Positively in another sense. So this morning i tested positively toward the negative, right . So, no, i tested perfectly this morning, meaning i tested negative which makes me wonder, exactly how deep do they push that swab . President trump yesterday congratulated his daughter tiffany on twitter for graduating from law school, which is actually kind of a sweet way to say, i dont have your number. President trump today visited a ford factory in michigan that is building ventilators amid the coronavirus pandemic and after plenty of begging, they let him put a mud flap on one. Thats right, President Trump visited a ford factory that is building ventilators amid the coronavirus pandemic then hell most likely visit fox news where theyre building hyperventilators hyperventilators according to reports, republican political operatives are looking for extremely protrump doctors to make Television Appearances recommending that the u. S. Open as quickly as possible though its maybe hard to find someone with eight years of college whos also protrump it might just be faster to send gary bucci to medical school formericesident joe biden criticized republicans yesterday for not condemning President Trump for recently firing four inspector generals and said, quote, where are they . Why arent they speaking up about this at which point republicans for the very first time put on their masks. [ muffled speaking ] a new model has predicted that President Trump will lose to former Vice President joe biden in novembers president ial election in a landslide. No, like literally, there will be an actual landslide, because 2020 is relentless religious gatherings of up to ten people resumed across new york state today but if a rabbi, a minister and a priest walk into a bar, they can only get takeout apparently one of my writers is quarantining in the catskills. They can only get takeout. According to a new report, billionaire investor warren buffet and microsoft founder bill gates are still playing their regular bridge game during the coronavirus pandemic said buffet, okay, i see your golden gate and i raise you the brooklyn. According to a new poll 44 of americans say that their favorite way to relax is visiting the beach the rest said its agreeing to a zoom happy hour and then getting out of it five minutes beforehand and finally, Grand Canyon National Park will reopen to the public tomorrow for memorial day weekend. Said guests, i dont feel good. I dont feel good. I dont feel good. I dont feel good. This has been a monologue. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Musician and actor Janelle Monae is here. And you know Patton Oswalt from king of queens, ratatouille, and a. P. Bio. Hes one of the greats and has a fantastic new standup special so, im excited to talk to patton, but first, a closer look. Seth hello everyone, and welcome back to another attic show without tacos and i say without tacos, because thats an anagram for attic show and personally, i think coming up with anagrams is a fun way to pass time during a pandemic. Denim cap. Tng worse than wearing a denim cap is going through a pand baking a loaf of sourdough or noon day rye, which is an anagram for andy rooney who i realize im starting to sound like have you ever noticed how anagrams are just the same letters in a different order . But look, im not here to talk about portland mud im here to talk about donald trump because the president and his political allies are, once again, trying to subvert the 2020 election, suet the 2020 convertible by using the levers of power to target political opponents and disrupt the voting process, itself for more on this, its time for a closer look. Seth donald trump is a deranged man weve been over this you guys know the deal if this show was a book, that would be the subtitle. His brain is likely the gelatinous texture and consistency of pumpkin pie filling and there is no way to treat a brain ailment like that, though, i guess were going to find out if hydroxychloroquine helps. Trump is a deeply paranoid guy who sees enemies and shadowy plots everywhere he looks. And he encourages others to see those same conspiracies. On tuesday, for example, he met with farmers and told a potato farmer from virginia that the State Government was somehow trying to take away the Second Amendment. Were going after virginia with your crazy governor were going after virginia lll they want to take your Second Amendment away, you know that, right . Youll have nobody guarding your potatoes seth oh, ive been in quarantine for two months with two kids and i still havent said anything that crazy you know that farmer was like, oh, damn, am i supposed to be guarding my potatoes right now you know whats guarding your potatoes the fact that they cost about 12 cents a pound and grow underground. Of course, trump probably thinks potatoes grow in bags on supermarket shelves. Im just kidding hes never been to a supermarket. But thats how trumps mind works. He sees deranged conspiracies everywhere take voting, we like to think of it as perhaps the single most sacred principle underpinning our democracy. Voting is a universal right not a privilege. Even the Republican Party, which has for decades committed itself to suppressing the votes of marginalized people through voter i. D. Laws and gerrymandering, knows enough to at least Pay Lip Service to that idea but on wednesday, as is his