisted falsely without offering any details that article 2 of the constitution, which is about the executive branch, gives him the power to fire mueller and do whatever he wants. Hes repeated that argument over and over including during a rambling speech yesterday. Article 2 allows me to do whatever i want. Article 2 would have allowed me to fire him. Nobody ever mentions article 2 it gives me all of these rights at a level that nobody has ever seen before. We dont even talk about article 2. Then i have an article 2 where i have the right to do whatever i want as president , but i dont even talk about that [ laughter ] seth first, i have an article 2 is such a new york way of saying it its not jaywalkinghen i do it, because i got an article 2 right here, buddy. [ laughter ] stop your honking. [ cheers and applause also i like how he says i dont talk about that even though he constantly talks about that. Hes like a grandparent who wont stop talking about how you wont call i never hear from you, not a phone call, not an email, not even a card, but still, i dont complain. [ laughter ] also article 2 does not give you the right to do whatever you want if thats the case, it would have been a lot shorter. [ laughter ] this is why todays hearing was so important the lawless president who openly welcomed foreign interference and then tried repeatedly to stop the investigation of that interference thinks he can do whatever he wants, which is why we need a congress that will hold him accountable now you heard the president in his tweets today and for the last few months, he was totally and completely exonerated by the Mueller Report since donald trump is known as a truthful guy, im sure once the hearings began, that Robert Mueller confirmed exactly what the president said. The president had repeatedly claimed that your report found there was no obstruction, and that it completely and totally exonerated him but that is not what your report said, is it . Correct, that is not what the report said. So the report did not conclude that he did not commit obstruction of justice is that correct . That is correct and what about total exoneration . Did you actually totally exonerate the president . No. Seth what . But trump scream tweeted, no collusion, no obstruction. [ light laughter ] it was in all caps and if its in all caps you know its true. Like when you get an email that says free boner pills you know its legit [ light laughter ] youre not going to pay for those boner pills. [ laughter ] right off the bat, this was the key exchange we heard from the investigator, himself, that his report did not exonerate the president. In fact, there was at least one very specific reason mueller couldnt just go ahead and charge trump with a crime, and its because of guidelines from the justice Departments Office of legal counsel, or olc, that say a sitting president cannot be indicted, which mueller confirmed today. The chairman of the Judiciary Committee jerry nadler also asked mueller about his attempts to interview trump, which trump refused, and revealed how long mueller had tried to get trump to sit down for an interview did the president refuse a request to be interviewed by you and your team . Yes yes and is it true you tried for more than a year to secure an interview with the president yes seth well, you didnt go through the proper channels. If you want trump to give you an answer, you either need to go to fox news or send him a rambling tweet that praises him in syntax he is familiar with. Mr. Very innocent president , sir, we would love for you to sit down for a very exonerating interview, sir, because youre the best and most not guilty president , with the most innocence, sir, and everyone says so, sir. [ laughter ] and then [ cheers and applause then after the chairmans first questions came time for the republicans to open up their questions with the Ranking Member of the committee, doug collins, who warned mueller that he would try to speak slowly and then immediately rambled so quickly even mueller couldnt follow him. Ill talk slowly. Im said that i talk fast. I will talk slowly your report states that your Investigative Team included 19 lawyers and approximately 40 fbi agents and analysts and accountants. Are those numbers accurate could you repeat that, please [ laughter ] is it also true you issued 2,800 subpoenas, executed nearly 500 search warrants, obtained more than 230 orders for Communications Records and 50 pin registers that went a little fast for me [ laughter ] seth dude, are you a member of congress or an auctioneer [ laughter ] he didnt get the answer he wanted but he did sell three paintings and a hog. [ light laughter ] republicans also tried to grill mueller by criticizing him for specifically stating in his report that trump had not been exonerated but as usual they devolved into partisan name calling, when one republican congressman called democrats socialists and slammed mueller for how he handled the allegations against trump. Americans need to know this, as they listen to democrats and socialists on the other side of the aisle, i agree with the chairman this morning when he said donald trump is not above the law. Hes not but he damn sure shouldnt be below the law which is where volume 2 of this report puts him. Seth i agree, because that isnt a thing. [ laughter ] though, if anyone could be below the law, its Donald Trump Trump looks up at the law the same way he looks up at an eclipse. [ laughter ] below the law sounds like a straight to video Steven Seagal