Positively in another sense. So this morning i tested positively toward the negative, right . So, no, i tested perfectly this morning, meaning i tested negative which makes me wonder, exactly how deep do they push that swab . President trump yesterday congratulated his daughter tiffany on twitter for graduating from law school, which is actually kind of a sweet way to say, i dont have your number. President trump today visited a ford factory in michigan that is building ventilators amid the coronavirus pandemic and after plenty of begging, they let him put a mud flap on one. Thats right, President Trump visited a ford factory that is building ventilators amid the coronavirus pandemic then hell most likely visit fox news where theyre building hyperventilators hyperventilators according to reports, republican political operatives are looking for extremely protrump doctors to make Television Appearances recommending that the u. S. Open as quickly as possible though its maybe hard to find someone with eight years of college whos also protrump it might just be faster to send gary bucci to medical school formericesident joe biden criticized republicans yesterday for not condemning President Trump for recently firing four inspector generals and said, quote, where are they . Why arent they speaking up about this at which point republicans for the very first time put on their masks. [ muffled speaking ] a new model has predicted that President Trump will lose to former Vice President joe biden in novembers president ial election in a landslide. No, like literally, there will be an actual landslide, because 2020 is relentless religious gatherings of up to ten people resumed across new york state today but if a rabbi, a minister and a priest walk into a bar, they can only get takeout apparently one of my writers is quarantining in the catskills. They can only get takeout. According to a new report, billionaire investor warren buffet and microsoft founder bill gates are still playing their regular bridge game during the coronavirus pandemic said buffet, okay, i see your golden gate and i raise you the brooklyn. According to a new poll 44 of americans say that their favorite way to relax is visiting the beach the rest said its agreeing to a zoom happy hour and then getting out of it five minutes beforehand and finally, Grand Canyon National Park will reopen to the public tomorrow for memorial day weekend. Said guests, i dont feel good. I dont feel good. I dont feel good. I dont feel good. This has been a monologue. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Musician and actor Janelle Monae is here. And you know Patton Oswalt from king of queens, ratatouille, and a. P. Bio. Hes one of the greats and has a fantastic new standup special so, im excited to talk to patton, but first, a closer look. Seth hello everyone, and welcome back to another attic show without tacos and i say without tacos, because thats an anagram for attic show and personally, i think coming up with anagrams is a fun way to pass time during a pandemic. Denim cap. Tng worse than wearing a denim cap is going through a pand baking a loaf of sourdough or noon day rye, which is an anagram for andy rooney who i realize im starting to sound like have you ever noticed how anagrams are just the same letters in a different order . But look, im not here to talk about portland mud im here to talk about donald trump because the president and his political allies are, once again, trying to subvert the 2020 election, suet the 2020 convertible by using the levers of power to target political opponents and disrupt the voting process, itself for more on this, its time for a closer look. Seth donald trump is a deranged man weve been over this you guys know the deal if this show was a book, that would be the subtitle. His brain is likely the gelatinous texture and consistency of pumpkin pie filling and there is no way to treat a brain ailment like that, though, i guess were going to find out if hydroxychloroquine helps. Trump is a deeply paranoid guy who sees enemies and shadowy plots everywhere he looks. And he encourages others to see those same conspiracies. On tuesday, for example, he met with farmers and told a potato farmer from virginia that the State Government was somehow trying to take away the Second Amendment. Were going after virginia with your crazy governor were going after virginia lll they want to take your Second Amendment away, you know that, right . Youll have nobody guarding your potatoes seth oh, ive been in quarantine for two months with two kids and i still havent said anything that crazy you know that farmer was like, oh, damn, am i supposed to be guarding my potatoes right now you know whats guarding your potatoes the fact that they cost about 12 cents a pound and grow underground. Of course, trump probably thinks potatoes grow in bags on supermarket shelves. Im just kidding hes never been to a supermarket. But thats how trumps mind works. He sees deranged conspiracies everywhere take voting, we like to think of it as perhaps the single most sacred principle underpinning our democracy. Voting is a universal right not a privilege. Even the Republican Party, which has for decades committed itself to suppressing the votes of marginalized people through voter i. D. Laws and gerrymandering, knows enough to at least Pay Lip Service to that idea but on wednesday, as is his want, trump just blurted out the truth during an incoherent rant on mailin voting. He sees voting as an honor, not a right. I think just common sense would tell you that its massive manipulation can take place. Massive. They and you do, you have cases of fraudulent ballots where they actually print them and they give them to people to sign maybe the same person signs them with different writing, different pens i dont know, a lot of things can happen now, if you can, you should go