want, trump just blurted out the truth during an incoherent rant on mailin voting. He sees voting as an honor, not a right. I think just common sense would tell you that its massive manipulation can take place. Massive. They and you do, you have cases of fraudulent ballots where they actually print them and they give them to people to sign maybe the same person signs them with different writing, different pens i dont know, a lot of things can happen now, if you can, you should go and vote voting is an honor it shouldnt be something where they send you a pile of stuff and you send it back seth they send you a pile of stuff and you send it back thats mail. Thats how the mail works. And then you go to a restaurant and say chicken to a stranger who youve never met and the next thing you know they bring it to you on a plate it makes no sense. You know, voter fraud is virtually nonexistent in this country. The most fhe concocted by a republican to cheat in a Congressional Election in North Carolina in 2018, which invalidated the election and resulted in a redo. Now, you might be wondering if democratic voter fraud is supposedly so widespread as republicans claim, why do we only know about voter fraud cases involving republicans . Msnbc asked the then executive director of the North Carolina gop that question and he did not have a particularly good answer. We constantly are hearing republicans say that democrats are engaged in voter fraud there is almost never any evidence of that and right here you are holding a board that has at least 22 cases of voter fraud in the state of North Carolina in one district executed by republicans in one district in one Congressional District in one election. So, 22 cases of voter fraud by a republican. Where are the democratic cases of voter fraud well, im not keeping score of that. Seth well, well, well, it looks like you caught me with my britches down, but as you have insulted my honor, i have no recourse but to challenge to you a dual tomorrow morning in the potato field. And yet, yesterday, trump threatened on twitter to unilaterally withhold funding from the states of michigan and nevada simply for mailing out applications for absentee ballots, which is perfectly legal in which states with democratic and republican governors have done for years. Just five months, after he got impeached for threatening to withhold funding from ukraine unless they interfered in the election and two months after he said governors who want help from the federal government have to treat him well, he just keeps using the same move over and over. Its only a matter of time before he threatens to withhold funding from the post office, unless they promise to look at every ballot and dump the ones marked for biden in the shredder he uses for his tax returns. It comes with an extra large bin. And the Republican Party is fully in lock step behind trump in the middle of a pandemic that has killed more than 90,000 americans and created the economy, theyre transforming the senate into an arm of the president s campaign the Senate Judiciary Committee Led by Lindsey Graham is moving forward with an investigation of the origins of the russia probe in an effort to target Obama Administration officials in the Senate Homeland security and Governmental Affairs Committee Led by ron johnson, voted to subpoena documents as part of an investigation of hunter biden. The same investigation trump got impeached for and republicans are fine with all of it. You might get a little grumble, you know, from mitt romney and Susan Collins might form a committee to look into the possibility of furrowing her brow but otherwise the gop is done with all of it theyre like bank robbers who get caught planning a heist and then say, should we just, you know, do it anyway . Republicans are just as paranoid and conspiratorial as trump. He didnt come out of nowhere. He fits perfectly in the gop theyve concocted an insane fantasy in which obama spied on trump by secretly monitoring suspicious calls by Michael Flynn and not telling trump about it as johnson claimed tuesday on fox news. So if that were the case, that they were genuinely concerned that there was some compromise or something going on that was nefarious on those phone calls, why would they have not told the incoming president of the United States because it is a corrupt transition process no, thats exactly what they should have done seth they did. Obama warned then president elect trump about flynn during a meeting in the oval office two days after the election i mean, do you remember . That incredibly bizarre meeting where trump sat stone faced next to obama like a terrified 7th grader who just got called into the Principals Office . These guys have concocted a bunch of insane conspiracy theories and now theyre using the levers of government to suppress votes and drum up politically motivated investigation and theyre doing that because theyre losing polls show americans broadly dissatisfied with trumps handling of the pandemic and biden consistently ahead of trump. And when a democrat is ahead of trump in the polls, its all over, baby oh, right. The president has badly mishandled the massive cataclysm that has left nearly 100,000 dead and the economy in tatters yet, on wednesday he insisted he had actually handled the situation perfectly. Mr. President , with 4 of the worlds population and 33 of the outbreak, what