Or a 45minute tune about mixing up john adams and john quincy adams. Or a twohour ballad about martin van buren. And many more so order bob dylan sings lengthy songs about u. S. President s to help pass the time during the quarantine. And lets hope this quarantine ends soon, because there are only 45 president s. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight the zoom where it happens plus, stephen welcomes Speaker Nancy Pelosi and alicia keys with jon batiste and stay homein. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. I hope youre all doing well out there. Were good here. Though, ive got to say, one of the oddest things about doing the show at home from my little study here is that its starting to feel normal. And that is really weird. I mean, why is my son sitting on the floor wearing a headset talking to my director back in new york . Say hi to jim. Hi, jim. Stephen does he say hi back . Does jim say hi back . He didnt say hi back. Stephen is he mad at me . Probably. Stephen peters been terrific. Every member of my family has been terrific, which statistically means im the bad roommate. But what are we going to do . We have no choice. Right now, inside is the place to be, because the news from the outside is alarming. This week, the government projected 100,000240,000 deaths from coronavirus. Thats why it is so important right now that everyone stay safe and stays focused and stay inside. And i know you, the American People, get it. But some of our elected officials are slow on the uptake. Republican governors in 11 states still refuse to issue stayathome orders. Theyre defiant to the end. Theyve even got their own patriot flag, dont cough on me. But some republicans are starting to come around. Like Florida Governor and tenth grader who read someplace that squinting was sexy, ron desantis. After refusing to shut the states beaches during spring break, yesterday desantis issued a statewide stayathome order, and he explained what changed his mind it is a very serious situation. I mean, when you see the president up there and his demeanor the last couple of days, thats not necessarily how he always is. Stephen so, it wasnt the data, or the scientists. It was trumps demeanor . How does that work . Is he the coronavirus groundhog . Legend says, if punxatawney trump folds his arms and frowns, six more weeks of quarantine. Desantis wasnt the only one seeing the light a little late. So is georgia governor and man who told his Plastic Surgeon give me the joker, brian kemp. Yesterday, Governor Kemp held a press conference to announce that hes finally going to take coronavirus seriously because some brandnew information had come to light. This virus is now transmitting before people see signs. Those individuals could have been infecting people before they ever felt bad. Well, we didnt know that until the last 24 hours, and as dr. Toomey told me, she said, this is a game changer for us. Stephen you didnt know that until yesterday . Its all anyones been talking about since january youre like a guy saying, you know, i finally started watching this game of thrones. no one told me there were dragons in it this is a game changer. Everyone knows the virus can spread before people are symptomatic. Thats why were social distancing you numbnut in february, the director of the c. D. C. Said this to congress what we have learned in the last eight weeks is that this virus can actually cause asymptomatic infection. No symptoms. Stephen can you tell how long ago that was . Ill give you a hint it happened in a room full of people another governor who is not helping is wisconsin democrat tony evers, seen here pushing a staffer into a well. Evers and his g. O. P. Controlled legislature refuse to postpone wisconsins election, which is scheduled for this tuesday, despite the fact that more than 100 municipalities will not have enough poll workers to open a single voting location. Bernie sanders called on wisconsin to postpone its election and have everyone vote by mail, explaining, people should not be forced to put their lives on the line to vote. Well said my imitation of bernie. Polling places should not be dangerous. We all remember what happened back in 1972 when alabama replaced their poll workers with bengal tigers. Voting by mail seems like an obvious solution, but wisconsin requires everyone voting by mail to obtain a witness signature. On election day in wisconsin, they give out two stickers i voted, and i like to watch people vote. And, come on, everyone is social distancing right now. And what if you live alone like 77yearold sally cohen who complained, i was just distraught this morning when i opened it and saw that you have to have a witness. I thought, i just cant do it. they suggested having the mailman look through the picture window, but im on the third floor, so that wont work. This is what ive been saying for years mailmen should all carry ladders so they can look through old womens windows no one listened. Democrats want to remove barriers like this all over the country. In the recentlypassed stimulus bill, nancy pelosi, my guest tonight, tried to get funding to move the entire country to vote by mail. But, that was roundly rejected by the president , and he explained why on the fox and the friends the things they had in there were crazy. They had things that levels of voting that, if you ever agreed to it, youd never have a republican elected in this country again. Stephen wow you cant say that out loud youre supposed to pretend that you won the election because people like you. Thats like saying as trump i cant stand these