and vote voting is an honor it shouldnt be something where they send you a pile of stuff and you send it back seth they send you a pile of stuff and you send it back thats mail. Thats how the mail works. And then you go to a restaurant and say chicken to a stranger who youve never met and the next thing you know they bring it to you on a plate it makes no sense. You know, voter fraud is virtually nonexistent in this country. The most fhe concocted by a republican to cheat in a Congressional Election in North Carolina in 2018, which invalidated the election and resulted in a redo. Now, you might be wondering if democratic voter fraud is supposedly so widespread as republicans claim, why do we only know about voter fraud cases involving republicans . Msnbc asked the then executive director of the North Carolina gop that question and he did not have a particularly good answer. We constantly are hearing republicans say that democrats are engaged in voter fraud there is almost never any evidence of that and right here you are holding a board that has at least 22 cases of voter fraud in the state of North Carolina in one district executed by republicans in one district in one Congressional District in one election. So, 22 cases of voter fraud by a republican. Where are the democratic cases of voter fraud well, im not keeping score of that. Seth well, well, well, it looks like you caught me with my britches down, but as you have insulted my honor, i have no recourse but to challenge to you a dual tomorrow morning in the potato field. And yet, yesterday, trump threatened on twitter to unilaterally withhold funding from the states of michigan and nevada simply for mailing out applications for absentee ballots, which is perfectly legal in which states with democratic and republican governors have done for years. Just five months, after he got impeached for threatening to withhold funding from ukraine unless they interfered in the election and two months after he said governors who want help from the federal government have to treat him well, he just keeps using the same move over and over. Its only a matter of time before he threatens to withhold funding from the post office, unless they promise to look at every ballot and dump the ones marked for biden in the shredder he uses for his tax returns. It comes with an extra large bin. And the Republican Party is fully in lock step behind trump in the middle of a pandemic that has killed more than 90,000 americans and created the economy, theyre transforming the senate into an arm of the president s campaign the Senate JudiciaryCommittee Led by Lindsey Graham is moving forward with an investigation of the origins of the russia probe in an effort to target Obama Administration officials in the Senate Homeland security and Governmental AffairsCommittee Led by ron johnson, voted to subpoena documents as part of an investigation of hunter biden. The same investigation trump got impeached for and republicans are fine with all of it. You might get a little grumble, you know, from mitt romney and Susan Collins might form a committee to look into the possibility of furrowing her brow but otherwise the gop is done with all of it theyre like bank robbers who get caught planning a heist and then say, should we just, you know, do it anyway . Republicans are just as paranoid and conspiratorial as trump. He didnt come out of nowhere. He fits perfectly in the gop theyve concocted an insane fantasy in which obama spied on trump by secretly monitoring suspicious calls by Michael Flynn and not telling trump about it as johnson claimed tuesday on fox news. So if that were the case, that they were genuinely concerned that there was some compromise or something going on that was nefarious on those phone calls, why would they have not told the incoming president of the United States because it is a corrupt transition process no, thats exactly what they should have done seth they did. Obama warned then president elect trump about flynn during a meeting in the oval office two days after the election i mean, do you remember . That incredibly bizarre meeting where trump sat stone faced next to obama like a terrified 7th grader who just got called into the Principals Office . These guys have concocted a bunch of insane conspiracy theories and now theyre using the levers of government to suppress votes and drum up politically motivated investigation and theyre doing that because theyre losing polls show americans broadly dissatisfied with trumps handling of the pandemic and biden consistently ahead of trump. And when a democrat is ahead of trump in the polls, its all over, baby oh, right. The president has badly mishandled the massive cataclysm that has left nearly 100,000 dead and the economy in tatters yet, on wednesday he insisted he had actually handled the situation perfectly. Mr. President , with 4 of the worlds population and 33 of the outbreak, what would you have done differently facing this crisis well, nothing seth are you sure . You dont want to think about it for maybe another second you dont think you would have changed anything like, you know maybe you shouldnt have said coronavirus would disappear like a miracle that it was like the flu or that you could cure it buy chopping tidetogo sticks and shining a heat lamp up your ass . Okay in reality, of course, there are lots of things we could have been doing and should be doing now to suppress the outbreak new data reported by the New York Times last night suggested that lockdown delays cost at least 36,000 lives instead, trump has been obsessed with pushing hydroxychloroquine as an unproven miracle cure despite the fact that his own fda warns against taking it. And now after claiming that out of nowhere that he himself was taking hydroxychloroquine, trump announced on wednesday that he was about to stop. [ talking over each other come on, lets