would you have done differently facing this crisis well, nothing seth are you sure . You dont want to think about it for maybe another second you dont think you would have changed anything like, you know maybe you shouldnt have said coronavirus would disappear like a miracle that it was like the flu or that you could cure it buy chopping tidetogo sticks and shining a heat lamp up your ass . Okay in reality, of course, there are lots of things we could have been doing and should be doing now to suppress the outbreak new data reported by the New York Times last night suggested that lockdown delays cost at least 36,000 lives instead, trump has been obsessed with pushing hydroxychloroquine as an unproven miracle cure despite the fact that his own fda warns against taking it. And now after claiming that out of nowhere that he himself was taking hydroxychloroquine, trump announced on wednesday that he was about to stop. [ talking over each other come on, lets go were done i think the regimen finishes in a day or two. I think its a two days seth so, trump took an unproven drug for no reason and decided arbitrarily that the regimen finishes in a day or two. Yeah, i only have two days left because last i checked there were just the two pills left in the dispenser. You better not be holding out on me mickey. The president is pushing dangerous miracle cures when there are actually lots of things, like testing, Contact Tracing, and isolation, we could be doing to save lives in fact this week has provided a fairly stark contrast between things that do work and things that dont work in combating the coronavirus pandemic and, which of those trump has chosen on the embrace. For example, it was reported this week that experiments by a team in hong kong found that the coronavirus transmission rate via respiratory droplets or airborne particles dropped by as much as 75 when surgical masks were used. Now, thats potentially huge news however, there is one big caveat to this story. The study used hamsters in two cages. One group of hamsters infected with covid19 and the other healthy. Now if youre wondering how one group of hamsters got infected, they were the hamsters who violated stayathome orders to get haircuts you guys want to know something fun . You see whatever that picture is i havent seen it yet. You are seeing it before i do. We just write hamster with a super styled haircut, and then a member of our incredible Graphics Team working from their apartment makes it and then i pretend to look at it, like this. And im like but im just im just staring at the ceiling in my attic i miss being at work, guys im over this reacquainting funk also, the study just used mask barriers in the cages. They didnt actually make the hamsters wear masks, but i really wish they had, because that would mean, you know, it was actually someones job to make tiny hamstersized face masks. And then from that we could extrapolate that they also make hamster sized accessories, like gloves, you know and, of course, tiny cages for the pet hamsters, tiny pet again, i have no idea what any of those graphics are going to look like. But i assume theyre fun i hope you enjoyed them. So, this finding is obviously preliminary and has some caveats, but its consistent with what we know about countries that have adopted widespread masks wearing along with other techniques like Contact Tracing. By and large, theyve had a lot more success containing the pandemic than we have. Widespread mask wearing along with testing, Contact Tracing and isolation is one of a few simple measures that could very possibly help us get back to some semblance of normalcy and yet, conservatives have decided to turn it into yet another dumb culture war issue. Some have even theorized that its a media conspiracy to keep people permanently afraid. Rush limbaugh made a great point, as he always does, on the radio the other day, and he said the virus, itself, as it weakens, and states start reopening, the media that have been selling this panic, panic, panic, for weeks and weeks and weeks, they have fewer images to sell their hysteria to justify continued lockdowns. But the masks, well, theyre kind of a constant reminder. You see the mask and you think youre not safe. You are not back to normal, not even close seth okay, first of all, any time someone says Rush Limbaugh made a great point the other day, thats your cue to exit the conversation thats usually the point on thanksgiving where you excuse yourself, go to the bathroom and take a hit off your vape pen or, alternatively, you look for your vape pen, realize you forgot it and frantically search the medicine cabinet for something that will get you high oh, amoxicillin all right. I had a potato with it second, you think people need to see masks to be reminded that things are bad i assure you, no one needs to be reminded we cant go to the gym our mail is soaked in so much lysol we can barely read the return address and we have been locked in our houses with our kids for three months im so desperate to keep my children entertained, i spent all night making wasp tshirts and then we did not one, not two, but three takes now they want to know when their next gig is. My younger one keeps telling me he has an agent now and given how crazy [ bleep ] is, i honestly cant tell if he is joking or not. The point is, mass wearing isnt some liberal media conspiracy. There is evidence