newfangled scoreboards. Levels of touchdown counting that are just crazy. If you ever agreed to it, the loser would never win again. Trumps really not staying focused. He spent the first hour of yesterdays Coronavirus Briefing not talking about the coronavirus today, the United States is launching enhanced counter narcotics operations in the western hemisphere to protect the American People from the deadly scourge of illegal narcotics. Stephen okay, maybe, but thats not the deadly scourge everyones thinking about. Im not bleaching my cucumbers because of illegal narcotics. Though i bet if you bleached a cucumber, it would get you high. Street name satans pickle. And, again, my legal has asked me to remind you, do not put bleach on your cucumbers unless you want your gherkin to taste like a public pool. Then, trump shifted to something important to him. Did you know i was number one on facebook . I mean, i just found out im number one on facebook. Stephen stop it stop it no one cares. Hes like nero watching rome burning, going as trump i just found out that ive got the number one single on the billboard hot fiddling chart. I mean, it must be hot. I smell a lot of smoke. Whos making toast . Im in. Now, during any national crisis, people start listening to conspiracy theories. I dont know why. Maybe its the illuminati mind control. But yesterday, one conspiracy theorist in los angeles and stick with me on this one tried to crash a speeding train into a hospital ship. Thankfully, no one was hurt, largely because after jumping the tracks, the train came to a stop 250 yards away from the boat. Littleknown fun fact trains cant move forward if theyre not on their tracks. Somebody really shouldve mentioned that to this guy, who is a. Train engineer. This hospital ship is the sister ship of the one in new york harbor, the comfort. The one in l. A. Is called the mercy. And the lets say, concerned citizen got onboard the crazy train to sink the mercy because he believed it had an alternate purpose related to covid19 or a government takeover. So, this guys dumb, and worst of all, this guy totally ripped off the plot of the upcoming movie, fast furious 10 2 train 2 boat. But dont worry, the cops got him. He was arrested and charged with one count of train wrecking. Stop with the legal mumbo jumbo what did you charge him with . Oh, train wrecking, okay. One target of online conspiracies is leading Infectious Disease expert and nice rumpelstiltskin who tries to help you guess his name, Anthony Fauci. Ever since this crisis began, dr. Faucis been joining trumps Daily Press Briefings to answer all the questions the president cant. So. The questions. Online conspiracy theorists see this as deliberately undermining the president. And now, after receiving threats, Anthony Fauci will be receiving enhanced personal security. Okay, thats good. But im not sure the best way to protect a 79yearold man right now is to surround him with people 24 hours a day. On cbs this morning, this morning, on cbs, dr. Fauci was asked about these added stressors there are reports that you now have to have security. Im wondering how this has affected you personally. You know, it is my job. This is the life ive chosen. And im doing it. Obviously, theres a lot of pressure. I would be foolish to deny that. But thats what i do. Theres a job to do and weve just got to do it. Stephen that is incredibly noble. You know what . Im going to bring that same level of dedication to my essential job during this crisis making jokes about Andrew Cuomos nipples. Dr. Fauci, while i got you, youre an expert. Whats going on down in nip town . Is he letting the old freak flag fly . Get back to me. Now, thankfully, the vast majority of americans are grateful for the work dr. Fauci has done. There has been a National Swell of faucimania. Right now, on etsy, you can find fauci tshirts, fauci prayer candles, even fauci socks. Because he said we cant put our hands on our faces, but he never said we couldnt put his face on our feet. Checkmate dr. Fauci, of course, has been incredibly gracious about all this attention well, dr. Fauci, listen, youre on doughnuts, youre on socks, youre on mugs. Theres fauci friday. People magazine, theres a petition to make you sexiest man alive because people say brains are sexy. Im wondering how youre what your family thinks about all of this . Its really kind of crazy. We try not to Pay Attention to that and just focus on the responsibility and the job that we have. Thats the most important thing. Not that other stuff. Stephen that is so humble. And so sexy. Jim, can we put fauci back up . Can we get a wider shot . Oooh, yeah, the National Institutes of hotness just try to stay six feet away. Folks, weve got a show for you tonight. Alicia keys is somewhere. And i will talk to her. But when we return, i will be joined via satellite by the speaker of the house, nancy pelosi. Its such a special occasion, i might put on a tie. Stick around. You know, new customers save over 1,000 on average when they bundle home and auto with progressive. Wow, thats. And now the progressive commercial halftime show, featuring smash mouth. Hey now, youre an all star get your game on, go play thank you goodnight [ cheers and applause ] now enjoy the second half of the commercial even renters can bundle and save where did that come from . The kitchen. It was halftime. Petsmart has everythingm . Your pet needs delivered directly to your door. Or save 10 when you buy online and pick up in store. Now with curbside pickup. Shop petsmart. Com or download our mobile app today. Faced the competition and we broke through. 