Mixing up john adams and john quincy adams. Or a twohour ballad about martin van buren. And many more so order and lets hope this quarantine ends soon, because there are only 45 president s. Announcer its a late show with stephen colbert. Tonight the zoom where it happens plus, stephen welcomes nancy pelosi and alicia keys with jon batiste and stay homan. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its stephen colbert. Stephen hello, everybody. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, stephen colbert. I hope youre all doing well. Were good here. Though, one of the oddest things about doing the show at home, from my lile study he is that its starting to feel normal and that is really weird. I mean, why is my son sitting on the floor wearing a headset . Hes talking to my director back in new york. Say hi to jim. Hi, jim. Stephen does jim say hi back . He didnt say hi back. Stephen is he mad at me . Probably. Stephen peters been terrific. Every member of my family has been terrific, which statistically means, im the bad roommate. But we have no choice. Right now, inside is the place to be, because the news from the outside is alarming. This week, the government projected 100,000 to 240,000 deaths from coronavirus. Thats why its so important right now that everyone stays safe and stays focused. And stay inside. And i know you the American People get it, but some of our elected officials are slow on the uptake. Republican governors in 11 states still refuse to issue stayathome orders. Theyre defiant to the end. Theyve even got their own patriot flag, dont cough on me. But some republicans are starting to come around. Like Florida Governor and tenthgrader who read someplace squinting was sexy, ron desanteaches during spng d he elained wanged h vy serious situation, when you see the president up there and his demeanor the last couple of days, thats not necessarily how he always is. Stephen so, it wasnt the data, or the scientists it was trumps demeanor . How does that work . Is he the coronavirus groundhog . Legend says, if punxatawney trump folds his arms and frowns, six more weeks of quarantine desantis isnt the only one seeing the light a little late. So is georgia governor and man who told his Plastic Surgeon give me the joker, brian kemp. Yesterday, kemp held a press conference to announce that hes finally going to take coronavirus seriously because some brandnew information had come to light. This virus is now transmitting before people see signs. Those individuals could have been infecting people before they ever felt bad. Well, we didnt know that before the last 24 hours, and as dr. Toomey told me, this is a game changer for us. Stephen you didnt know that until yesterday . Its all anyones been talking about since january youre like a guy saying, i finally started watching this game of thrones. no one told me there were dragons in it this is a game changer everone knows the virus can spread before people are symptomatic. Thats why were social distancing. Noyou numb nut in february, the director of the c. D. C. Said this to congress what we have learned in the last eight weeks is that this virus can actually cause asymptomatic infection. No symptoms. Stephen can you tell how long ago that was . Ill give you a hint it happened in a room full of people. Another governor who is not helping is wisconsin democrat tony evers, seen here pushing a staffer into a well. Evers and the g. O. P. Controlled legislature refuse to postpone wisconsins election, which is scheduled for this tuesday, despite the fact that more than 100 municipalities will not have enough poll workers to open a single voting location. Bernie sanders called on wisconsin to postpone its election and have everone vote by mail, explaining, people should not be forced to put their lives on the line to vote. Well said my imitation of bernie. Polling places should not be dangerous. We all remember what a disaster it was back in 72 when alabama replaced their poll workers with bengal tigers. Voting by mail seems like an obvious solution, but wisconsin requires everyone voting by mail to obtain a witness signature. On election day in wisconsin, they give out two stickers i voted, and i like to watch people vote. Ceveryone is social ancing, anlike 77yearold salln complained, i was just distraught this morning when i opened it and saw that you have to have a witness. I thought, i just cant do it. they suggested having the mailman look through the picture window, but im on the third floor, so that wont work. This is what ive been saying for years mailmen should all carry ladders so they can look through old womens windows no one listened. Democrats want to remove barriers like these all over the country. In the recentlypassed stimulus bill, nancy pelosi tried to get funding to move the entire country to vote by mail. But, that was roundly rejected by the president , and he explained why on the fox and friends the things they had in there were crazy. They had things that levels of voting that, if you ever agreed to it, youd never have a republican elected in this country again. Stephen wow you cant say that out loud. Youre supposed to pretend that you won the election because people like you. Thats like saying as trump i cant stand these newfangled scoreboards. Levels of touchdown counting that are just crazy. If you ever agreed to it, the loser would never win again. Trumps really not staying focused. He spent the first hour of yesterdays Coronavirus Briefing not talking about the coronavirus today, the United States is launching enhanced counternarcotics operations in in the western hemisphere to protect the American People from the narcotics. Stephen okay, but thats not the deadly scourge everyones thinking about im not bleaching my cucumbers because of illegal narcotics. Though i betted if you bleached a cucumber, it would get you high. Street name satans pickle. And again, my legal team wants me to tell you, dont actually bleach your cucumber unless you want your gherkin to taste like a