go were done i think the regimen finishes in a day or two. I think its a two days seth so, trump took an unproven drug for no reason and decided arbitrarily that the regimen finishes in a day or two. Yeah, i only have two days left because last i checked there were just the two pills left in the dispenser. You better not be holding out on me mickey. The president is pushing dangerous miracle cures when there are actually lots of things, like testing, Contact Tracing, and isolation, we could be doing to save lives in fact this week has provided a fairly stark contrast between things that do work and things that dont work in combating the coronavirus pandemic and, which of those trump has chosen on the embrace. For example, it was reported this week that experiments by a team in hong kong found that the coronavirus transmission rate via respiratory droplets or airborne particles dropped by as much as 75 when surgical masks were used. Now, thats potentially huge news however, there is one big caveat to this story. The study used hamsters in two cages. One group of hamsters infected with covid19 and the other healthy. Now if youre wondering how one group of hamsters got infected, they were the hamsters who violated stayathome orders to get haircuts you guys want to know something fun . You see whatever that picture is i havent seen it yet. You are seeing it before i do. We just write hamster with a super styled haircut, and then a member of our incredible Graphics Team working from their apartment makes it and then i pretend to look at it, like this. And im like but im just im just staring at the ceiling in my attic i miss being at work, guys im over this reacquainting funk also, the study just used mask barriers in the cages. They didnt actually make the hamsters wear masks, but i really wish they had, because that would mean, you know, it was actually someones job to make tiny hamstersized face masks. And then from that we could extrapolate that they also make hamster sized accessories, like gloves, you know and, of course, tiny cages for the pet hamsters, tiny pet again, i have no idea what any of those graphics are going to look like. But i assume theyre fun i hope you enjoyed them. So, this finding is obviously preliminary and has some caveats, but its consistent with what we know about countries that have adopted widespread masks wearing along with other techniques like Contact Tracing. By and large, theyve had a lot more success containing the pandemic than we have. Widespread mask wearing along with testing, Contact Tracing and isolation is one of a few simple measures that could very possibly help us get back to some semblance of normalcy and yet, conservatives have decided to turn it into yet another dumb culture war issue. Some have even theorized that its a media conspiracy to keep people permanently afraid. Rush limbaugh made a great point, as he always does, on the radio the other day, and he said the virus, itself, as it weakens, and states start reopening, the media that have been selling this panic, panic, panic, for weeks and weeks and weeks, they have fewer images to sell their hysteria to justify continued lockdowns. But the masks, well, theyre kind of a constant reminder. You see the mask and you think youre not safe. You are not back to normal, not even close seth okay, first of all, any time someone says Rush Limbaugh made a great point the other day, thats your cue to exit the conversation thats usually the point on thanksgiving where you excuse yourself, go to the bathroom and take a hit off your vape pen or, alternatively, you look for your vape pen, realize you forgot it and frantically search the medicine cabinet for something that will get you high oh, amoxicillin all right. I had a potato with it second, you think people need to see masks to be reminded that things are bad i assure you, no one needs to be reminded we cant go to the gym our mail is soaked in so much lysol we can barely read the return address and we have been locked in our houses with our kids for three months im so desperate to keep my children entertained, i spent all night making wasp tshirts and then we did not one, not two, but three takes now they want to know when their next gig is. My younger one keeps telling me he has an agent now and given how crazy [ bleep ] is, i honestly cant tell if he is joking or not. The point is, mass wearing isnt some liberal media conspiracy. There is evidence to suggest it works. Lots of other countries do it. And the vast majority of americans agree with it. A new poll out on wednesday found that 62 of americans say that deciding to wear a face mask is more of a matter of Public Health than a matter of personal choice. About twothirds say they always or mostly wear a face mask or other covering when theyre in public and near other people and 69 say that its a sign of respectfulness to wear a face mask when in public and near other people and theyre right. Its just common decency if you know that coughing or breathing on someone can get them sick, you cover your mouth. Unless are you trump, in which case you force everyone to cluster together next to you in a tiny Briefing Room and repeatedly grab the microphone like the emcee at an open mic night. Is anyone here . Is anyone here from out of town . [ cough you sir in the front room front row right there. Yeah, where are you from i know its you, fauci i know its you. Okay, can you tell me where you are from, so i can burn you a couple times, fauci . Hey, we only roast the ones we love and i love you, fauci youre my best friend. And despite the fact that the cdc recommends with it, and most americans agree with it, trump began to refuse to wear a mask today while touring a ford plant in michigan after ford had initially said they would require one. Trump and Vice President mike pence have repeatedly refused to wear masks in setti