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Shape your future. Start here at 2020census. Gov. Stephen hey, everybody. My first guest tonight is the speaker of the house of representatives. I put on a tie. Please welcome Speaker Nancy Pelosi madam speaker, thank you so much for being here. I would say my pleasure, but not under the circumstances. Stephen exactly. And i actually misspoke. Youre not youre not here. Youre there. Thank you for being there. Youre at the house right now, the house of representatives. Well, im in the senate building. Thats where your cameras are, but i am at the capitol of the United States, yes. Stephen okay. I know youre the speaker of the house, but shouldnt you be speaker of the home right now . Why are you still in washington . Why arent you hunkered down . Well, we are really working constantly to prepare for our next bill, but also to make sure the legislation that was passed and signed by the president on friday is fully implemented to meet the needs of americas working families. And, well, we just have a full agenda. Stephen speaker, you represent the San Francisco bay area. How is your district doing right now . Well, thanks to our mayor, mayor london breed, shes demonstrated tremendous leadership and our great governor gavin newsom and elected officials throughout our state, we are, again, trying to contain the spread of this. Its a terrible thing. And but everybody has a sense of community, which is really important. But they have tremendous needs, and thats why we want the president to implement the defense production act so we can meet the needs of the workers to protect themselves and the patients to have the ventilators and whatever else they need. So they are, shall we say, crying out for what is necessary to fight the virus. But im proud of them. Stephen well, i want to talk about the 2 trillion federal aid that Congress Passed last week. Are there going to be Strings Attached . We had heard that there was some concern that there werent sufficient Strings Attached to the Corporate Bailout side of this. What are you doing to make sure that this money is going to be used properly . Well, we do have in the legislation provisions, because the American People are very concerned about large sums of money going out without conditions placed on them, that ranks right up there, but first and foremost, they want people to get their equipment, they want themselves to get their their checks, but then they want to make sure that the money that goes out is not without conditions, and we placed very stringent conditions to industries that were receiving the money, that they put workers first, that they, for example in the airline industry, that the workers would remain on the payroll, and that was a condition for getting certain grants of money. Other loans that they got had other conditions about no buyouts, no dividends, no c. E. O. Pay, exorbitant, those kinds of conditions. Because that really burns people off, they get very angry and they saw a good deal of that in previous situations. So we have provisions in the deal to do that. At the signing ceremony, the president decided to take it upon himself to say he wasnt going to acknowledge or obey any of that, and that was most disappointing. But, again, transparency stephen im afraid with all the news going out there i did not hear that part of it, that the president said hes actually not going to abide by the rules in the bailout that holds the Companies Accountable . Not only did he not say it, he issued a signing statement that made that those declarations, that he would be the oversight of all of this, and that it was a very sad and frightening thought that the president would be the oversight for that, but thats the fight we have. Stephen people have called this something akin to world war ii, the basic the mobilization that is needed to fight this virus. Tell me about the truman commission. That was used in world war ii by harry truman to hold Corporate Leaders to account so they didnt war profiteer. Can we do Something Like that . Yes, we can, and i appreciate your knowledge on that subject. When he was a senator, then senator truman introduced the idea of having this committee. It was later known as the truman committee, but that wasnt its original name. And the reason he put it forth was to say, after world war i, there were 116 investigative committees to see how the money was spent and what went wrong, or whatever. What he was saying is rather than have 116 after the fact, i want one during the fact, and it was less than a Million Dollars spent to save 15 billion and lives, which was its purpose, which he said, and we got the job done. So using that as a model, i, today, introduced a house this is a House Select Committee on to combat the coronavirus, and it is modeled after that to say, in the here and now, how we go forward has to have transparency and accountability. Any profiteering and waste, fraud, abuse and all the rest, we want to address in the here and now. Stephen well, i good luck with that commission because i think its so important that anyone who is receiving this money, any corporations know that it has to go to the purposes of fighting this virus and supporting the American People because we are facing an existential crisis right now, and they have to know that theres going to be consequences if they misuse the funds that are given. So, thank you so much for that. I want to ask you about the national stayathome order from the federal government. It hasnt happened yet. Do you think the president should order one . Well