to suggest it works. Lots of other countries do it. And the vast majority of americans agree with it. A new poll out on wednesday found that 62 of americans say that deciding to wear a face mask is more of a matter of Public Health than a matter of personal choice. About twothirds say they always or mostly wear a face mask or other covering when theyre in public and near other people and 69 say that its a sign of respectfulness to wear a face mask when in public and near other people and theyre right. Its just common decency if you know that coughing or breathing on someone can get them sick, you cover your mouth. Unless are you trump, in which case you force everyone to cluster together next to you in a tiny Briefing Room and repeatedly grab the microphone like the emcee at an open mic night. Is anyone here . Is anyone here from out of town . [ cough you sir in the front room front row right there. Yeah, where are you from i know its you, fauci i know its you. Okay, can you tell me where you are from, so i can burn you a couple times, fauci . Hey, we only roast the ones we love and i love you, fauci youre my best friend. And despite the fact that the cdc recommends with it, and most americans agree with it, trump began to refuse to wear a mask today while touring a ford plant in michigan after ford had initially said they would require one. Trump and Vice President mike pence have repeatedly refused to wear masks in settings where they were required or where everyone around them was wearing one. Put aside the fact that trump and pence are ignoring their own governments guidelines on mask wearing or the stupid conservative culture war over masks. Why do you guys have to be such dicks about everything just be polite if you go over to someones house and they ask you to take your shoes off, you take your shoes off. And then you quietly make a mental note that youre not going to any more of sharons game nights. You dont make a big show of leaving them on and tracking mud everywhere or in trumps case, toilet paper there are simple straight forward things we could have done and could be doing now to suppress the outbreak and safely get back to some semblance of normalcy instead, the president and his allies are spending their time trying to subvert the 2020 election. T ama spying or democrats committing voter fraud. None of that has any basis in reality. Soon trumps going to start telling people that if he doesnt get reelected youll have nobody guarding your potatoes. Seth this has been a looser lock anagram seth during the covid crisis, city harvest has been stepping up to rescue and deliver more food to meet the increased need in new york city. Theres a website below to donate well be right back with Janelle Monae. Announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. vo love. Its what weve always said makes subaru, subaru. And right now, love is more important than ever. In response to covid19, subaru and our retailers are donating fifty million meals to feeding america, to help feed those who now need our help. Its all part of our commitment to our communities through subaru loves to help. Love, its what makes subaru, subaru. Tums ver bell rings la stick when heartburn hits fight back fast. With tums chewy bites. Beat heartburn fast tums chewy bites Anita Sampson vo i was born during a quarantine. I dont remember it, of course, but for my mother, it was a very difficult time. She told me, it was just you and me for many months. But she wasnt alone. Everybody tried to do what they could to help. But she was also a very strong person. And then it was over. We came out into a new world, my mother and me. We can get through this. We all have the strength to do it. Im a hundred years old. And you just take care of that little miracle. It can be used on the hands, body, and face. It cleanses and moistuizes with 1 4 moisturizing cream. Leaving your skin feeling comfortable and smooth. Dove men care 3in1 bar. When better chickens are hatched, we will hatch them. Its why all of the tyson chicken that bears his name is raised with no antibiotics ever. Every nugget, strip and drumstick. Keep it real. Keep it tyson. A new moment in wireless has begun. Tmobile and sprint are joining forces. By bringing together our two networks, tmobile will build americas largest and most reliable 5g network. With more towers, more engineers, and more coverage. Youll get the best 5g network, and the best prices. Welcome to tmobile. Americas largest 5g network. Seth our first guest tonight is a Grammy Nominated musician and actor who stars in the Second Season of homecoming, which premiers this friday on Amazon Prime Video heres my conversation with Janelle Monae. Janelle, how are you its lovely to see you again hi seth, how are you . Seth im doing very well this is your first time on the show but we i want to say very quickly, with met in 2010. I hosted the espys and you were the musical act. And never in my life, when i heard you guys rehearse, had i thought, oh my goodness. This person is going to be very famous, very quickly [ laughter ] well, i dont know if thats good or bad, seth. [ laughter ] seth it was it was very good it was very good thank you seth i wanted to ask, you pulled off something very impressive in the times we are living through you did a vanity fair cover shoot that is stunning, that you did through zoom, which i had no idea you could