swimming pool. Then, trump shifted to something important to him. Did you know i was number one on facebook . I mean, i just found out im number one on facebook. Stephen stop it stop it no one cares. Hes like nero watching rome burn, going as trump i just found out ive got the number one single on the billboard hot fiddling chart. I mean, it must be hot. I smell a lot of smoke. Whos making toast . Im in. Now, during any national crisis, people start listening to conspiracy theories. I dont know why. Im guessing illuminati mind control. Yesterday, one conspiracy theorist in los angeles and stick with me on this one tried to crash a speeding train into a hospital ship. Thankfully, no one was hurt, largely because after jumping the tracks, the train came to a stop 250 yards away from the boat. Littleknown fact trains cant move forward if theyre not on their tracks. Someone really shouldve mentioned that to this guy, who is a. Train engineer. One inkspital ship is the sister harbor, the comfort. The one in l. A. Is called the mercy. And the lets say, concerned citizen got onboard the crazy train to sink the mercy because he believed it had an alternate purpose related to covid19 or a government takeover. So, this guys dumb and, worst of all, this guy totally ripped off the plot of the upcoming movie, fast furious 10 2 train 2 boat. But dont worry, the cops got this guy. He was arrested and charged with one count of train wrecking. Stop with the legal mumbo jumbo, what did you charge him with . Oh, train wrecking, okay. One target of online conspiracies is leading Infectious Disease expert and nice rumpelstiltskin who tries to help you guess his name, Anthony Fauci. Since the crisis began, dr. Faucis been joining trumps Daily Press Briefings to answer all the questions the president cant. So, the questions. Online conspiracy theorists see this as deliberately undermining the president. And now, after receiving threats, Anthony Fauci will be receiving enhanced personal security. Thats a good thing. But im not sure the best way to protect a 79yearold man right now is to surround him with people 24 hours a day. On cbs this morning, this morning, on cbs, dr. Fauci was asked about these added stressors there are reports that you now have to have security. Im wondering how this has affected you personally. It is my job. This is the life ive chosen. And im doing it. Obviously, theres a lot of pressure. Id be foolish to deny that. But thats what i do. Theres a job to do and weve just got to do it. Stephen that is incredibly im going to try to bring that same level of dedication to my essential job during this crisis making jokes about Andrew Cuomos nipples. Dr. Fauci, youre an expert. Whats going on down in nip town . Is get back to me. Thankfully, the vast majority of americans are grateful for the work dr. Fauci has done. And theres been a National Swell of faucimania. Right now, on etsy, you can find fauci tshirts, prayer candles, and even fauci socks. He said we cant put our hands on our faces, but he never said we couldnt put his face on our feet checkmate dr. Faucis been incredibly gracious about all this attention well, dr. Fauci, listen, youre on doughnuts, youre on socks, youre on mugs. Theres fauci friday. People magazine, theres a petition to make you sexiest man alive because people say brains are sexy. Im wondering how youre what your family thinks about all of this . Its really kind of crazy. We try not to Pay Attention to that and just focus on the responsibility and the job that we have. Thats the most important thing. Not that other stuff. Stephen thats so humble. And so sexy. Jim, put fauci back up. Can we get a wider shot . Oooh, the National Institutes of hotness. Just try to stay six ft away. Weve got a show for you tonight. Alicia keys is here. And i will talk to her. But when we return, i am talking with speaker of the house, nancy pelosi. Its such a special occasion. I might put on a tie. Stick around. How fast does dove dry spray actually dry . Lets see. Its dry. Theres no dry time makes us wonder. Why we booked fifteensecond. Ad slots dries instantly and. Keeps you protected for fortyeighthours. [car[clicking of ignition]rt] uh wha eeh woof wuh [silence] [engine roars to life] [dog howls] dramatic opera music swells from radio [howling continues] way re than you think. Check out this game. Yes. Galaxy 5g means you will beat your friends what if i want to show my friend this little guy . Wait a minute, are you bored . Obviously imagine a future where the best seats in the house are in your hand. yelling its like being there. Without being there. Can match the power of energizer. Because energizer ultimate lithium is the longest lasting aa battery in the world. [confetti cannon popping] energizer. Backed by science. Matched by no one. Stephen hey, everybody. My guest tonight is the speaker of the house of representatives. I put on a tie. Please welcome Speaker Nancy Pelosi madam speaker, thank you so much for being here. I would say my pleasure,er but not under the circumstances. Stephen exactly. And i actually misspoke. Youre not here. Youre there. Thank you for being there. Youre at the house right now, the house of representatives. Well, im in the senate building. Thats where your cameras are, but i am at the capitol of the United States, yes. Stephen okay. I know youre the speaker of the house, but shouldnt you be speaker of the home right now . Why are you still in washington . Why arent you hunkered down . Well, we ar constantly to prepare for our next bill but to make sure the legislation passed by the president on friday is fully implemented to meet the needs of americas working families. We just have a full agenda. Stephen speaker, you represent the San Francisco bay area. How are your district doing right now . Well, thanks to our mayor, hes demonstrated tremendous leadership and our great governor gavin newsom and elected officials throughout our state, we are, again, trying to contain the spread of this. Its a terrible thing. But everybody has