movie starring donald trump. [ laughter ] now, compare that tirade to the straightforward questions of some of the democrats which produced matter of fact yesorno answers. An unsuccessful attempt to obstruct justice is still a crime, is that correct that is correct does that mean you have to investigate all of his conduct to ascertain true motive no. President trump directed White House Counsel Don Mcgahn to fire you. Isnt that correct true. Seth damn. This hearing was flying so fast it must have been impossible for trump to follow along. Remember, hes used to fox news where his favorite hosts speak slowly and loudly in words he can understand paul ryan needs to step down as speaker of the house. Seth see, nice and slow in a new york accent. [ applause ] Jeanine PirroJeanine Pirro is like dora the explorer if shed grown up on long island. Can you help boots find the auto body shop good job. [ speaking in Foreign Language ] [ laughter ] this captured the fundamental weirdness of the hearing mueller wants the report to speak for itself, and that report is incredibly damning on its own which is why mueller often responded with simple yesorno answers. In fact, so much of this hearing consisted of democrats just reading excerpts of the report to mueller and having mueller confirm that he did, indeed, write those excerpts on page 77 of volume 2, your report also stated, quote, in addition, some witnesses said that trump privately sought information about future wikileak releases. End quote. Is that correct . Correct the president engaged in efforts and i quote, to encourage witnesses not to cooperate with the investigation. Is that right . Thats correct. Didnt the president say, quote, and this is on page 116, if he doesnt write a letter, then maybe ill have to get rid of him. End quote. Yes seth yeah, he wrote it thats why this whole thing was so weird he already wrote down everything he knows its like if you called in Ernest Hemingway to grill him about one of his books is it true that one of the characters is an old man . Yes. [ laughter ] and he is, in fact, on the sea . That is correct. [ laughter ] republicans, meanwhile, tried to impugn muellers credibility, like when congressman Louie Gohmert bizarrely asked mueller if he was friends with former fbi director james comey, who of course was fired by trump after trump asked him for loyalty and told him to shut down his investigation into former National Security adviser michael flynn. You and james comey have been good friends, were good friends, for many years correct . We were Business Associates we both started off at the Justice Department about you were good friends you can Work Together and not be friends but you and comey were friends. We were friends seth gohmert might just be jealous that unlike him, people have friends [ laughter ] and this friend of yours, hes someone you can have lunch with, maybe catch a ball game . [ laughter and applause and when youre going through a rough patch in your personal life, hes there to lend an ear . Maybe your family and his family take a vacation together once in a well, that must be very nice for you. [ laughter ] mr. Mueller, i have one question for you, will you be my friend . No. [ laughter ] [ applause ] seth and then gohmert went off on an unhinged rant that went on for so long, he eventually got cut off by the chairman of the committee which led to a very curt response from mueller. If somebody knows they did not conspire with anybody from russia to effect the election, and they see the big Justice Department with people that hate that person coming after them, and then a special counsel appointed who hires dozens or more people that hate that person, and he knows hes innocent hes not corruptly acting in order to see that justice is done what hes doing is not obstructing justice. He is pursuing justice and the fact that you gentlemans time [ gavel struck ] ran it out in two years means you perpetuated injustice i take i take your question gentlemans time is expired the witness may answer the question i take your question. [ light laughter ] seth now, apparently, i take your question is a pretty standard legal response, but it sounded like some dowager countesslevel shade [ laughter ] i take your question, now, if you dont mind, do [ bleep ] right off. [ laughter ] [ applause ] in particular, republicans seem focused on the fact that mueller listed possible instances of obstruction of justice and said he cannot exonerate the president. Republicans basically argued that it was unfair for mueller to put that information in the report if he could not indict the president. Even though the rules specifically said he wasnt allowed to indict the president. But then one republican congressman accidentally got mueller to offer an extremely revealing answer on whether trump could ever be charged with a crime in the future. Was there sufficient evidence to convict President Trump or anyone else with obstruction of justice . We did not make that calculation. How could you not have made the calculation . E olc opinion, office of legal counsel, indicates that we cannot indict a sitting president. Okay. But the could you charge the president with a crime after he left office . Yes you believe that he committed you could charge the president of the United States with obstruction of justice after he left office . Yes seth oh, those were very fast yeses [ light laughter ] and would you like to be there the day hes arrested . Yes. That guy was a republican. [ cheers and applause was a r