have this quality of work through zoom me either [ laughter ] i was very nervous about going into it because im thinking, oh, my goodness. This is a cover for vanity fair. A dream. And i couldnt use my glam team. You know, nobody was seth yeah. I had to do my own hair, my own makeup and you know, they i consulted with my team like before we started shooting but it was an amazing experience working with collier working with all of the women. A lot of women came together to pull the shoot and one of the notes that the photographer was saying of just how intimate everything was, she was like, janelle, youre not breathing i can feel through the [ laughter ] i can feel that youre not breathing. Breathe. And so, i mean, it was its, i mean, what a time were living in, right . Seth well, its so funny, because, you know, the thing about photo shoots is even when a photo looks intimate, youve been on so many, you know that there are so many people standing around. And this was a case where, i dont know, like you realize, oh, this is actually more authentic via zoom than it would be anywhere else its a really theyre really wonderful photos yeah, thank you so much thank you. It was a dream for sure. Seth you we obviously know you as a musician, a singer, a film actor, so this is your first, homecoming is your First Television work. This is the Second Season of a fantastic show what drew you wanting to do it well, i was a fan of the first season i think we all were so excited when Julia Roberts said she was coming to tv and i watched that i listened to the podcast. And i just love what it had to say about, you know, corporate greed. About corporate greed and capitalism and the hiding of information. I love the fact that this season i got an opportunity to play this woman named jackie, who wakes up in the middle of the boat with no clue, no memory of who she is and so we go on this journey of self discovery her uncovering her identity and its a psychological thriller. It has this hitchcockian vibe to it the music, the score, the just everything that it had to say, it felt so timely and was done so artfully that it just feels like an outlier on tv. And so, it just made me it made me want to be a part of the show seth it is a wonderful show. Its a wonderful mystery and i love a 30minute drama i dont want to make it sound like right seth i dont love hourlong dramas yes seth but i feel like it is an interesting narrative structure. It has great cliff hangars and i highly recommend it. Oh, my goodness listen, that manes so much from you. [ laughter ] seth i was i saw david byrnes show on broadway earlier this year utopia, which was an incredible evening. And there was a really lovely moment where he performed one of your songs, a very meaning, very powerful song. And he spoke on stage about asking you for permission to use it what was that like when david byrne reached out . Oh, an honor. You know, im a huge david byrne fan. Highlight the voices of victims that still haunt us because of Police Brutality and the abuse of power meant a lot it meant a lot to our community and it meant a lot to have his allyship and i think with his audience being, you know, so broad, it was great to be able to speak those names in front of that audience and to draw attention to something thats super important. Seth you have, i imagine, have been inspired by a lot of things when you sit down to write. You know, things like social change and injustice i also heard when you were younger, though, you wrote a musical inspired by Stevie Wonder and plants i did, yeah [ laughter ] the journey of life of plants. I love scifi. I loved writing it growing up. I loved the goosebumps books my mom got me all of them. And it was about this plant that came and basically was speaking to aliens. And all of the plant life in the room could hear us talking and would send the messages to the aliens and then they came, and they took everybody [ laughter ] seth one day we would love for to you get that on its feet one of these days. [ laughter ] im not surprised knowing what i communities need help from those of us who are lucky enough to provide it and i want to talk about the two ways youve gone about that, or i should say, let you speak to both food distribution, the importance of that and then also, youve put together a program to help out Small Businesses during this time yeah. You know, honestly, seth, i dont know what time of day it is i dont know does time even exist and i just feel like seth barely. Its such an alternate universe in reality. And i havent really been as creative in areas that id normally be creative in like, music. And, you know, im like, man, i better come out of this with a double album [ laughter ] thats not where my spirit is and my heart has just been in figuring out how i can be a good human. You know, how i can show up for community. This is the time that will show what we are made of as humanity. And knowing that we literally depend on each other for survival, i was trying to figure out whose money i could spend. [ laughter ] so, yeah and who i could donate to because my situation is not the same as you know single black mom with five kids you know, who just got laid off. And so, i had an opportunity to partner with project isaiah. And they feed thousands and thousands of families each week. They save 500 workers jobs, because theyre working to feed the families and we partnered with project isaiah and gate Gourmet Foods in atlanta, georgia we gave out, to date, probably a total of 6,000 meals people would ride up between 12 00 to 3 00 p. M. , and we would just put the food in their trunks we had incredible volunteers you could walk up, have on your mask, and you can get fed. And it was just something to give back to atlanta and just say, you know, were going to be here for each other. The same with the verizon show that i did i performed with mannequins because i couldnt even use my band [ laughter ] you know, it was great but, what was super important was donating to Small Businesses and i picked blackowned businesses and businesses in the lbgtqi communities. And verizon has given out 3. 