a sense of community, which is really important. But they have tremendous needs, and thats why we want the president to implement the defense production act so we can meet the needs to have the workers to protect themselves and the patients to have the ventilators and whatever else they need. So they, are shall we say, crying out for what is necessary to fight the virus. But im proud of them. Stephen well, i want to talk about the 2 trillion federal aid that Congress Passed last week. Are there going to be Strings Attached . We had heard that there was some concern that there werent sufficient Strings Attached to the Corporate Bailout side of this. What are you doing to make sure that this money is going to be used properly . Well, we do have in the legislation provisions, because the American People are very concerned about large sums of money going out without conditions placed on them, that rank right up there. But first and foremost, they want people to get their equipment, they want themselves to get their checks, but then they want make sure that the money that goes out is not without conditions, and we placed very stringent conditions to industries that were receiving the money, that they put workers first, that they, for example in the airline industry, that the workers would remain on the payroll, and that was a condition for getting certain grants of money. Other loans that they got had other conditions about no buyouts, notive depends, no c. E. O. Pay, exorbitant, those kinds of conditions. That burns people out, they get very angry and they saw a good deal of that in previous situations. So we have provisions in the deal to do that. In the signing ceremony, the president took it upon himself to say he wasnt going to acknowledge or obey any of that, and that was most disappointing. But, again, transparent stephen im afraid with all the news going out there i did not hear that part of it, that the president said hes actually not going to abide by the rules in the bailout that holds the co oy did he he issued a signing statement that made those declarations, that he would be the oversight of all of this, and that it was a very sad and frightening thought that the president would be the oversight for that, but thats the fight we have. Stephen people have called this something akin to world war ii, the basic the mobilization that is needed to fight this virus. Tell me about the truman commission. That was used in world war ii by harry truman to hold Corporate Leaders to account so they didnt war profiteer. Can we do Something Like that . Yes, we can, and i appreciate your knowledge on that subject. When he was a senator, then senator truman introduced the idea of having this committee. It was later known as the truman committee, but that wasnt its original name. And the reason he put it forth was to say, after world war i, there were 116 investigative committees to see how the money was spent and what went wrong, or whatever. What he was saying is rather than 116 after the fact, i want one during the fact, and it was less than a Million Dollars spent to save 15 billion and lives, which was its purpose, which he said, and we got the job done. So using that as a model, i, today, introduced a house this is a House Select Committee to combat the coronavirus, and it is modeled after that to say, in the here and now, how we go forward has to have transparency and accountability. Any profiteering and waste, fraud, abuse and all the rest, we want to address in the here and now. Stephen well, good luck with that commission because i think its so important that anyone who is receiving this money, any corporations know that it has to go to the purposes of fighting this virus and supporting the American People because we are facing an existential crisis right now, and they have to know that theres going to be consequences if they misuse the funds that are given. So thank you so much for that. I want to ask you about the national stayathome order from the federal government. It hasnt happened yet. Do you think the president should order one . Well, you know, it works, and we see it working around the country, and i hate to even think of how much worse thi would be without it. And why the president doesnt do the defense production act, why he doesnt call for everyone, you will have to ask him about that, but it is curious to hear some of the i dont know if you will call it rationale of some of the governors who have not implemented this. Not only is it harmful to their own people, but, again, it contributes to the spread of virus, which is harmful to everyone. Were up to 90 of the American People sheltering in place or other stayathome initiatives. It should be 100 . This is a terrible, terrible assault on the lives and the livelihood of the American People, and we have to all were all in this together, lets get it done, but not have some people say its a california problem, its a new york problem. No, its were all in this together. Its hard to understand why, but, again, its hard to understand why Mitch Mcconnell is saying we dont need any more money when the states are begging for it, the hospitals are begging for it, the equipment is needed to help save lves, the equipment is needed to protect our workers. We have so much more we need to do, and maybe he doesnt understand the gravity of the problem or the pace at which it is being spread, but we will make sure that the public knows so that, as i said, democrats and republicans, governors and mayors are all calling for this. We hope that Mitch Mcconnell will awaken to that. Stephen now, 15 states have delayed their primaries so far. How should democracy work while were all staying at home, while were quarantining . Well, we put a big effort in order to promote democracy, which is what were all about here, and remove obstacles to participation in our democracy. Democrats insisted on resources in this bill last week, we had 400 million to promote voting by mail, direct, all of that. However, it was not nearly enough. We