5 million, i want to say, to small business. And i had an opportunity to give that to quite a few. So, i dont know i hope it helps. I hope it sparks, you know, a lot of people to use their privilege honestly and give back for sure seth well, thank you for all of that. Thank you just in general. Its always such a pleasure to talk to you. Check out homecoming. And thank you so much, janelle thank you, seth its always a joy. And hopefully, can i see you in better times and we can be on a dance floor, you know, doing things doing it seth all right i look forward to that season two of homecoming premieres this friday, may 22nd on Amazon Prime Video. Well be right back with Patton Oswalt. Does scrubbing grease feel like a workout . Scrub less with dawn ultra. Its superior greasecleaning formula gets to work faster. Making easy work of tough messes. Dawn is a goto greasecleaner throughout the kitchen, too. Keep a bottle in the laundry room to pretreat greasy stains. And keep dawn in the garage to lift grease off car rims. Its even gentle enough to clean wildlife affected by oil. Dawns grease cleaning power takes care of tough grease wherever it shows up. Scrub less and save more. With dawn. And we want you to know that the starbucks app is the easiest way to find your store, order ahead, pay, and pick up your favorites. We cant wait to see you again. Lets see. Its dry. 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Seth our next guest is an Emmy Award Winning comedian you know from the king of queens, ratatouille and a. P. Bio. His latest comedy special i love everything is available on netflix now. Heres my conversation with our friend Patton Oswalt seth patton, it is alws lovely to see you. How are you . Seth, im good considering dot, dot, dot. I think thats the greeting now, yeah seth yes yeah. Seth are you what room are you in right now im in i have a kind of juryrigged a Screening Room in this house when i moved in its just a row of chairs and then a big tv. But its not like, i like to pretend this is like a big Screening Room, but its kind of not. But whatever and whos attic are you hiding out in right now what is this room . Seth this is this is our attic. And today we just added, my wife, after a long time added some lilacs. And its theyre very fragrant its nice. Well, ill look make sure that your neck doesnt start swelling up during the interview in case seth yeah. You mentioned, or i should say i mentioned your Screening Room. You have a 10yearold daughter and you wrote an entire book i read about how much you love film and love going to see movies yeah. Seth are you using this time to introduce movies you love to her . Im trying to you know, its interesting i dont want to be the equivalent of the sports dad with my movies and nerdy stuff i dont want to like youre going to read all of the avengers. Seth yeah. She watches stuff that she likes so i remember very clearly showing her star wars when she was 8, which was the year that i saw it thats how old i was and her reaction was, eh, like, its okay. Seth yeah. But then i showed her the movie groundhog day. And she loved it and especially now because groundhog day is a very, very helpful movie for people that are in quarantine and stuck with the same routine every day, how do you make it have meaning . How do you make it wonderful . Like, that kind of thing i highly recommend watching groundhog day during quarantine shutin seth an excellent, excellent piece of advice. I want to talk about sort of a perfect arrival of your standup special. I think were living through its time where if somebody had filmed an hour of comedy, it one, it brings you joy to watch. It two, helps remind us of a time where we collectively enjoyed that sort of thing in an audience yeah. Seth you must you know, obviously, not the circumstances you had wished for, but do you feel happy that people are going to get chance to watch it now . Yeah, its very bittersweet im very, very happy that i have a new hour of stuff and that this new hour of stuff is especially goofy and silly compared to my last one. The last one went very dark and very deep. I was dealing with some very kind of crucial and hard personal issues. And this is more like an embracing of life again. So im happy that this nice, fun, goofy thing is out. But like you said, i wish it wasnt out under these circumstances. Seth it is you know, this is called this specials called i love everything. You did compare it to your last one, which was called annihilation. It is nice that in a time where i think we all have a lot to be depressed about. This is a really upbeat, positive special yes well, the title comes from that kind of and im sure youve experienced this, too. As you get older, when i say i love everything, theres stuff that still annoys me that i get angry at but as you get older, you understand where things are coming from better you know why maybe someones being a jerk you know why its like, you know the background to things more, so its hard to just flat out hate things. cause are you like, oh this person must so, its like hatred is such a luxury for youth [ laughter ] seth this is, i think, around three years to day that you met your wife and you talk about her in the special you talk about a fight you had in the special i certainly in my comedy have talked about my wife and family. How does she feel about the stories you tell about her in your act well, she has such a great sense of humor about them and because you know i am brutally honest, sometimes to a fault about when im wrong or when a situation is awkward or weird so im never trying to ever paint myself as the cool crazy hero. Especially, if im talking about a fight like i do in the special. I was absolutely in the wrong in this fight seth right it wasnt me, and especially, it was one of those fights where the wronger i was, the deeper i dug into my stupid position. And youve had those f seth yeah. And can i either just break down go, oh, you know what . My bad. Or like i do sometimes, you panic and just double down and dig even deeper into your position that you know is indefensible which to me is hilarious when people do that seth its also the thing of when you fight and you try to invent like cheat when you realize youre wrong so you can try to change the path of the fight to be about something so that they ultimately will forget the thing you were so wrong about . Yes and it gets back to the whole i love you everything where when you watch like lets say a president ial press conference or you know his press person talking, yes, youre like, well, ive done that, too, trying to change the subject however, they shouldnt be doing my lame idiot tactics in running the country. You know what i mean seth yeah. Like, thats still not good i understand where its coming from you should not be doing that seth right i should be doing it when i realize that i claimed that i didnt leave the bag of doritos opened and then i realized halfway through, oh, no i went down late last night and i did oh, yeah. I did leave that out there now what do i you know what i mean seth right were never trying to say, ive never done what youre doing. Were just trying to say, youre doing it at the wrong time. And you are doing it at a level you shouldnt be doing it at so you shouldnt take that energy up to state crap level. Thats not good. Seth were gonna be right back with more patton, right after this its best we stay apart for a bit, but that doesnt mean youre in this alone. Were automatically refunding our customers a portion of their personal auto premiums. Were also offering flexible Payment Options for those whove been financially affected by the crisis. We look forward to returning to something that feels a little closer to life as we knew it, but until then you can see how were here to help at libertymutual. Com covid19. [ piano playing ] when visible set out to create the future of phone service. We tossed the stuff that wasnt working. Stuff like footlong bills and fees from nowhere. Timewasting stores, misleading ads, unhelpful help centers. And saved the stuff that was working. Like verizons 4g lte network. Plus unlimited data, messages, and minutes. Its a simple system. Trim the bad. Make the good better. And way cheaper. Meet visible. Unlimited data on verizons 4g lte network. Just 25 for your first month. 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Get 0 apr financing up to 36 months on most models, and 90day firstpayment deferral on any model. Seth we were so you and i were talking were back with Patton Oswalt. We were talking, during the break, about Remote Learning i got a two and a fouryearold. There is not a lot of it how is your 10yearold doing . And are you helpful . Yeah, i mean, well, heres whats terrifying is she does Remote Learning, so theres social studies, theres english, theres art. And im always happy to hop in and help her out and then when i see her coming at me with her math sheets, i cringe because its become very clear to both me and my wife that our math knowledge kind of topped out in 3rd grade and hers is at a 4th grade level. And there are literally i just have this thing we downloaded called the tiny math pack and im trying to i downloaded my own so i could do it and then check her answers. And i realize i dont know how to do these new things where its called the bar method for solving seth oh, no. Im like, i dont know how this works and im going to get this wrong. And im so im terrified that shes going to come to me and go, can we go over this . Im like, i kinda dont know what this so im trying to find you tube videos seth yeah. I cant believe how ignorant i am that it never occurred to me that there would be a different way to teach people the same stuff. Exact well, its what apparently, that happened in the 60s with new math but now the new math that you and i grew up on is old. And theres something called singapore math and theres something called the bar method. Theres all these new methods. I have no idea i dont know what to do. Seth always good to look ahead and realize, thats the frustration thats coming down the pike for me. It is coming, so get ready. Its oh, boy. Seth i just want to say that you hosted the webby awards on tuesday night. I actually hosted that show a few years ago. Its a ton of fun. I, of course, did it live when there was an audience. I think this is the thing a lot of comedians are figuring out. Like, how will this sort of virtual entertainment work did you still have a good time doing it i had a good time recording it i mean, i hosted it three times live seth gotcha. And youre right. It is such a fun show. Its really goofy. It doesnt take itself seriously. And now, im scrambling to like catch up with the technology thats needed. So there was a lot of things there was lot of texts that needed to be readed read. And i had to keep like looking, cause i dont have i couldnt figure out like teleprompter technology and proper lighting. So i did the best job i could. But i hope that historically, people will look at the 2020 web piece and go, this has a real postapocalyptic wasteland feel to it. Which might be a good like historical document. For this is the time but i hope if they ever ask me again i will be a little more up to speed with it because it especially celebrates people that are doing Amazing Things on the web. Seth right we just looked great. And then they cut back to grandpa oswalt and, is this i dont see. Hello . Okay. Like its just this weird like multigenerational thing you know seth yeah. It is a little weird. Seth its so true that so much work is going to be time stamped in a way that will make it very clear when anybody looks back mmhmm. Seth oh, that that was during that. I have gone down the saddest rabbit hole where i will go online to you tube i dont know if youre doing this, too. People have posted videos for years now of huge like summer blockbusters, the big moments, and they will record the audience cheering for big moments seth oh, wow a guy recorded Opening Night of avengers end game. All the big moments when captain america goes avengers, assemble, or when he picks up thors hammer. Like, all those where the crowd is just yeah like freaking out. And im watching all of these with this sad, not like, remember people just out like cheering for stuff like im watching all this like and i used to despise people in movies filming things. Now i thank god that people were there recording the audience, cause its like this age thats gone now and seth yeah. And now theres like whole videos put together like, best Audience Reactions of deadpool. best Audience Reactions of and im just watching all this stuff. And its amazing seth what a funny thing that youre right i think we all wanted the movie going experience to completely make us forget that we were watching with other people and now, of course, thats the thing you miss the most. Patton, its always so lovely to talk to you. Stay safe and healthy. And well see you soon, hopefully in person. Yes, hopefully in person. All right, man, be safe. See ya seth bye, patton well be right back with more late night. 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Tums ver bell rings la stick when heartburn hits fight back fast. With tums chewy bites. Beat heartburn fast tums chewy bites seth were going on hiatus for a week and wanted to show some of our favorite episodes, so we gathered all of my day drinking adventures, which well be running starting tomorrow you can watch me become a sloppy mess with my brother josh, my pal retta, kelly clarkson, the Barefoot Contessa ina garten, rihanna and the Jonas Brothers that all starts tomorrow and goes all next week and remember, when we originally did these, they were months apart sometimes years it took me that long to recover. So when youre watching, hold your calls to the nbc switchboard, if that even still exists well be right back. When you think of a bank, you think of people in a place. But when you have the chase mobile app, your bank can be virtually any place. So, when you get a check. You can deposit it from here. And you can see your transactions and check your balance from here. You can detect suspicious activity on your account from here. And you can pay your friends back from here. So when someone asks you, wheres your bank . You can tell them heres my bank. Or heres my bank. Or, heres my bank. Because if you download and use the chase mobile app, your bank is virtually any place. So visit chase. Com mobile. Seth i want to thank my guests, Janelle Monae and Patton Oswalt. I want to thank fred armisen and the 8g band. Stay tuned for lilly singh. Stay safe. Wash your hands. We love you. Daniel tonight, on a little late with lilly singh. Lilly make up sex is like that moment in street fighter where you both punch each other at the same time and you fly backwards, just like, hadouken [ groans ] [ laughter ] daniel and lilly put your hands together for our standards and practices guy. Randy [ cheers and applause were gonna try to break three rules that randy definitely doesnt want me to break randy has to stop me by finding the red button this looks like Vincent Van Gogh starry night. Thats gotta be expensive. Hurry, randy daniel plus lilly ilana glazer and were playing dancing clues. Stripper, stripper, stripper [ laughter ] like, cocaine, honestly like, sorry. All im getting is coke vibes. Daniel coming up in one minute
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